Unhealthy woman, and how to deal with them!

[Non Juan]

I'm sure at one point or another we have all fancied a girl who wasn't of the most sound state of mind. Maybe it was even her unbalanced persona and the way she subsequently carried herself that made her so attractive to you in the first place.

These girls (and boys) all relate to the world differently to the majority of the population. Everyones different sure, but these people are eccentric in their ways. That isn't to say that they are perceived as being strange by people. But that they have some negative or warped core beliefs, that when the surface of their persona is peeled away a bit, start to show through in their actions.

I think that romantic love and close relationships by definition require people to reveal themselves, and therefore become, to a degree, vulnerable to being hurt. It's a trust thing - if you don't trust people, you don't open up to them to keep yourself safe. I think the more internally insecure and negative people are, the more they will keep themselves emotionally distanced from others. Because romantic love is the most vulnerable state we can be in, I think that untrusting girls will protect themselves the most when dealing with the opposite sex, which causes them to act ****ing weird!

Anyway that said, back to me! Theres a girl like the above that i fancy. Known her for ages as an acquaintance. I think she likes me. She had a boyfriend for years, he was a total **** - cheated on her 10 times, always put her down, she didn't really like him, but she stayed with him. Clearly he satisfied some of her needs otherwise she wouldn't have. I think she lives in quite a negative reality, she thrives on being treat badly. Be nice to her and she will treat you badly (not cruelly, but she will take advantage) in return.

I want to get in there with her, but I can't deal with her very well. She creates drama around me sometimes. I mean she always claims that I annoy her even though sometimes I will barely interact with her. The other day we were all a bit drunk, I said 2 words to her and she begins her complaining, saying I really annoy her. It calms down, and shes stood silently near me, and I tell her that Robin Hood wants his boots back (she was wearing some suede boots). She starts bloody crying, saying everyones picking on her. So I don't really react but shes attracting attention, and shes directing the blame onto me! I feel a little harsh and so go to give her a hug, sawing 'aww' in a sarcastic tone, and she goes off her head saying I don't mean it, and telling me to go away, at which time I get in her face, tell her she's pathetic, then wonder off.

Fun this isn't it!

So anyway now she won't talk to me. I see her at work and she just looks at me nonchalantly. She told me today she 'isn't talking to me'. I know that at this point most people would just laugh at me and say she hates me. But I feel that in her own way, she's displaying that she is attracted to me. And that her currently 'not speaking to me' is paradoxically the best opportunity i've had to make a move on her! I mean if she really wasn't interested in me, I think she would be indifferent to me, but she's quite the opposite!

So how the hell do I deal with this girl? Clearly her attraction to jerk-like male characteristics are quite emphasized. So I have been slightly meaner to her of late, hence the current silent treatment i'm getting. But I really don't know where to go from here. How do I go from the adult version of playground pigtail pulling, to the adult version of kissing behind the bike sheds?

Some of you guys must have come across girls like this. Some of you must have learned how to deal with girls who are attracted to the meaner side of male/female interaction and can maneuver in the way of the jerk. I bet some of you even are jerks haha! So whats my next move lads?

Cheers!

 

[jophil28]

Your next move ? Forget her and find a sane female who is not addicted to drama.
Come to think of it,YOU may be addicted to being the rollercoaster too .

 

[KontrollerX]

Do not mess with a Cluster B Personality Disordered human being.

They are liars, manipulators, and parasites covered in a phony mirroring persona of reflecting your best qualities back at you.

It is not them that you love that makes the love so powerful it is seeing what you always wanted to be and really are through them.

In short you are loving yourself finally not them.

There is nothing there real to connect with in them.

They are a shattered broken people that break those who interact with them and get caught up in their web.

Their excitements and promises are short lived.

After they have captured you they are onto the next victim and your source of self love is cut off leaving you damaged and heart broken and confused.

Emotional Vampires says it best they look better than other people initially but they really aren't.

