update BPD Wife

[sadonomspa]

So guys I have been no contact for about a week thought. Well technically 3 weeks if you count me not contacting her.

She stopped pulling her normal crap of texting me "goodmorning""goodnight" since I no longer responded to them. Took about a week.

She called me last Tuesday to tell me "sorry I havent contacted you alot more my phone is messed up and all I do after work is go straight to sleep and sleep until the next morning, btw do you still have my photos and pots and pans? I will send you my new address later tonight"

Ok I threw all the things she asked for out because up until that day she said that she was going to text me the address and never does!!

Its like she is forgetting everything she tells me its so damn contradictory.

I just want to know I am still the normal one.

For the past 2 days I have been totally yearning to contact her but I cant.

And I need some more advice here.

Look she was my first real relationship. I managed to cut out all the other "girls" in my life. (mistake)

But some how during our relationship I was not able to cut our one girl in particular. I thought about her all the time honestly and "what could have happend".

Now this girl is back in my life but does not give me the same attention as before. I made a plan with her for dinner last week. She didnt confirm but said most likely and then said she couldnt a few hours later.

If you see my other one post on here a few people are sure my wife has bpd. From what I take it because they do things suddenly it makes nice guys go crazy and take a long time to recover.

Look. I want to get better. Regardless of outcome with BPD wife.(said she was going to send divorce papers never did also has another guy who she calls a "friend" and somebody who makes her feel different)

Iam legit when I say this but I feel as if BPD wife still has control over me. It sort of upsets me she doesnt contact me as much as she did.

I need the abuse to stop really, and I also do not want to come off needy to this wonderful girl who decided to talk to me even though I contantly let her down because my wife had control over me.

I need a boost guys from anybody who has been thru this.

Thanks!

 

[Bible_Belt]

said she was going to send divorce papers never did


Don't hold your breath on that one. Go get a lawyer or write up your own papers and file. You'll need an address for her so she can get served with the papers. You will do a lot better with the other girls you talk to when they hear that you have filed for divorce. "Separated" in a woman's eye's is a temporary thing. Divorce shows that you are really done with her, and that is what every other woman wants to see.

Be extra nice and sweet to her as you divorce her. Patronize her. Go on and on about how sad it is that you two can't be together...then slip her the divorce agreement to sign...hug her and cry a little....and then sprint away laughing like a madman.

 

[sadonomspa]

so if I come off as needy and still wanting her in my life that will push her to get things moving?

That is interesting because now when I do talk to her which is rare she never mentions anything about the papers...

Bible_Belt how many of these girls have you been with? I think you were the one who said my story sounded the same as all the other bpd stories.

I even talked to a friend of mine today who has not seen me in months and they even confirmed I am probably the "back up" guy incase her 18 year old fails...

What do you think is worst. Finding this crap out about woman after your first real relationship or going through this later on in life?

Do you think if I had been properly seasoned with women before that I would have still had this hard of a time?

 

[Bible_Belt]

No one has an easy time dating a bpd girl. They don't let you. I have only had a relationship with one of them, but I knew her for ten years before we got together, and also my ex-wife's sister has bpd. You have to know somebody who has had one in their life before you really understand the disorder.

She wants to feel the pain of abandonment. That is all you have to remember. That is why she left.

And did you say she is dating an 18 y/o? That sounds about right. BPD girls choose men that are never quite available. They like married men, guys in jail, and guys with whom there is a drastic age difference. My bpd girl's mom is bpd, too. She is 50 and dates 20 year old guys. Her last boyfriend is in jail...just like her daughter's last guy before me.

 

[jophil28]

What do you think is worst. Finding this crap out about woman after your first real relationship or going through this later on in life?

Do you think if I had been properly seasoned with women before that I would have still had this hard of a time?

Ha ha ! Having a relationship with a BPD woman is right up there with prostate cancer or bankruptcy . It is destructive at any age.
I have had a LOT of women since the early 70's, but after all that, even I took one for the team with a BPD woman back in 2006.
The damage of the experience is the same at any age .
However, you are somewhat fortunate in that your early experience with one will forearm you to avoid another.

