Value yourself

[Pandora]

I just started realizing how valuable I am. If you are a socially well adjustment man then you are too. Socially well adjusted men are rare. I work with a few young women. They all love hanging out with me. I actually listen to them, I am semi funny and well adjusted. I also have cool friends and we usually go to cool places to eat. It's just a laid back time when they hang with me. One of them would let me smash I know. But the one I am pursuing is on the fence. She is hot and cold. We have hung out alone but her interest is moderate.

I had to ask myself, why do these other 4 girls love hanging out with me and this other girl is flaky? Its 4 against 1. This means that I am objectively fun to hang with. I cant let one weirdo make me think I am not attractive. But we often let this happen.

When I was in my 20's I would have focused on this " hot and cold" girl. This is because I was not sure of my value. Now I KNOW for a fact that my personality is appealing to women. I am a chill guy who takes care of the females around him. I pay for food, make them laugh and make secure plans. This moderate interest girl is actually losing out by not trying to lock me down. I am the prize not her.

This may sound like cope but it is not. Men we have to realize that the game has twisted our brains. Females NEED to be around cool males in order to have to good time. When these girls hang out with themselves it's chaos and boredom. They hang with cool guys and its a blast for them.


This advice does not apply to any man that is a socially akward loser. You are not the prize yet ( but you can be). But if you are a chill secure funny dude that actually listens to people when they talk.....then you are a rare commodity. Dont let these females make you think otherwise.

Often times they are playing you cheap because of internal issues. They are confused, insecure or you are just not their cup of tea. Not everyone has good taste. Its ok. But remember you are the prize.


PS: Just listening to a person makes you in the top 10% of humans. Most people dont actually listen to other people. They are just waiting for their turn to talk. Listening and taking an interest in people is a key component to charisma and seduction. This is what makes interviewers like Joe Rogan so great. He asks the right questions and takes an active interest in the other person. This alone will make women bonded to you.

 

[Willie Naylor]

PS: Just listening to a person makes you in the top 10% of humans. Most people dont actually listen to other people. They are just waiting for their turn to talk. Listening and taking an interest in people is a key component to charisma and seduction. This is what makes interviewers like Joe Rogan so great. He asks the right questions and takes an active interest in the other person. This alone will make women bonded to you.

This is a really good thread. Thanks for sharing.

This part about active listening is so true. It's to the point that, if I'm speaking with someone and they don't really respond to what I'm saying, I end the convo and excuse myself. I take offense to people who just wait for me to stop talking, so they can say what they want to say.

One thing I did in college is post a self-affirmation next to my bathroom mirror. Everytime I got out of the shower, I repeated it in the mirror 10x.

 

[Pandora]

This is a really good thread. Thanks for sharing.

This part about active listening is so true. It's to the point that, if I'm speaking with someone and they don't really respond to what I'm saying, I end the convo and excuse myself. I take offense to people who just wait for me to stop talking, so they can say what they want to say.

One thing I did in college is post a self-affirmation next to my bathroom mirror. Everytime I got out of the shower, I repeated it in the mirror 10x.

Thanks bro. You are 100% right. When people are not actively listening it makes you not even want to keep talking. Another mistake low value men make is talking to dang much. You should listen 80% of the time and talk only 20%. Ask questions. Women (people) love talking about themselves. You can do nothing but ask questions for 1 hr and at the end of that hour that person feels like you are best friends.

 

[Velasco]

Another mistake low value men make is talking to dang much. You should listen 80% of the time and talk only 20%. Ask questions. Women (people) love talking about themselves

Thanks Dale Carnegie

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I just started realizing how valuable I am. If you are a socially well adjustment man then you are too. Socially well adjusted men are rare. I work with a few young women. They all love hanging out with me. I actually listen to them, I am semi funny and well adjusted. I also have cool friends and we usually go to cool places to eat. It's just a laid back time when they hang with me. One of them would let me smash I know. But the one I am pursuing is on the fence. She is hot and cold. We have hung out alone but her interest is moderate.

I had to ask myself, why do these other 4 girls love hanging out with me and this other girl is flaky? Its 4 against 1. This means that I am objectively fun to hang with. I cant let one weirdo make me think I am not attractive. But we often let this happen.

When I was in my 20's I would have focused on this " hot and cold" girl. This is because I was not sure of my value. Now I KNOW for a fact that my personality is appealing to women. I am a chill guy who takes care of the females around him. I pay for food, make them laugh and make secure plans. This moderate interest girl is actually losing out by not trying to lock me down. I am the prize not her.

