I-am-someone
Senior Don Juan
Recently, I've been accused very heavily by my environment and a certain girl of using her. This girl happens to be my ex-girlfriend.
We broke up, while still living in the same house. She turns out to call in sick to work every day of the week, because she's getting unexplained bruises, is very pale, very tired, has headaches, faints, has random nosebleeds, tingling feeling in her arms and legs and has constant abdominal pains.
Last week, she ran into my room and told me she couldn't keep on living in the same house, because she still loves me. I told her I loved her as well (I do have serious feelings for this girl) but that I was very afraid of starting a relationship with her again. We had sex a few times, first time was good, second time was okay, but the third time she just totally turned me off with some stupid comment about massaging her with baby-oil.
So, as she turned me off, I told her I still had doubts and that I wanted to see other women as well (while I was in her pants already). She totally freaked out on me (duhh) and said she felt used. Somehow, she had gotten the misconception that when I said I was very afraid of starting a relationship with her again, that that actually meant that we already had a relationship again.
After that, I suggested we have an open relationship (you both get to have sex with others). She says no to that, and suggests we become fvckbuddies. I agree to that. We have sex, and we just went our seporate ways.
That same night, she tells me she's going back to Amsterdam and will meet up with some guy she met there, that appears to be interested in her. I start feeling slightly insecure about my decision, but I stick to it. She sends me a text message that night that she didn't do anything with the guy, because of me.
The next night, she calls me up and asks why I don't want to be with her. I've pretty much had enough of this emotional rollercoaster, and I decide to let her go and tell her I don't want her anymore. She's totally hurt, and tells me she's going to call this guy from the hotel. I tell her, sure, go right ahead, do that. I feel totally messed up after the conversation because I had to control my emotions so much that I actually hurt myself, but it was needed so I could break up with her.
So, I walked around the city for a few hours, trying to set my mind at ease from all the emotions I've had to endure. When I come home, she suddenly sends me a text message with: "That was good" ... With that, she ofcourse implies that she had sex with this guy she called up.
My emotions suddenly switch around. Everything I ever felt for this girl turns into hate. I get totally pissed, slam a hole through one of the walls in my room and scratch "WH0RE" into the door of her bedroom. I decide to let her go and just hate her guts out. I seriously felt used at that moment.
I felt like taking a long knife with a lot of sharp things on the edges and to plunge it into her body. I hoped she was going to die from her ilness. I felt like calling her parents, and telling her everything that she had done, and everything I knew about their relationship. I know things that will throw all of their lives out of balance so much that it can and will in fact destroy the happiness of three people in one blow.
I didn't do any of these things. I know how to control myself to that extent.
I came home after work today... and I expected her to be away in Amsterdam. So, I go into her room to feed the cat, and I see her sitting there, getting a neck-rub from one of my best friends who's been staying at our house this week because he has to work at a school near our house (he intends to go to a massage school). I go back downstairs, talk to some other people and then decide to go back upstairs. I tell her everything about how I feel. I yell at her, scream at her, I psychologically suggest things to bring down her self-esteem and self-worth and I tell her what kind of an evil b1tch she really is, right in front of that best friend.
She then tells me that she didn't actually sleep with the guy. She just sent the message to make me feel the way she feels.
I tell her I don't ever want to talk to her again.
After that, I decide to go away, get my things and go sleep at my parents house because otherwise I'll kill her. Before I leave, I start talking to another girl that lives at our house and she wants to hear the whole story from my side. So, I talk with her, flirt with her (She's always fun to flirt with, but we both know we're not in it for anything other than the flirting). Then, suddenly, my ex-girlfriend walks into the room. I keep my promise at first, and don't say a word to her while talking to this other girl. I crack jokes like I always do, and they both laugh. I play with their imagination and wrap them both around my fingers like I always do, without even intending to. After a while, we get comfortable talking again, and it's "okay". However, my ex-girlfriend tells me she wants to talk again. At first I ignore her, but I realize that if we're going to live in the same house, there's no avoiding it. So, we sit down, and she basically asks me if I just don't value her enough to be in a monogamous relationship with her. I don't say anything, which to her pretty much means that I don't.
I'm not saying I don't want a relationship with this girl, but I'm saying that I also want to be able to see other women. I'm being deadhonest with her, but she's not willing to accept my honesty and is hurt by it. She tells me she feels used. I tell her I felt used by her during the relationship.
This is so emotionally and mentally draining that I just don't have the energy or the confidence to meet new women. Right now I have a big shield around me that just yells out "STAY AWAY!"
In conclusion, I'm in a position where I'm stuck. This girl is most likely going to get feelings for me again, and will then remain hurt. Either way, we will both end up getting hurt again in the future. This situation sucks ass, and I honestly don't have the knowledge nor the experience to turn this situation around into something I can live with.
