"vacation rule"

[marlboro]

Hi fellas,

This is my first post, been getting the tips of the day for a while but my current situation has moved me to post. I'm 25 and in England.

First of all the stuff I have read is great. I've been involved with three gorgeous girls in the last few months.

The one I am with now, and have been with for four months is the hottest of the lot. When I first met her she said that she would be happy to be in a relationship with me, but that she wanted a "vacation" rule i.e. she could do what she wanted with who she wanted when she was away on vacation, and I could do the same. This bothered me a little but I agreed. She went away to Spain with friends last week and returns next week, and I've been losing sleep thinking about what she is getting up to. I don't want to lose her, so I should act like this thing doesn't bother me? Or talk to her. She's only 18 so I don't want her to feel like I'm cutting out her freedom. Hope I'm not sounding like too much of a wuss! Any advice guys?

Thanks.

 

[RedPill]

At 25 you do not need to be in a monogamous realtionship, especially with an 18 year old. Women tend to be highly immature at that age. You obviously aren't exclusive with her, as the vacation rule indicates. While she's gone on vacation you are sitting there thinking about her. Do you think she's thinking about you as she's swallowing strange cawk she hooked up with at some bar?

Go bang other chicks (you don't have to drop her), and don't enter some little 18 year old's reality. She lives in your world, not you in hers. And also, it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to do a ton of reading around here. You'll learn a lot, trust me.

 

[tryin 2 play]

Personally, I couldn't take a girl like this seriously. She obviously will sleep with other guys while on vacation. Do you really want a girl like this? Are yo willing to share her with some other random dude? Possibly catch an STD? I dont care how hot she is, she wouldnt be my girlfriend, just a girl I would fvck from time to time. The question is can you really handle this? It doesn't seem so judging as how you are losing sleep over it. She is obviously not THAT into you.

But hey, at least she's honest, unlike most 18 year olds!

 

[marlboro]

I think its gonna take a lot for me to want to end the relationship though. I do get the feeling that something's not right which is obviously why I posted. I'm planning to do some serious reading from this forum anyway, havent read the DJ bible yet, maybe my point of view will change after that.

 

[Hitman10000]

At 25 you do not need to be in a monogamous realtionship, especially with an 18 year old. Women tend to be highly immature at that age. You obviously aren't exclusive with her, as the vacation rule indicates. While she's gone on vacation you are sitting there thinking about her. Do you think she's thinking about you as she's swallowing strange cawk she hooked up with at some bar?

Go bang other chicks (you don't have to drop her), and don't enter some little 18 year old's reality. She lives in your world, not you in hers. And also, it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to do a ton of reading around here. You'll learn a lot, trust me.

I agree with with RedPill suggests.

Never ever get serious with a girl under 21, and never even consider marriage with even your first girlfriend. You must have at about 3 relationships with girls that have lasted about 3 months or more before you even consider marriage with another girl. Listen to your elders bros, they will guide you to the right direction. It also sounds like you may have a mild to moderate case of oneitis, which is usually an indication that you don't have much of a life elsewhere besides having a girl and recommend you find a solution for that on your own ways.

 

[flexion_]

I think the "vacation rule" was just her way of making herself not feel slutty asking for a non-exclusive relationship.

I'd just treat it as such being - the vacation rule is really all the time and just go from there.

 

[marlboro]

She's not my first girlfriend, I'd say she is my third serious relationship.

As for "oneitis", not sure what that means, I guess you're saying that I'm thinking like she's the only woman out there for me?

Anyway she gets back Friday, anyone have any thoughts on whether or not I should ask her about who she met on holiday?

I went away for a weekend last month, and she said she would definitiely be asking about it when I got back. I didn't want to have that conversation so I didnt go with anyone. She did ask and I was able to say that I didnt do anything, so that was that, no regrets to be honest.

 

[Hawke]

If you feel you can handle the idea of her being with other guys while she was away, then sure ask her what she got upto, who she met. Not sure if i could do that though... well i'd want to know, but experience has told me that knowing never is really a good idea.

Main reason why if i was in your place i'd have definately distanced myself from her in my mind after she mentioned that rule. If you care for her and she has done something, then there's that chance it can play with your mind... and no girl is worth that.

 

[marlboro]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I don't think I will ask her when she gets back, dont think I really want to know!

When she first mentioned the rule months ago I did think to myself that she wasn't for me and spoke to friends a lot about getting rid of her. But as time went by I think we grew to like each other. When I questioned the rule she said that she didn't plan to sleep with everyone she met, she just didn't know what might happen when she was drunk, and this being the first time she has been away without her parents she wanted to be able to explore.

Anyway I guess I feel its nice having someone to spend time with, have sex with and telling you that they love you, etc. If we stay together I might have to have a chat with her about this crazy rule!

 

[Hawke]

That whole exploring excuse i get a little sick and tired of hearing these days.

Call me old fashioned, but if you wish to explore, then DON'T get with someone. And if you do wish to explore why not do so with the person your with if you want to be with them... anyone care to explain to me why these days people seem to prefer exploring with strangers rather than the person they are with?

