Update: for Igetit & others

[Robert28]

as promised, i am documenting my most recent convo with a random girl to see what i am doing wrong/right.

tonight i got stood up by a friend(a girl) who was supposed to hangout with me. long story. so anyways i was craving some wings and beer, so i went to Hooters.lol ok, i admit, i didn't JUST gor for the wings and beer i know some people feel you shouldn't go out to eat alone, but in my line of work i am used to it, it doesn't bother me at all. in fact, i tend to meet more women when i'm alone then when i'm with friends. they seem to rag on me a bit and make me feel awkward at times, and i just feel more comfortable going it alone. so anyways on to the conersation. i won't bother typing all the ordering, grreting chatter stuff, but instead begin where the waitress comes and sits at my table with me(unasked btw).

her: (sits down and with a smile) so what are you doing eating by yourself?
me: i got stood up tonight by a friend of mine.
her: who in the hell in their right mind would stand you up? that's wrong!
me: i know, right?(i say this jokingly and she could tell)
her: was it a date or just hanging out?
me: well she is my ex g/f but we were just going to hangout and have a few beers but she gave me the "my friends having a baby" excuse. at least it was original.haha
her: haha yeah. that still sucks though that she stood you up. let me go check on this table, don't go anywhere i want to talk to you some more!
me: ok

*she stays gone for about 10 min and walks past my table a few times, but i don't look at her or anything, i just act if i don't notice.

her: ok sorry, i'm back
me: i thought you'd forgotten about me(i said this in a non-serious way)
her: not at all! so what bar were ya'll going to tonight? what are you going to do with yourself tonight?
me: i'll probaboy go meet up with some friends and go out downtown(i hadn't made that plan, but i didn't want to sound like i didn't have a backup plan after being stood up). what time do you get off? wanna go have a beer with me?
her: i'd love to but i don't get off 'til 2am and i have to be up at 9 for a meeting. have you ever been to WIG's? it's a really cool bar.
me:never heard of the place. what's it like?
her: (tells me about it)
her: we should go there one night next week. you can meet my friends, i have alot of hot friends.
me: so you're already trying to put me off on your friends huh? you must have a b/f or something.
her: yeah, we're on and off. you should meet my friend(i forgot her name but she pulls out her phone and shows me a pic. this girl is HOT!) she works here but she's not working tonight.
me: she's pretty cute. so she's single huh? i've never known a single Hooters girl before.haha
her: yep she's single. you seem like her type too. you're nice.
me:nice? that's like the kiss of death when a girl tells you that. i'm not a nice guy.
her: i didn't mean it like that! i meant you seem cool and i think she would go for you. if not i have other hot single friends
me: so i guess this makes you my pimp huh?
her:haha yeah i know, right. here let me give you my number and we'll get up one night next week and you can come out with us and meet her.
me: (hand her my phone)
her: send me a text later so i'll have your number
me: ok, sounds good, well i better get going.
her: ok let me get your bill.

more small talk but that was basically it. i sent her a text a few hours later saying "here's my number. have a good night." she wrote back "you too! we will talk soon."

and that's basically it. so how'd i do? how do i go about remingding her of us getting up next week to meet her friend? i doubt she will forget but she might, you never know. i also want to point out that i held eye contact during the convo. i have that problem when first meeting an attractive girl or if i see one looking at me, i tend to look away and not hold eye contact. i'm working on it though. it just makes me nervous for some reason.

 

[1337]

good work, you did fine. Since shes a hooters girl and has a lot of customers its easy to forget about a guy they meet so you might wanna have follow up quick and strong so you can stay in her mind. The next time you guys hang out and she brings friends bring like 1 or 2 non c0ckblocking/wingman friends that might make you look good. Also always have fun with this, you were having fun and enjoying yourself food,drink,women making you smooth. Just hit her up in 2 nights around the same time of the day you met her this will help with recall and familiarity. Do this without seeming desperate, girls love to play matchmaker with their friends so if you mess up your screwed.

 

[Oxide]

Wow if what you typed is correct, this is a cool girl to have as a friend. I always appreciate a woman who will bring her friends to meet you.