This may sound like cope but it is not. Men we have to realize that the game has twisted our brains. Females NEED to be around cool males in order to have to good time. When these girls hang out with themselves it's chaos and boredom. They hang with cool guys and its a blast for them.


This advice does not apply to any man that is a socially akward loser. You are not the prize yet ( but you can be). But if you are a chill secure funny dude that actually listens to people when they talk.....then you are a rare commodity. Dont let these females make you think otherwise.

Often times they are playing you cheap because of internal issues. They are confused, insecure or you are just not their cup of tea. Not everyone has good taste. Its ok. But remember you are the prize.


PS: Just listening to a person makes you in the top 10% of humans. Most people dont actually listen to other people. They are just waiting for their turn to talk. Listening and taking an interest in people is a key component to charisma and seduction. This is what makes interviewers like Joe Rogan so great. He asks the right questions and takes an active interest in the other person. This alone will make women bonded to you.

Solid post.

I translate this into: Have an interesting and exciting life of your own and be able to be present when in their company. People will be attracted to that.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Pandora]

Thanks Dale Carnegie

Oh i did not know that Dale Carnegie also said this. I don't even know who Dale Carnegie is. The name sounds familiar though. This means that I am on to something.

 

[Pandora]

Solid post.

I translate this into: Have an interesting and exciting life of your own and be able to be present when in their company. People will be attracted to that.


Modern Man Advice

Yes this is exactly what I am trying to express. Thanks

 

[ubercat]

Seems like this situation could be summed up as provide value to others and that value will be returned.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I have to disagree.

From reading your posting, it appears that your 'worth' is centered and based upon female approval. That which breathes 'life' into you can also take it away.

Don't get me wrong. I'm glad to read that you're doing well. However, I'd caution against measuring your success upon the approval of others. Be hostage to no one.

 

[Pandora]

I agree with some of this, but being in literally the same position you described with many women, I view it as a bad thing. Why? Because you aren't fitting a proper role in their alpha beta dichotomy. It is a sign of the times. 6 years ago you would have been sleeping with at least two of the four women in the group. You would have been a 2006 alpha male with a harem as a reward for being so well socially calibrated and fun. I'm sure you have the foot in the door with all four of them currently but, like in my similar circles, they much prefer the negative downright mean brooding alpha or the beta cuck.

We have discussed the "clownzone" before, as a product of the deteriorating market. The same charisma and sex appeal that would get you disinvited to one of these events for fear that one of the girlfriends would steal you away is now getting you invited as a preening peacock centerpiece of sorts.

To be fair, I might just be projecting lol.

Anyway, overall it is better than having no relationship with the women or sacrificing your dignity for sex. You are not a beta provider, you are respected, and you have your foot in the door. The best thing is that you will meet a ton of other women and get opportunities because your presence gives the women enough status to want to introduce you. But it would be better if you were the douche guys they are going home to at 1am for commitment-free sex, that are often so selfish and obnoxious that the girls dont even bother inviting them out.

I agree. You are correct my brother. But there are many girls that will find you and your lifestyle attractive.They might not be in your city but they do exist. Why do we hang around the ones that dont? We are objectively high value. Being a good, cool funny person is high value and rare. Why do we chase the girls that dont see that. I cant go back to those days.

 

[Pandora]

I have to disagree.

From reading your posting, it appears that your 'worth' is centered and based upon female approval. That which breathes 'life' into you can also take it away.

Don't get me wrong. I'm glad to read that you're doing well. However, I'd caution against measuring your success upon the approval of others. Be hostage to no one.

Yeh i agree. Humans can never 100% be totally free of the approval of others. If we were totally immune to approval we would be walking around the street naked. I am just more balanced than I used to be. I am a work in progress like everyone else.

These girls just reminded me that I am rare. I spent too much of my life chasing girls that didnt recognize this. I would overlook the 50 girls that thought I was amazing and I would end up in the friendzone with that one hot girl who was playing me cheap. This was because I didnt truly know my worth.

 

[Pandora]

Women hardly ever validate you as a man. This makes it difficult to recognize that you are valuable. You have to validate yourself. For example very few women will tell you that you are handsome ( even if you are). A 7/10 man can go a whole year without being complimented on his looks. The only way he will get a hint that he is handsome is either an older lady tells him or a crazy borderline slut with no pride tells him.

