Values

[jhonny9546]

It's not easy, but having values and goals in a long-term relationship (LTR) is important. The difference between knowing them is that you either live freely without making choices, or you live "freely" by choosing. Any choice we don't make is, in reality, still a choice: not choosing is a choice, and we must accept the consequences.

For this purpose, I have fundamental values and goals that I always "test" and discuss in my relationships.

Fundamental Values
- Respect
- Honesty
- Communication
- Responsibility

Shared Life Goals
- Short-term/Long-term Plans
- Lifestyle
- Family Values

From my personal experience, honesty is the most lacking quality among women, at least among those I've met. I would be very curious to hear how you structure your fundamental values and goals. I'm pretty sure someone here only needs one element for their lifestyle.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

I was disappointed in the end of my last relationship, in that values, specifically in regards to politics, became an issue. Personally, I didn't care, and I'm on the mindset of agree to disagree, but she couldn't handle that. I'm not going into the specifics of our opposing political beliefs, because I don't believe that discussion is allowed in this forum.

However, coincidentally, just a few days ago, I watched a CNN documentary about Democrat political strategist, James Carville. Interestingly, he got married to a political strategist of the Republican Party. Ironically, they were on opposing campaigns during the 1992 Presidential election. But what I liked about the couple, is when it came to politics, they agreed to disagree, and didn't let it effect their relationship. I wish more people were like that.

 

[jhonny9546]

I wish more people were like that.

That could be true, who know. Without knowing em, that's only the "public" image you have of them

 

[jhonny9546]

It's very complicated and an issue also when dealing with communication. for example

This is probably the most accurate answer to the topic at hand. Men don't communicate because women wear them down and they just want peace. Then women complain about it without ever taking accountability for it. I have actually noticed many women say in OLD that they want a man to "call them out on their BS" but most men are too afraid of conflict.

Maybe it's confusing for some men, since women both need to feel heard and understood AND also be challenged, disagreed with, and have boundaries set on what they say.

Masculine energy.

Eavesdropping, snooping, being indirect and avoiding confrontation is passive feminine energy.. Your dynamic is in reverse of what is espoused on this forum.

You're the dominant to your boyfriend's feminine. There is no getting around this, at least with respect to communication. Which is fine, just own it. You're older than him which makes sense too.

This states that men should be direct (even tho I prefer indirect comunication for a given scenario), and this part is very important "Maybe it's confusing for some men, since women both need to feel heard and understood AND also be challenged, disagreed with, and have boundaries set on what they say."

When a woman wants us to "open up" and "communicate," we must understand that she may have other reasons for doing so.
A friend of mine was asked to "open up" to his girlfriend because she found out they were not having a good time. But guess what? She was actually confusing him because she was looking for another guy. My friend went silent and distant for about a week, and eventually, she asked him again. He firmly stated that all this "communication" was just something coming from her head; he felt everything was fine!
Now, she tells her friends that he was able to "let her understand" that everything was okay in their long-term relationship.