 

[Kailex]

If you can get a Hooters chick to be social proof... then you are on the right track. Just the fact that she'd even want you to meet other people is a good start. Now, don't EXPECT anything, but if you two DO in fact meet up... you're end result should be: FUN.

You want to go out and seem like the kinda guy who has FUN.

Besides, it should be a huge confidence boost to be THAT guy who is hanging out with some girl from Hooters.

I have absolutely nothing to critique from all of that except this:

me: well she is my ex g/f but we were just going to hangout and have a few beers but she gave me the "my friends having a baby" excuse. at least it was original.haha

Good line, but I'd be weary about mentioning stuff about your "ex" in the future. Some women hear men talking about meeting up with their ex and it can be a turn-off.

It seems like to them it's a red flag because it usually indicates that you might have past relationship issues or something like that.

Stupid, yes... but that's how sometimes they'll play the game. The last thing you want is to be cvck blocked by an ex who really isn't in the picture anymore.


Other than that, good job.
Even if nothing comes out of it... you're in the right direction towards some social interaction and moving up in this world as a DJ.

 

[Robert28]

it's a bit confusing acctually. i can't get the town wh0re to like me or sleep with me, or any girl that has the reputation of being "easy", but i can get a Hooter's girl to want me to meet her Hooters friend. i'll get rejected by an average/decent looking girl, but a hot girl will fall in my lap every now and then. i don't get it. hope this works out even if her friend isn't into me, talk about social proof, hanging out with a couple of Hooters girl's should qualify me to ANY women before i ever say a word to them.

 

[zekko]

her: yep she's single. you seem like her type too. you're nice.
me:nice? that's like the kiss of death when a girl tells you that. i'm not a nice guy.

I keep reading posts like this on here where the girl says something about the guy being nice and the guy almost freaks out trying to deny that he's nice.
I'm curious if the others think this is really necessary? In my experience girls don't use the term "nice guy" the way guys do on this forum (they don't mean it as the ultimate insult).
Or do you think it's a good idea to deny being nice? I personally don't think it matters. I almost think if you deny it too vehemently it comes across as try hard.

 

[Robert28]

I keep reading posts like this on here where the girl says something about the guy being nice and the guy almost freaks out trying to deny that he's nice.
I'm curious if the others think this is really necessary? In my experience girls don't use the term "nice guy" the way guys do on this forum (they don't mean it as the ultimate insult).
Or do you think it's a good idea to deny being nice? I personally don't think it matters. I almost think if you deny it too vehemently it comes across as try hard.

i've learned from experience. 99% of the girls that have used the term "nice" to describe me i never dated them. the girls that the word "nice" NEVER came from their mouths, i had success with. usually when someone asks them, or you ask them, "so what do you think of Robert?". 99% of the time it goes something like this "oh he's nice, but.....". i've never had a girl describe her boyfriend to me when asked what he's like as "nice". never. why can't they come out and say "youre cute i think she'd like you". i have yet to get a girl attracted to me because of my "niceness".

 

[Oxide]

I keep reading posts like this on here where the girl says something about the guy being nice and the guy almost freaks out trying to deny that he's nice.
I'm curious if the others think this is really necessary? In my experience girls don't use the term "nice guy" the way guys do on this forum (they don't mean it as the ultimate insult).
Or do you think it's a good idea to deny being nice? I personally don't think it matters. I almost think if you deny it too vehemently it comes across as try hard.

Agreed. Before I would say "Oh you clearly don't know me well" but now, who cares. There was a period in my life where for more than a year people would describe me as an a$$hole - I'd get it at least 2-3 times a night. Trust me that doesn't get you laid either.

 

[Igetit!]

i've learned from experience. 99% of the girls that have used the term "nice" to describe me i never dated them.

Freakin' bingo.

You're right about this Robert,but you still shouldn't have feaked out when she used that word to describe you.


You unknowingly showed a hint of insecurity.


The comment you made about how being called "nice" was the kiss of death from a girl was one thing,but the way you seemed adamant when you said,"I'm not a nice guy",made it seem like you were deathly afraid of being called "nice".




If this girl does go and try to hung you up with her friend she might be like,"I met this guy at work who I thought you might like. He seems cool and everything,but don't call him nice,though.

