Update

[Cancerian]

Here is a link to my first thread for those who haven't read it:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=114870

So today my co-worker tells me that she spoke with the chick in question.

She told me that she told her that she's got to let me know either way. I do not know why she did this. I did tell my co-worker that if I'm brought up in conversation, then whatever. So later, the chick comes up to me and says "I need to talk to you later." Ok, first time I felt nervous with her because I don't know exactly what was said, especially since I told my co-worker that if the chick wasn't interested, its NO BIG DEAL.

Later on:

Me: You wanted to talk to me?
Her: Yeah, but not with all of these people around...
Me: (pretend puzzled look) Ah...ok.
Her: (looks around) I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable or upset that I didn't call you back.
Me: Uncomfortable or upset? What do you mean?
Her: ______ told me that you are upset.
Me: (realistic puzzled look) I never told her anything like that!
Her:Ok, we'll have to talk. If we don't get a chance before you leave today, I'll definitely call you.
Me: Uh, ok.

We never did have a chance to speak. Right before I left, she was on the phone. I walked up to her and kino'd her elbow and said "I'll talk to you later", and she looked up and said "Ok".

Now we'll see what happens.

 

[Charm]

Youre left hanging unless you call her and make plans. Go out to lunch, do coffee, go look at art, do something with her and her alone. ISOLATION

 

[Cancerian]

Youre left hanging unless you call her and make plans. Go out to lunch, do coffee, go look at art, do something with her and her alone. ISOLATION

I asked her out already. She probably has low interest. She might be confused though, as my co-worker did mention that the chick said "I thought he was asking me out as a friend!" Which I think is bullsh1t, but who knows with these finicky women.

 

[spider_007]

this is why they put it in the damn rulebook.

third person gets involved, forth....and then the whole office...over something so trivial....

....then the drama starts, who said what and who's sucking who off....

didn't you play that game back in grade 1, where you got a line of kids repeating a message from ear to ear, and at the end of the line, the message is totaly different?????

good luck with your drama problems.:cheer:

 

[MacAvoy]

this is why they put it in the damn rulebook.

third person gets involved, forth....and then the whole office...over something so trivial....

....then the drama starts, who said what and who's sucking who off....

didn't you play that game back in grade 1, where you got a line of kids repeating a message from ear to ear, and at the end of the line, the message is totaly different?????

good luck with your drama problems.:cheer:

Beat me to the punch, I was just gonna say this is so high school, but your right, its more like early grade school, where you have a friend pass her a note and tell her to check YES or NO.

Only this is worse cuz its gets everyone in the office involved in your personally life. Whats worse, it makes it look like you don't have a backbone and are afraid to ask her out.

 

[Cancerian]

this is why they put it in the damn rulebook.

third person gets involved, forth....and then the whole office...over something so trivial....

....then the drama starts, who said what and who's sucking who off....

Well, the co-worker is involving herself at this point. The only thing I wanted from her really, was to tell me if I ever came up in conversation. She is the one making drama. I pretty much told her this.

didn't you play that game back in grade 1, where you got a line of kids repeating a message from ear to ear, and at the end of the line, the message is totaly different?????

LOL!!! I did tell my co-worker that this sh1t is reminding me of school and that it was ridiculous. I told her if the chick wasn't interested, I CAN LIVE WITH IT! Maybe the co-worker likes me and is worried about my "feelings"

good luck with your drama problems.:cheer:

Gee thanks! lol...

I know I jumped the gun a bit by not waiting to ask this chick out until AFTER I left the job, but you snooze you lose...

 

[Cancerian]

Whats worse, it makes it look like you don't have a backbone and are afraid to ask her out.

I.

Already.

Asked.

Her.

Out.

Co-worker and chick are chatty. Co-worker is dramatizing it. I think that it is funny, but possibly detrimental to my game.

 

[Latinoman]

She is about to lose her job…or might lose her job. It is Xmas season too.

Do you think that the first thing on her mind (while at work) should be YOU? Heck, even outside work…where she might want to forget about the possibility of a lay-off…all that you might bring to her is for her to remember the possibility of a lay-off.

 

[Cancerian]

She is about to lose her job…or might lose her job. It is Xmas season too.

Do you think that the first thing on her mind (while at work) should be YOU? Heck, even outside work…where she might want to forget about the possibility of a lay-off…all that you might bring to her is for her to remember the possibility of a lay-off.

True, but...

I know her well enough to know that she'll still go out to clubs and bars with female co-workers.

At least they didn't lay her off. That is sh1tty of ANY company to do that to someone during the holidays.

 

[MacAvoy]

I Already.Asked.Her.Out.

Co-worker and chick are chatty. Co-worker is dramatizing it. I think that it is funny, but possibly detrimental to my game.

I know you already asked her out, I read and posted in your original thread. My point is though, you are the one who involved the 3rd party (asking her more less does she like me aka keep me posted if you talk about me) that is so grade 3 was my point.

Now as a result, the mark knows that you asked a coworker, the coworker decides to play matchmaker and it as a result, you look like someone who needs an intermediary. Point is you come across as very weak as a result.

 

[Latinoman]

I know you already asked her out, I read and posted in your original thread. My point is though, you are the one who involved the 3rd party (asking her more less does she like me aka keep me posted if you talk about me) that is so grade 3 was my point.

