Unrequited love

[DrMetallica]

I don't know what to do.

I am in love with a girl I met 6 months ago, but it was really only until last month until we hung out. I screwed her the first night she came over to my house, and we've screwed a lot since then. We haven't done much outside of watching movies, drinking wine, and screwing. One night I took her to a romantic mountain overlook and popped out candles and merlot, which was classy. The problem is she has stopped calling me (she would call every day and ask to hang out), and we haven't screwed in 3 weeks, and she calls me maybe twice a week now and doesn't answer my phone calls.

It is not out of desperation that I love her, I have been with many other girls. This girl is the quirkiest girl I know, and she says the cutest and funniest things that make me laugh. For example, she said "You're so shy & nervous around me... except in bed." She is almost the complete opposite of me... I have a boring job (accountant), she has a cool job (in a restaraunt). She takes pills and smokes marijuana, I don't. She gets bad grades and I get good ones (study my arse off). The thing about her though, is that she is SO FUN to be around. She makes me smile and laugh.

There is nothing that I desire more than to be with her. I bought her flowers the other week, and she was excited but specifically told me "not to be so nice." I don't understand that, because I do nice things, but I also grab her ass all the time, so I'm not a wuss like the typical nice guy is.

Anyways, my plan is to invite her over to my house, have a bottle of Pinot Grigio, and tell her I want her to be my girlfriend. Thoughts?

 

[lauke]

smokes marijuana

That is a good sign to fill up your trashcan.

Remember, there might be some momentary discomfort. But there will be long term happiness that you aren't hanging out with a drug addict.

 

[Macgyver]

It's nice to meet someone totally opposite of you (she bad grades, you good grades, she is chemically dependent, you are not, she is fun/outgoing, you are introspective/shyer) but it all comes to do your personalities click well together. The common thing about dating is, after 3-6 a "whatever goes" couple tends to find themselves that they didn't have much in common and most successful relationships are two people who may not have similar upbringings but similar views of life as well as similar personality quirks. In this case it seems like you both didn't based on my assumption.

She's probably not into you and she could be interested in another person as well. I would swallow this and move on and find someone that has more commonalities with you. I don't think it's the nice guy act or anything - usually when a couple clicks well on personality and the vibe is good. And please, nice guys are not wusses just because they don't want to grab on body parts, they're called men who know how to control themselves. She told you to not to be so nice because right now her value is much higher than yours and she doesn't want to be on a guilt trip because she isn't that interested in you.

fyi, my definition of a nice guy is that he doesn't have much self respect for himself and nice for others because he's desperate for attention. (you're getting to that point btw) A nice guy is typically NOT a nice guy once in a closer relationship. he doesn't know how to act intimately and can sometimes be very abusive in a passive aggressive way.

 

[DrMetallica]

It's nice to meet someone totally opposite of you (she bad grades, you good grades, she is chemically dependent, you are not, she is fun/outgoing, you are introspective/shyer) but it all comes to do your personalities click well together. The common thing about dating is, after 3-6 a "whatever goes" couple tends to find themselves that they didn't have much in common and most successful relationships are two people who may not have similar upbringings but similar views of life as well as similar personality quirks. In this case it seems like you both didn't based on my assumption.

She's probably not into you and she could be interested in another person as well. I would swallow this and move on and find someone that has more commonalities with you. I don't think it's the nice guy act or anything - usually when a couple clicks well on personality and the vibe is good. And please, nice guys are not wusses just because they don't want to grab on body parts, they're called men who know how to control themselves. She told you to not to be so nice because right now her value is much higher than yours and she doesn't want to be on a guilt trip because she isn't that interested in you.

fyi, my definition of a nice guy is that he doesn't have much self respect for himself and nice for others because he's desperate for attention. (you're getting to that point btw) A nice guy is typically NOT a nice guy once in a closer relationship. he doesn't know how to act intimately and can sometimes be very abusive in a passive aggressive way.

I understand what you said. I definitely agree that "her value is much higher than yours", she has a very active social life, while I have a very active academic and work life. She might be interested in someone else. I didn't mean that all nice guys are wusses, and I completely agree with you that nice guys are only nice because of a hidden/secret motivation (usually ashamed to be sexual upfront with a girl :nono: ) and later be very abusive in the relationship, while other gentlemen will be upfront in their motivation.

Maybe we don't click well, but I still like hanging out with this girl. Do you not suggest my plan of wine? What would you suggest I do? Do you really think I should move on? Because I think of nothing else but her...

 

[DrMetallica]

That is a good sign to fill up your trashcan.

Remember, there might be some momentary discomfort. But there will be long term happiness that you aren't hanging out with a drug addict.

I hate drugs & addictions. But still, I don't know why I love her.

 

[shumon]

lol this is a joke

 

[Wyldfire]

You don't love her...you are infatuated with her and the way she makes YOU feel about yourself when you are around her. A man will feel "in love" with a woman if she makes him feel good about HIMSELF in her presence. She's making you feel fun, sexy, yadda yadda yadda. You get the point. The reason you are wanting to be with her so badly is because you haven't figured out how to elicit those feelings ABOUT yourself BY yourself.

Any smart woman can make any man feel in love with her simply by knowing how to make him feel good about who HE is in her presence. Sounds like she's good at that...but it doesn't mean you really love her. You just love yourself more when you're with her. Learn the difference...

 

[DrMetallica]

No, I am really crazy about this girl

 

[ketostix]

I think Wyldfire could be right on this. Sometimes it may feel like love to you, but could well be infatuation.

Wyldfire's always an antagonist. What does it matter if he's truely in love with her or not? That's totally irrelevant. He wants to be with her, that's all that matters. But what's the standard advice given here? If she pulls back you pull back. So I wouldn't recommnd doing anything romantic for her now.

 

[cactus3178]

Your not in love with her.

Her IL has dropped for whatever reason(s), and if you want to keep her, you better do something about it. You need to figure out what it was that happened just prior to her calling less, not hanging out as much, etc.

The last damn thing you should do is go ask her to be your GF at this point. Your gonna have to get her IL back up first, and she should be the one asking anyway.

Go do something you haven't done, don't be a boring or predictable person. Let her call you, then go have a blast with her.