He almost had a heart attack when I said that".




Another thing is this....(and yes,this can be confusing)



Normally,if a girl WHO YOU ARE INTERESTED IN AND TRYING TO DATE uses the word "nice" DIRECTLY TO YOU to describe you,then I'd consider it the kiss of death.




That wasn't the situation here. Here,a WINGWOMAN was using the word to say how she'd describe you to a friend she wants to introduce you to.



That's different,and that's ok.


Anyway,enough with the "nice" talk.




So you wanted to know how you did with this girl.



I do remember saying something about how we could use an example of what you say and how you talk to girls so we could see if there were any areas we could help you out at,but to be honest man,this conversation here doesn't qualify.



This isn't what I meant. What I meant was a one on one discussion between you and the girl you're trying to "game".



This is you and a girl TALKING ABOUT a different girl you might be interested in.



Once this wingwoman introduces you two to each other then gets out of the way,that's when we'll be able to see what the real deal is and what's going on.



Now,before any talk about her having a boyfriend showed up,she seemed really bent on talking to you,but the thing is,you were just sitting there.



You hadn't done,said,or demonstrated any kind of value. So that makes me think that from the getgo,her interest in speaking to you was solely for the purpose of hooking you up with her friend,and not because of any interest she HERSELF may have had for you.




The conversation you should post that would best help us to help you out should be the one between you and this girl's friend,not between you and the matchmaker.

 

[Robert28]

after giving the nice guy thing some thought, a better reaction would have been something like "nice guy huh? well that's ok with me as long as i don't finish last". or something like that. one of these days i'm going to put it all together and do and say all the right things....one day. if i ever hear from this girl again about going out with her and her friend i will post the convo and tell about the night. the reason i didn't show much value to this girl is because she's a waitress....not only a waitress but a HOOTERS waitress. shes heard it all and seen it all, why waste my time, you know? i've never had much success with waitresses, but this might be the first time since she's wanting to set me up with her Hooter's waitress friend. maybe that's the secret to dating waitresses, ask them if they have any hot single friends.haha

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Question for I get it and others. How about if you've told a girl she looked even prettier in person after you've met her? (Seeing her picture posted online) And she says "thank you, you're so sweet". To me that would be an automatic. "you're nice, but not interested"?

 

[Ease]

She's a waitress at hooters. Her job is to be a ho.

That squirrels episode of south park comes to mind.

How much did you tip her?

 

[Igetit!]

Question for I get it and others. How about if you've told a girl she looked even prettier in person after you've met her? (Seeing her picture posted online) And she says "thank you, you're so sweet". To me that would be an automatic. "you're nice, but not interested"?

BINGO....that's EXACTLY RIGHT.


ANYTIME you get "You're sweet" or "You're nice" or "I think you're a great guy" from a girl,it's lights out,but here's the thing though.....



If a girl says that DIRECTLY TO YOU,then it's a bad sign.


But if she says it to another girl when describing you,then in most cases,she's interested in you.


It's weird. A girl will use words like "nice","sweet","good",and "friendly" to describe a guy they DON'T LIKE,and they'll use these words DIRECTLY to the guy as they're turning him down.



But if they're in a relationship with someone who mistreats them,they'll use the same words to defend their boyfriend when speaking to a third party.


Ah...the complexity that is women,lol.



Anyway....Naughty Ninja,if a girl you've just recently met just bust out with a "you're so sweet" in response to you complimenting her,then that means WHATEVER IT WAS you were doing and saying to her LEADING UP TO that moment was wrong.


In other words,you were on the wrong track with her THE WHOLE TIME.

You just didn't realize it until you got the "you're sweet" line from her.

 

[CCFCmid]

I think that's bang on from my experience. The your so sweet is as much a death knell as 'nice'!

Just playing devil's advocate here a bit though, what if say the girl was not in a position to get into a relationship, could be in one already, or recently out of one, or as I've had before is getting emotional blackmail from an ex [depression, self-harm, suicide]?

I've had the "not yet, I have to wait for his mum to die(!!wtf lol) cos she has cancer and he says he will kill himself when she dies" <--emotional blackmail. She's had best friend commit suicide a few years back so quite easily manipulated in this situation.