So guys walk around not knowing that they are handsome. Most guys dont really have an accurate gauge on their value. Women like to keep it this way in order to keep the balance of power in their favor.

 

[Pandora]

Seems like this situation could be summed up as provide value to others and that value will be returned.

I would also add to avoid those that dont see the value that you provide. This is the case for many women. They dont see the value ( or act like they dont) see the value in a good cool guy. Chasing that type of person means that you truly dont value yourself. If a girl has moderate interest in you then it is actually her loss.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I agree. You are correct my brother. But there are many girls that will find you and your lifestyle attractive.They might not be in your city but they do exist. Why do we hang around the ones that dont? We are objectively high value. Being a good, cool funny person is high value and rare. Why do we chase the girls that dont see that. I cant go back to those days.

Chase the girls who don't see that in you because you do not value yourself. They will be happy to devalue you through association.

 

[ubercat]

Haha because man has always been drawn to challenges and lost causes. Just don't become your own lost cause.

Relying on external validation is a boneyard for men. Base your esteem on work ethic, learner mindset and resilience NOT outcomes.

IF by Rudyard Kipling
(‘Brother Square-Toes’—Rewards and Fairies)

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son

 

[BadBoy89]

- I just started realizing how valuable I am.
- I work with a few young women.
- They all love hanging out with me.
- One of them would let me smash I know.
. Now I KNOW for a fact that my personality is appealing to women.
- make them laugh and make secure plans.

- I pay for food

Do you think the females would want to hang out with you, love you, touch you, and have sex with you if you didn't pay for food?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Do you think the females would want to hang out with you, love you, touch you, and have sex with you if you didn't pay for food?

If he has self worth and self respect he will realize that some would. If he's a pessimist and low worth he will think the man "always pays".

 

[Bokanovsky]

Now I KNOW for a fact that my personality is appealing to women. I am a chill guy who takes care of the females around him. I pay for food, make them laugh and make secure plans. This moderate interest girl is actually losing out by not trying to lock me down. I am the prize not her.

This may sound like cope but it is not. Men we have to realize that the game has twisted our brains. Females NEED to be around cool males in order to have to good time. When these girls hang out with themselves it's chaos and boredom. They hang with cool guys and its a blast for them.

Remove the bolded part from the equation if you want to know whether you are truly a "cool" guy that women like to hang out with due to his personality.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

You are progressing to a place where you can embody the poem “IF” by Kipling. It is wonderful to be in a place within yourself where you can go anywhere, interact appropriately with anyone and enjoy life in the truest sense of the word “enjoy”, which is to create or embody joy. That sort of person is a delight to themselves and to others.

One thing I learned to be comfortable with years ago is going out to dinner alone. Originally this was borne of necessity due to frequent business travel but I have come to really enjoy the opportunity such outings present. Sometimes you make a friend, sometimes you offer a kind ear, sometimes you are entertaining or entertained. It’s a way to enjoy a moment, often with strangers you may never see again…but such people are so rare that they are memorable. Before COVID began I was in NYC. I hadn’t been to Union Square Cafe in a few years. There was one seat at the bar. The barkeep was the same man who had once educated myself and another diner about various scotches (I hate scotch but my then husband loved it.). They had an amazing Oban library and also had malmsey which is an unusual libation. The barkeep remembered me. He recalled that I drink malmsey. I was impressed. So were the people seated next to me. So it was on to another wonderful evening chatting about whatever, listening to and sharing with one another. I have found over the years that I am memorable. People remember me. It’s surprising. But I engage and I listen. Few people do….

I always go to popular high end places such as Union Square Cafe in NYC or Charlie Trotters in Chicago when it was open…any of the Maestro restaurants out west…upscale places with a lively bar scene full of upscale people. I did this last night in my locale while my guy worked on a software build that is due before year end. Met a fun couple of work colleagues who were a blast to banter with.

I had a great dinner and some great wine & had a fun story to tell my man when he got home.

When you become comfortable and internally happy with yourself you become good company…for yourself & for others. And you gain a serene outlook that other people covet, and on occasion, understand.

Good for you
Cheers

 

[Gedmun]

Oh i did not know that Dale Carnegie also said this. I don't even know who Dale Carnegie is. The name sounds familiar though. This means that I am on to something.

How to win friends and influence people... Its a old book but still true to this day