unnecessarily complicating things?

[big weezy]

I realised now I need to work on not overcomplicating and overly long winded my responses with girls when setting up dates.

I know you all say calling is better I agree too however they don't pick up when I 1st call so I'm left waiting for them to get back to me before I make arrangements which is annoying esp if its an immediate date I'm tryna arrange for that night.

Anyway with this 1 who I mentioned the other day I'm suppose to take her for an action date teaching her golf.

I sent her: hey HB, looks like the weather has turned for the better.. Maybe it's a 'sign' we should get together (for golf) haha. I got a few things on this week but could do 6 or 7pm tonight or tomorrow, how's then for u?'

Half hour later..

Her: heey! Really can't till this weekend, big submission tomoz. How about sunday afternoon?'

An hour later..

Me: sunday, yes. Afternoon, no. I got a couple of things to do during the day and the motor racing final is on but it should be done by 7. Reserve 7 or 8pm Sun for me and I shall do the same for u. cool?'

No response

Reading back I realised that I'm overly complicating things and shoulda just said 'yes ok, but make it 7pm, ok? I got a couple I got to do during the day.'

Its prob same reason I lost my date from last week by sending an overly long potentially sleazy message. The prob is I don't want to come across as too available and give way too much info unnecessarily which might make them change their minds. I don't need to tell them the details of what I'm doing specifically but yet I do. Is there any reason why she wouldn't respond or commit? Her counter offer was a legit 1 not a usuall 'how about another time?' Or 'how about next week?'

 

[mahoney]

1. calling isn't necessarily better than texting. texting is fine! all tools have their uses - where texting goes wrong is when its used for inanity and pointlessness - as an arranging tool, i prefer to calling actually

2. you overcomplicated yes, but also you made a suggestion and she countered with "no but how do you feel about this other time?", yours was a bit more like "no not at that time, this time". personally i would have said something more like she did, "sunday sounds great, but can't do afternoon - how about later on tho? like 7 or something"

its a subtle difference, but was she was inclusive in her text so it seemed like you both working towards an agreed time - but in your text you flat out told her when it was going to be (without knowing if that was convenient for her) - there's nothing wrong with being concrete about setting a time/date but I'm not a big fan of telling them when its going to be

3. I agree about making sure you're not TOO available, but in general if a girl is suggesting a particular time/date and I'm free and also want to do that time/date, then i will accept - especially when they've made a concrete suggestion as she has. as for telling her the ins and outs of whatever else you're doing, there's really no need for that - esp as you've effectively told her you're more interested in a motor racing final than seeing her - its good for her to think you've got other things going on, but...i dunno...watching a motor racing final probably isn't one of the things you should be highlighting to her as more important than your potential date - that's not really quite the impression i'd be wanting her to have

 

[RockaRolla25]

I realised now I need to work on not overcomplicating and overly long winded my responses with girls when setting up dates.

I know you all say calling is better I agree too however they don't pick up when I 1st call so I'm left waiting for them to get back to me before I make arrangements which is annoying esp if its an immediate date I'm tryna arrange for that night.

Anyway with this 1 who I mentioned the other day I'm suppose to take her for an action date teaching her golf.

I sent her: hey HB, looks like the weather has turned for the better.. Maybe it's a 'sign' we should get together (for golf) haha. I got a few things on this week but could do 6 or 7pm tonight or tomorrow, how's then for u?'

Half hour later..

Her: heey! Really can't till this weekend, big submission tomoz. How about sunday afternoon?'

An hour later..

Me: sunday, yes. Afternoon, no. I got a couple of things to do during the day and the motor racing final is on but it should be done by 7. Reserve 7 or 8pm Sun for me and I shall do the same for u. cool?'

No response

Reading back I realised that I'm overly complicating things and shoulda just said 'yes ok, but make it 7pm, ok? I got a couple I got to do during the day.'

