Verbal Combat : How to handle hurtful remarks given by others to bring us down?

[sneaker]

yo mama

 

[TesuqueRed]

I think there's a book out there about the Art of Verbal Self-defense or Verbal Judo or something like that. Check Amazon.

IDJ--you're a babe in the woods here, I don't see you verbally sparing w/him until you get much more "presense" (sp?) I know you so want to cap on him, but he's an @ss, works at it and has you marked--this is his game, you won't beat him at it.

Basic example: "just a friend, why do you ask?" This is almost the same thing as an open question that DJs use to invite a reluctant conversationalist to begin talking more. Here, you're throwing the door open for him to improvise in any direction he wants. You're being the 'straight man' in a comedy routine.

How about replying "none of your business" and then disengaginh and walking off? He's got the superior position on you in that when he asks a question, you stop and reply like a good little private. You don't work for him anymore--you've stopped being his PFC, act like it.

I agree w/the advice for not participating(unless you're set on becoming a verbal slash-artist like your friend dyckwad.) Refuse to play along.

"None of your business." (move off)

"Are we gonna start with the offensive and immature comments again, dyckwad?" (move off)

"Did HR clear you in that sexual harrassment investigation?" (that'll get you a defamation lawsuit, but fun to say in front of others...)

"Get 'em too young and it's called pedophilia, dyckwad--watch out for that." (you'll get another defamation lawsuit and a beating, but fun just before you get pummelled.)

Ok, ignore the last two. In the future, if your work-paths ever cross again, you can refuse to work with him. Just state to your supervisor that "dyckwad has made offensive and inappropriate comments before, has been asked to stop and has continued to do so. I refuse to have any involvement with him." You may have to walk from a job (a major non-AFC move)--and the manager will thereafter have to wonder if he's got a major potential liability on his hands w/dyckwad. He'll think twice about keeping him around.

 

[El Perro]

All of these responses are cool (because hindsight is always 20/20), but as someone who used to get f_cked with a lot himself, I have to ask - how does any of this help IDJ the NEXT time d_ckface (or whatever is name is) comes back around: believe me, he'll be back!

Here's how I handled my little "problem": when my tormentor would start picking at me, I'd did something he did not expect - I joined in on the fun and started picking on myself! I know that sounds corny, but you have to keep some things in mind:

1. He loves an audience - If you stop to think about it, the only time he ever does this **** is when there's people around to watch you burn; I'll bet he's a different person face-to-face.

2. He wants to see you cry - Well, maybe not CRY, but he loves to see you upset. If you aren't upset, then he's not having fun so he'll move on to other things. If you're having fun with him, then he's going to get frustrated - after all, he figured you to be an easy target (otherwise he wouldn't even f_ck with you).

Say what you want about this advice, but remember- out of all the people he could pick on, he chose YOU. There had to be a reason; the only way he'll stop (outside of murder or a good asskicking) is if you "take his thunder" from him.

------------------


That chick you're obssessing over already HAS a p*ssy... she doesn't need another one, so be a man!

 

[Don Napolitano]

If he can't negatively affect your professional life, why don't you confront him (I don't mean physically)?

Ask him what the fack is wrong with him, as if you were majorly upset (like how parents act with kids sometimes, when the kids did something really stupid).

Ask him, if thats the only way he has to feel good about himself. And say how sad that is.

Ask him if he is that shallow.

Ask him if his childhood was that miserable that he now needs to prove something to himself..

Ask him if he lacks love.. "I can be her for you, you know?

"

ask him if he needs someone to talk to, to release all those negative feelings he seems to be holding.

Ask him if thats his way of proving that he his a man.. "When do you start acting like a MAN? Jesus, I tought I left that behind on kindergarten.. too bad we can't solve this with our fists

"

Ask him if his parents/gf/wife/friends are pissing him off.

Ask him if thats his way of saying "I have you on my mind all the time".

Ask him if he finds you atractive, since he tries so damn hard to make a conversation with you.

Ask him if his rude manners are a sign of drug abuse (I think acid does that to people).

If it's the stress of trying to quit alcool abuse.

"Are your manners a sign of repressed homosexuality?"

"where you raped in your childhoood?"

Are you jealous that I am way sexier than you??

"Are you with problems in bed?.. I can teach you some tricks if you want.. no need for viagra!

"

"When I get as old as you will I get that miserable and rude?"

etc, etc.

Just don't try to fight by his rules.. do your own rules and don't give a damn to what he says.. he is just a tinny nasty bug that crossed your path.

 

[1utfan1]

Originally posted by Don Napolitano:

Ask him if he finds you atractive, since he tries so damn hard to make a conversation with you.
"Are your manners a sign of repressed homosexuality?"

