Vent

[amazingswayze]

Hey all, I got some stuff I need to get off my chest.

You don't have to read this if you don't want to.

My life has been a fog ever since winter break. I am doing absolutely nothing. I think I am addicted to video games. Back when I was going to the gym, I didn't even touch my Playstation. Now, I spend hours on it playing Madden, and I just got FIFA. I keep telling myself that i'm living my life the way I want to but I know that it's a lie. When I was worried about my health, dieting, excercising, I felt better mentally because I was doing the right thing. Now, I feel better physically temporarily because I eat whatever I want.

Losing weight was so hard. It was not sustainable for me to keep a calorie deficit. I plateued even when I was hungry all the time. I gave up.

Now, I fap every night. I think it's an addiction. I used to watch porn multiple times a week but now not really unless I'm home alone.

I'm regressing.

I am socially anxious almost all the time. It's hard for me to hold eye contact with girls. I feel awkard and insecure.

I was once a budding DJ, now I just feel like dust in the wind.

The only good thing that has happened these last few months is that my grades are good and I got a part time job at my school. Other than that, video games have been a huge time sink.

I've been smoking more weed than usual, too.


My self-esteem is low, guys. I used to feel in control. Now, not so much.

I think all this stuff on SoSuave is bad for me. The archived content is really good, though. The DJ Bible, the Book of Pook, etc... all that helped me grow.

The forums nowadays are posts just like this; and I passively absorb it. The negative mindset, the quasi-mysoginist attitude. You can deny it all you want but i'd honestly say most of us just look at women as a piece of meat. Maybe they are, who knows. It's our experiences that cause us to think that way. And a lot of us started off with negative ones.
I truly believe that women are a waste of time, and after banging only one girl, I'm basically throwing in the towel. I'm asking myself what's the point? Be someone I'm not just to feel a warm hole?

I want to make something more of myself, and I know what the obvious answer is; I have to get up and do things... but it's easier said than done. I have been stuck in my ways for over 2 months.

The last time I went to the gym was December 31st, and now my membership expired. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of trying so hard just to get minimal results. I'm tired of trying to be someone i'm not.

Don't get the impression that I'm some kind of outcast at school. I can fake it. I can be positve. I can smile, I can laugh, I can talk to people. But that's not what I really feel like doing.

I'm moving into the dorms next fall and I need to grow as a man if I really want to take advantage of this opportunity and enjoy it. I'm also moving to a town where I don't know anybody at all for the whole summer. We have a cabin in the woods 20 min from town.

I feel like a recluse.

It took so much effort for me to become outgoing and change my personality, but I'm sinking back into who I always was;

A chubby kid who ate, stayed inside, and played video games.

I need to change.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Its hard to go back to the gym unless you like it, we can suggest you that its great for yourself regardless the result you get with women, think of how you feel once you finished, its a natural high and its for free.

It helps you to sleep better and doesnt force you to fap to relax, I find myself in the need to play videogames and fap much more when I dont have any other source of pleasure except that its a now way out tunnel.

I can relate with your part about being able to fake smiles, pretend you like small talk in social settings and so on, well I believe you need to ask yourself if you feel bad cause you would like to be different or you feel bad cause you would like to be "normal" and fit in the role you're supposed to be.

The first thing you have to do is going to the gym, it help with your mood even before than getting you back in shape, also the social time in the gym is less time/energy consuming than the social time at social meetings, you have small talks and human interaction but the same moment you get bored you simply cut it and move back to the weights.

Not sure I understood that cabin thing, are you going there on a vacation with your parents?
That would make me depressed too, I would have rather stayed at home alone in an empty city and recharge my energy.

 

[Tamura]

Honest self-reflection. Discontent is the greatest motivator I know. Obviously you are not pissed enough about yourself yet to start changing things again.

You're doing not that bad as you get good grades and got a job. But there is more potential in you for sure. Maybe you just need a slight adjustment of perspective that will get you starting again. Becoming a greater man is not for women, not for anybody except for yourself. If you're feeling to play a role something is wrong. Set yourself goals, where you want to stand in 1, 3 and 5 years and act accordingly. Nobody can grind 24/7 without burning out sooner or later. You need times off and do what you really enjoy, be it smoking weed and playing video games. But you always need to keep in mind the greater picture and pursue it in small steps day by day. That's hard work for everyone, it's called discipline. Without goals it's impossible to maintain discipline.

How about reducing the smoke to weekends? It's not just time consuming, it's also not helping to reduce calories ;-). If you're having problems to motivate for the gym find some buddies to train with you to generate some group dynamics. Maybe there are other alternatives to the gym like martial arts or freeletics?

Spring is coming! Self-pity and laziness will bring you nowhere! All you lost so far ist just two months. It is still enough time to get back on track again.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I know this is hard to believe, but there are a lot of girls who are into video games, weed, porn, and masturbation. You can use these activities to isolate yourself, or you can use them to get laid. There are no bad hobbies; there are just bad ways to use those hobbies.

 

[Tamura]

Curios to see how much porn, video games, weed and masturbation only goes along with self-improvement.

Too much focus on girls in my opinion. A punch to someone's chest always bound beyond for maximum impact. So are one'side goals. Aim for the bigger, something that is left even if everyone else abandons you. You!

 

[amazingswayze]

Yeah thanks guys, i'm not massively depressed, just not happy with the way life is. I understand that I have the power to change it. I have my whole life ahead of me to grow as a man but I still keep seeing myself as this little boy. Having a baby face doesn't help.

I think I need to reinvent myself. The first time I discovered this content was almost 3 years ago. I was just a naive 11th grader with no experience whatsoever . Now I'm in my first year of college, with a little more under my belt. I think I need to start self-improvement phase 2. I want to be a whole different person. I'll get there.

@Who Dares Win

My situation is a little complicated.

We are leaving my apartment in the suburbs, to move into a cabin in a rural area 7 hrs away. We have owned it for over 10 years originally as a vacation home, and it will be hard for me to make this transition. I guess I have to just get in shape, get a job, and meet people.

I need to start doing things.

I complain a lot and get mad. I want to be in control.

 

[AttackFormation]

Believe me, at 18, you are still a naive 18 year old with no experience whatsoever instead of an 11th grader. Embrace the pain. You will change, whether you anticipate it or not, because you're not done growing and your brain will receive new impulses. When something feels difficult like getting out of this slump, that's just all the more confirmation of how much you need to do it and the change it will bring to get out of it.