Update: Guys i need your help..

[In2theGame]

My world feels upside down right now,.. This is an update to this original post i did a few days back so please read it before continuing to read further. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=176709

I need some serious advice,
Continued from my original post. My GF of almost 5 years has been so depressed this week and every and any question i ask is answered with an "i dunno". All she ever said is that she cannot stop thinking and when i ask thinking about what she says she doesnt know and that she just cant stop thinking. I found out that she had sexual talk with some guy in a game room private chat, i asked her why she did it, but then she said i dunno and said she thought i would like it but didnt know how to tell me because she thought i would flip out. however (me and her have explored spicing things up before so i have told her that she can get off and chat if she wanted to) so in a way i wasnt so much upset about it, just that i felt like she kind of left me out. Then she starts crying over and over saying she feels lost in life and she wants to sleep and be alone. she continued to say over and over that she feels scared, i kept asking scared of what, her answer was just scared and a feeling of worried while crying.

I kept asking her if she wanted to break up and if she didnt love me anymore i would understand even though it would hurt, she grabbed on to me and said no, that she loves me so much and cried uncontrollably and said she cant picture herself not being able to see me or hear me anymore. My family started taking notice this week on how she looks, she has lost so much weight and doesnt want to eat anything, she went 24 hours with just 1 meal and her body language is like shes dragging herself. This is the first time i have ever seen her like this. Shes on medication from some stomach problems she has and got from the Emergency Room i dunno if that is causing some kind of depression of some sort.

she left my house today after staying over for few days and i asked if she wanted me to help her pack up stuff that she originally leaves at my house but she refused breaking into tears again. she kept asking me to lay down with her and for me to hold her. she kept trying to stay calm by giving me kisses but i couldnt help to think whats going on with her. Something else i left out when we were talking at a bench by a water front,.. she kept telling me that she has always been so scared i would pick up and leave her at any moment in our relationship, i admit that i never took any sh!t and at times i acted cold but we always talked it out. Im not sure what i should do at this very moment, this is the first girl that i ever really put marriage into thought because in all the years we have been together, things have been very loving up until this past week. Every time i say that maybe she feels that way because she doesnt want to be with me anymore, she breaks down crying saying "Its everything and i feel so scared, i cant stop thinking".

I am at a loss guys, please,... need your help.

 

[Scars]

I read your last thread, and I also read this one. I'm surprised everyone is taking this at face value. Have you ever stopped and wondered if this is just an attention stunt or there is something else going on behind the scenes that you don't know about?

This girl was caught having "sexy talk" online with another dude. That should be a huge red flag right there.

My opinion is this girl fvcked up in some way, and she knows it. She's freaking out about the fact you may find out. She does deeply care about you, she has shown this. She probably acted out of emotions and it was a one time "in the moment" kind of thing. She feels horrible about it, but it doesn't change the fact she did it. Why else would it pain her to see you so much? You are her BOYFRIEND. Relationships should be about balancing each other out when one of you is unhappy. You're supposed to bring out the best in each other. Be there for support, and even their inspiration to accomplish something. I understand this girl is on meds. I take that at the same value as a girl getting extremely wasted and trying to use it as an excuse for her actions. This girl is acting insane. It was all of a sudden too. You do not want to get stuck with a psycho girl. Meds are supposed to HELP you, she only seems to be getting worse. Are you really going to torture yourself and stay in a relationship with a girl who is sick in the head? There's only one person you got to look out for, and that's yourself and your own happiness.

I think there is something else going on that you don't know about it. You are treating her like an angel right now, and she is eating it up. The more you act like this the more she is going to do it, and you may even see it progressively get worse. Try a different approach. Tell this girl she needs to cut her sh!t out. Act like her depression annoys you or something. Do whatever you have to do.

I would say a lot of girls pull this stunt because they feel like they don't have your attention enough, and yes, some girls do go through periods of feeling "unsexy" but from my point of view you are now giving her all the attention in the world. Some girls may even try to look to other men to try and feel validated and sexy. But you are seeing this girl every single day. And I'm assuming you tell her you love her, and validate her. Maybe you are validating her TOO much. She found something that works for her. She is getting constant satisfaction from you 24/7. I hate to say it but you are slowly falling into the nice guy trap. This girl has you wrapped around her finger.

Start taking note of certain things. And don't assume she is the little innocent angel you think she is.