Its prob same reason I lost my date from last week by sending an overly long potentially sleazy message. The prob is I don't want to come across as too available and give way too much info unnecessarily which might make them change their minds. I don't need to tell them the details of what I'm doing specifically but yet I do. Is there any reason why she wouldn't respond or commit? Her counter offer was a legit 1 not a usuall 'how about another time?' Or 'how about next week?'

So, you would rather watch cars going around in circles for hours instead of going out with a hot chick? Can't you just turn it on with 2 laps left? You're not missing anything.

Plus, watching racing is making your I.Q. drop on purpose. No wonder she didn't respond. She probably thought to herself "Motor racing final? What is this guy, 12 years old?"

 

[big weezy]

1. calling isn't necessarily better than texting. texting is fine! all tools have their uses - where texting goes wrong is when its used for inanity and pointlessness - as an arranging tool, i prefer to calling actually

2. you overcomplicated yes, but also you made a suggestion and she countered with "no but how do you feel about this other time?", yours was a bit more like "no not at that time, this time". personally i would have said something more like she did, "sunday sounds great, but can't do afternoon - how about later on tho? like 7 or something"

its a subtle difference, but was she was inclusive in her text so it seemed like you both working towards an agreed time - but in your text you flat out told her when it was going to be (without knowing if that was convenient for her) - there's nothing wrong with being concrete about setting a time/date but I'm not a big fan of telling them when its going to be

3. I agree about making sure you're not TOO available, but in general if a girl is suggesting a particular time/date and I'm free and also want to do that time/date, then i will accept - especially when they've made a concrete suggestion as she has. as for telling her the ins and outs of whatever else you're doing, there's really no need for that - esp as you've effectively told her you're more interested in a motor racing final than seeing her - its good for her to think you've got other things going on, but...i dunno...watching a motor racing final probably isn't one of the things you should be highlighting to her as more important than your potential date - that's not really quite the impression i'd be wanting her to have

Yes you're absolutely correct, I was thinking this but couldn't pin point exactly how it would be perceived.

The whole rather watch motor racing final than her I guess could work in my favour esp since she's super hot?

But yes the whole telling her the time rather than coming to an arrangement may be what has sealed my downfall. I agree. I should have at least asked if it was cool. She mighta been offended I didn't even ask if she was free then. Hence why she hasn't replied.

Should I send something on sunday if I don't hear from her by then? (She's leaving the country in 2 weeks and may not be back after the summer so I have short time window to bang her)

Maybe I should send something along the lines of asking if she's free or whatnot cos I can see now that me telling her when the time is going to be is rather rude.

 

[big weezy]

So, you would rather watch cars going around in circles for hours instead of going out with a hot chick? Can't you just turn it on with 2 laps left? You're not missing anything.

Plus, watching racing is making your I.Q. drop on purpose. No wonder she didn't respond. She probably thought to herself "Motor racing final? What is this guy, 12 years old?"

Actually the motor racing final is part BS part truth, actually all I want to do is pick up. My main pick up days are the weekend during the day where I need to accumulate plates and I'm unwilling to sacrifice 1 of my main pick up days just to go on a date with a girl who I don't think has high interest in me. Its more a punt that I can turn an action date into something if I'm not already friendzoned.

I have a set pick up schedule, no woman is more important than that cos if I lose her I could have got a couple numbers instead that afternoon so if I can arrange the date outside of my main pick up hours I will, however it leads to probs as this 1 where I'm negotiating a time outside of 1 she has offered. Am I wrong to prioritise a pick up as oppose to a date?

 

[big weezy]

If she doesn't reply by sunday would it be afc if I were to say something like 'hey so we on for today? Excuse me for my last text I should have at least asked if u were free at the time I specified rather than just tell u to reserve it.'

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I realised now I need to work on not overcomplicating and overly long winded my responses with girls when setting up dates.

