I'm a 22 year old student beginning my final academic term at a university. Unfortunately, I’m fairly shy and have had little experience with dating or with girls in general during the past few years. Last term, I made an effort to be more socially outgoing with other students in my dorm. I'm attracted to several female students whom I know as acquaintances (I say hi to them in the hallways, occasionally talk to them at lunch, etc.). I know some of them don’t have boyfriends, but I don't know if any of them are interested in me or are just being friendly to me. My question is, how should I go about asking any of the out on dates? What, specifically, should I ask them to do and when/how should I ask them? I know some might advise me to “take it slow,” but I would like to have some sort of LTR or at least some dating experience before I graduate from school in a few months.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
university student - dating?
- Thread starter gnin
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
PuertoRican_Lover
Banned
Although your school is nearly finished, I guess it is never too late to start...I take it you never approached a girl before.
Are there any dorm parties coming up soon? This would be a good place to start if you are shy, since it is a forced social setting and conversation and introduction would be easiest in this setting.
The only definite way to know if a girl is intereted in you is to ask them to join you and share their company.
Pick the girl you are attracted to the most and go down from there.
Try to get them alone while they are eating lunch and start a convo and before you are ready to leave the table, ask her if she would like to join you this weekend in a bowl-a-thon or to the gym, or for some beer and pizza, or a specific function like a concert, or a play at the theater, or a planned activity at the university (see the calendar). Have a specifed event/activity planned that is taking place that weekend at a specified time.
Give her a few options - if she turns both options down, then just move on and say "enjoy your lunch".
Are there any dorm parties coming up soon? This would be a good place to start if you are shy, since it is a forced social setting and conversation and introduction would be easiest in this setting.
The only definite way to know if a girl is intereted in you is to ask them to join you and share their company.
Pick the girl you are attracted to the most and go down from there.
Try to get them alone while they are eating lunch and start a convo and before you are ready to leave the table, ask her if she would like to join you this weekend in a bowl-a-thon or to the gym, or for some beer and pizza, or a specific function like a concert, or a play at the theater, or a planned activity at the university (see the calendar). Have a specifed event/activity planned that is taking place that weekend at a specified time.
Give her a few options - if she turns both options down, then just move on and say "enjoy your lunch".
Actually, I have tried to talk to girls I see in the library or at dinner in the dining halls, etc. Unfortunately, I'm at a big school, so even if I have a menaingful conversation with a girl, I rarely ever run into her again. Is it appropriate to ask a girl for her number or to go out on a date, after just having one onversation with her?
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Hey man...i can relate to you 100%. It is also my last year at university and i didnt go out on a single date. But over the summer i got my act straight, read the bible, hung out with other DJ's in real life and took my act on the road...meaning i put what i learned to girls in real life. And so far my life has been a fun filled adventure.Originally posted by gnin
I'm a 22 year old student beginning my final academic term at a university. Unfortunately, I’m fairly shy and have had little experience with dating or with girls in general during the past few years. Last term, I made an effort to be more socially outgoing with other students in my dorm. I'm attracted to several female students whom I know as acquaintances (I say hi to them in the hallways, occasionally talk to them at lunch, etc.). I know some of them don’t have boyfriends, but I don't know if any of them are interested in me or are just being friendly to me. My question is, how should I go about asking any of the out on dates? What, specifically, should I ask them to do and when/how should I ask them? I know some might advise me to “take it slow,” but I would like to have some sort of LTR or at least some dating experience before I graduate from school in a few months.
There is so much that i can help you with...if you want...send me an im on AIM: killerasp
Thanks for the replies so far. Anyone care to help me on this issue (mentioned above)?Originally posted by gnin
Actually, I have tried to talk to girls I see in the library or at dinner in the dining halls, etc. Unfortunately, I'm at a big school, so even if I have a menaingful conversation with a girl, I rarely ever run into her again. Is it appropriate to ask a girl for her number or to go out on a date, after just having one conversation with her?
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
PuertoRican_Lover
Banned
Of course it is ok, by your own admission you stated that you will not see them again - so this is even more of an incentive to ask them out the first time that you see them...just tell them that, "I probably won't see you again, so how about you slide me your phone number so that we can continue this convo at a later time over some wine and cheese." - and then give her a big smile!!Originally posted by gnin
Unfortunately, I'm at a big school, so even if I have a menaingful conversation with a girl, I rarely ever run into her again. Is it appropriate to ask a girl for her number or to go out on a date, after just having one onversation with her?
Do a search for threads on 'cold approaches"