Very Depressed, need help

[Gman]

help. I dont know what to do. Im real low right now.

I had a g/f of 5 months, my first ever. were the happiest 5 months of my life. But I was so jealous (Secretly) that she has had a few b/f's befor me, and before she met me, she spent her first term of Uni pulling loads of guys while I didnt pull a single girl.

So I liked the relationship with her but I split with her 3 weeks ago cos I needed to prove to myself that I could pull. I went out 4 times in one week. Tried my hardest. Nothing. JUst got rejected. I know its not a manly thingto do, but I broke down on the last time I tried. I went wit my sister (cos my mates are busy plus i dont exactly have a lot of mates) and she pulled every time. Plus Im indian, i guess that didnt help either.

My self esteem has gone down throught the floor. I dont know what to do. I feel worthless, sh*t, cr*p, useless. I really missed my g/f, was terrified that she's the best relationship i'll ever have (it really was very good). She always wanted to get back with me so in the end, a few days ago we got back together.

But now I just feel a complete loser coward failure. Im hiding behind my relationship, Im too scared to be on my own. its ok for my g/f to be with me cos she knows shes still desired by other guys. I dont know that about myself. I feel so cr*p.

I used to be moral about not cheating etc. but I need to pull at least one girl still; it wont mean anything (i love my g/f) but I need to do it for my self esteem. So im going out tonight, but you know what? Im terrified. Im terrified to death of just being rejected again. I really cant cope with this, I feel I need to see someone about this. If anyone has any advice at all, and support, please help.

I feel a complete loser, cant even pull one, even tho my g/f could pull tomorrow. so could my sister. My mates have pulled before too. I just dont know what to do. And reading this website helped, but I now keep putting pressure on myself I think, by trying to remember all the tactics on this site etc.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Yes, you are a loser. Damn straight, I have to say I'm not impressed.

But not for the reasons you believe you are a loser.

I think you are a loser because you gave up on a good relationship for a stupid reason. Thankfully, and gawd knows why, but the girl took you back - more than you deserve. Did you tell her why you broke it off in the first place?

Ok, now down to the reasons for you feeling low:

- You're not pulling, but your sister and girlfriend can whenever they want.

Hey, I hate to break it to you, but you are MALE. They are not (hopefully).

That means that they get hit on every night they go out *without even trying*. Get it! They don't need to try and score, they just do - that's the female advantage. That's why we have this site.

- Your mates score.

So what? I bet that unless they're models and natural DJs then they're not doing as good as your mind is making up, or they're boasting. Anyway, who cares?

You can equal or surpass their ability if you start taking to heart the things you read in the bible and on this board.

So quit feeling sorry for yourself like some loser and start doing something about it.

Start exercising and join a gym. Start talking to random strangers, all ages and genders. Read the bible and the boot camp posts.

One big thing I noticed at the end of your post - you talk about memorising tactics from this site. What a load of rubbish. This site is NOT about tactics. It's about an attitude and lifestyle change. It's about being an Man not a self-pitying chump. Get the attitude and confidence, not the tactics, they'll come later.

Get on with your life and quit the self-pity, it doesn't do anything for you.

Good luck.
Oscar.

 

[OddTech]

I hate to say this, but if you're here for some sympthany, you won't get much. Go read the Bible. You need to know that learning some "tricks" on this site isn't the entire game. As a guy, you need to know that dating is a number games. Don't let the rejection get to you.

 

[Eyecandie4ya]

Tough love is a m********a!

I agree with everyone else on this thread.
Women do not make you a man! REPEAT: Women do not make you a man! They only enhance your life. I know it's hard because everyone wants someone to "want" them due to social pressure. But you have someone who wants to be with you so you haven't "lost" in that game. Be grateful for what you have and quit looking at the other grass because more than likely it's not authentic as the one you're with(current girlfriend).

 

[Paul Owen]

Yeah,

Agree with the two above posts. Would just like to second the fact that ANY women could pull. Go to a bar or club. The most horrible skanks will be getting hit on all night. My friends (some of whom are really great looking) get rejected all the time, but sometimes pull women WAY below them. Guys are pretty stupid and give women a lot of power. So your self esteem should not be low cos you can't pull. Pulling in a club is as much a knack as anything else.

