vented to a chick i liked. oops?

[csourcelover]

i was hanging out with this chick on whom i met at a bar, we ran into eachother 2 times, i intitated kino and she gave me her number. we hanged out a couple of times, she called me every time. and then she started working where i did. creepy.

now i am a bit of a shy guy but i do make my move when it feels right and i have with great success, i can normally tell when the right time to make a move is, but with this chick, it was a whole new ball game. my problem is i failed to realize that this chick is an extremely shy girl too (most girls i date are very vibrant), something i should of taken into account before i screwed up big time (she gave me small signs, like how she only sleeps with her dog at night. now that im reflecting on it that im stunned i didnt pick up on it).

2 days ago my day began with my dog dying, finding out my 18 year old sister is pregnant --- with my best friend, and my dad was dipping into the booze again (hes an alcoholic), all within the course of 1 hour. i completely lost it and turned into the biggest chump ive ever been in my life.

i called her up, totally vented about what was going on. she said "calm down, i have an hour, talk to me." first bad move, i know. i told her what was going on (all my friends were at work, i really had noone to talk to) and i vented. i then for some dumb reason brought up the fact that i did like her and that i was a social butterfly, but when it comes to the women i like, im very shy about it. and i then asked her on a date.. like my god. what the hell. i knew right there i royally screwed up. she studdered on the phone (literally for 15 seconds), then said shes "not really looking for anyone," but she never directly told me that she just wanted to be friends, or that she didn't like me back, all she said was that i was "very special" (?????), but i know she's a lost case now. not only that, but she told me shes busy all week because of christmas and stuff, so i obviously scared her off (never trying to get with a girl during dec ever again..)

i initiated NC with her but im working with her tommorow for one day (she bartends, im security at front door)

luckily i dont suffer from oneitis, but i still do like this chick a lot.

this is my question; i already realize that I've made a huge mistake and I have moved on, no point in dwelling over a mistake i made. i do have another date tonight but the problem is that she wants to come to my work and have a drink with me downstairs (she has nowhere to crash either since she lives out of town, so i suggested she stay at my place and she reluctantly agreed), while the other girl i like is going to be working there tonight as well.

is this a recipe for disaster? if shes lost intrest there should be no problem, right?

i just dont wanna be that guy playing the jealousy card, its not me.

any suggestions would be appreciated, thanks

 

[tebow1120]

Budyy been there done that and I gotta say that was a mistake.For some reason women hate for men to breakdown or show any kind of weakness.This same situation just happened to me a few days ago.I would like to knoe how do we get the girl back if she sees are weakness.

 

[csourcelover]

100% agreed, i showed weakness. normally i dont but with the circrumstances i was under, i let everything get to me.

now, i know this very gorgeous lady (knockout 10/10, she is actually a relationship councellor, weve been friends since grade 2) told me that by bringing this girl in to work, its going to make her say to herself, "wow he moved on fast," but i know i should take that very lightly, as in, it probably wont and i dont know about the jealousy game, it sounds iffy

im going to show no affection whatsoever. my mentality today when i go into work is that my life is great, which it is (slowly) and im just going to act like myself before all this crap started. think its all i can do. force a smile, get my balls back and move on with life

just need to know if me brining this other chick to my work is a good idea

 

[realsmoothie]

this is my question; i already realize that I've made a huge mistake and I have moved on, no point in dwelling over a mistake i made. i do have another date tonight but the problem is that she wants to come to my work and have a drink with me downstairs (she has nowhere to crash either since she lives out of town, so i suggested she stay at my place and she reluctantly agreed), while the other girl i like is going to be working there tonight as well.

is this a recipe for disaster? if shes lost intrest there should be no problem, right

any suggestions would be appreciated, thanks

No, it shouldn't be a problem. You're fine with the new girl. The old girl? Whatever.

 

[csourcelover]

this is a weird situation for me, though. for the first time i just poured my heart out like a little wuss to this chick, although i was under extreme circumstances. i take it to cut the akwardness you just go on as nothing happened, eh? ive never said that much about my personal life to someone ive wanted in my life, i told her i was a shy guy for christ sake, the first and the last time i ever do that, mark my words.

another question, to me, there is always hope. is there a way to get a girl back on your side if you have exposed your inner weaknesses? how do i act when i see her at work tonight, im gonna go ahead and guess that i should act like absolutely nothing happened.

 

[The Piano Master]

Bad move, bro. Just learn from it and move on.

 

[Igetit!]

another question, to me, there is always hope. i know she thinks of me as a wuss chump who never made a move. is there a way to get a girl back on your side if you have exposed your inner weaknesses?

I think it depends on when you displayed that weakness,and what that weakness is.


In this situation you're in here,NO.

It's over with.