I know you all say calling is better I agree too however they don't pick up when I 1st call so I'm left waiting for them to get back to me before I make arrangements which is annoying esp if its an immediate date I'm tryna arrange for that night.

Anyway with this 1 who I mentioned the other day I'm suppose to take her for an action date teaching her golf.

I sent her: hey HB, looks like the weather has turned for the better.. Maybe it's a 'sign' we should get together (for golf) haha. I got a few things on this week but could do 6 or 7pm tonight or tomorrow, how's then for u?'

Half hour later..

Her: heey! Really can't till this weekend, big submission tomoz. How about sunday afternoon?'

An hour later..

Me: sunday, yes. Afternoon, no. I got a couple of things to do during the day and the motor racing final is on but it should be done by 7. Reserve 7 or 8pm Sun for me and I shall do the same for u. cool?'

No response

Reading back I realised that I'm overly complicating things and shoulda just said 'yes ok, but make it 7pm, ok? I got a couple I got to do during the day.'

Its prob same reason I lost my date from last week by sending an overly long potentially sleazy message. The prob is I don't want to come across as too available and give way too much info unnecessarily which might make them change their minds. I don't need to tell them the details of what I'm doing specifically but yet I do. Is there any reason why she wouldn't respond or commit? Her counter offer was a legit 1 not a usuall 'how about another time?' Or 'how about next week?'

Mahoney's response was great. I'm just gonna add to it.

You're not just overcomplicating things by sending long texts, you're also complicating things here. You're thinking too much. You're worrying too much. You're reading too much PUA material.

Your concerns about being "too available":

Being too available is something that weakens your position in a relationship. It doesn't weaken you before a first date has even been established.

If you offer a date on a Tuesday, and the girl says "Can't do Tues. How about Thursday at 7?" If you're free, just say YES. It's stupid to play these childish "I'm sooo busy" games with chicks. The goal is to get the date. Once you're on the date, you can establish your "position" or whatever the f**k you're worried about.

Long-winded texts:

I know the old school guys say "call. don't text". But it's not necessarily bad to text. It's 2011. People text.

The problem is, guys like you text WAY TOO MUCH. You got a chick's number, then an hour later you texted her. Then you proceeded to text back and forth every 5 minutes.

There was this episode of Seinfeld where George was perfecting the art of leaving a room. Leaving on a high note. And it's something I've learned how to do over the years...in person, on the phone, or text....I say something funny, the people laugh, and then I walk away. Leave people wanting more of you. Don't sit there with that stupid phone glowing against your face for hours and hours. Send one funny/interesting text. She'll respond. And leave it alone.

I went on a first date with a girl last saturday. We were having beers at like 4pm. So tuesday (3 days later), I texted her "Were you hungover by 10pm saturday? Because I sure was." She responded "I passed out by 10pm. But I had so much fun with you."

And there you go. That was the end of the conversation. What else could I possibly add to that? Today or tomorrow, I'll try to set up date #2. Until then, I have ZERO interest in texting. Because either she already likes me or she doesnt. Texting will not increase her interest, and it MIGHT decrease it.

In conclusion

So here's my summary on the dating issues of big weezy: Stop thinking in terms of PUA and start thinking like a regular, cool, grown man. You don't need to blindly follow bunch of PUA rules from freaks on the internet. Stop texting too much. And stop thinking so much. I stress about my work life. Girls are entertainment. It'd be like stressing over Madden.

