Very confused over this HB

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

I met a Canadian exchange student living in the same college as I do. She seemed like an actual nice girl because she doesnt do skanky things like most foreign students living here in australia. She only has 2 drinks the most when going out to clubs. Most other times she doesnt even drink at all which is weird.

Now a few weeks ago we started to get along really well. I thought I was nearly in there during my birthday because of how close we were dancing and really deep eye contact. But when I tried getting in close for a kiss she kinda backs off but doesnt leave and keeps on dancing really close. From what I heard from my friends is that she is not "easy".

But then a couple of days later we were doing the same things and I ended up back at her place and snuggled with her. I was really drunk but she was dead sober. I did the old DJ/DYD trick of smelling her hair,putting my lips really close, stroking the outline of her face. Got her all hot and bothered to the point that we finally made out in bed and did other things except taking our clothes off. I was pretty ecstatic because shes probably the hottest girl I've been with. I didnt push on too much and just waited until the right moment (she had to go to class in the morning, I only had to nurse a sore head)

Now this is the most f*cked up part. We were making out one time and she felt hesitant. Then she mentioned she was seeing a guy before meand thought he was gone and now he's come back. she likes us both but feels real uncomfortable having to date both guys (I was really annoyed with this, but I was sleeping with another girl and made out with another girl and one of her housemates. So its only fair) Fast forward later She tells me that she and her other guy have agreed to be exclusive and so I had to get the boot because most things were going his favour.

She insisted that me and her stay friends and I was hesitant. She talked for hours why she wanted me along and she still wants to hang out. After that she has basically bent herself over backwards to win me over as a "friend" which sucked cos I wanted more. We had fights and arguments over this.

We still hang out heaps (mainly because we live on the same college) but she is still with the guy but most likely be breaking up with him. We do stuff like hold hands, cuddle in bed together, dancing very close and even look like about to hook up. But I havent done anything because shes still with him and I want thigns to be fair. As much as I want him out of the picture I still believe in karma and fairness. She gets jealous when I dance with other girls yet she doesnt ever dance with other guys.

She explains to me that she doesnt want a boyfriend because when she was in hawaii she had a boyfriend straight away and did'nt get to do much. Now she got tempted and folded and now wants to stay single. She told me this other guy wanted to sleep with her but she didn't want to so thats why shes going to break up with him. I told her she is full of sh*t about the whole sex thing. Everybody loves sex baby. It is just childish sh*t to break up cos the other person is feeling the burn (she is 21, Im 22 and hes 25) Now Im in a real crap situation. She is giving me all the right signals and loves hanging out with me but has dropped the LJBF bomb. I lose my cool over this but what else could I have done.

It seems like she wants to hook up but has hidden agendas. I could have easily have gone with other girls but I resisted. Im really confused and feel like I've been played. So shes either a good girl or just a well concealed player. She doesnt ask for money or any big favours. She invites me to a lot of things she does. I cancel on 4 out 5 things shes doing. Hell other girls want me just by being seen with her and being jealous. I feel like I cant trust her. I dont want a full relationship just something which works. She makes a lot of compromises for me but just won't hook up again.

If I hang out with her I would start develop feelings for her and I would feel like crap because I wouldnt get any. I dunno if I can hook up with her again. I've burned bridges before of LJBF cases with previous hook up history and most of them have been messy. So I am in limbo.

She says she just wants guy friends. I tell her go find a gay dude in a CF way. I think I am her only guy friend here in australia and I make fun of her for being boring lol and cant find friends who wont hook up with her. Shes definitely not a AW (attention *****) She says she doesnt want to sleep wit anyone and I think its bullsh*t (who doesnt want to shag duh). I feel like just stirring her up and argue (only light) to get something out of her. Girls and boys just cant be great friends .

What can I do in this situation. It feels like something is still cooking but dont know what the whole deal is.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Is she a virgin?

I don't think so.

Why is she all over you and yet she claims that she has a b/f? HUh??

If she is not a virgin then it is not based on principle but rather she is looking for the right dude to come along and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings when she finds him.

You are not "'The One"!!

Don't settle for the "friend" label - just move on.

 

[Marlimus]

she wants the attention and validation you provide. She is invaluable, however, as a pivot. Use her in that regard. Turn down her requests to hang out with you, and call her when you need a pivot.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Is this all a test to see if I stick by with her rather than all the other guys who ditch her? Im not going to wait of course but let it just happen for when it does?

Im startin to really like her a lot and we do get really close. I have this "I'd rather get furious and angry than burnt and heartbroken" meaning I would rather burn bridges than take in to the chest.

I dont know what to do. Sometimes I feel like hanging out with her cos she only lives like 10secs walk from my place. But it really kills me when I cant do anything with her. Sometimes I feel like picking a bone with her and accuse her playing women games to get what she wants even though she really wants a guy friend.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

I said to her something like Yea we do hang out way too much. But I prefer to spend more time with someone who likes me for what I can give rather than what they want.

F*ck I hate this LJBF business. I know I've messed up somewhere. I am still wondering what it takes to be that "RIGHT DUDE" without bending myself out of shape.