The way to get through this is to be as slimy and deceptive as she is. Fight fire with fire . Say and do whatever you have to to rid yourself of this malignancy. Dealing with a BPD woman is a game of tactics. Just like warfare, the most skilled deceiver wins each encounter.

 

[jophil28]

She wants to feel the pain of abandonment. That is all you have to remember. That is why she left.

And did you say she is dating an 18 y/o? That sounds about right. BPD girls choose men that are never quite available.
.

Yes, it seems that they are compusively drawn to men who will EVENTUALLY abandon them again -just like her parents did.
And if you do not do that (leave her) she will create much drama and pain to force you to abandon her. All the while she is cheating on you and setting up her next victim behind your back.

 

[sadonomspa]

Yea its funny. I cannot believe how familiar these stories are. A few weeks ago I wrote a pro's and con's list.

Man the cons outwiegh the pro thats for sure.

What's funny is that I listed "sex" as the first pro.

And I see on here that these bpd's give the best.

I am glad there are so many ways to define them and they all come back to one source.

I know she is bad for me so do you guys associate girls like this to any type of evil???

I cannot believe I married this girl. I knew I was walking in a trap... Always trust your first instinct.

 

[Bible_Belt]

A few weeks ago I wrote a pro's and con's list.

Man the cons outwiegh the pro thats for sure.

What's funny is that I listed "sex" as the first pro.


I made the same list a long time ago on a dry erase board. I wrote the items on the list in a size that correlated with their importance. SEX was in letters six inches high on her side of the board. Then, writing all in small print, I ran out of room on the con side.

The funny thing is, that list was more of a comparison between two girls than it was a pro & con list for one girl. I am with the other girl now...and honestly the sex we have is better even than what I had with bpd girl. The type of sex that you have with one of these crazy girls right away is possible with a (more) sane woman, but it just takes time.

 

[sadonomspa]

So I saw an ex of mine last night. Totally by coincidence. I took a bus back from Philly to New York and where the bus stopped my ex ex was handing out flyers because she does promotional work for a venue.

Now this ex she def has issues. She sees lots of doctors and takes lots of meds and broke my heart being with 3 other guys at the same time. This was like 6 years ago.

I am totally over her and she has a boyfriend he was there. But I could tell she had that look of love in her eyes and she was grabbing my arms and just being really touchy feely. (experience has taught me to stay away from these types after this year)

Anyway I remember last Spring my wife opened up a dummy myspace account and sent the said ex a letter. Telling her to go kill herself. She is a waste of time and space and that she is ugly.

I knew this because my wife left the page open on the computer. A few weeks later I asked my wife if she wrote those things to my ex and she said No.
I remember it made me want to scream inside because I knew she was lieing.

I mean even the dummy name was a name my wife would come up with. Anyway I remember just blowing this off and thinking it wasnt a big deal but the fact was she lied about that.

I also found out she was stalking every girl who ever liked me myspace. She knew more about my ex then I did!!!

Iam getting more to the anger point now then being depressed. So far its been 1 week nc.

 

[sadonomspa]

ohh and one more thing.

I told my ex about what happend with my wife and she said "I could have told you that she was nuts, you always said she wasnt good for you"

Why did I put up with so much garbage?

 

[Jean Valjean]

ohh and one more thing.

I told my ex about what happend with my wife and she said "I could have told you that she was nuts, you always said she wasnt good for you"

Why did I put up with so much garbage?

you put up with it because you're human and consequently a fool ...

a fool and his mony is parted early

I am the same fool with a bpd semi gf who still lingers around .. last week I left my loyal and totally good wife for her ..

Can't get the bpd off my mind prob because I got no other pretty gf around and am too invested in her .. you at least had sex I have never been given that ..just alot of messing around ... and hoping to get her out of my system

 

[sadonomspa]

Jean,

I totally know how you feel. Although I did not leave another girl for her I basically left all my loyal friends behind. It got the point where one of my major best friends no longer speaks to me because he cant stand that I put myself through so much garbage.

These girls have a way with words. I mean I should have looked at her boyfreinds from the past and figure out why none of them stayed with her for more then a few months.

Did you tell your wife why you left etc?

Goodness with the pain I was experiencing I know I would never leave my friends or anybody who was loyal to me behind.

I even told my brother the other day, for now on I am sticking to the people who are going to be loyal for me.