This girl is too "ill and sad" to be any use or fun around you. She is even refusing sex with you. Yet, you bet your ass she is going to have enough time/energy to go to some bar with a bunch of her drunken girl friends whose idea of self medicine is going out and fvcking some random stranger.

Look at the bigger picture man. I know I'm not exactly telling you what you want to hear, but maybe that's what you need.

Good luck man.

-Scars

 

[HypeR]

All the problems are from the depression like anxiety, wanting to sleep all the time, not feeling like doing anything, difficult to talk with.
From what I'm seeing you had a good relationship before these problems so I would try to comfort her but still do a lot of your own things. You will get insane being alone with a depressed person all day.

You're doing the best you can, she doesn't care about anything because she is depressed, not because of you.

Edit: Just read the above post from Scars and I must say: possible, but it is really obvious if someones really depressed. Refusing sex and all that **** is really normal then. Otherwise, if she's having fun with her friends behind your back then you got definately screwed.

 

[In2theGame]

Thanks Hyper and Scars for your supporting advice.

In Response to Hyper: I am doing the best i can and im being comforting as i can to support.

In Response to Scars:

This girl was caught having "sexy talk" online with another dude. That should be a huge red flag right there
She wasnt caught, she told me when i asked. I asked why she didnt tell me even thought i would probably be alright with it, she just said that she was scared to tell me because she was unsure how i would react, however part of me didnt buy it because if i had to ask, who's to say she would have told me at all.

My opinion is this girl fvcked up in some way, and she knows it. She's freaking out about the fact you may find out. She does deeply care about you, she has shown this
I am also beginning to feel like theres a puzzle piece missing from the story. Why would she continue to say shes scared but no reason for it, just scared.

You are treating her like an angel right now, and she is eating it up. The more you act like this the more she is going to do it, and you may even see it progressively get worse. Try a different approach. Tell this girl she needs to cut her sh!t out. Act like her depression annoys you or something. Do whatever you have to do.
Thats the thing, i wasnt treating her like an angel and she kept on telling me that she felt worried that i would leave her if she displeased me in any way and was worried that she thought i didnt really care or love her which all my true feelings came to light and i told her that i was in fact in love with her and cared deeply, but i never showed it for fear on being too nice.

some girls do go through periods of feeling "unsexy" but from my point of view you are now giving her all the attention in the world right now yes, i am being supportive and giving her the attention that i believe she needs if she is going through a depression. I am acting out of love for her and worried that she doesnt hurt herself. I dont know much about people who are depressed and i fear that if it did get worse, she may act and do stupid things.

This girl is too "ill and sad" to be any use or fun around you. She is even refusing sex with you. Yet, you bet your ass she is going to have enough time/energy to go to some bar with a bunch of her drunken girl friends whose idea of self medicine is going out and fvcking some random stranger.
I have thought about this recently yes, she hasnt gone out but this friday she is going to a bar for her best friends birthday. we'll see how that turns out and see the actions after that event.

Thats for the support scars. really appreciate it.

 

[Scars]

No problem.

Again, I'm not trying to be a pr!ck about it. But I think it's healthy to sometimes take a step back and look at things from another perspective. I would like to hope there isn't something going on behind the scenes, and I'm sure you do as well. But you shouldn't rule out the possibility. There's just a lot of inconsistencies with her story.

Keep us updated man. I'm interested to see how everything turns out.

 

[In2theGame]

No problem.

Again, I'm not trying to be a pr!ck about it. But I think it's healthy to sometimes take a step back and look at things from another perspective. I would like to hope there isn't something going on behind the scenes, and I'm sure you do as well. But you shouldn't rule out the possibility. There's just a lot of inconsistencies with her story.

Keep us updated man. I'm interested to see how everything turns out.

Thanks man i will update.

Anyone elses advice would be greatly appreciated

 

[In2theGame]

No problem.

Again, I'm not trying to be a pr!ck about it. But I think it's healthy to sometimes take a step back and look at things from another perspective. I would like to hope there isn't something going on behind the scenes, and I'm sure you do as well. But you shouldn't rule out the possibility. There's just a lot of inconsistencies with her story.

Keep us updated man. I'm interested to see how everything turns out.

