Valentine's Day: I Am In Total Shock...

[MVPlaya]

I don't know what your Valentine's Day has been like but mine has been the scariest I could imagine. I'm still in shock as I'm typing this. I thought today was going to be just another Valentine's Day. I was going to have brunch with my family, go for a mini-Valentine's Day date with a girl I'd known for a while, and then probably hook up with my friends for a small party, just the 12 of us. Well... brunch with my family was as expected. We exchanged gifts, had something to eat in Cal, I then parted. But the date shocked the hell out of me:

I went home after brunch, watched TV, freshed myself up and then left to meet my date. Keep in mind, I've known this girl for about half a year. She was in one of my econ classes at the start of the year, we talked, she was cute and I knew she was attracted to me. But I never took it a step further. Since then, we've talked to each other fairly often and I've run into her at the Student Halls or libraries before classes as I'm finishing up my homework, I'm pretty sure she wasn't there "by coincidence," even though I thought she was cute, I never took it any step further because I wasn't looking for a relationship and she was, she's the more conservative type. So I was nice, I talked to her, but nothing ever happened between us, nonetheless, I knew she was definitely attracted to me (had a crush on me) based on the way she'd look at me. Well, Valentine's Day I received a rose (well, three), but one of them was from her, a red rose with gold-tipped petals and a letter saying:

-----------------------------------------

Happy Valentine's Day [MVP]

From A Very Special Admirer
XXX

-----------------------------------------

[Btw., the "XXX" was just "XXX," not a name or anything]

Well, she called me at the end of the day, she had my number from group projects we did last semester, and she asked if I got her rose "you know, the gold tipped one," I was pretty shocked/surprised and I said "yeah, that was you?" "Of course, cutie" she said and we talked for a minute, after a minute she said she "would really love to see you this Saturday."So I agreed, I hadn't really planned on any particular date this Valentine and I was up for a low-key "date."

Fast Forward to a couple hours ago...

We met at a restaurant, it was packed but she had reservations and we ate on the patio. We talked, we had a great conversation but I was definitely uncomfortable because she seemed very into me, she didn't say anything major or show it strongly externally, but she seemed extremely interested in me and I felt she was very attracted to me and was trying not to show it and play it cool. After we finished eating she offered to pay, I said I'd pay but she insisted. politely, saying she "really really want[ed] to pay for it." She then insisted we went to a park but I said I had plans scheduled, there was almost a desperate look in her eyes and she asked me to please come with her. So I did, at this point I was getting pretty damn worried what was going to happen. Well, once we were in the park, after we talked for a while, she started talking to me about the future, where I saw myself being, she then made some ambiguous references to seeing me in the future with her. Then she proposed to me...

 

[legolas]

Uhoh!!!

Damn man!!!

That really, really, really sucks.

So did you say yes? Or is this whole thing some kind of a bad Valentine's joke on your part

 

[Evil-Rom]

Originally posted by MVPlaya
Then she proposed to me...

OUCH!

 

[Wubbman]

How did you let her down? Did she have a ring or something? That's some heavy ****.

 

[MVPlaya]

No, its no joke. And yes she did have a ring. I was speechless for what seemed like forever, but I told her I couldn't marry her though.

 

[Wubbman]

Damn. What did she do? I would have died.

 

[MVPlaya]

She broke down in tears. Dog, I've had neardeath experiences and none of them were as scary as that moment. When I had my neardeath experiences I was able to keep my cool and my wits about me (hence near death not total death), but here I was completely speechless and in absolute shock, more than I think I've ever been. But she was definitely heartbroken. I feel completely disoriented...

 

[Wubbman]

Damn man. That's crazy.

 

[SDBmania]

Wow. I don't see how this is really scary, I would be really flattered if I girl proposed to me. However, you made the right decition. I mean, did she think you were in love with her or something? It sure didn't seem like you guys really dated and all. I would have made the same decition, because it does seem a little to fast. I mean, if I had a LTR and my GF proposed to me that's one thing. But, a woman that your really just friends with, that's another story. I've only had 1 girl ask me out before and another ask if I wanted to have sex. This was in high school and I rejected both. In hindsight, maybe not the best move for me, but I have never been in your situation. So, like did she really think you both were in love? I mean you two really never dated did you?

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Hot diggity d@mn.

I saw something coming (and I'm sure it was evident to you as well) because she was putting waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much effort into this date. I know AFC men who wouldn't go that far.

Best way I could think to handle this (barring the shock factor because I'm not even going to pretend that wouldn't phase me) is to respond," Perhaps after we've been dating for a while. Mean-time I can't speak for you, but I'm not ready to settle down yet, and I think it would be doing both of us a disservice if I acquiesced and rushed into this so early on in our respective lives."

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

MVPlaya,

I was wondering what the shock was until I read the last sentence - way to captivate your audience I was shocked, and I wasn't the one being proposed to! My heart actually dropped along with my chin!!!

What other answer could she expect from you...why didn't she just tell you that she liked you and go from there? She is a little strange if you ask me, no? And to break down in tears? This is a fairly bold move on a woman's part, let alone one you rarely see!

