Update thread on girl coming with me to a bar event

[Kal0051]

So I posted in another thread that I was bringing some girl to a bar event to meet some people from work. I'm just making this thread as a update to what will happen. I'm planning on trying to be fun, and try escalating to see if she's even interested in me (I'd rather not waste my time with any girls anymore). The events tomorrow night so don't expect much between now and then.

Here's the thread I was originally talking about: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=174694

Update: well speak of the devil. She texted me right after I made this thread. She just replied to a text I sent her earlier telling her where and when to meet me. Errr, doesn't seem promising though, she says she'll come for a drink but won't stay long, says we'll catch up if we can and she'll text me when she gets there. Hmm, she'll probably flake. Well whatever, I was going anyways.

 

[Kal0051]

So met up with her. She brought her new bf (well actually I think he was her ex from years back that was orbiting around her while she was in her last LTR). Still had a fun time, just caught up (although the guy said very little to me, also not that it matters but this guy was creeping us everytime I hung out with this girl, so wasn't surprised when I found out they were together). The bar was otherwise dead, didn't see any of my co-workers. While I did fun alot of fun chilling with this girl I don't know whether or not to add her number back (I deleted her number on instinct when she texted me saying she was bringing her bf). I don't want to become one of her orbiters like her current bf was for more than 3 years. But on the other hand she's a kick ass girl that gave me the benefit of the doubt when her friend was talking **** about me ( I was into her friend hardcore, and apparently her friend said I was stalking her and ****, I wasn't. Though apparently her friend's still talking about me, which I find interesting since it's been a year and a half since I saw her). So I'm divided on whether to just next this girl (because I am interested in her) or keep her around to chill with once in a while. I should mention that if I keep her around I'll definitely be hanging with her bf too but he never really enters our convo, it's like it's me and her hanging with him watching us (it's a little awkward, I tried to bring the guy into our convo and he wasn't enthusiastic).

Edit: sorry if it's hard to read, typed it on the bus on the way home.

 

[Kal0051]

I'd actually like someone to comment whether or not to keep in touch with this girl. I know no one on this site will help me anymore because I haven't been able to improve since being here. But I don't know what to do in this situation. On one hand I should just never contact her since she decided to get back with her orbiter ex (which I personally think is a big mistake, but I won't tell her that since the guy seems decent although a little creepy). But on the other she did take my side over a friend she's known years longer, which a honestly appreciate (though I've never told her that). I know this sounds a bit AFC but I personally can't be a cold unemotional guy. Thank you guys for any help

 

[terran2k]

i been thru something kinda like this. dude let her go. forget her. her interest level in you is close to zero. all she will do is throw you crumbs to string you along.

 

[Julian]

Are you trolling the forum brah? 1k posts so ill give you the benefit...



Basically you have already become one of her orbiters, and the sad thing is you do not even realize it.

 

[Kal0051]

Are you trolling the forum brah? 1k posts so ill give you the benefit...



Basically you have already become one of her orbiters, and the sad thing is you do not even realize it.

no I'm not trolling. And I'm not one of her orbiters, didn't know she was with this guy til 10 mins before I saw her (and I immediately deleted her number, still haven't added her back but have a couple of her texts left). I haven't spoken to this girl since Jan, only contacted her because I was bored. I'd see why you'd think i was one of her orbiters but id only contact once in a while unless i thought she was single. Guess I just don't want to be some sociopath that sees girl as means to get laid, plus there is the added benefit of expanding my social circle (although I'm sure her social circle thinks I'm some freak because of what her friend was spreading around, Im also sure this girl is pretty much exiled from her social circle for going against her friend).

Edit: after thinking about it I'm way too afraid of falling into being one of her orbiters. Especially since I have no options right now it may be a possibility that that happens. So I just deleted her texts, losing her number at the same time. As much as it annoys me to do this, maybe the only way I'll get with any women is if I'm cold and unemotional in my dealings with them. Oh well, tonight was to see if she was interested, found out she's dating a ex (so obviously not interested), so found out what I needed to know.

 

[blueline]

Next her, man. There are approximately 3 billion other women out there for you to game. You haven't even made out with this girl yet.

Then again, take this with a grain of salt as I haven't yet nexted my bipolar girlfriend who probably likes me only for my sex.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I'm in a numbers mood so I'll reply in that fashion:


1) You think too much: over-analyzing a situation that needs no analysis

2) This girl has zero interest in you romantically or sexually; however I disagree about you being an orbiter; your not. However your right in ditching her contact info because when she brought that dude, that was her way of saying "not a chance" to you and her.