"where you raped in your childhoood?"

LOL!!! Yes I think these would throw him off his game!! Nice!



------------------
"I'm not a gentleman, or a nice guy, or a good fella. Just ask me and I'll straight up tell ya."
"Things go well I might be showing her my O face"

 

[tome4]

Hey IDJ.Now that is exactl how some people put me down before.
But then I started to act like I dont care.
At first it was just acting and they would sometimes actually get to me.
But in time I learnt not to care about those insoults and always succeded to difuse those situations.
Now when ever I feel somewhone is setting me up I go into a different mindset.
How do I know who and when somewhone will insoult me?
It's always the 1.usuall croud that builds their self-esteem with insoults,or 2.occasionally friends (not the true ones).
One rule I have : I never attack first.Makes me look stronger when the same people see him trying to insoult me.So they eventually stop unless a BIG opportunity comes.
Now with the first group never be off guard when talking to them, you can never talk to them properly or they will always try to insoult you.


T.A : Hey IDJ, who's the girl in the car with you?
IDJ : You don't need to know! (with a serious tone) your not giving him ammo and are dismissing him.

T.A : I am just curious to know which nightclub is she from.
IDJ : She is not from a nightclub, she is my regullar hucker*playfull tone*(pause).Now be gone because *I* have work to do.And then you wink at him *with an important tone* (answers like this always catch them off guard)

T.A : Oh my god, you don't know what a nightclub is? You must be a virgin.
IDJ : *like you understood it as a joke*Hahaha, wouldn't you like to know *then get to being serious again*

DON'T PRETEND YPUR DUMB< IT ALWAYS GIVES THEM AMMO.

T.A : They gave me a salary raise so I am not leaving.
IDJ :use Oh, I didn't realize janitorial work was so lucrative these days.
OR, How do you know how much I make? You stalkin me buddy?
*Great ones BWSL*

T.A : The share markey is active now and anyone who invested in it will profit.

GOOD ANSWER BUT YOU COULD GO FOR AN ATTACK RIGHT NOW : Yeah too bad your too stupid to invest in it

*like you feel sorry for him tone*

T.A : So,how much did you spend for the girl? I hoped she hasn't dry up your bank account yet.
IDJ : More then you could afford buddie.
Now i wasted enough time with you so *I* g2g see ya.

Never show your hurt.

And you can ICQ me so we will trade insoults for practise.
my no. is 159497946

[This message has been edited by tome4 (edited 07-08-2002).]

 

[PlayerinTraining]

IDJ,

I know what your situation is like. It used to happen to me when I was younger.

Best bet is to show him you don't like him. Make it very uncomfortable for him. These people thrive on "pretending" to be friendly only to hide their sniper attacks. It's hard to fight back against them if you unconsciously accept that they are friendly acquaintances of yours. They aren't, and you have no need to show them the common courtesy you would show others.

Don't chit chat with him, don't get into small talk, or any of that bull sh!t. Only talk to him if he has work related issues to bring up with you. Next time you see him, here is what you do:

TA: "Hey, who was that lady in your car the other day?"

IDJ: "What do you need to know for? I'm busy and I don't have much time to talk."

TA: "Just trying to make small talk. What nightclub did you meet her in?"

IDJ: "I told you, you don't need to know. I got work to do, if this isn't work related, I don't have time."

TA: "How come you don't want to talk to me?"

IDJ: "Because you usually have nothing useful to say to me. Now, do you have something WORK RELATED that you need to discuss?"

If he is a real wuss, he might complain to someone that you are being hostile to him. Say to anyone who asks: "Listen, this guy is VERY insulting to me. I'm not going to put up with it. If he has any work related issues, I'll talk to him. Anything else, I'd don't want to have anything to do with him."

The moment he stops asking personal questions, ease your tone a bit. Relax a little, and deal with him in a professional way. The moment he starts digging for info, cut him of FAST.

He thinks you are a wuss, and he can intimidate you. The MOMENT you show your anger at his insults, and drop the phony courtesy, he will be taken COMPLETELY off guard. He will begin to feel uncomfortable.

There is no better weapon to deal with phony people than brutal honesty.

 

[The Sentinel]

Originally posted by RKTek:
"I refuse to do mental combat with someone who is unarmed"

Whenever someone even looks like he or she is about to jump in my sh*t, I just mentally switch off and stop listening. I sometimes just look them in the eye and either say nothing or "You might be right" or some other useless fluff.

Sometimes I might even rise a bit more and say "I've heard worse...from people who mean more to me". But usually I treat someone trying to get to me like a barking dog.

No one has the right to get to me without my permission.