Marlboro, i sort of know how you feel. There was a girl i knew a short while back, we kind of were together, nothing serious. I was seeing other people and she got upto a couple of things... main reason why at that time i wanted to distance myself from her. I stupidly fell for her though as time went on, instead of walking away.

Just watch out, the girl your with sounds like the kind who could serisouly mess with your mind if your not on your toes. God knows i wish i had walked away all those months ago... wouldn't be here now if i did.

 

[Phoenix_of_the_ashes]

Well if I were you then **** some girls while shes gone. I can definetely see the advantages of such an agreement but you seem like you dont really like it.

In any cse you should both get STD tested after you get back together.

 

[Scrumtulescence]

When I first met her she said that she would be happy to be in a relationship with me, but that she wanted a "vacation" rule i.e. she could do what she wanted with who she wanted when she was away on vacation, and I could do the same.

dude...gimme a break.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Are you getting what you want out of this relationship?

The simple fact that you're on here looking for advice leads me to believe you aren't.

The vacation excuse has to be the lamest thing I've ever heard. I would have broken it off with her right then and there.

Let's pull back and look at the big picture without adding your "emotional involvment" to the equation.

What she was really saying with this rule is that she thinks you're ok but is setting herself up to be "no strings attached" the second the bigger better deal comes along; and that she is free to come back to you whenever she feels she needs to.

Any girl who was really into you would want you all to herself and would never spit out such a rediculous rule.

The number one problem with her is her age... that's it. She needs to get out and explore and experience. We all do.

I'd tell her to take a hike, because she is seriously disrespecting you wether you want to admit it, or not.


and on another note.... it's chicks like this who spread STDs. She could come back with herpes or something but be unaware until after you've fvcked her again, since it can take a few weeks for symptoms to develop and she could have been with a few different guys in that time..... Young chicks are dumb and naive.

 

[Phoenix_of_the_ashes]

I dont get why everyone here is bashing on this girl when its obviously the thread starter who is acting immature.

I guess what they have is what we could call a restricted open relationship, its open within certain limits, i.e. vacation.

It gives the same rights to both members and it works for the girl, so it can also work for the guy. That doesnt mean that it has to work for the guy and if it doesnt then its his responsability to either negotiate new terms or end it.

I dont see where you people see this girl as "immature" or the vaction rule as an "excuse". Its quite honest and open actually and its fair. Isnt she doing something that you DJ people actually encourage in new people here? Dedicate yourself as little as possible to one relationship?

Immature would be if the girl hadnt openly requested this meccanism, then she would simply be cheating.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

I dont get why everyone here is bashing on this girl when its obviously the thread starter who is acting immature.

I guess what they have is what we could call a restricted open relationship, its open within certain limits, i.e. vacation.

It gives the same rights to both members and it works for the girl, so it can also work for the guy. That doesnt mean that it has to work for the guy and if it doesnt then its his responsability to either negotiate new terms or end it.

I dont see where you people see this girl as "immature" or the vaction rule as an "excuse". Its quite honest and open actually and its fair. Isnt she doing something that you DJ people actually encourage in new people here? Dedicate yourself as little as possible to one relationship?

Immature would be if the girl hadnt openly requested this meccanism, then she would simply be cheating.

I agree.

The problem is with him for putting up with it when obviously he isn't totally happy with the deal.

The girl is being honest but she is immature in thinking she can have a guy but also mess around whenever she sees it as "appropriate". She would be best to just be single and have her fun, instead of dragging some guy into this scenario; but it is his fault for putting up with it.

 

[Phoenix_of_the_ashes]

The girl is being honest but she is immature in thinking she can have a guy but also mess around whenever she sees it as "appropriate". She would be best to just be single and have her fun, instead of dragging some guy into this scenario; but it is his fault for putting up with it.

I dont think its immature, she obviously has a reason why she wants this relationship, who says its bad to divide love and sex in a relationship? I dont consider her "dragging" this guy into this situation either, she played with open cards and he consented, its 100% his fault.

 

[cordoncordon]

Have you talked to her on the phone since shes been gone on vacation?

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

I dont think its immature, she obviously has a reason why she wants this relationship, who says its bad to divide love and sex in a relationship? I dont consider her "dragging" this guy into this situation either, she played with open cards and he consented, its 100% his fault.

yeah I see where you're coming from.

It is his fault if he is putting up with it. I guess it depends on the context of their relationship. If it was purely physical then she is totally in the right for being up front and honest but if they have a real "ltr" type of thing going on, I really feel she's being a little unfair to him, if he wants exclusivity.... but as you said, it's his fault for accepting the terms and she was honest about what she wants.

You brought a great perspective to this; one that i didn't see right away.

 

[Phoenix_of_the_ashes]

You brought a great perspective to this; one that i didn't see right away.

Thats the cool thing about da interweb.

 

[Hawke]

I dont think its immature, she obviously has a reason why she wants this relationship, who says its bad to divide love and sex in a relationship? I dont consider her "dragging" this guy into this situation either, she played with open cards and he consented, its 100% his fault.

Great insights that you have, this is one of the great things i find with forums, the new points of view you can gain. I'm interested to hear your views on dividing love and sex in a relationship though, and why you might consider it good and bad. If your ok with saying that is.