I told her we can still be friends. She still gets mighty jealous when I interact with other girls. But that is the price to pay when she is not with me. SHould I make her jealous and miss out to see what she is missing out on? I could perhaps give her the gift of missing me.

 

[Tomatoes]

Man stop beating yourself up over her. Take a deep breath....Get here off that fvcking pedistool you have built her. Think what shes doing and saying. She has dropped you the "LJBF Bomb". From what you wrote it sounds like you know what your doing and you know how to game so i dont think you have done anything wrong....You cant win every girl thow. She is fvcking your mind up! She is a lost cause. Next her and start seeing other girls. If it makes your feelings better do it for the reason that you want to make her jealous and see you as the prize. (She is taking you for granted. Seems you have more mates than her and need her less)...Act that way. In being with other girls you may even find that a new girl you like that likes you works alot better than all this sh!t.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Here is what I am very confused over. She doesnt want a boyfriend, she could easily find the best guy around cos shes pretty hot. She says she just wants to be friends but I told her she could easily find better friends (I am mean to her the whole time, bordering on being a bastard but I do lil nice,thoughtful things that only she can notice). Yet she hangs out with me all the time and rejects all the other guys advances. Ditches her other friends to spend time with me, sleeps 4hrs late just to put up with my crap and still invites me to do stuff even though I've flaked on her a hundred times.

But me and her get close all the time. Truckloads of kino, eye contact and all that stuff. She gets mad jealous when I am talking and flirting with other girls. I dunno why she just wouldnt hook up. Maybe she likes me to keep on chasing. At the start she was "saying" to me all the reasons why she wouldnt hook up with me then BAM her actions proved othewise. Everyone knows that what a girl says and does are 2 totally different things.

Well here's my plan:
1) I'm going to start seeing and flirting as many girls as I want
2) Use her as a pivot/wingwoman to my advantage
3) Using her as practise for DJing, I may be getting rejected most of the time but the more I get rejected the more I can learn to keep my cool while doing so.
4) Work on being the prize and let her see it in front of her very own eyes.
5) Give her the gift of missing me.

So yea hopefully things will work out. If not it shoud be a win-win situation in the process of getting her to change my mind, Iam creating more options and results. ya-yaaaaay

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Um yea we just kissed last nite lol. But she keeps on goin on about how she doesnt want to get involved yet gets tempted to fool around

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Um yea we just kissed last nite lol. But she keeps on goin on about how she doesnt want to get involved yet gets tempted to fool around

Turn around and walk away. Tell her that you're not gonna play this game with her. Either she wants to be with you or she doesn't.

Do you REALLY want to get involved with someone who's been doing this to you from the start? It's the sign of a messed up chick and it would turn me off, big time. I've been in a simillar situation and the only way to regain your self respect is to walk away.

Is it the fact that she's "the hottest girl you've been with" that you can't see the forest for the trees? She's playing serious games and you're taking it. Stop that sh!t, now.

It's never easy when you're feeling for a girl, but getting out of this mess is the best thing you can do for yourself, in the long run. Don't let your ego dictate your actions. (wanting a hot girl in your arms)

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Yea we had a big argument last night. It was very messy...I told her I can't hang out with her anymore. She says it is up to me but I told her look it was all up to you but you chose something that wasn't going to work.

I was drunk too, I can't remember all the details but I know most of the sh*t I did, although lacked finesse, was for my own benefit. I've deleted both her msn and mobile number. She only lives down the block I'll bump in to her but I wont be wasting my breath. Her friends live on my floor but I'll be trying to avoid her. I know this hurts me having to cut her off but I will have to really stick to it otherwise this will just burn me bigtime.

 

[KontrollerX]

I hope you stick to your guns Rudy.

It was painful reading your posts as I despise game players like that people who toy with your heart and emotions.

BTW, Bad Ass Canadian has it right.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Yea Im really hung up on her at the moment. Kinda dented my confidence. I really thought she liked me but you guys made it clear that she was playing games with my heart and emotions.

What do you guys suggest I should do. She is friends with the other girls on my floor.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

She says it is up to me

OUCH. That is the #1 sign that she isn't all that interested. I've had 3 girls tell me that in the past when I told them I was wlaking away. Any girl who truly digs you will put up a fuss at your resolve to move on. The ones who don't care always give you a line like that one.

It's a very "high and mighty" attitude on her part..... like she's the one doing you the favor by being with you It also puts you in a position that's below her. It's a sneaky/dirty thing to say on many levels. The truth comes out and it lowers your value all at once.

Nothing pisses me off more than that one line you quoted. It burns me to no end.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

What kind of "fuss" do you mean by? She kinda says she wants to do this and that, says im a great guy and she wants to keep hanging out before finally saying it is up to me because she cant make me change my mind

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

I just found out she dumped the other guy and pretty much cut him off. She still wants to hang out with me and put up some kind of "fuss". It was only subtle though she is not a dramatic kind of girl at all. She would grab at the chance to hang out if I give her that opportunity.

Time will only tell how things go. Right now I need to get back on track with everything apart from her. Need to get my sh*t together.