Update Situation

[quentin]

Hi guys,
I just wanted to give a quick update on the situation, since some of you gave me advice and were following what was going on. I also wanted to share this to maybe motivate some of the younger guys here, or even the older ones.
As you know, I eventually broke up with my girlfriend. Since that moment, it’s been complete silence. I haven’t received a single message, no calls, nothing at all.
On my side, since she was leaving for a week to Morocco, I decided to bring all of her belongings back to her mother’s place. I didn’t want to stay stuck in a waiting situation or in some kind of pointless in-between.
Naturally, all of this made me question her behavior and the way everything unfolded. So I ended up calling several people around me—people who know her or know a bit about her past. And what came out of those conversations honestly surprised me quite a bit.
Several people told me that she has a certain reputation in the town where I live, that she has had quite a few relationships, and that her pattern seems fairly simple: she waits until she has another branch to jump to before letting go of the one she’s currently holding onto. It may sound a bit harsh, but that’s exactly how several people described it to me.
Out of curiosity, I even called the guy she was seeing before me. And what he told me was pretty revealing: basically, she waited until I showed some interest in her before leaving him and coming back toward me. Once I understood that, a lot of things suddenly started to make sense in my mind.
Despite all of that, what still shocks me is the contrast between words and reality. I find it quite crazy that someone can say things like “you’re the man of my life,” “I want to have children with you,” and “I want to marry you,” and then suddenly disappear and go completely silent, as if none of those words ever meant anything.
I have to admit that, at the moment it happened, it really hurt me. For me, when you say things like that, they carry meaning. Words have weight, and seeing such a gap between what was said and what actually happened really affected me.
But with a bit of distance, and after talking with people around me, I keep hearing the same thing: that I probably had nothing to do in that relationship, that she wasn’t really at my level, and that I probably have more value than what that relationship reflected. Some people even say she wasn’t particularly interesting as a person.
I don’t know if all of that is entirely fair, but I have to admit that hearing those things helps put everything into perspective, even if it’s not always easy.
Today, as the days go by, I’m becoming more and more convinced that I made the right decision. It was hard at the moment, and sometimes it still is, but I also feel a sense of relief. It feels like I closed the door on something that probably wouldn’t have been healthy in the long run.
Anyway, I just wanted to keep you updated on how things have evolved. Thanks to those who took the time to reply and share their advice.
I definitely learned a good lesson from this.

 

[The Duke]

The beauty of it all is in a few months you will come to a greater realization that you made the right decision. As you step further away from the situation, the mind has a way of clearing itself and helping you see reality even better.

It's very common for women to branch from one relationship to another. It's also a sign of weakness.



Despite all of that, what still shocks me is the contrast between words and reality. I find it quite crazy that someone can say things like “you’re the man of my life,” “I want to have children with you,” and “I want to marry you,” and then suddenly disappear and go completely silent, as if none of those words ever meant anything.

This was a great lesson to learn that you should apply to every single woman going forward. Always realize women say all sorts of things that they might mean in the moment but don't later on. Its them expressing their emotional feelings at that point in time which is why I don't put much stock in them like I once did. They live in the moment and are often controlled by their emotions.

 

[Barrister]

Hi guys,
I just wanted to give a quick update on the situation, since some of you gave me advice and were following what was going on. I also wanted to share this to maybe motivate some of the younger guys here, or even the older ones.
As you know, I eventually broke up with my girlfriend. Since that moment, it’s been complete silence. I haven’t received a single message, no calls, nothing at all.
On my side, since she was leaving for a week to Morocco, I decided to bring all of her belongings back to her mother’s place. I didn’t want to stay stuck in a waiting situation or in some kind of pointless in-between.
Naturally, all of this made me question her behavior and the way everything unfolded. So I ended up calling several people around me—people who know her or know a bit about her past. And what came out of those conversations honestly surprised me quite a bit.
Several people told me that she has a certain reputation in the town where I live, that she has had quite a few relationships, and that her pattern seems fairly simple: she waits until she has another branch to jump to before letting go of the one she’s currently holding onto. It may sound a bit harsh, but that’s exactly how several people described it to me.
Out of curiosity, I even called the guy she was seeing before me. And what he told me was pretty revealing: basically, she waited until I showed some interest in her before leaving him and coming back toward me. Once I understood that, a lot of things suddenly started to make sense in my mind.
Despite all of that, what still shocks me is the contrast between words and reality. I find it quite crazy that someone can say things like “you’re the man of my life,” “I want to have children with you,” and “I want to marry you,” and then suddenly disappear and go completely silent, as if none of those words ever meant anything.
I have to admit that, at the moment it happened, it really hurt me. For me, when you say things like that, they carry meaning. Words have weight, and seeing such a gap between what was said and what actually happened really affected me.
But with a bit of distance, and after talking with people around me, I keep hearing the same thing: that I probably had nothing to do in that relationship, that she wasn’t really at my level, and that I probably have more value than what that relationship reflected. Some people even say she wasn’t particularly interesting as a person.
I don’t know if all of that is entirely fair, but I have to admit that hearing those things helps put everything into perspective, even if it’s not always easy.
Today, as the days go by, I’m becoming more and more convinced that I made the right decision. It was hard at the moment, and sometimes it still is, but I also feel a sense of relief. It feels like I closed the door on something that probably wouldn’t have been healthy in the long run.
Anyway, I just wanted to keep you updated on how things have evolved. Thanks to those who took the time to reply and share their advice.
I definitely learned a good lesson from this.

Always judge a woman based upon her actions, not her words. For us older guys who have been at it for a minute, none of what you wrote is surprising at all. This is how 99% of women operate. Women say all kinds of crazy things that mean absolutely nothing. They are creatures of whims and emotions.

You made the right decision. Take this as a "win" that you got a valuable learning experience and don't forget the lesson when you meet the next pretty face.

 

[Tiguere]

It's quite clear evident that by the time you dumped her she already had grabbed another branch or at least started the process

You see.. The silence that came after you dumped her... Was the all you needed proof that she was already banging her new guy.

It could have been worse... Be glad you didn't get the girl pregnant.. Married her or consigned on a mortgage

 

[Clockwerk50]

Not sure if you’ve read about the light switch effect and monkey branching, but what you described is basically a textbook example of what she did in her previous relationships. This is also why many men are advised to be selective about partners with a long history of partners since there’s a higher probability they’ve experienced trauma from past failed relationships, haven’t fully processed it or coped with it through terrible methods, and may carry behaviors that can become toxic to both parties.

That said, I’m glad you were able to break up with her. It gives you valuable experience for the future by helping you handle similar situations with more clarity, feel less hesitant, and avoid carrying unnecessary guilt.

Edit: Also, not sure why you are questioning her silence. People often go no-contact after they are dumped. The more you apologize or try to get the more negative feelings you will give her and the more you insult her ego.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The old trick about words is to preface them with "I feel as though." Then they make a lot more sense.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@quentin "I find it quite crazy that someone can say things like “you’re the man of my life,” “I want to have children with you,” and “I want to marry you,” and then suddenly disappear and go completely silent, as if none of those words ever meant anything"

You didn't say things to her which were ultimately "mere puffery"? As @The Duke and others have said, in a few more months(if not sooner)it'll become undeniably obvious that this was a shrewd move, for both of you