UPDATE: Shared Custody Case..

[TheLadiesMan]

My son's mother is a control freak, and recently, she's held my visitation with my son from me.

I filed for joint custody, and when she got the papers, went loco. She's since calmed down, and has now allowed me to not only see my son everyother weekend, but on Wednesdays too.

Thursday night, my son calls me up and says "Daddy, Mommy said I can stay with you tonight if I wanted to." ...I told him I was on my way to get him. His Grandma was watching him.

After picking up, I cooked him dinner, gave him a bath, and we played for a bit.
My son then calls his Mom to say goodnight.
As he's talking to her, I hear her say "Have a good night son, brush your teeth, kiss Daddy, tell him you love him." ...I get on the phone and say thanks for letting him stay with me. She proceeds to say the following....

"I don't want to be a b*tch about this but... I didn't know you were picking our son up." ....Now I know my son is not a liar, and right away, I'm thinking she's trying to be shady about this. So I say "....you see, this is another reason why I'm filing for joint custody, so I don't have to go thru this BS everytime I want to see my son." She then replies....

"Look, I'm willing to settle this out of court with you. I want what Tyler wants, and if he wants to see you more, I can arrange that."

I simply replied "...you know what? I've got him here right now, and I'm not going to waste our time talking on the phone with you right now. We'll talk about this more later." she replies "..yes, we need to talk about this, I WANT to talk about this." I say "I gotta go..." she stops me and says "...I can also reduce your child support." I was like wtf is going on with this woman?

Sounds like she's hiding something, or knows something that can be crucial to my custody case.

 

[amoka]

I have the feeling she's trying to get back with you....

 

[penkitten]

easy... guilt !
the guilt has set in... into her heart and she can't bear it anymore.
she also knows that if you go into court, and ask for something as reasonable as you are, that you will get it... might as well settle it and not pay her attorney to have to go into court.

if you try to settle it out of court, have your attorney draw up the paperwork to reduce the support and set the custody. if she is in agreement, she will sign the paperwork that your attorney will file within the court and save you both from making the appearance.
if she is not in agreement , then proceed with your attorney and go to court.

this is progress, but don't rejoice yet.

i am very proud of you for letting her know that you do not want to waste your valuable time with your son on the phone with her.

 

[MENtality]

This is precisely why it's imperative to keep something in your back pocket for just such occasions.

A homemade sex tape, a taped phone conversation of her admitting to blah blah; etc, etc. . .

Whenever she gets her panties wadded up you can also mention how that great night of her taking your meatpole in the backdoor, which you both agreed to videotape, would look splashed about on X-tube or screenshots sent to every friend and relative she has.

Oh how the tune changes then.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

easy... guilt !
the guilt has set in... into her heart and she can't bear it anymore.
she also knows that if you go into court, and ask for something as reasonable as you are, that you will get it... might as well settle it and not pay her attorney to have to go into court.

if you try to settle it out of court, have your attorney draw up the paperwork to reduce the support and set the custody. if she is in agreement, she will sign the paperwork that your attorney will file within the court and save you both from making the appearance.
if she is not in agreement , then proceed with your attorney and go to court.

this is progress, but don't rejoice yet.

i am very proud of you for letting her know that you do not want to waste your valuable time with your son on the phone with her.

I dunno? ...cost me $100 to file, and I'm not doing it to get my child support reduced, even though I think I can do more with it than she can.

I can offer the same thing for my son that she can, and have before she could.

Something's rotten in Ohio.

 

[penkitten]

I dunno? ...cost me $100 to file, and I'm not doing it to get my child support reduced, even though I think I can do more with it than she can.

I can offer the same thing for my son that she can, and have before she could.

Something's rotten in Ohio.

if its only gonna cost 100 bucks to file... i'd go on and file ... her "deal" might not pan out.

 

[godofanxiety]

This is precisely why it's imperative to keep something in your back pocket for just such occasions.

A homemade sex tape, a taped phone conversation of her admitting to blah blah; etc, etc. . .

Whenever she gets her panties wadded up you can also mention how that great night of her taking your meatpole in the backdoor, which you both agreed to videotape, would look splashed about on X-tube or screenshots sent to every friend and relative she has.

Oh how the tune changes then.

What the fvck?

 

[TheLadiesMan]

This is precisely why it's imperative to keep something in your back pocket for just such occasions.

A homemade sex tape, a taped phone conversation of her admitting to blah blah; etc, etc. . .

Whenever she gets her panties wadded up you can also mention how that great night of her taking your meatpole in the backdoor, which you both agreed to videotape, would look splashed about on X-tube or screenshots sent to every friend and relative she has.

Oh how the tune changes then.

