Colossus
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2005
- Messages
- 3,542
- Reaction score
- 559
I've noticed a little social schema lately I'll call virgin shaming. The girl I am seeing is (was) a virgin. I have told a few friends, and while the responses have been mixed, I noticed that with my girl friends in particular they are actually demeaning of my choice or outright shaming me for taking a virgin. For the record I think virginity is an attribute (in younger women), and always will be.
At first I thought I was getting pragmatic advice. One of my best friends is a female. We go back probably 8 years, and have been really good friends for at least 5. We've never hooked up, and tell each other almost everything.
So I tell her about my girl, and she gives me a spiel about "Do you really want that responsibility, so many things could go wrong, etc, etc." I thought she made some decent points and was just being rational. Then, she starts disbelieving me. She doesn't buy this girl is a virgin (they've never met). She says no real virgin would have given it up to me so quickly, she would have been crying and in pain, and she's probably lying to get me to commit.
So I'm like WTF?? Where did all the hating come from. True, I have no real way of verifying her virginity, but based on my broad sexual experiences and my time with her thus far, I have no reason believe otherwise.
Then I noticed this same shaming with other women. I Googled around for articles about taking a girl's virginity, and---not surprisingly---the ones written by women admonish men not to do it. They paint it as this big emotional fiasco and say the sex is horrible, she'll be in pain, and then get super attached. Guys on the other hand mostly think it's great. My buddies all approve, and two of them had virgin wives when they married.
I think there is this undercurrent of shaming to indirectly add value to non-virgins. It's no different than cougars shaming younger women, divorcees shaming unmarried 23 year olds, and "full figured" women shaming thin women. It never ends. Women have a subversive way of dealing with competition. It is rarely, if ever, direct. They essentially manipulate your perspective or opinion to accommodate their imperative (raising their SMV), and in effect try to neutralize competition through a series of subtle ad hominems and value judgments. And I truly believe this is usually unconscious behavior. These women may be otherwise well-meaning; they could be your friends, your sister, even your mother. But they almost all have this psychological mechanism whereby they degrade competition in men's eyes through perception manipulation.
I'm a little p!ssed off at my friend to be honest----then I realized that she NEVER approves of my choices in women. Some for good reason, I'll admit, but others for no reason at all. She's foreign. She's too young. She's too artsy. She's not active enough. Never for attributes that would undermine her place in the SMP, though. She never says a girl is too heavy (she's a bit thicker), she never shames older women (she's younger than me, so there's no need, she has that card over them), and she never shames a girl with her approximate sexual experience. I notice similar behavior in other female friends (or past lays I still talk to) as well.
So do I hate my friend now? No. No more than I would hate my dog for eating bacon left within his reach. He's just being a dog, that's his nature.
You cant hate women for being women, or you will have a miserable life with women. But I am very glad to be astute enough in game and intersex psychology to pick up on these things. It is a game, men, and always will be to a certain extent. I think the essence of game is really just being aware of the inner workings of male-female interactions and why women do what they do. Much of it can be boiled down to [in]security. They are constantly trying to balance this in their life.
At first I thought I was getting pragmatic advice. One of my best friends is a female. We go back probably 8 years, and have been really good friends for at least 5. We've never hooked up, and tell each other almost everything.
So I tell her about my girl, and she gives me a spiel about "Do you really want that responsibility, so many things could go wrong, etc, etc." I thought she made some decent points and was just being rational. Then, she starts disbelieving me. She doesn't buy this girl is a virgin (they've never met). She says no real virgin would have given it up to me so quickly, she would have been crying and in pain, and she's probably lying to get me to commit.
So I'm like WTF?? Where did all the hating come from. True, I have no real way of verifying her virginity, but based on my broad sexual experiences and my time with her thus far, I have no reason believe otherwise.
Then I noticed this same shaming with other women. I Googled around for articles about taking a girl's virginity, and---not surprisingly---the ones written by women admonish men not to do it. They paint it as this big emotional fiasco and say the sex is horrible, she'll be in pain, and then get super attached. Guys on the other hand mostly think it's great. My buddies all approve, and two of them had virgin wives when they married.
I think there is this undercurrent of shaming to indirectly add value to non-virgins. It's no different than cougars shaming younger women, divorcees shaming unmarried 23 year olds, and "full figured" women shaming thin women. It never ends. Women have a subversive way of dealing with competition. It is rarely, if ever, direct. They essentially manipulate your perspective or opinion to accommodate their imperative (raising their SMV), and in effect try to neutralize competition through a series of subtle ad hominems and value judgments. And I truly believe this is usually unconscious behavior. These women may be otherwise well-meaning; they could be your friends, your sister, even your mother. But they almost all have this psychological mechanism whereby they degrade competition in men's eyes through perception manipulation.
I'm a little p!ssed off at my friend to be honest----then I realized that she NEVER approves of my choices in women. Some for good reason, I'll admit, but others for no reason at all. She's foreign. She's too young. She's too artsy. She's not active enough. Never for attributes that would undermine her place in the SMP, though. She never says a girl is too heavy (she's a bit thicker), she never shames older women (she's younger than me, so there's no need, she has that card over them), and she never shames a girl with her approximate sexual experience. I notice similar behavior in other female friends (or past lays I still talk to) as well.
So do I hate my friend now? No. No more than I would hate my dog for eating bacon left within his reach. He's just being a dog, that's his nature.
You cant hate women for being women, or you will have a miserable life with women. But I am very glad to be astute enough in game and intersex psychology to pick up on these things. It is a game, men, and always will be to a certain extent. I think the essence of game is really just being aware of the inner workings of male-female interactions and why women do what they do. Much of it can be boiled down to [in]security. They are constantly trying to balance this in their life.
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