 

[mahoney]

I have a set pick up schedule, no woman is more important than that cos if I lose her I could have got a couple numbers instead that afternoon so if I can arrange the date outside of my main pick up hours I will, however it leads to probs as this 1 where I'm negotiating a time outside of 1 she has offered. Am I wrong to prioritise a pick up as oppose to a date?

eh i dunno. each person has to find the way that works for them but i would prioritize the date over a "pick up day" - rules are great if you are a weak-willed person that needs structure but otherwise....i prefer to be more flexible, rules exist to suit me (if/when i need them), i dont exist to suit some rules. I don't think its weak to be flexible, if something good comes up whatever it is, i prefer to do it (generally) - think of rules more like a handrail on a mountain cliffpath, you shouldn't need to be gripping to it the whole time unless are the kind of person that might jump down the cliff, otherwise you might just need it here and there when unsure of footing

If she doesn't reply by sunday would it be afc if I were to say something like 'hey so we on for today? Excuse me for my last text I should have at least asked if u were free at the time I specified rather than just tell u to reserve it.'

too much overcomplication and seriousness in this text, it sounds like you want to correct a mistake in an order for some computer parts, its not a very fun or interesting text. don't worry about if she will or won't text just yet, just forget about it for now and do other things

if she hasn't responded by say, saturday afternoon then perhaps a text more like "hey, what time are on for tomorrow again?" - something which kind of includes her in the process a bit more, but also doesnt seem like you are pressing in any way (tho if she is irritated by your last text its not always easy to undo a bad impression at such an early stage - apologizing or talking about it just makes it bigger still though)

also I agree with everything mantis toboggan said

 

[big weezy]

good news, she responded last night.

her: 'ok... for sunday 6 would work. 5 would be even better! just warning ur going to have to be patient w my lack of practice! where is the place? ooh, and i dont have a club x'

should i agree to 5 then?

there must be a reason why she wants to meet earlier than i offered (maybe to revise for an exam)

i was thinking of sticking to the 6pm time as i suggested however i am wary that i dont want her running off rushing after and would be relaxed in my presence. (tbh i rather stick to the later time cos that extra hour i could get some numbers, i know it's only an hour but still it makes a difference as i usually get numbers around the 5-6pm time slot on weekends)

 

[Iceberg]

good news, she responded last night.

her: 'ok... for sunday 6 would work. 5 would be even better! just warning ur going to have to be patient w my lack of practice! where is the place? ooh, and i dont have a club x'

should i agree to 5 then?

there must be a reason why she wants to meet earlier than i offered (maybe to revise for an exam)

i was thinking of sticking to the 6pm time as i suggested however i am wary that i dont want her running off rushing after and would be relaxed in my presence. (tbh i rather stick to the later time cos that extra hour i could get some numbers, i know it's only an hour but still it makes a difference as i usually get numbers around the 5-6pm time slot on weekends)

Is there any REAL reason not to do 5? Because if there isn't, then just agree to 5 and shut up about the whole thing.

 

[mahoney]

ffs just go at 5

 

[big weezy]

i mean in terms of power, by me agreeing to the earlier time seems like i've caved in to her demands?

and she's controlling the situation.. i thought it might have been a test to see if i would comply with her request.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

i mean in terms of power, by me agreeing to the earlier time seems like i've caved in to her demands?

and she's controlling the situation.. i thought it might have been a test to see if i would comply with her request.

Man. You sound like a b*tch.

Get over the "rules" and just get a date, you sex-less freak.

 

[mahoney]

i mean in terms of power, by me agreeing to the earlier time seems like i've caved in to her demands?

and she's controlling the situation.. i thought it might have been a test to see if i would comply with her request.

you're going on a date with a girl, not a territorial dispute summit with henry kissinger. she's not some wily diplomat waiting to trip you up and gain concessions for her government

she isn't controlling the situation at all, no one is! you're just finding a time that works for you both. and..."her demands", honestly don't be such a clown. try and be a bit more relaxed about this

honestly, girls don't sit there with a whole bunch of prepared tests for you to pass. how on earth are you going to relax if you think of her as some kind of adversary like this?

yes, girls do tests sometimes, but this isn't a test, ffs agreeing a time for a date is not a test! the majority of the times girls do tests - a) its subconscious, and b) its if/when you have exhibited certain types of behavior. they don't sit there compiling them


the title of this thread is "unnecessarily complicating things?" - well, has there ever been a more apt title?