Small update, she send me a text earlier saying, "i want to let you know im home and i love you" i didnt respond because i wasnt by my phone, she ends up called me 3 times back to back, after which she text me "Im worried, are you ok?" then "Baby, please let me know your ok Please!" i came back to my phone and spoke to her, she told me she started crying in the train. Im starting to worry and get lost because im not sure is she still wants to be with me or its the depression thats getting to her or something went down and shes scared to let it come to light.... just dont kno...

 

[In2theGame]

Update:...

So late last night i call her to see how shes doing. She tells me shes feels down and is drinking to ease the "pain and sadness" whatever that means. I called her later on because she said she was going to watch a movie or some TV and i wanted to see how she was doin. She wouldnt pick up my phone calls, i got worried and she send me this text, "Im ok" then she says I don want to talk right now" "I just want to be alone with no other voices".

Later during the night i find out she was chatting. Just earlier last night she told me she loved me and misses me. My Love for her is slowly turning to anger and the way she is acting is pure BS. almost 5 years invested in what i thought was the real deal relationship going to the next level.

Im debating weather to just cut contact and not pick up her calls or answer any of her texts. obviously she's not depressed enough to chat online.

she sent me a text at 5:30am saying "im going to go to sleep. ill call you tomorrow" however i think she might never hear my voice again because im close to cutting her out of my life completely. What i think she is doing is getting her sexual self off and since she may not have a loving attachment to a guy she could/may be chatting to get off and then come back to me but im not going to let that happen.

Thoughts guys?

 

[Tiguere]

She's taking you for a fool. About to branch swing . She is about to dump you for the internet guy. The titanic is sinking man and there is only ONE lifeboat. Grab it before she does.

 

[In2theGame]

She's taking you for a fool. About to branch swing . She is about to dump you for the internet guy. The titanic is sinking man and there is only ONE lifeboat. Grab it before she does.

Thanks man, I did just that. basically 5 years invested and then fvcked over. I deleted her from my facebook, Phone, Email and i shut my phone off. I made a call to one of my best friends in Jersey earlier and she sent me a text asking me if i was awake and ok. I didnt answer, nor did i answer her phone call. I am a really good guy when it comes to trying to escalate a loving relationship. She Fvcked up and all this was her decision so if she comes crying and begging to me, i will have to refuse. If she wants to be with another guy, whatever but if she ends up getting treated like crap and regrets letting this happen, theres no other person to blame but herself. Im giving her what she wants right? So no need to come crying back to me.

 

[Warrior74]

She wasnt caught, she told me when i asked. I asked why she didnt tell me even thought i would probably be alright with it, she just said that she was scared to tell me because she was unsure how i would react, however part of me didnt buy it because if i had to ask, who's to say she would have told me at all.

LOL WUT? You gotta be kidding me. This in bold is why she is cheating on you. You were a wimp. She's been depressed because she's dating a wimp, she wants someone else and she's afraid its going to break your wimpy heart or you are going to cause trouble. Looking at your last post it seems you do realize that you are a man with some balls. So good job, better to man up later than not at all.

 

[In2theGame]

LOL WUT? You gotta be kidding me. This in bold is why she is cheating on you. You were a wimp. She's been depressed because she's dating a wimp, she wants someone else and she's afraid its going to break your wimpy heart or you are going to cause trouble. Looking at your last post it seems you do realize that you are a man with some balls. So good job, better to man up later than not at all.

lol thanks for the words Warrior.

 

[Scars]

I'm sorry to hear this was the end result. You live and learn though.

Time to spin more plates my friend. She'll be forgotten in no time.

 

[In2theGame]

Shes messeging me saying she feels like she needs to talk to me. Im holding it down like a fvcking ROCK right now. im trying to be strong and cut contact. 2 girls want to hang out with me tonight,..... i dunno i might go.

 

[5string]

Shes messeging me saying she feels like she needs to talk to me. Im holding it down like a fvcking ROCK right now. im trying to be strong and cut contact. 2 girls want to hang out with me tonight,..... i dunno i might go.

GO! HAVE A GOOD TIME! Way to go. They always seem to come back for the validation. Scars is one smart guy, and gave you some good intuitive advice. When I first started reading this, I sensed a rat in the woodpile also. I was also thinking she was feeling really bad about something she did. Thus her behavior. Almost was thinking "uh oh, maybe another Cluster B at work here". This is the result you should have. Stay NC. Have a good time tonight. Sorry for the investment you had in all this. Been there. Utlimately, you done real good brother. Good luck.