This is exactly correct. THIS is the mindset to be adopted.

 

[Don Juanobi]

a certain friend of mine (jerk AFC) goes through phases where he trys to insult me covert style like this guy.

I used to let it bother me and would hate that I never had anything to fight back.
or I would get into a bragging match, which just made him feel better.

Then I got on here, he's been noticing my slow progression in confidence and skills with the ladies. again in phases he has been coming on stronger and trys to bring me back down to his level (he keeps score)
as i noticed this, I realized, it's not really ME, it's HIM. he is insulting because he feels inferior.
Now days when he insults me I realize he's feeling a bit low today and I love it, I crack a smile and play along. He HATES that and quickly turns back to his decent guy routine.

My point is, don't let it bother you man. that's what this guy is after.
Either avoid him all together or dismiss him with a laugh.
Your the man dude, your a DJ and have better things to do than waste your time on this guy. especially if your supposed to be workin

 

[XYZ]

IDJ, I'm having a hard time to understand you:

This guy attacks you whenever possible. When he starts a conversation with you, you know that he'll try to hurt you again.

SO AVOID TALKING TO HIM TOO MUCH.
AND NEVER EVER ASK HIM A QUESTION!! you dont want to get insulted so why the hell do you keep the conversation going?????

I'd try to act indifferent. Do not play this game with him. Answer him like "thats none of your business" "i m not interested in talking to you" "if you think so...." and if he doesn't stop you stop answering his questions at all.
if you are so angry that you have to call him names, then you can do that, but not too often and NEVER show that he succeeded in setting you up.

XYZ

[This message has been edited by XYZ (edited 07-10-2002).]

 

[UnluckynLuv]

Yea, jerks like this are out there. If you avoid him, he might even be nice for a short period just to draw you back in for more sniper fire.

look, your mom has taught you to be nice and that's a good thing, but this guy does not deserve any mercy. You have got to bust his balls and not feel bad about it.

Next time he bugs you, tell him that your working, and that you don't slap the ****s out of his mouth while he is working and you'd like for him to leave you along while your working.

If he continues, tell him you're tired of his mouth and that you're pulling out.

You get the idea, you need five or six good insults to bust him with. just find some that will work with any situation.

 

[BallZ Of SteeL]

this a great thread ! i think each one should put his experience in such verbal fights like this.. i had ALOT of this sh1t when i was at school, but sadly didnt have the balls to reply good in most of them , but its different now as im in college, grew up some muscles and got some agressive/bitter attitude against other people..its important to LOOK confident and agressive to AVOID them in the first place

 

[[A]rtful[DJ]]

If he likes fu.ckig with you try fu.cking with him instead and see if he likes the taste of his own medicine or not.

Never answer his stupid questions, instead throw the question back at him. If you must answer, then end your answer with a question for him to answer. Take charge of the situation and you do the asking. Dont ask any open questions, so that he wont get oportunity to talk about you. Ask closed questions that adress only him and his situations. No ones perfect and soon enough you will see the holes and leaks in his character that he so thinks is on top of the world. Pick on those faults and destroy his character completely.
Never leave an enemy breathing, they will only be back to haunt you down.

Remember to smile

, keep your head cool, and dont stop the airflow.



[This message has been edited by [A]rtful[DJ] (edited 07-15-2002).]

 

[Dj Chase]

IDJ,

The best solution isn't always the easiest, and especially in your situation, it's pretty tough. Here are some ideas, you can try them, or not.

The main thing is that you can't let them get to you. Somehow, someway, you got to shrug it off.

1) You got to let go of everything you hold to this person. In other words.. secretly forgiving TA for everything. [ OUCH! ]

2) With a truly clean slate, you need to find out what things get to you. Everyone has buttons that can be pushed, you need to find out what they are. list them, memorize them, because guaranteed these things will piss you off.

3) After becoming aware of your "buttons," think of ways to deal with them. Imagine and work through situations like that.

If you truly do this, hurtful remarks wont hurt you as much anymore, as specially from a person you probably have bad feelings towards. You'll be able to deal with them effectively.

The next part is easy once you have the main thing down. Don't show pain, hurt, anger, or whatever. Smile. If someone's goal is to make you mad, they acheive it if you get mad.
You'll notice people trying even harder if you resist more.

1) Smile. (remember don't let it get to you)

2) End the topic, or whatever it is that they are trying to do, don't "feed the fire". Look away, shrug, yawn, or change the subject.. "anyways.."