The characters they create for their various victims to fall in love with are very much like a hallucination oasis of water in the desert.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Non J,
J-phil, and K-Ex have hit the nail on the head. You will keep hearing this repeated by those of us who were suckered by a BPD woman. They may look like the real deal, but they will bleed you dry. I wasted a YEAR on a girl that had this type personality. You cannot fix them. You are just a man, and not a therapist. Get away while you have the energy to do so. It's completely in your power. Now, the sad part is until you internalize what we are telling you. You probably will keep letting her in. Until you hit bottom, it won't matter what input we give you.
That being said there is hope. Yeah sorta. Here at SS, there are many of us who have been on this rollercoaster and gotten off of it. Stay with this woman at your peril. It will drain you of your emotional and physical bank account. Realize what she is and get free. Find a woman that doesn't have baggage that won't fit in the overhead. What you are describing is a woman that will destroy you IF YOU ALLOW IT.
Stay strong and walk. CUT OFF ALL CONTACT.
KC

 

[romangod]

Some of you guys must have come across girls like this. Some of you must have learned how to deal with girls who are attracted to the meaner side of male/female interaction and can maneuver in the way of the jerk. I bet some of you even are jerks haha! So whats my next move lads?

Cheers!


Your next move is to forget about her and save yourself a lot of torture.




.

 

[KontrollerX]

You dance with the devil, the devil don't change, she changes you.

 

[tj]

Kontrollerx is right on the money. Morality ususally seems option based.. Not saying always...but jus sayin

peace

 

[STR8UP]

Any woman who stays with a b/f who cheats on her 10x will never have a highly functioning relationship. EVER.

 

[MacAvoy]

A number of rules for seeing a women like this

1. Don't get emotionally attached under any circumstances

2. Don't become Captain Save a Ho, don't help her with any of her drama

3. Don't allow her drama to affect you. Treat them as sh1t tests, put a stop to it, get up and leave if you have to. She'll stop you and correct her behaviour immediately.

4. Treat her as a sex toy, nothing more.

5. You don't have to be a jerk, but you have to be stern.

Follow these simple rules and you can train her to do what you want. You can string her along for years if you play it right but it'll likely get old in a couple of months. However if she's that messed up, she'll walk away because she won't be able to follow your rules.

 

[MacAvoy]

I'm not saying he's going to correct her disorders. My only point is don't allow them to supercede his life. If she's acting up, tell her to cut it out, if she doesn't get up and leave. Its as simple as that. Don't get sucked into her drama is my point.

 

[Bible_Belt]

A number of rules for seeing a women like this

1. Don't get emotionally attached under any circumstances

2. Don't become Captain Save a Ho, don't help her with any of her drama

3. Don't allow her drama to affect you. Treat them as sh1t tests, put a stop to it, get up and leave if you have to. She'll stop you and correct her behaviour immediately.

4. Treat her as a sex toy, nothing more.

5. You don't have to be a jerk, but you have to be stern.

Thanks for spelling this out. I have a new gf with bpd, and this is basically what I have been doing to deal with her. Consensus advice over bpd is "run!" but a lot of guys don't, because crazy girls are usually amazing in bed.

To the OP, read this, your girl might have borderline personality disorder:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
The criteria are:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving, overspending, stealing).
Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-mutilating behavior.
Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.
Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

 

[KontrollerX]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_Personality_Disorder

Don't forget this one Bible Belt.

They are almost the same as BPD's but they don't rage like BPD's or cut and are generally more high functioning but still just as dangerous to their victims.

 

[Non Juan]

Ok i'm getting a strong feeling here, that in the past, quite a lot of you guys have had your hearts 'home runned' out of the stadium of love by this sort of woman.

Well, me too. I thought i'd found my 'soul mate' and all that. Turns out that while she probably really did like me, she has armies of wet, soppy lovestruck suitors that she rejects all the time. The funny thing is, even after rejection, they all believe her to be an amazingly beautiful person, who is afflicted with beauty of mind and body and cannot help but have men throw themselves at her, at which time she must re-frame the relationship back into 'just friends'. None of them though, seem to ask the question;

'why are literally hundreds of fully functioning men, declaring a deep love for her, when nothing solid has happened between them? When there are plenty of other attractive women out there who obviously get hit on, but there is much less of this infatuation, and love proclaiming drama happening around them'.