You mention you cant get her out of your mind. That's wicked. I know because I suspect this other girl who I always thought about while with BPD wife is also BPD herself!!!

This site has made things very clear for me. The only girls I have attracted so far are BPD girls. Because I cannot get them out of my head!!!!

Seriously though. Maybe you need to get with a girl you arent attracted too and break this cycle?

I bet you your semi girlfriend gives you hints that she wants you but then follows it up a few minutes later talking about another guy she is interested in. Right?

From reading the posts on here I am fairly certain there are alot more BPD's then thought.

Also from what I gather to rid yourself of this toxin you have to go "no contact" I have been doing this sucessfully for a week now..

Remember things get worst before they get better.

My bpd friend who was after me before I met my wife wants to send her an "email" lol
Basically telling her off, I think bpd friend is the lesser of the evils but I am not falling for that trap again.

I know there are great girls out there who will love me for real.

 

[Jean Valjean]

yeah I just finished a long phone conversation with my bpd ...telling me how she can't have sex with me because I might leave her ..yada yada yet ****s other guys ..

..still wants to go dancing with me on my birthday where she will flirt like mad and dance with others.

these girls are bad news. Best I can hope for is some dances and alot of making out, kissing, touching etc. but no relief if you know what I mean.
If I can keep her around just for this as a third rate gf and also had some first rate girl friends it would work

problem is that they play your emotions so you have to feel nothing for them in order to do well with them ... in short be a psychopath with them no conscience or emotion.

think we can do it?

 

[jophil28]

yeah I just finished a long phone conversation with my bpd ...telling me how she can't have sex with me because I might leave her ..yada yada yet ****s other guys ..

..still wants to go dancing with me on my birthday where she will flirt like mad and dance with others.

these girls are bad news. Best I can hope for is some dances and alot of making out, kissing, touching etc. but no relief if you know what I mean.
If I can keep her around just for this as a third rate gf and also had some first rate girl friends it would work

problem is that they play your emotions so you have to feel nothing for them in order to do well with them ... in short be a psychopath with them no conscience or emotion.

think we can do it?

YOu know enough by now about how BPD woman wreak havoc on those who get involved with them.
Why bother ?

 

[sadonomspa]

I am trying my best with no contact. She lives in Florida i live in NYC. She no longer texts me in the morning or at night anymore. Its been a little over a week and I do not know if I feel better or not.
Of course I always think about what shes up to. I still miss her.

Iam totally getting out there and doing what I like to do. Been sending out resumes hardcore.

 

[Jean Valjean]

Brother you have to go pschopath on her and remove any feelings for her - treat her like an object not a human

I think my bpd semi might drive me back to my wonderful good hearted ex wife, so she may serve a great purpose after all - by showing me the pschos I could end up with !!


I will tell bpd girl next week after b day that she may not contact me anymore unless it is to give me the sexual relationship I want .. hopefully she does not contact me.

 

[Luthor Rex]

I just want to know I am still the normal one.

Do you think that this is one of the most damaging things about these kinds of women: that they make you feel like you're the crazy one?

 

[Jean Valjean]

oops

today is 10 days NC

oouch ...I forgot that bpd girls can go for months NC while you die inside each night pining for them ...oh well so much for that idea

looks like they are built to win these battles

 

[romangod]

today is 10 days NC

oouch ...I forgot that bpd girls can go for months NC while you die inside each night pining for them ...oh well so much for that idea

looks like they are built to win these battles

No, it looks like you are built to lose these battles.


Cheers!

 

[brokenupinside]

yeah I just finished a long phone conversation with my bpd ...telling me how she can't have sex with me because I might leave her ..yada yada yet ****s other guys ..

..still wants to go dancing with me on my birthday where she will flirt like mad and dance with others.

these girls are bad news. Best I can hope for is some dances and alot of making out, kissing, touching etc. but no relief if you know what I mean.
If I can keep her around just for this as a third rate gf and also had some first rate girl friends it would work

problem is that they play your emotions so you have to feel nothing for them in order to do well with them ... in short be a psychopath with them no conscience or emotion.

think we can do it?

Don't go dancing with her if you really want a chance, wait.........she will get more interested and if she doesn't you never had a chance anyway right?