Of course as soon as I got that, it was the eject button and not looked back! All that baggage, how crazy to put your life on hold because of that! But just a bit of a unique situation where I got the 'you're so sweet'-bomb and think it mightn't not been an immediate indication of her low interest where in most situations it would've been. What do you guys think?

Just want to reiterate I am well out of this now. Just trying to reflect on experience in order to gain some more insight.

 

[CCFCmid]

I think that's bang on from my experience. The your so sweet is as much a death knell as 'nice'!

Just playing devil's advocate here a bit though, what if say the girl was not in a position to get into a relationship, could be in one already, or recently out of one, or as I've had before is getting emotional blackmail from an ex [depression, self-harm, suicide]?

I've had the "not yet, I have to wait for his mum to die(!!wtf lol) cos she has cancer and he says he will kill himself when she dies" <--emotional blackmail. She's had best friend commit suicide a few years back so quite easily manipulated in this situation.

Of course as soon as I got that, it was the eject button and not looked back! All that baggage, how crazy to put your life on hold because of that! But just a bit of a unique situation where I got the 'you're so sweet'-bomb and think it mightn't not been an immediate indication of her low interest where in most situations it would've been. What do you guys think?

Just want to reiterate I am well out of this now. Just trying to reflect on experience in order to gain some more insight.

Any views on this? I think it might touch on something that the DJ community can sometimes, albeit rarely, misjudge... namely the whole thing about x means y, VERY occasionally, some context is needed. But I do think it's probable that in this specific situation the "you're so sweet" thing still applies, in my eyes anyway. Just wondering some others take on it?

 

[Robert28]

She's a waitress at hooters. Her job is to be a ho.

That squirrels episode of south park comes to mind.

How much did you tip her?

oh trust me i know why she sat down. i was alone and she even told me that they are encouraged to sit down and chat with guys who are there alone. the thing is, her whole intention was to hook me up with her friend. the bill was $13 and i tipped her $4. i never tip a waitress rediculous sums of money just because shes hot and flirted with me a little. i am respectful though that she's doing her job and has to make money too, so i'm not going to low ball her either. like i mentioned in an earlier post, i never "game" waitresses. it's too much trouble and my game isn't good enough to compete with the countless other guys that have tried to flirt with her before/after me.

i do have another funny story that happened to me last night with a waitress. this girl was really cute, being super nice and most afc's would think "oh man she soo likes me, i can tell!" i'm no fool however but i did have fun with her to get practice. at the end when she brought my bill i looked at her and said "i have to ask you a really important question. i know you probably get this alot, but i'm going to ask you anyways......can i get a tea to go?"haha you could see the look on her face of "this guy is about to ask me out and i'm about to unload the "i have a boyfriend" line on his @$$" but when i said that, the look on her face was priceless! her feelings weren't hurt, but you could tell she wasn't expecting that AT ALL. it was fun to say the least.lol

 

[Oxide]

oh trust me i know why she sat down. i was alone and she even told me that they are encouraged to sit down and chat with guys who are there alone. the thing is, her whole intention was to hook me up with her friend. the bill was $13 and i tipped her $4. i never tip a waitress rediculous sums of money just because shes hot and flirted with me a little. i am respectful though that she's doing her job and has to make money too, so i'm not going to low ball her either. like i mentioned in an earlier post, i never "game" waitresses. it's too much trouble and my game isn't good enough to compete with the countless other guys that have tried to flirt with her before/after me.

i do have another funny story that happened to me last night with a waitress. this girl was really cute, being super nice and most afc's would think "oh man she soo likes me, i can tell!" i'm no fool however but i did have fun with her to get practice. at the end when she brought my bill i looked at her and said "i have to ask you a really important question. i know you probably get this alot, but i'm going to ask you anyways......can i get a tea to go?"haha you could see the look on her face of "this guy is about to ask me out and i'm about to unload the "i have a boyfriend" line on his @$$" but when i said that, the look on her face was priceless! her feelings weren't hurt, but you could tell she wasn't expecting that AT ALL. it was fun to say the least.lol

Love it! That is exactly the type of stuff I love doing that gets the girls going, because their emotions go all over the place