Very Boring Date

[gspshields2]

How many of you guys are boring and have absolutely nothing to say to girls on dates?

Mystery tells us not to ask alot of questions
but NNinja tells us we should ask alot of questions?

What is the correct thing to do?

I am back to having no one texting me anymore because I have bored them all to death.

LOL!!!

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

It's not your fault for being boring. It's the girl's fault for being north american.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Were the boring dates all something that you would never be doing if not for the date? Most dates are like that. Try doing something you want to do, instead of something you think you are supposed to do. Fun is contagious. But so is boredom, as are all emotions. We say to lead the way on a date, and that is correct in the sense of you have to choose where to go and what to do. But it is also true in an emotional sense. Her emotions will follow yours, which is why going to have fun for yourself will make her have fun. It's very considerate to be selfish.

 

[sighsigh]

I think you've asked a pretty textbook question.

First of all, this article is excellent. http://www.sosuave.com/articles/at/converse.htm

The basic formula is:

1.) You ask her a question about herself (one which doesn't have a yes/no answer).

2.) She'll give you an answer. Now, you select one of the themes in her answer, and ask her a question about herself in relation to that theme. Repeat 2.) indefinitely.

Ex. You ask: what did you do this summer?

She answers: I went to France to see my relatives.

She's given you two themes: France, and her relatives. So, there's basically quite a few questions from here:
- What's France like?
- Where did you go in France?
- What kind of relatives?
etc.

Optionally, you can also talk about yourself in relation to the theme before asking a question. (Ex. That sounds interesting; I've never been to France... or Oh; I visited Paris a couple years ago...) But it's important to keep conversation about yourself to the minimum for a couple of reasons: you don't want to bore her, and you want to remain a mystery. Whenever you do talk about yourself, its purpose should be to increase your value in her eyes. The article I linked suggests to show that you've got something in common with her.

The formula does indeed involve asking a lot of questions. But if you do it correctly, it's not going to sound like a job interview, because the questions won't be random - each question will follow from the previous one. It will sound like - and be - a conversation.

In all, the whole idea is that you don't need to worry about finding something to talk about on a date, because you should hardly be doing any talking. Rather, she will be the one doing the talking 80% of the time.

 

[gspshields2]

I think you've asked a pretty textbook question.

First of all, this article is excellent. http://www.sosuave.com/articles/at/converse.htm

The basic formula is:

1.) You ask her a question about herself (one which doesn't have a yes/no answer).

2.) She'll give you an answer. Now, you select one of the themes in her answer, and ask her a question about herself in relation to that theme. Repeat 2.) indefinitely.

Ex. You ask: what did you do this summer?

She answers: I went to France to see my relatives.

She's given you two themes: France, and her relatives. So, there's basically quite a few questions from here:
- What's France like?
- Where did you go in France?
- What kind of relatives?
etc.

Optionally, you can also talk about yourself in relation to the theme before asking a question. (Ex. That sounds interesting; I've never been to France... or Oh; I visited Paris a couple years ago...) But it's important to keep conversation about yourself to the minimum for a couple of reasons: you don't want to bore her, and you want to remain a mystery. Whenever you do talk about yourself, its purpose should be to increase your value in her eyes. The article I linked suggests to show that you've got something in common with her.

The formula does indeed involve asking a lot of questions. But if you do it correctly, it's not going to sound like a job interview, because the questions won't be random - each question will follow from the previous one. It will sound like - and be - a conversation.

In all, the whole idea is that you don't need to worry about finding something to talk about on a date, because you should hardly be doing any talking. Rather, she will be the one doing the talking 80% of the time.

NO The complaint I GOT WAS THAT I DIDN'T TALK ABOUT MYSELF AND THAT SHE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT ME.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

How many of you guys are boring and have absolutely nothing to say to girls on dates?

Mystery tells us not to ask alot of questions
but NNinja tells us we should ask alot of questions?

What is the correct thing to do?

I am back to having no one texting me anymore because I have bored them all to death.

LOL!!!

Forget the PUA DJ bvll****. With texting you are setting up meets A.S.A.P. That's it.


You have to lead and do things to keep them occupied as well as yourself. Like I've told you don't make 'dates' job interviews or feel like you're on some arrainged marriage checklist process.

You have to be an excellent listener during B.S conversation and pick up on ONE word in replies and run wih questions or your own experiences from there.

Like the chick mentions the "beach". Can go into questions or conversation ideas about vacations, parties, drinks, bonfires on the beach, volleyball on the beach into other sports, places they've went or you, into other fun things and with every answer a new word can bring new thoughts or questions. Same crap as if you are talking to ANYONE.

In any random B.S conversation you aren't constantly talking about 'personal' information necessarily..you are both just grabbing a word or a place etc and not even thinking...just running to new topics without grilling each other.

 

[jpizzler]

I think maybe you took the talking to her a bit too much then. I learned just to give and take, but use your words sparingly and fill them with meaning. Not so much talk like a wise old mage of sorts, but more towards what the other lad said, about using words to promote yourself. Though don't get caught up into trying to get approval.

 

[headFirst]

My success is this. I incorporate charm and humor.. If they say something and you can relate it to something humorous or crack a joke.. Perfect. It gets them comfortable with you and makes them open up more.. It's like hey this guy makes me feel good, now it's time for me to try and impress him.. What awesome stories can I tell him to make him want to get me naked?

It's all about your thought pattern.. your thought leads to actions. If you are the type of person who leads a boring life where you stay in on a friday and read a book, well you are going to expect that from your "date" so when shes talking about how she was out drinking last Friday and woke up with someone else's pants on.. and you are looking for ammo but all you can come up with is a quote from some book you read.. Then that's on you and changing yourself to be more interesting.

You can't just follow some alogrithm and expect to attract the women you take on dates. You have to have real life expierences to feed the algorithm and ammo to make you more attractive. Otherwise no matter how hard you try, you will just go blank and have nothing to relate to her about.. You are trying to sell her on you. No one wants a hot car that just sits in the garage.

Broaden your life up a little.

 

[jglide123]

Were the boring dates all something that you would never be doing if not for the date? Most dates are like that. Try doing something you want to do, instead of something you think you are supposed to do. Fun is contagious. But so is boredom, as are all emotions. We say to lead the way on a date, and that is correct in the sense of you have to choose where to go and what to do. But it is also true in an emotional sense. Her emotions will follow yours, which is why going to have fun for yourself will make her have fun. It's very considerate to be selfish.

Very true....

I'd like to add that guys put WAY too much thought into dating. I'm going to break a cardinal rule in giving dating advice and say JUST BE YOURSELF.

I understand that those three words are anathema to many, but if you understand them, they're among the most important three words when it comes to dating.

Being yourself means acting in accordance with your nature; it doesn't mean you shouldn't improve yourself. If you're insecure about certain aspects of your life, then work on correcting them. When it comes to going on dates, do things that YOU enjoy, rather than what you're supposed to do, as Bible Belt stated above....

Dating is simple, but we make it much too hard....

 

[evan12]

I think if a girl like you she will try to talk more , but if she doesnt like you even the open end questions will end with one word or two

 

[yungpadawan]

I think if a girl like you she will try to talk more , but if she doesnt like you even the open end questions will end with one word or two

this