She's got the video tape.... and supposedly, it's been on the intarweb for years now.

 

[countermart]

You need Orders, and not from her

Been there, done that. She does not want to go to court because if you are a decent normal person you will get the fair access you want. As she probably currently as more access she will lose, all other things being equal. You need to get Court Orders in place, to remove control from her and get fair/equal access. Why is she controling the times?

Either agree to set times with a lawyer or through arbitration and file the information with a court, or if you cannot agree outside court, proceed to take the matter into the court system for a magistrate or judge to decide.

Court Orders are great because they set a base...can’t agree...then “sorry babe” we go back on the Court Orders. From her view she is better off not having Court Orders. You are the one that needs them...and sorry, but no she does not feel guilty...and no she does not want to get back with you...in my opinion...she is just thinking of her own interests.....in fact her lawyer has probably just told her what I told you above...good luck.

 

[sodbuster]

Have been through the "big D". She doesn't want court orders she has to obey,so she is trying to stall/distract you into her web. If it isn't on paper, it isn't worth discussing with her. If she IS so agreeable, then you only need 1 lawyer to file the papers[make sure it's yours,or your lawyer reads them]. If you have more custody- less time with her your child support will automatically go down-she's not reallly giving anything up there. In fact, If you were paying on her having full custody and you get half custody-child support should be halved.

There are still issues-she may send him over with rags on and expect you to spend extra money for clothes so she can keep hers. ASK your lawyer about that. In a law case involving family law[and an uncooperative other], lawyer fees are the best money you've ever spent.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

She called me today, and asked me if I could watch our son this weekend. *She then suggests that I drop him off at her Mom's before I go to work on Monday.
She ends the conversation with "I'm not trying to be a b*tch."

I think when you asked for those very things back then, and were repeated denied, and sometimes she kept your son from you altogether just for asking, there really is no other word to call her.

I've always said "make me your top choice to watch our son, when you can't." and I was never even the top 10. Never once did she offer me to watch my son.
I would always say "...everyone sees my son more than I do, and I'm his father."

..and the last argument we had a month ago, was about being able to keep my son till Monday. Usually, come Sunday evening, when he's got to go home to his mom, my son would beg me to ask his Mom, if he could stay till Monday. I always ask, and get the same answer, no. The last time she got gangsta on me for asking, and kept my son during the weekend I was suppose to have him.

She's up to something.

 

[NewMan]

you need to get the papers full stop.

The court orders will prevent any BS now - or in the future.

I wouldn't trust this chick as far as I could throw her - and you don't have to be an a## about it - just explain that you want some consistancy for your son - and by getting the court orders, you can

1) guarantee you'll see him consistantly.
2) prevent him from being in the middle of any mind games
3) have a consistant pattern that your boy is aware of.


You should do it for your son.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Been there, done that. She does not want to go to court because if you are a decent normal person you will get the fair access you want. As she probably currently as more access she will lose, all other things being equal. You need to get Court Orders in place, to remove control from her and get fair/equal access. Why is she controling the times?

Either agree to set times with a lawyer or through arbitration and file the information with a court, or if you cannot agree outside court, proceed to take the matter into the court system for a magistrate or judge to decide.

Court Orders are great because they set a base...can’t agree...then “sorry babe” we go back on the Court Orders. From her view she is better off not having Court Orders. You are the one that needs them...and sorry, but no she does not feel guilty...and no she does not want to get back with you...in my opinion...she is just thinking of her own interests.....in fact her lawyer has probably just told her what I told you above...good luck.

I cannot agree more. What's highlighted is all that truly matters.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Do you pay any kind of support?

yes. almost $600 a month. right out of paycheck.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

you need to get the papers full stop.

The court orders will prevent any BS now - or in the future.

I wouldn't trust this chick as far as I could throw her - and you don't have to be an a## about it - just explain that you want some consistancy for your son - and by getting the court orders, you can

1) guarantee you'll see him consistantly.
2) prevent him from being in the middle of any mind games
3) have a consistant pattern that your boy is aware of.


You should do it for your son.

My son wants to see me. He'll call, leave me messages in whispers 'come and get me'. He needs me, he's 5. I'm not doing it for me.

 

[everywomanshero]

As biased as the courts are, I think it's best to just let them decide and stick to it. Otherwise, you're just going to constantly play the game and deal with power & control issues and a lot of stuff that willl prevent you from getting on with your life and keep you enslaved to a failed relationship that no longer can offer you anything but bitterness and sorrow... wow that was a lot, but I think it's true. Time to cut the cord, play by the court's rules, and send any problems through an attorny and the court system if for no other reason to keep from becoming sucked into frustration and dispair.