Your problem is that you won't be happy with your GF until you have convinced yourself that you are with her through choice rather than necessity. I think in your last post I said that you should split up with your GF. But to be honest I said that because I thought you weren't yet ready to be a bit settled with someone. Did not realise it was because you doubt your ability to pull. My advice changes somewhat. If you are happy with your GF then stay with her. And just think that she pulled loads of guys and now she is with YOU, so logically you must be at least as good as the guys she pulled! You shouldn't have anything to prove to yourself. Some of the biggest ****heads I have met in my life are best in clubs. These guys have nothing going for them except lack of inhibition and a willingness to be really lairy, and they are invariably ugly. So, don't worry so much about it.

 

[Walden]

This sounds odd but you did the right thing breaking up with the girl. I was in an LTR with a "The One" kinda girl and wasn't happy cos I hadn't done my share of playing (still haven't ).

As for your lack of success. I think the percentages in clubs are very poorly stacked against the male DJ. Read some of the advice columns.

Also unless you're a natural DJ , getting good will take LOTS of work but it will be worth it.

Finally , Indian???? 2/3 of the natural Dj's I know are indian , I wanna know WTF it is u guys get taught by yer dad's that us white folk's don't!

 

[Miles Davis]

Dude, get it out of your head that being Indian is a hindrance to you getting laid, because it's not! I'm Indian, just as Indian as you are, and I don't feel any inferiority because of this. Be proud! Indian, Chinese, American, European, whatever. We all men. We all got the same kind of balls necessary to score with women!

Good luck man, read the Bible like the others told you to, apply the stuff daily, and in time you shall see impressive changes.

 

[davelmn2003]

Player!

I have to say I'm not very sympathatic, because you were/are in a very happy relationship with a woman, and because you are so insecure, that you feel the need to prove that you can pull other girls. And to do that, you broke off with this woman, only to get back with her because you couldn't get another girl.

I don't like players like you.

 

[matius]

Hey man, dating is not an Olympic event, you aren't going to get the Gold man...wtf. I can understand why you were thinking like that. I had a girlfriend of 11 months a few years back and I believed the hype about how I should be out bangin' x, y z.

The relationship was on its way out at that point anyway so I thought I'd try - only to realize that I had no game. That was a wake up call on all sorts of levels. Use this experience as a wake up call dude.

 

[mystik]

read the ****ing bible.

I did the boot camp and four weeks later i got 3 phone numbers out of 10

 

[2N Turbo]

You need to go out and pull. You need to always feel like you can get a women anytime you want. Once you have that feeling, you can actually enjoy time by yourself because you know down inside that all you have to do is put yourself on the scene.

Not being able to do that is bad, because you will be afraid to be alone. This is how people get screwed around in relationships. Because you will have no back bone, and your gf has the power. Hopefully she doesnt know bout it, in your case.

Good luck. Its a numbers game.

I am Mexican and pull good looking white chicks, guess its the tall, dark and handsome thing. I don't know why I perfer white girls, I guess because they get dirty easier. hehe. I agree there are some who would not talk to you because your Indian but thats a few, and you dont want them kind anyways. I run into some of those stuck up chicks, but it doesnt bother me.

Plus if you think you dont look so hot, that doesnt matter either. I have a buddy of mine. I would rate him a 4 because he has some flaws that cannot be overlooked. Crooked teeth, skinny, fat lips and he has eyes like an Asian but is mexican. The man does have game, and in this week alone has sleep with 3 new girls that he has meet. I seen these chicks and they are actually good looking. One is a stripper. So basically all you have to do is ask.

 

[Aisle55]

You need to reply to the advice!!!

Everyone that has replied to you replied b/c you're being a woman about this. Read the bible over and over again b/c you can't just memorize these things. I don't know if you've been lurking here or just found/joined the forum this month, but you need to realize this transition from AFC to DJ is not an overnight thing. Sounds cliche but it's true. Like everything else in life, this forum will give you ups and downs. Take it one step at a time. I highly reccommend you do the boot camp thing. And on a further note, forget your gf b/c as long as she's there, you won't be able to think clearly.

Sooner or later, you'll lose her because of your insecurity. Then what? You'll be pining over her and she'll be holding your balls in front of you, dogging you like a sick puppy.