 

[MVPlaya]

To give you guys a little background. I met this chick at the start of the schoolyear in my econ class, we were part of a group of 6 students for group projects so she got my number. She was pretty cute, definitely used to attention from guys, but she was fairly old-fashioned and rebuffed most of them. I knew that she took a liking into me based on our daily interactions but I never took it too seriously. I actually respected her a lot, and so do plenty of other guys & girls, because she is really the type of girl who doesn't get fazed by things, I liked her, she was independent, free-spirited, and a practical-minded (conservative) girl. She made some passes to me but I rebuffed them cause she was looking for more than I was willing to give at the time. Well, for the rest of the semester she showed up at places where I would show up, parties, libraries, student halls, and we'd have some friendly talk. We spoke a lot for the past several months and I knew she was attracted to me, but I never took it that serious, because I've had a couple admirers and usually its not that huge. Well, I've never dated her, kissed her, or anything else but she's become fairly infatuated.



CDB, what happened was after she proposed, then got on a knee and brought forth a ring I was in total shock for 30 or something seconds. No matter how hard I tried my lips wouldn't move and no matter how hard I thought no words would come to mind. But then I said to her "___, you're a great girl and I admire you a lot for your character, but I'm in no way at a point in my life where I can say that I'm ready for anything as important as marriage, and for us to thrust aside all our current plans for marriage would be more harmful than helpful. You're a great girl, but I'm truly not ready for that and don't think either of us are. We don't even know each other that well... ... ...I wish you the best of luck." At this point she started welling up and was trying to hold it inside her and I did not know what to do, so I told her goodbye as I placed my hand on her shoulder and then left. Then she broke down. I feel confused and horrible...

 

[Czar]

So you just turned your back and walked away? The whole thing is just... wow.

But I've got to say you handled it pretty well.. better than I would have anyway.

Nice storytelling btw, I thought she was going to have some people jump you and take your organs or something..

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Before I respond seriously, I just wanted to adress PRL in the strictest sarcasm...

You mean women aren't the stone-faced emotional juggernauts that I've always known them to be? Crying? Who would've ever suspected???...


Well, now that I've scratched that reocurring itch..

Yeah, I suspected the shock alone would have a stupefying effect. I have to say you handled it with exceptional class considering the circumstances and I truly commend you for it. I guess by then she'd been nursing this crush probably before that econ project and I'll bet you a bottle of Cuervo to a cohiba she'd been planning this little encounter for a while with the romantic holiday of valentine's day providing the perfect coup d' grace of her amorous intentions.

What I'm worried about here is that old saying about love having no fury like a woman scorned. She's already demonstrated the temperment and single-mindedness to withhold her intentions/emotions and carry through with a resolute course of action. We have here someone with all the qualifications for a helluva stalker. She's probably been fuelled by some very strong insecurities and I'm just worried about whether or not she's a danger to herself or you.

Naturally going out with her again is a very limitted possibility, but perhaps its worth exploring how she's handling such a collosal rejection. She basically bet all her savings on a losing horse and people naturally tend towards bad and wreckless reactions to such devastion. Better to hedge your bets just in case rather than totally alienate her and risk a reaction.

Best of luck brother, and let us know how this situation turns out.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[JustDoItAlways]

What number would Doc Love give for her Interest Level? LOL.

What would Doc say you should do now?

- either, hang onto her for awhile and see what happens. High IL girls are the best.

- or, first actual date and she proposes with a ring and everything? She has got to be a total nutjob.

 

[Trapspringer]

So have you changed your name and address yet or are you waiting for Monday?


I would have answered "yes" then immediately said "psche!" and started laughing uncontrollably as she watched.

Seriously, women who began to speak of marriage only after even a couple of months of dating sort of turn me off so this girl would have probably really looked weird in my eyes.

 

[Cremasta]

Please tell me you were going to wait until you got about 3 pages of shocked responses then you were going to write

"Yeah, but then I woke up HA HA HA Sucked in fellas!"

 

[cactus3178]

"Nice storytelling btw, I thought she was going to have some people jump you and take your organs or something.."

LMAO. Me too.

IMO, I don't think you should have left so quickly, bud. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but going to all the trouble that she went to, and giving you a ring/proposing takes serious balls. Not to mention planning.

Especially for a girl.
Like somebody mentioned above, I'd be flattered as hell if a girl proposed to me. Anyhow, if your interested (in seeing her, not marrying her ), maybe try it out and see where it goes. If not.....there must be a way to ease the pressure on the whole situation.

She must be fairly heartbroken. I mean, it's way too much, way too soon.....but still....you gotta admire that kind of risk taking.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by CyranoDeBergerac
Before I respond seriously, I just wanted to adress PRL in the strictest sarcasm...

You mean women aren't the stone-faced emotional juggernauts that I've always known them to be? Crying? Who would've ever suspected???...

Well, now that I've scratched that reocurring itch..

Cyrano, I think you missed the whole point of his story and the underlying point to my response...she had nothing to cry about because there was absolutely no foundation or reason for her to cry. What expectations did she have, that MVP was going to say yes? Why? There was nothing to support this conclusion. This is why MVP was in "'TOTAL SHOCK". And all the men here were in agreement to his normal reaction!

For her to cry for expecting anything other than a 'no', tells you that something is psychologically and emotionally wrong with her. They never held hands or kissed - they never dated!!! What women would do something like this except a psychotic! Men wouldn't even have the balls to do this. OK, maybe a total chump.

It just doesn't make sense! The only rationale for this is that MVP 'made up' the whole story!

You should go see a doctor about that itch, and determine what ho gave it to you!

 

[Trapspringer]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
.It just doesn't make sense! The only rationale for this is that MVP 'made up' the whole story!

I seriously suspected this but sometimes you just have to give the benefit of the doubt. I don't know why I am doing it in this case but oh well.