URGENT: Friend meeting up with ex after she stood him up

[mikeraw]

Haven't posted here in a while but I want to pass on some advice to a friend of mine. He's a total beta with lots of alpha potential, but he's been pvssified and he's kinda clingy.

His GF of 5 months was cheating on him with a guy that she would bring up now and then. She went to her office party with him when she claimed to be going alone. She had an alternate facebook account. She's friends with sluts.

Apparently she was stringing both of them along for a while and she's supposedly with the other guy exclusively now. Classic example of branch swinging, however, she drunk texts him and calls him up saying that she can't stop thinking about him, etc... Apparently, (and he didn't tell me this but I found out through another friend) she and my friend made plans to meet a couple of weeks ago after a barrage of drunk texts on a SAT night. My friend showed up to the bar and got stood up. Typical.

Here's the kicker, though: She and him made plans to meet up again TODAY. He justifies it in a myriad ways, saying that he's over her and that he wants to see how he reacts. He says that she's a good girl and that he's not going to stoop down to her level by standing her up. That he wants to make her feel guilty by showing her that he has more class than her. That he's not the bad guy.

I've tried reasoning with him. I've told him that she won't care in the long run about anything he does today and that she'll actually see him as LESS if he shows up like a good boy. He doesn't follow my no contact advice. He is actually going to go pick her up so they can talk, but he says that there are no feelings.

What else can I tell him? What resources can I point him to so that he can get it in his head in the next few hours that he's shooting himself in the foot? Part of me wants to let him crash and burn, but he's been in a similar situation before, so he's obviously not learning...

Thanks for any advice!

Mike

 

[mikeraw]

Is it called "Cognitive Dissonance" when a girl justifies something bad she did by saying "yeah, he deserved it" ? I want to get that concept across to him.

 

[PokerStar]

soem people will only learn, once they've hit rock bottom.

I think changing his mind (unplugging from the matrix) takes time. like weeks, maybe months and sometimes years.

its an ongoing process and I think nothing you can say to him now will be able to change his mind, since he is set on meeting up with this AW.

anyway, good luck my friend.

Hopefully after his crash and burn, he would be more open minded.

 

[Kailex]

Allow your friend to make his own mistakes. Unfortunately, you already told him what to expect and he's going through it regardless.

If you truly are a good friend, you won't say "HA! I told you so!". Just be there for him when the inevitable crash happens and help him out. There's no better lesson than failure.

Of course, there's the off chance that he'll never learn, but if it happens this time, maybe show him the DJ Bible (NOT THE FORUM FIRST) and let him do some reading. Maybe talk to him about the basics of improving himself.

The problem with a lot of "friends" is that they'll point out the negative without highlighting the positive about learning experiences. If you tell them what they are doing wrong without letting them know how to do it right and improve, they'll most likely tune you out. Just be ready to get frustrated OR to be proud of him... he might snap out of his AFC nightmare, but he probably just never will.

You can only do so much for him, but he needs to do most of the work himself.

 

[Don Wha]

Part of me wants to let him crash and burn, but he's been in a similar situation before, so he's obviously not learning...

Some people have no other option but to learn the hard way. Seems like you have told him and warned him enough. The only thing I would do now is to talk to him and tell him your prediction of what will happen. Once it plays out and he crashes and burns, you can say "I told you so". Hopefully he'll take your advice more seriously in the future.

 

[hansol]

It's almost impossible to "help" someone who doesn't want to be helped. You see this in addicts a lot. If they don't see that they have a problem, it's tough to bring them around. Usually all you can do is wait til they hit rock bottom, and then go from there.

 

[Nkognito]

Some people will only learn once they've hit rock bottom.

The quote above is spot on for your friend. Like a drug addict, they will not listen to anyone who is telling them they are ruining their life and possibly hurting themself until they crash. But like everyone else has said, don't boast when he bombs out on this girl. But you need to let him know you won't be helping him or guiding him on how to make it work with her.

The song is over, he needs to stop asking her to dance.

 

[mikeraw]

FWIW:

She flaked.

ha ha

 

[PokerStar]

FWIW:

She flaked.

ha ha

are you gonna help widened his eyes?

 

[samspade]

Show him this thread.

 

[Zarky]

nah... don't offer unsolicited advice. Men only "get help" when they want it, you can't force it on them.

Don't be a white knight to men or women.