On "That 70's Show", Eric and Donna broke up and I remember one of them saying, Eric's reverting back to his natural self. That is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo true. Read through this forum like your life depends on it. For real dude. It's true. In your state, you only want advice, and that's what you're getting here. Nothing else, no sympathy, nothing. Becoming a DJ takes quite some time and you'll have to find it within yourself to push through. That's what guys do when they want to become men.

And lastly, please reply to our advice. It's the least you could do b/c we all care, that's why we reply. If nobody gave a damn about you and your problem, you'd have 0 replies. So please, let us know what you're thinking b/c it's the best way we can help you out. Feedback man, we need your feedback!!

 

[Gman]

What can i say

Guys,
You are all right. I am so so f*cking confused in my head, it really really does surprise me. I am so indecisive. Its a problem. I guess an optimistic thing is that I've recognised it as a problem and im gonna try to sort it.

First, Thank you all, you've really helped. I am so glad you guys are out there to ask for help. When I wrote that post I was so down. I still am, but im trying to take a grip.

Ok the situation. As I had said, I split with g/f then we got back together. Friday night just gone, I planned to go out. I had to just had to try pulling. And I couldnt cheat on my gf so i sent her text telling her this. I really messed her about. mY thinkin is messed anyway, Im just regretful she had to be a part of it. Anyway, she was gutted, devastated that we'd just got together again and am i mad? I just changed my mind again? WTF?

At this pt i was thinking I really do love her, but to be with her I have to get this out of my system. So I went out, to pull as if my life depended on it. I did not manage to pull. But i did get this girls number in the club. Which is my first success ever. So I got home, somehow convinced myself that I had proven wat I had to prove, and so i rang my long suffering gal up. We sorted stuff out, she STILL wants to b with me (I wouldnt take myself back after this sh*t). But she says that this sh*t better not happen again. I said ill try my best that it doesnt. We've got a long way to go but we're working on it.

I have to realise that ability to pull in a club does not define a person.
I have to realise that this girl is the best thing to happen to my life, ive never been happier (tho my life stil is far from perfect)
I have to realise that Im the kind of person that wants it all, always has to have it all, whereas life is about compromise. Life is about THE BEST COMPROMISE AVAILABLE.


But I have a qq. I want to b with my gal right now. But she's that kind of gal, as one DJ above said, "The one". She's really serious, and has got me really serious too. I care so much bout her. But i know that I dont want to go thru my life with only ONE person. I have to have been with more than one person, if only to see if wat I had was the best or not. But i can really see me and this gal not ever splitting, cos we're good together. Im 18 and Im therefore worried im signing away my life, bachelorhood (not that im particularly in demand, but still) now. Am i doing this? Im worried that if i stay with her now, which I want to do, if we stay together for another 2 years, and then i feel the need to try the field, then how disasterous, first for her, and for me too emotionally. So thats why im in such a dilemma about gettin bak wit her, splitting, getting back, etc. Right now I want to be with her. But am I giving her a raw deal? Am I being unfair to her?

Or should I not think so far into the future? Should I just see what I and my g.f want right now, and do that, and see where that leads us? By the way, how does someone break up after 2 years>? Isnt it impossible? Mentally, psychologically, emotionally?

When I got with her, sorry inexperienced pri*k that i was, i didnt realise any of these consequences. Guys, Im soryr that I sound so self absorbed, blo*dy selfish, but I need help, that much i agree.

 

[suavedave]

Hey, man you have my sympathy and prayers. As someone that has struggled with feelings of low self-esteem and depression I can understand your position completely. But just know there is another side. As an inspiring person I know has written,

"[M]y biggest motivator is [l]ife itself, I have seen the bottom and managed to climb out wishing never to return there again.............................. Doing what I see as living a rich life, by rich I mean experienced. I want to see the world as a whole and meet as many people that live here as possible spreading my ever smiling happiness.... In my climb out from the bottom I awoke to realize that success does not come from financial gain or well being but yet from inner peace. May we all find that kind of success!"

Originally posted by Gman
help. I dont know what to do. Im real low right now.

I had a g/f of 5 months, my first ever. were the happiest 5 months of my life. But I was so jealous (Secretly) that she has had a few b/f's befor me, and before she met me, she spent her first term of Uni pulling loads of guys while I didnt pull a single girl.