It wasn't the things you went through that turned her off,it was HOW YOU REACTED TO THEM.



It was how you decided to handle them that killed any interest.



You ran to her.



We men are supposed to be the strong ones,the one a woman can turn to in time of need.



We're supposed to be her ROCK,her SHIELD,her PROTECTOR.



Your dog died,and you went to her for emotional support.



To be honest,you know what you really did?



You activated her motherly instincts,kinda like when a child scraps his knee. She wanted to nurture you and protect you.


When "mom" mode is on,sexual attraction gets shut off.

Women don't feel attraction for their children.



She can't feel sexual attraction for you because she's too proccupied trying to help you deal with all the emotional turmoil in your life.



Where's her emotional "fuel" from you?


The busting,the teasing,the negging,playfulness,the telling her you like the way she looks in a certain outfit,the sexual innuendos,the "telling her" you want her to be with you...where are all these things?



You were so busy spilling your guts about all your current issues,you never bothered to give her what she needed to be attracted to you.



And if that wasn't bad enough,all the negative feelings and emotions that came from your your dog dying,living with an alcoholic parent,and dealing with teenage pregnacy,now ALL THOSE EMOTIONS get transfered to her.



So now,the way you felt when your dog died,SHE FEELS when she thinks about YOU.



The emotions you feel as a result of living with an alcoholic father and a pregnant teen sister,SHE FEELS when she thinks about you.



Dude,what the *BEEP* were you thinking telling her these things?




All the feelings of chemistry and sexual attraction SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FEELING towards you have now been replaced by the emotions created by all negativity you're currently dealing with.



She may keep in touch with you because of the bond created by all this trama,but that's it.



There won't be anything sexual.



I agree with THE PIANO MASTER.


You already seem to know what you did wrong here,so just move on.

 

[csourcelover]

thank you to everyone and Igetit, I appreciate your valuable advice. i normally follow this quote when i fvck up.

"When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power." Hugh White

 

[dalynxx]

I think it depends on when you displayed that weakness,and what that weakness is.


In this situation you're in here,NO.

It's over with.


It wasn't the things you went through that turned her off,it was HOW YOU REACTED TO THEM.



It was how you decided to handle them that killed any interest.



You ran to her.



We men are supposed to be the strong ones,the one a woman can turn to in time of need.



We're supposed to be her ROCK,her SHIELD,her PROTECTOR.



Your dog died,and you went to her for emotional support.



To be honest,you know what you really did?



You activated her motherly instincts,kinda like when a child scraps his knee. She wanted to nurture you and protect you.


When "mom" mode is on,sexual attraction gets shut off.

Women don't feel attraction for their children.

:yes: :yes: :yes: :yes:

This is spot on. But at the same time is she was feeling you that much you might have gotten a sympathy fvck out of it. If you are a hot guy, it you could have definitley gotten some action! It happens all the time; chicks get emotional and as you tell them the sob story and if she's in the right mood and you're within close proximity to her it might be on. She might even feel a "special" connection with you that (you make it appear) no other female in your life has.

Shame you did it over the phone. Some ladies can be turned on by a little vunerability in a man also (but not be pathetic and cry please - crying is only acceptable if you are strong 99% of the time usually and also if someone died. Harsh, but that's the life of a man. Hey girls have to deal with periods. :yawn....

 

[tafakna]

First of all stop with all the strategies.

You ran on this chick twice, there has been no time for any bond to develop. NC will not work.

The best you can do is play cool, pretend nothing happened, and be strong from now on. You need to show her (thru your actions) that what happenned was a once in a lifetime event...

 

[Darth]

You showed weakness.

I am still working on this, but the rule is: never show weakness in public, or to ANYONE, other than yourself, a very close friend, or your parents, if something really bad happens.

To the rest of the world you are infallible. Regardless of what happens.

That said, considering your circumstances I shouldn't talk- I would've probably turned into a chump too. Well, this girl is done. Live and learn. You sound like a good guy. I'm sure it'll work out fine.

 

[romangod]

No, it shouldn't be a problem. You're fine with the new girl. The old girl? Whatever.

I agree. You're fine.

Just play it cool and don't think too much. Go with the flow and try and have fun.


Cheers!

 

[SharinganUser]

Blah blah blah,

I never read the OP, just the title. I learned the hard way that you should never tell a woman anything ever. Last year I told a chick that "I just got home from my friends funeral." And she replied with "I can't go backpacking with you because I met some other guy."

 

[shyguy32]

First I haven't read most of the responses, but my take is yeah there is always a chance to get her back. But you have to get another chick interested in you and play the jealousy card with the old girl. And you also have to go back to that teasing,playful, funny guy that got her into you in the first place. Control the FRAME no matter what you did before, act like it never happened.

