V-Day dilemma -- Women's opinions welcome

[Bonhomme]

Since this is about how to handle an inevitable breakup so as to be as kind to the gal I'm breaking up with, further complicated by Valentine's Day, women's perspectives would be most welcome.

OK, here's what's up: I'm going out with this one gal who's really not right for me, but still quite into me. I'll call her Jane, for the sake of clarity. On a -10 (totally repulsed) to 10 (totally crazy about the person), with 0 being the minimum for fvckability scale of interest level, I'd say her interest in me is about a solid 5 (70-80% on the less appropriate 0-100 scale); my interest in her has dropped to about 1 (just over 50% on the 0-100 scale): just turned on enough to be with her. She's already brought up V-Day, so I know she has some expectations.

We're just not compatible enough (in bed and out), nor is there enough chemistry for this to be a long-term thing, unless there were no better options. I know the relationship is doomed, but Jane's been good to me, so I want to LJBF her as kindly as is humanly possible. She's a good person, and I do want to remain friendly with her. Things have cooled down a bit, and I'm starting to act more like a friend. I think she can sense that.

Now Valentine's Day is coming up, and last night at a party I ran into a gal I met once before (I'll call her Kate) and we had a marvelous conversation and got pretty into it: lots of hand massage and kino when we were talking, ended up leaving at the same time, and had a very hot makeout session out in front of the house that left us speechless. Magic. I'm totally confident this will lead to something marvelous. It was one of those encounters that happens only a few times in a lifetime.

So what are your thoughts? LJBF Jane now, as much in advance of V-Day as I can? The closer it gets, the tougher it would be on her. If I'm straight about it, and just tell her she's a great gal, but we're just not compatible enough, it will hurt her a bit, but to do otherwise would be living a lie.

Or should I stick it out with Jane without getting too into it with her, give her a good -- but not too good -- V-Day, and LJBF her afterward, when the timing's not so bad?

And then there's the matter of how to handle Kate. It should be too early on for V-Day to be an issue, but last night was hot enough that it could be. Whatever I do, I don't want to toss this one away by doing something foolish. If I explain the whole thing straight off, she should understand if she's a halfway reasonable person. But again, there should be no need to, unless she brings up V-Day.

If it weren't for Valentine's Day coming right up this would be an absolute no-brainer.

Thoughts?

 

[Bonhomme]

Bumped for more input

Also stumped?

 

[DJDamage]

what are your thoughts? LJBF Jane now, as much in advance of V-Day as I can? The closer it gets, the tougher it would be on her. If I'm straight about it, and just tell her she's a great gal, but we're just not compatible enough, it will hurt her a bit, but to do otherwise would be living a lie.

Do this now, the closer it gets to V-day the less likely she would want to stay your friend. As well if you "fake it" and give her a so and so V-Day it will backfire as well. Do this as soon as possible. Never dump someone right before the holidays or right after, however you were just dating her and not committed to her, so the blow should be softer.

And then there's the matter of how to handle Kate. It should be too early on for V-Day to be an issue, but last night was hot enough that it could be. Whatever I do, I don't want to toss this one away by doing something foolish. If I explain the whole thing straight off, she should understand if she's a halfway reasonable person. But again, there should be no need to, unless she brings up V-Day.

You only met her once and had a good make out session and now you owe her something special because its a damn holiday??! Don't explain nothing, if you want to have a date on V-day do so, if not then don't (if you do make sure she knows its just a date like anyother day of the week so don't do anything "extra special" you don't owe it to her).

Never mention the women you date to other women you want to date.

 

[squirrels]

Do whatever the hell you feel like doing and don't let some stupid corporate holiday engineered to sell greeting cards and jewelry dictate how you run your life.

I know you don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't see where it benefits either of you for you to PRETEND just to make it through Hallmark Day. If she has any intuition at all, she knows SOMETHING is wrong.

 

[Bonhomme]

Moot point?

Update: I called "Jane" last evening, planning to respectfully LJBF her, and got her voice mail. I left a plain message, and she hasn't called back yet. So I'll just leave the ball in her court, and if she doesn't volley it back, problem solved.

The more I thought of it, the more it made sense to just come clean with Jane and be done with it. She may be feeling the same thing now, and not be eager to call to let me go. Fine.

Thanks for the responses, guys. Your advice made perfect sense.

My main concern with "Kate" was not one of obligation -- which would be ridiculous so early on -- but one of keeping my cool vibe intact, which is not as easy to maintain when there is mental clutter.