So I liked the relationship with her but I split with her 3 weeks ago cos I needed to prove to myself that I could pull. I went out 4 times in one week. Tried my hardest. Nothing. JUst got rejected. I know its not a manly thingto do, but I broke down on the last time I tried. I went wit my sister (cos my mates are busy plus i dont exactly have a lot of mates) and she pulled every time. Plus Im indian, i guess that didnt help either.

My self esteem has gone down throught the floor. I dont know what to do. I feel worthless, sh*t, cr*p, useless. I really missed my g/f, was terrified that she's the best relationship i'll ever have (it really was very good). She always wanted to get back with me so in the end, a few days ago we got back together.

But now I just feel a complete loser coward failure. Im hiding behind my relationship, Im too scared to be on my own. its ok for my g/f to be with me cos she knows shes still desired by other guys. I dont know that about myself. I feel so cr*p.

I used to be moral about not cheating etc. but I need to pull at least one girl still; it wont mean anything (i love my g/f) but I need to do it for my self esteem. So im going out tonight, but you know what? Im terrified. Im terrified to death of just being rejected again. I really cant cope with this, I feel I need to see someone about this. If anyone has any advice at all, and support, please help.

I feel a complete loser, cant even pull one, even tho my g/f could pull tomorrow. so could my sister. My mates have pulled before too. I just dont know what to do. And reading this website helped, but I now keep putting pressure on myself I think, by trying to remember all the tactics on this site etc.

 

[PANK]

oF COURSE THEY CAN PULL THEY ARE WOMEN THEY CAN GET LOTS OF PEOPLE, AND THE ONES THEY CANT THEY WILL LITERALOLY FROM THEMSELVES AT SO THEY WILL ALWAYS GET MEN AND YES THEY WEILL BE SHASGGING FIVE GUYS A NIGHT SOMETIMES YOU WILL NEVER KNOW BECAUSE IF YOU ASK THEY WILL LIE. PUT UP WITH IT IM, STILL A VIRGIN I HATE IT BUT I HHAVE TO LIVE WITH IT. OH YOUR MATES CAN PROB PULL CUZ THEY SAY THE RIGHT THINGS.

 

[PEPE LE PIU]

The bright side of the story (i think there is one)

Ok, let us take a paper and and a pencil and look your situation.
You have a good relationship for 5 months. You break up with her for stupid reason. She has other proposals but she still wants to get back to you. So you two lovebirds get back together...

Conclusions:

She is still with you even if there is a line of loverboys waiting
for their turn. So must be something special about you that
attract's her. I believe that you have the DJ (more like Cassanova) in you. You just don't know it yet .

Even if she is your first woman, believe it, it's not your fault. It's just matter of bad coincidences that made you so offish towards women. And this site is here to clear this up to you.

And if you are having such a good time with that girl, don't waste your braincells thinking that you are a looser. Use them in something more positive and enjoy the ride.

Once again, remember that you have something good at your hands, and that proves that you are capable to achieve it and keep it.


And another thing. Please try to keep her off that pedestal. later it may turn against you. After all, rule number one is "protect your
heart"

 

[CLOONEY]

Man, first you have to realise u have only been with your girl for 5 months, so you probably dont know her totally yet. You are still in the "honey moon" phase. Although trust me, the grass is not greener on the other side also. And what are you talking about you cant pick up? U picked up her didnt you? So what is the problem? And not only that YOU ARE ONLY 18. Man you got to start seeing the glass half full, instead of half empty. It is all in your attitude. Start meditating, and learn to only focus on the positive things, then when you start thinking of the bad things put them out of your mind straight away. And also, take one day at a time and make it a masterpeice. Good luck mate.

 

[BrWnSugaMan]

Since you are Indian, your pull rate is going to be far less with women who are not Indian. It's just the way evolution works. This is why interracial marriages account for like 3% of all marriages not just Indian interracial, but all - so you know the Indian rate of interracial is probably far less!

The media plays a huge role in EVERYTHING! What kind of music we listen to, the cars we drive, toothpaste we buy, clothes we wear, etc, even the type of people we are interested in. Most Indian guys don't fall into:

A. "The Abercrombie Look"
B. "The Hot Latino Look"
C. "The Gangsta/Homie/Down For Ma Niggaz Look"


--Put yourself in the shoes of a naieve white girl who is in her first or second year of college. Now, you approach and try to converse with her, what is the first thing rushing through her mind...she's gonna analyze your "look", now she thinks your some kind of Middle Eastern/Indian/Pakistani guy and what is her only experience with these types of guys: TERRORISM - what she sees on television. Negative associaiton/stereotype is a bad thing and people shouldn't use such criteria to judge others...but WE ALL DO, it's human nature.