3) The mindset of this board is to NEXT NEXT NEXT and generally speaking they're right; however at some point you should discover the value in having female friends, attractive female friends. You'll be surprised how much they will help you get laid and how most of them eventually fall for you or had a crush on you all along.

4) To add more to #3 you need to figure out where your steering off course. I know you have the desire, I know you put in some time trying to work on your game, but the results aren't there yet. That's okay, don't beat yourself or obsess over it. Instead, figure out what your doing wrong and fix it. My guess just based off reading some of your posts and the way you over-analyze things is a severe lack of confidence, and if this is true, girls can smell that from a mile away. If your nervous and uncomfortable, they'll feel nervous and uncomfortable.

5) No homo, but do you consider yourself a good looking guy? What would you rate yourself physically on a scale of 1-10? Are you in shape? Do you take care of yourself and dress well?


If your serious about getting good with girls, you need to transform your mindset, develop some confidence and eventually this will turn you into a completely different person.

Right now the problem is your too outcome based; in other words your always thinking as I mentioned, rather than enjoying the moment your worried about your next move and it just doesn't work that way.

I think working on the basics will do you a ton of good. Practice good posture and making EC with girls one day, practice saying "hello" to several women another day.

Actually here's a homework assignment you can do:

-When you reply, write down where you feel your losing the girls in most of your scenarios and also right down what you feel you need to work on. Once we have a accurate gauge of where you are and where your mindset is at, we can help you out with better accuracy.




PIMP

 

[Zarky]

Gut instinct with women is almost always right.

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

You should have canceled the second she said she could only go out for a drink . .

Its like a semi-flake. Ideally I'd say "Lets do it another time" and leave it at that.

 

[Kal0051]

I'm in a numbers mood so I'll reply in that fashion:


1) You think too much: over-analyzing a situation that needs no analysis

2) This girl has zero interest in you romantically or sexually; however I disagree about you being an orbiter; your not. However your right in ditching her contact info because when she brought that dude, that was her way of saying "not a chance" to you and her.

3) The mindset of this board is to NEXT NEXT NEXT and generally speaking they're right; however at some point you should discover the value in having female friends, attractive female friends. You'll be surprised how much they will help you get laid and how most of them eventually fall for you or had a crush on you all along.

4) To add more to #3 you need to figure out where your steering off course. I know you have the desire, I know you put in some time trying to work on your game, but the results aren't there yet. That's okay, don't beat yourself or obsess over it. Instead, figure out what your doing wrong and fix it. My guess just based off reading some of your posts and the way you over-analyze things is a severe lack of confidence, and if this is true, girls can smell that from a mile away. If your nervous and uncomfortable, they'll feel nervous and uncomfortable.

5) No homo, but do you consider yourself a good looking guy? What would you rate yourself physically on a scale of 1-10? Are you in shape? Do you take care of yourself and dress well?


If your serious about getting good with girls, you need to transform your mindset, develop some confidence and eventually this will turn you into a completely different person.

Right now the problem is your too outcome based; in other words your always thinking as I mentioned, rather than enjoying the moment your worried about your next move and it just doesn't work that way.

I think working on the basics will do you a ton of good. Practice good posture and making EC with girls one day, practice saying "hello" to several women another day.

Actually here's a homework assignment you can do:

-When you reply, write down where you feel your losing the girls in most of your scenarios and also right down what you feel you need to work on. Once we have a accurate gauge of where you are and where your mindset is at, we can help you out with better accuracy.




PIMP

since I'm in a good mood I'll answer your questions and comments.

1) yep I agree I'm not one of her orbiters. The only times me and her hung out was just the 2 of us when she was breaking up with her LTR (I did know her before that but then she was just a friend of a friend). It's too bad we lost touch, maybe things would turned out different (not that it matters to dwell on the past).

2) yeah, she probably brought him along just so I got the idea that she's with someone right now and our hanging out was just to catch up.

3) So what, do you think I should keep her around or not? If I did it wouldn't be to "use" her to meet her hot friend because I don't think she has a lot of hot friends.

4) I don't really know where I'm going wrong. I do know that my failures with women had created some form of baggage that I have to get rid of. So recently I decided to start off fresh and try and put the past behind me. Hopefully this will help in self diagnosing my problems, but at this point haven't had enough interactions go wrong to figure that out (I don't consider the interaction with this girl going wrong because her having a bf is out of my control, just bad luck).

6) yes I'm a good looking guy. I dress well and I'm in shape (been going to the gym although I had to stop til I find a new job, just can't justify spending the money on a gym membership right now). My physical appearance isn't where my problem lies.

Anyway, my plans for the future are to report on here about every interaction I have with women hoping that u guys can help me figure out the problem (those of you that will help me still that is).