Notes:
Some people are real good at attacking or pushing buttons. To outsmart people like this, its gonna take more than a few examples of what you coulda, shoulda said.
Depending on how good the attacker is, you may need lots of practice, and learning to get at their level. ( It might not be worth it )

------------------
-try this

 

[Don_juan]

IDJ,

We can't really give you advice because it is all baised on the previous conversation and it's too late for that one. To be honest, it doesn't sound like you are very good at talking smack or quick on your feet in that arena. and that's fine, don't worry about that. A DJ knows where he is weak and his strengths so don't worry. What you do need to do is get this d*ckhead off your a$$.

Sounds like he is a real wanna-be macho guy. He says how he gets women, how he makes more, blah blah blah. Bottom line is all of these things scream that he wants to be the alhpa male and for whatever reason we haven't discussed, he sees you as a threat.

I'd use this and the next time he talks smack, act really above him and call out his sexuality. I'd ask him why he likes to pick on you, and if it is because he likes you or what is the deal. Stop the whole conversation to do this and it will make him explain why he doesn't have a crush on you. Of course any explanation he gives, I'd just nod and say "well if you keep it up, everyone is going to think you have a crush on me and I'm not into that". He won't keep it up, because if there is even the slightest chance people will think that, then he won't risk it. And if he does, then just keep at it.... "You know TA, just because I don't swing your way doesn't mean that you have to pick on me. I just like chicks, that's all. Don't be upset though"....stuff like that. It will eat at him more than you can imagine.

 

[IntermediateDonJuaner]

Hey guys, this guy T.A just doesnt seem to stop bothering me.......

I have had enough of his sh|t....... but it looks like the comebacks you've used here doesn't help at all.

He is faster than me in conversation....Before I can blast him, he starts to shut me up. How do I overcome this?

It looks like the girl is gone with another guy but not T.A. So he started his nonsense again.

Here's the rest of the conversation which continues :

T.A : IDJ, don't get angry since the girl is gone with another guy. See I've told you, the girl will never like you .

IDJ :

T.A : So what are you going to do now? Ahhh....remember the girl I showed you in the picture.? Let me recommend her to you.

IDJ : No thx.

T.A : Why not? I am actually trying to help you here. I am trying to be kind .

IDJ : I appreciate that a lot. But no thx.

T.A : Well, this girl is certainly better than the other one. She will not leave you, and she won't control you either. You don't want to be controlled like before, don't you?

IDJ : Anything

T.A : Oh IDJ, I really pity you.

Well, no point continuing this cause it's going to be very long. But I just wish to ask the guys out there to give me more ammunition to attack him. I run out of ammos always so I need a wide verbal ammos before combating with him.

P.S : I am not like he mentioned. It just happens that the girl I am after flake interest. You know, it happens once in a while and it looks like t.a try to bring me down since he has a chance.

 

[Squy]

You always saying "He's better than me, he is faster than me, he always manages to shut me up, and so on" GEES get a hold off yourself, AS YOU THINK YOU SHALL BECOME, self-fulfilled prophecy remember? If you think like that how can you be better than him? Obvious you forgot that he eats sleeps and craps just like you and everyone else, stop putting him on the pedestal.
Pretend like he is a hot but arrogant bytchy chick. Would you tolerate that a CHICK acts this way against you? NO, so why would you let him?

IDJ- BACK TO SCHOOL - read the bible =DDDDD

- squy

 

[Italiano]

dont fall into his game , jus brush him off and say sumthin to the girls like.. he's having one of his fits i think he needs a nap

------------------
@~~~~~~

 

[Ekschaxze]

Restraining Order, Restraining Order, Restraining Order...

Also, you may want to physically abuse him[it sounds bad, but it will do the trick] if he continues. And you can always sabotage him, such as the suger in the gas tank, gallon-o-paint thinner, and one of millions of other harmful tactics.

 

[XYZ]

IDJ, from what I've seen from the dialogue in your last post, you r the ultimate victim for this ass, you come across really desperate in this dialogue.

you say you're <running out of ammos>. From what i've seen thats not possible cause you didn't even use one. And you don't need <wide verbal ammos>, what you need is the right mindset.

TA-she'd never like you
IDJ-**sad face**
TA-take the girl from the photo.
IDJ-i appreciate that a lot, thanks

XYZ-OH NOOOOO!!! WAKE UP!!! YOU ARE ENCOURAGING HIM!!!

you have to say like <hm, thats okay with me, i'll find another girl> or sth. and don't forget to have a confident look in you face. don't show him he's making you sad. don't show him he's making you angry. Act indifferent. If you don't wanna talk to him anymore, go somewhere else in the middle of the convo.

This guy is a poor little creature that has nothing better to do than to annoy you. Be a bit snobbish. You've better things to do than to talk with someone like him. Show him that!

XYZ



[This message has been edited by XYZ (edited 07-28-2002).]