Skydiver43127
Senior Don Juan
A lot of the advice on this site is connected with "communicating value". Have you ever wondered what that is? Or what is the difference between communicating and faking value? I know I have. Here are my thoughts on the issue.
"Value" are things that increase your prospects as an individual and add quality and meaning to your life and the life of people around you. You can have value in many different forms, and if you really have your life together you can run your life like an investment - recognizing and doing things that add value for you and leaving things that do not. On his "Dating Mastery" program David D asks some questions which are very much concerned with value
1. Moral value ("Big picture" value)
You can either believe that you are doing the right things or sneak around your life, doing things you're not not really sure are all right.
For exemple if you really believe dating many women is good for you and good for them, and do it, this has moral value. If you believe finding one great woman and staying with her and everything you do is centered on that goal, this has moral value.
2. Professinal value
If you know people who are very good at certain areas, you'll notice this gives them a lot of confidence in everything else. If you're really good at fixing cars, for example, this is something you have, it has value for you and for other people, and it is independent of everything else. Even if your personal life crumbles around you you'll still have this skil. You know this and it makes you confident.
3. Commynity value
Do you actually contribute something to the groups you're part of or are you just a parasite everywhere you go? Being a valuable member of the community gives you a sense of purpose and makes you friends in the same time.
4. Finanscial Value
Kind a cliche, but it matters. If you have little money and have to struggle for every cent, this definitely does not add value to your life.
5. Awareness value
This one is connected with many things. It goes from being aware of the condition of you clothes, to being aware of the way society works. ("Getting it", as DeAngelo would put it) Being aware of what is going on around you gives you a tremendous advantage to the people who are not.
6. Physical value
Looks, physical frame, health and so on. No need to explain, I think.
7. Social value
How far-reaching is your social network of friends, what value do THEY have, how far would they go to help you and so on. I've seen a few good articles on the topic here.
There are many more types of value, but you probably get the idea already.
So, back to the primary topic. Does having value get you laid? Hell no! Because you have to actually communicate it.
For example you can do all sort of things for the people around you, but if people stop paying attention and you keep doing it, you'll just become part of the scenery. You can have lots of money, but if you keep bragging about it, people around you will say "Look at this pathetic guy - he has nothing else to be proud of!". You can be very aware, but if you do not show it, you'll just be the quiet guy in the back. These things, however, are not connected with lack of value itself - they're connected with communication. That's what status is - your perceived value, according to your behaviour.
In the end, people, and especially women, rarely give a **** if you have real value. They're not gonna be with you forever, so even if you can fake it for a reasonable period of time, it's all the same from their point of view.
So, status is not really less important than value. High status will attract friends and girlfriends with high value, you will learn things from them and gain real value in the process.
But it's not that simple as going to a girl and using a "high status" opener. Your body language, voice tone and everything else is always trying to adjust to the way YOU perceive your status, so you have to keep an endless struggle with yourself or give yourself away.
That is why I believe three things are important in social interactions, and especially with dating women. They are independent and complement each other.
1. Having value
2. Believing you have value
3. Communicating value
And the things you have to do are:
1. Gain value
2. Gain confidence
3. Learn communication skills
And what a pure AFC does is:
1. Believes value is something superficial and follows instructions to fake it, instead of developing it.
2. Believes value is some gene-related thing, that he does not have it and never will
3. Tries to fake value, but due to lack of communication skills / bad advice is actually shouting out lod "I'm a complete loser"
I'm saying all this because I think there are many inexperienced people on this site who think dealing with 3 is what dating women is all about. There are smartee ones, who understand 2 is also important. But I believe 1 is what keeps it all consistant. And there are the others who feel they should not "fake things", and totally reject improving on 3. Well, it's all important. So keep reading matherials, practice, and realize that people are not just BS-ing you when they talk about "levels", "meta-communication stuff" and so on. Dating women is not rocket science, but in some ways it is even more complex. That's the most important thing I like about it... well, the second most important.
"Value" are things that increase your prospects as an individual and add quality and meaning to your life and the life of people around you. You can have value in many different forms, and if you really have your life together you can run your life like an investment - recognizing and doing things that add value for you and leaving things that do not. On his "Dating Mastery" program David D asks some questions which are very much concerned with value
1. Moral value ("Big picture" value)
You can either believe that you are doing the right things or sneak around your life, doing things you're not not really sure are all right.
For exemple if you really believe dating many women is good for you and good for them, and do it, this has moral value. If you believe finding one great woman and staying with her and everything you do is centered on that goal, this has moral value.
2. Professinal value
If you know people who are very good at certain areas, you'll notice this gives them a lot of confidence in everything else. If you're really good at fixing cars, for example, this is something you have, it has value for you and for other people, and it is independent of everything else. Even if your personal life crumbles around you you'll still have this skil. You know this and it makes you confident.
3. Commynity value
Do you actually contribute something to the groups you're part of or are you just a parasite everywhere you go? Being a valuable member of the community gives you a sense of purpose and makes you friends in the same time.
4. Finanscial Value
Kind a cliche, but it matters. If you have little money and have to struggle for every cent, this definitely does not add value to your life.
5. Awareness value
This one is connected with many things. It goes from being aware of the condition of you clothes, to being aware of the way society works. ("Getting it", as DeAngelo would put it) Being aware of what is going on around you gives you a tremendous advantage to the people who are not.
6. Physical value
Looks, physical frame, health and so on. No need to explain, I think.
7. Social value
How far-reaching is your social network of friends, what value do THEY have, how far would they go to help you and so on. I've seen a few good articles on the topic here.
There are many more types of value, but you probably get the idea already.
So, back to the primary topic. Does having value get you laid? Hell no! Because you have to actually communicate it.
For example you can do all sort of things for the people around you, but if people stop paying attention and you keep doing it, you'll just become part of the scenery. You can have lots of money, but if you keep bragging about it, people around you will say "Look at this pathetic guy - he has nothing else to be proud of!". You can be very aware, but if you do not show it, you'll just be the quiet guy in the back. These things, however, are not connected with lack of value itself - they're connected with communication. That's what status is - your perceived value, according to your behaviour.
In the end, people, and especially women, rarely give a **** if you have real value. They're not gonna be with you forever, so even if you can fake it for a reasonable period of time, it's all the same from their point of view.
So, status is not really less important than value. High status will attract friends and girlfriends with high value, you will learn things from them and gain real value in the process.
But it's not that simple as going to a girl and using a "high status" opener. Your body language, voice tone and everything else is always trying to adjust to the way YOU perceive your status, so you have to keep an endless struggle with yourself or give yourself away.
That is why I believe three things are important in social interactions, and especially with dating women. They are independent and complement each other.
1. Having value
2. Believing you have value
3. Communicating value
And the things you have to do are:
1. Gain value
2. Gain confidence
3. Learn communication skills
And what a pure AFC does is:
1. Believes value is something superficial and follows instructions to fake it, instead of developing it.
2. Believes value is some gene-related thing, that he does not have it and never will
3. Tries to fake value, but due to lack of communication skills / bad advice is actually shouting out lod "I'm a complete loser"
I'm saying all this because I think there are many inexperienced people on this site who think dealing with 3 is what dating women is all about. There are smartee ones, who understand 2 is also important. But I believe 1 is what keeps it all consistant. And there are the others who feel they should not "fake things", and totally reject improving on 3. Well, it's all important. So keep reading matherials, practice, and realize that people are not just BS-ing you when they talk about "levels", "meta-communication stuff" and so on. Dating women is not rocket science, but in some ways it is even more complex. That's the most important thing I like about it... well, the second most important.