Now as a result, the mark knows that you asked a coworker, the coworker decides to play matchmaker and it as a result, you look like someone who needs an intermediary. Point is you come across as very weak as a result.

And once the co-worker starts playing matchmaker...the woman gets concerned about the Company Policy (as she probably suspect that the third party would probably run her mouth) and her Job.

DISCRETION is the rule.

 

[Cancerian]

Now as a result, the mark knows that you asked a coworker, the coworker decides to play matchmaker and it as a result, you look like someone who needs an intermediary. Point is you come across as very weak as a result.

Well, some of this situation started before I found sosuave.com. Live and learn, as they say.

I saved face by telling the chick I wasn't upset about anything, and by acting puzzled at what she was saying to me. In fact, the co-worker didn't even know that I asked the chick out when I did. The chick involved the co-worker more than I did by telling her "Guess what, Cancerian asked me out". There was no avoiding it. They chat. She knows that the co-worker and I work directly together, whereas the chick works in a different department.

 

[Cancerian]

DISCRETION is the rule.

I agree, and thats why up till today, I never initiated kino and kept flirting to a minimum if anyone else was around.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Relax kid, she'll call you! Girls tell other girls - this is unavoidable!! They are honored that a guy likes them - they spread the good news!!

You should have not started a new thread -- we lose perspective of the situation when we don't see the prior posts together!!

 

[Cancerian]

Relax kid, she'll call you! Girls tell other girls - this is unavoidable!! They are honored that a guy likes them - they spread the good news!!

You should have not started a new thread -- we lose perspective of the situation when we don't see the prior posts together!!

Thanks for your support!

Sorry that I started a new thread, but I felt the other one was getting...stagnant. I bumped it, but it didn't seem to be going anywhere.

 

[Cancerian]

She called a few minutes ago. Convo was going good, we weren't running out of topics...she asked me if I am paying for my minutes on the cell and I said yes until 9. She asked if I wanted to call her back in a few, and I said sure. The convo lasted 8 minutes with no mention of any of the sh1t my co-worker stirred up.

I'll post back later with updates.

 

[Charm]

Great work. Dont call her right at 9.. Give it 15 min or so after 9. come up with something interesting that you were doing the last few between calls. Tell her you got exciting plans this holiday season and one of them includes taking her out, then make plans for your date.

 

[eyedogg]

Cancarian,

I am in work relationship right now (almost two...like a f'n dumb azz). The first one has been going on for months and it's fallen apart now. If you don't have descretion from the get - forget it.

Mine did from the get and that is why I broke the rule and jumped in. Looking back, I probably would have done it again...but read this site sooner and done a whole bunch of shiz WAY differently!

Listen to these DJ's they know what they are telling you!

-eyedogg

 

[Cancerian]

Sweet.:rockon:

I just looked at my celly and noticed that we talked for just over an hour. I mostly listened, repeated things back to her and used related topics to keep the convo going (thanks sosuave.com ).

Discovered many things, such as we have a lot more in common than I previously suspected, but I didn't point that out to her very much. I just kept listening, laughing with her, making her laugh, etc.. I feel that she has a mid-interest level at this point.

I was going to use Charm's suggestion about making plans, but before I could she said that maybe in the beginning of the new year. Where we work is extremely busy and we don't get as many days off as we would like, so I expected that. I should also mention that she is an older woman and has two teens living with her, and they occupy a lot of her time.

At one point near the beginning of the convo, she brought up me asking her out, the co-worker, etc. I did my best to undo the AFCing my co-worker did. It turns out that my co-worker said "Cancerian said the other day that maybe you just aren't fvcking interested...". This annoys me as that is NOT what I said at all. So I explained that to her. Just a few months ago, she got out of a sh1tty LTR (we have that in common), and doesn't know if she wants to get into anything serious. She was like:

HER: "I dunno. I dunno. I dunno. So what would this be, like a date, or like do you want more out of
it..?"
ME: "Well, we get along at the office and I enjoy talking to you, so I think that we could have a good time." (wanted to give a basis for my interest in asking her out without coming off too AFC, and left what I wanted out it vague, since we haven't even gone out on a date yet! Thats about when she mentioned doing something early January)

later:

HER: "It just feels weird. I haven't been asked out directly like that in a while."
ME: "It has been many years since I've asked a woman out like that." (too AFC? I think so...oops)
HER: "I went out on a dinner date a couple of months ago, and it was just weird...its even weird when I go out by myself" (I'm detecting that not much fun went on during her LTR, and she is still adjusting)


So to make a long story short, that was the gist of it, except for all the stuff she talked about with her life and interests that I am leaving out. I tried to avoid any AFCing, and didn't talk much at all about going out other than responding to her when she brought it up. I'm not sure what to do at this point. We will see each other almost everyday save for xmas and maybe a day or two next to that. Do I flirt, kino, call her? Any advice is greatly appreciated!

No matter what happens, since she made it clear about waiting until January, I'm going to see if this 23 y.o. chick that I was flirting with is doing this weekend.

 

[Cancerian]

I forgot to mention, the rule about dating co-workers is an unwritten, unenforced rule. Another interesting part of the convo...