 

[csourcelover]

i acted as if nothing happened. she asked me how things were going with all the drama and i said, "ive already said too much, but im great now thanks," all with a huge smile on my face. she was lightly teasing me again, i would just joke back.

anyways, so this new girl.

she calls me two times before the date to set it all up. she comes an hour early. i was marvelled at how gorgeous she was. wearing a skirt, nice blouse, deadly brown hair and the most bright blue eyes you would ever see. she sat in the back, other chick comes to the storage room, hears us talking but never sees us. we go downstairs and have a drink, other chick goes home (normally she sticks around for a bit but she left awfully fast).

so the date im with at the moment is even more shy than the last girl. i initiated kino VERYYYYY slowly with this chick, as she just got out of a relationship. we hit it up well, i was doing some light talking and making her laugh. i noticed she LOOKED DOWN at the table a lot when i was talking with her (never held eye contact very well, while i was holding it the entire time) and she was constantly touching her hair (she was twirling her hair when i made her laugh).

she then tells me a story of how, out of the blue, about how one guy would knock her door down because he wanted her). she was about to talk more and i said with a light grin on my face, "hmm.. i dont really see why these guys would go crazy, you're pretty average to me but yeah, let's switch subjects" she looked SO shocked but then died laughing and she touched me for about 2 seconds. my afc almost came out and i was going to sympathize with her but i stopped it right there and instead did the opposite of what i would do (thats whats been working for me.. its the key.. if you're an afc just do the opposite of what you were doing before. sounds easier than it is tho)

"you know, im not a flirter," she says. I say, "Neither am I," while im touching her shoulder (less than a 3 second hold, like i said, this chick is even more shy than the last one). i made her laugh allllll niiiiiight. we go pick up a pizza, go back to my place and we eat and talk some more. "oh crap, i completely lost track of time," she says. it was 330am and she had to work at 8. i finally grew some balls and i kissed her on the cheek (she blushed) and we made plans to go to the new years eve party together at my work (thats gonna be an adventure)

score. i think i did a good job tonight. took it slow, didn't blow up my feelings. i knew i did good when she texted me again saying ".. thanks for the good night, i enjoyed myself."
my reply? "I know you did. gnite!!" she replies, "Good, good. G'nite " I never reply back.

i never rubbed it into the face of other girl whatsoever, didnt say a word. when we were in the bar she never said a peep to me, she put on her jacket and left, didn't even say goodbye to me, like she always does. funny, i would hang out with chicks before and she would always come up and talk?

the only thing i hate is the gossip with everyone at my work. the other cooks immediatly said i was on a date with this chick, even though I didnt say anything. not only that but every server was asking me questions about her (she's literally a knockout 10/10 - lot of servers paying more attention to me that night than before). I didn't answer any of them, just said we were hanging out.

 

[CarlitosWay]

i finally grew some balls and i kissed her on the cheek (she blushed)

you did pretty damn good except here. You should have just kissed her with all your passion. Well that's what I would have done lol..... Sounded like you could have literally done a lot more then just "kissed her on the cheek". We're adults here, this isn't the school playground anyways good stuff

 

[csourcelover]

Hey guys, need some advice! So I'm at work, chick that I screwed up with out of the blue says that I am demanding while smiling. I laughed, didn't reply to her.

I go get a drink and we start talking again. She flirts with me yet again, touching my arms, playfully hitting me on the arm, and I touched her face playfully and her hair.

Now what a second. If she was turned off by me venting to her, how come she let's me touch her and flirt with her (we were comparing our hand sizes, we held them for 10 seconds). Am I missing something?

She said that we need to talk and hang out. She asked me what I worked on monday, I tell her I have a free day, so I said well hang out at 2. She says, "I just wanted to know what you worked, well hang out after xmas." I looked at her and said "alrite, you know my number," then went back to work.

Mind you I'm leavin on tuesday and I forgot she's busy sunday with her prexmas.

She's really starting to piss me off, is she leading me on? I was doing what was suggested, be myself and get back to that playful guy that I was before.

Confusing. I won't contact her at all.

 

[RayHessel]

my afc almost came out and i was going to sympathize with her but i stopped it right there and instead did the opposite of what i would do (thats whats been working for me.. its the key.. if you're an afc just do the opposite of what you were doing before. sounds easier than it is tho)

Ah, the George Costanza maneuver. Well played.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Yeah you ****ed up big time. I made the same mistake... but not as bad. I lost my temper with this girl I was seeing. It's easy to go overboard when they pull all sorts of stupid sh*t. Playing it off like nothing happened works well.

 

[csourcelover]

I realize I screwed up by why the hell did she flirt with me again? You'd think she wouldn't want me to touch her?