We broke up, while still living in the same house. She turns out to call in sick to work every day of the week, because she's getting unexplained bruises, is very pale, very tired, has headaches, faints, has random nosebleeds, tingling feeling in her arms and legs and has constant abdominal pains.
Last week, she ran into my room and told me she couldn't keep on living in the same house, because she still loves me. I told her I loved her as well (I do have serious feelings for this girl) but that I was very afraid of starting a relationship with her again. We had sex a few times, first time was good, second time was okay, but the third time she just totally turned me off with some stupid comment about massaging her with baby-oil.
So, as she turned me off, I told her I still had doubts and that I wanted to see other women as well (while I was in her pants already). She totally freaked out on me (duhh) and said she felt used. Somehow, she had gotten the misconception that when I said I was very afraid of starting a relationship with her again, that that actually meant that we already had a relationship again.
After that, I suggested we have an open relationship (you both get to have sex with others). She says no to that, and suggests we become fvckbuddies. I agree to that. We have sex, and we just went our seporate ways.
That same night, she tells me she's going back to Amsterdam and will meet up with some guy she met there, that appears to be interested in her. I start feeling slightly insecure about my decision, but I stick to it. She sends me a text message that night that she didn't do anything with the guy, because of me.
The next night, she calls me up and asks why I don't want to be with her. I've pretty much had enough of this emotional rollercoaster, and I decide to let her go and tell her I don't want her anymore. She's totally hurt, and tells me she's going to call this guy from the hotel. I tell her, sure, go right ahead, do that. I feel totally messed up after the conversation because I had to control my emotions so much that I actually hurt myself, but it was needed so I could break up with her.
So, I walked around the city for a few hours, trying to set my mind at ease from all the emotions I've had to endure. When I come home, she suddenly sends me a text message with: "That was good" ... With that, she ofcourse implies that she had sex with this guy she called up.
My emotions suddenly switch around. Everything I ever felt for this girl turns into hate. I get totally pissed, slam a hole through one of the walls in my room and scratch "WH0RE" into the door of her bedroom. I decide to let her go and just hate her guts out. I seriously felt used at that moment.
I felt like taking a long knife with a lot of sharp things on the edges and to plunge it into her body. I hoped she was going to die from her ilness. I felt like calling her parents, and telling her everything that she had done, and everything I knew about their relationship. I know things that will throw all of their lives out of balance so much that it can and will in fact destroy the happiness of three people in one blow.
I didn't do any of these things. I know how to control myself to that extent.
I came home after work today... and I expected her to be away in Amsterdam. So, I go into her room to feed the cat, and I see her sitting there, getting a neck-rub from one of my best friends who's been staying at our house this week because he has to work at a school near our house (he intends to go to a massage school). I go back downstairs, talk to some other people and then decide to go back upstairs. I tell her everything about how I feel. I yell at her, scream at her, I psychologically suggest things to bring down her self-esteem and self-worth and I tell her what kind of an evil b1tch she really is, right in front of that best friend.
She then tells me that she didn't actually sleep with the guy. She just sent the message to make me feel the way she feels.
I tell her I don't ever want to talk to her again.
After that, I decide to go away, get my things and go sleep at my parents house because otherwise I'll kill her. Before I leave, I start talking to another girl that lives at our house and she wants to hear the whole story from my side. So, I talk with her, flirt with her (She's always fun to flirt with, but we both know we're not in it for anything other than the flirting). Then, suddenly, my ex-girlfriend walks into the room. I keep my promise at first, and don't say a word to her while talking to this other girl. I crack jokes like I always do, and they both laugh. I play with their imagination and wrap them both around my fingers like I always do, without even intending to. After a while, we get comfortable talking again, and it's "okay". However, my ex-girlfriend tells me she wants to talk again. At first I ignore her, but I realize that if we're going to live in the same house, there's no avoiding it. So, we sit down, and she basically asks me if I just don't value her enough to be in a monogamous relationship with her. I don't say anything, which to her pretty much means that I don't.
I'm not saying I don't want a relationship with this girl, but I'm saying that I also want to be able to see other women. I'm being deadhonest with her, but she's not willing to accept my honesty and is hurt by it. She tells me she feels used. I tell her I felt used by her during the relationship.
This is so emotionally and mentally draining that I just don't have the energy or the confidence to meet new women. Right now I have a big shield around me that just yells out "STAY AWAY!"
In conclusion, I'm in a position where I'm stuck. This girl is most likely going to get feelings for me again, and will then remain hurt. Either way, we will both end up getting hurt again in the future. This situation sucks ass, and I honestly don't have the knowledge nor the experience to turn this situation around into something I can live with.