This is just another road-block. I doubt most of the guys on this board can relate to such an experience as yours.

 

[Breadstick2000]

I had a g/f of 5 months, my first ever. were the happiest 5 months of my life. But I was so jealous (Secretly) that she has had a few b/f's befor me, and before she met me, she spent her first term of Uni pulling loads of guys while I didnt pull a single girl.

First of all, were going down the wrong road about it here. Your comparing yourself to a female, the way society is made most guys that she meets came to her. Thats why shes had more relationships.

Plus Im indian, i guess that didnt help either.

Where I come from, a lot of women actually prefer Indian guys.

Nothing. JUst got rejected. I know its not a manly thingto do, but I broke down on the last time I tried.

I've been trying for about 3 years, yet am a decent lookin bloke. Am still havin a good crack at it and will continue doing so. Don't give up on just one night.

My self esteem has gone down throught the floor. I dont know what to do. I feel worthless, sh*t, cr*p, useless. I really missed my g/f, was terrified that she's the best relationship i'll ever have (it really was very good). She always wanted to get back with me so in the end, a few days ago we got back together.

But now I just feel a complete loser coward failure. Im hiding behind my relationship, Im too scared to be on my own. its ok for my g/f to be with me cos she knows shes still desired by other guys. I dont know that about myself. I feel so cr*p.

I used to be moral about not cheating etc. but I need to pull at least one girl still; it wont mean anything (i love my g/f) but I need to do it for my self esteem. So im going out tonight, but you know what? Im terrified. Im terrified to death of just being rejected again. I really cant cope with this, I feel I need to see someone about this. If anyone has any advice at all, and support, please help.

I feel a complete loser, cant even pull one, even tho my g/f could pull tomorrow. so could my sister. My mates have pulled before too. I just dont know what to do. And reading this website helped, but I now keep putting pressure on myself I think, by trying to remember all the tactics on this site etc.

I think you should print that text on paper and flush it down the toilet.

You seem to be under a lot of uneccersery stress right now. I'm not telling you all the stuff you've heard before, just let me tell you now, nothing is as bad as it seems, you can do it if you put your mind to it. I know thats not going to make you feel one bit better but its true.

Take one thing at a time. I started with women as a nervous wreck, and they felt sh*t scared by me. Now they smile at me and ask me questions. Leaving with a thought in there mind "hey, that was a decent guy".

I moved on a bit further, if the time and mood is right. I can walk up to a girl I don't know, chat for a few minute and kiss her.

I'm not talking about super models here, but what position do you think I would be like with women if I thought "I feel a complete loser"???????????????


I hope you can see what I'm trying to convey, think about it real hard.


Good luck to ya.



Breadstick
-------------

 

[Gman]

So much good advice

You ppl have so much good advice, encouragement, support for me. Im so grateful, I cant tell y'all.

Yeah, I am that sort of person, the glass is half empty. When I should see how MUCH life has gifted me compared to some. I guess nobody gets everything (i.e. even tho I got so much compared to some, I dont appreciate it so am unhappy, etc). ALL I can do is hope to change that, this is the positive view.

Is it ok for me to be with my g/f now, knowing that in future I wil probably want to play the field? IS that dishonest to her? Is it unfair? I thought so, so I told her this in the least harsh way possible:

I said one of my ingrained core beliefs is that before I settle with one gal for my life, I have to have been with a few people. Otherwise, if i settle with one right from age of 18, then I will always feel cheated I didnt take up opportunities in my youth, which could lead me to cheat in future i.e. NOT GOOD.

But this is now causing the friction that wont let us get bak together. She says she needs to see SOME HOPE, SOME FUTURE to go into this again. I, wanting to be TOTALLY HONEST TO HER, cant tell her that everything wil be fine and rosy, and that she's the one I will want to build a future with, that I wont think of playing the field again. I cant lie ot her, cos then if in future I wanna leave, she'll feel betrayed and out of the loop. At least this way, she can take it or leave it, knowing the risks. am i right?