The reason is exactly whats been said in this thread - she creates the illusion of bond and attraction, draws the poor fools in with subtle suggestion and reflection of love and desire, before casting them off at the first hint of real-world romantic interaction. Why does she do this? because she doesn't like herself (in my case), and she creates these intense feelings in the boys so that they tell her they are in love with her, and boom! A small piece of much needed self validation. All this is pointless though, because she knows that she is creating the love vibe herself, therefore the validation has no substance. But she still keeps doing it, and as soon as a guy takes the first step into the maze of confusion, she loses all respect for him, but will carry the game on until the end. It's a vicious cycle where she puts men through the meat grinder for a slither of short-lived ego boosting validation. However she gets nowhere in her quest to improve her self-esteem, the guys get their hearts broken, and her disdain for men in general probably increases due to their gullible nature and so the cycle continues.

But about this girl i'm interested in. I'm not infatuated with her in the slightest . Sure, i'd give her a chance, but while staying emotionally detached.

I really appreciate all of these warnings lads, and I should have stated this, but i've not posted here to get advice on whether or not she is a good prospect to persue - I knooow she is damaged goods! But I want this experience.

So, can anyone give me some practical advice on how to get in with this girl? I mean someone is going to be getting jiggy with her, and they will be doing something that she finds attractive. I'm interested as to what that is!

Someone wrote a list of tips on what to do once i'm involved with her, but what do I do to actually get involved with her in the first place?!

I know some of you out there will have some damn good advice, even more so now because clearly some of you have dealt with these types of women in the past! (and hopefully come out of it relatively unscathed )

Cheers!

 

[KontrollerX]

"Someone wrote a list of tips on what to do once i'm involved with her, but what do I do to actually get involved with her in the first place?!

I know some of you out there will have some damn good advice, even more so now because clearly some of you have dealt with these types of women in the past! (and hopefully come out of it relatively unscathed"

You don't come out of it unscathed.

You come out of it with a fractured psyche they so totally get into your head if you met one when your guard wasn't up or didn't know this type of person existed.

You are playing with fire to entertain this my friend but since you want the knowledge on how to get with one in the first place I will give it to you but just keep this in mind first...

As much as you don't want to get attached the longer you are around her and winning the game with her, the more her con act will evolve and you will begin to get comfortable with her and think hey maybe she's not a cluster b at all and I judged too harshly. Maybe that condition is b.s and really doesn't exist and it was all in my head to think she was one of these or my favorite now that I've gotten to know her more she seems more stable than I initially thought maybe its safe to truly love her.

Get this straight now. Be clear on knowing she is a Cluster B when you enter this relationship do not second guess this ever. Be aware at all times the creature you are dealing with. This creature does not change. Its a 24/7 manipulation game of them that does not stop. The more you resist falling in love with them the better and more normal they will act. Anything at all to trick you and lower your defenses they will do.

If you have any emotional weaknesses at all know also that the girl will exploit them eventually to keep you into her. If you have no other options. If you really need someone's support etc all that will be used as leverage by this girl against you to make you her slave and not the type of slave you want but the type of slave she can discard on a whim when she finds a new victim when you are no longer fun or new enough.

So indeed make sure you are clear that she is a cluster b upfront and do not change that belief or allow doubt about it then emotions to creep in.

Now for the advice on how to get her.

Its really quite simple.

If you aren't already become a popular guy that creates excitement everywhere around him but ignore your target girl to a great extent if she wants to join in on your action as well.

She will continually try and get your attention and eventually you can give it to her but you must always cut it off when she is looking to have the most fun.

If you enjoy yourself too much the next day she will act distant to you as part of her internal game to make you wonder what the hell you did wrong.

This could happen anyway they are so erratic and you just respond to it by ignoring her and talking to another girl.

This will bring her back after you or she will act snippy for a day but the next day be all over you.

These types need to be the one in control of sexuality and events leading up to and if you try and take the reigns they will disconnect and cut you off.

To get her in your vicinity and alone can be tricky as they love to flake.

I'd suggest if you can to throw a party and passively invite her and say its gonna be a great time cuz you either are taking some chick you met or say that its gonna be great because of all the chicks you can get to meet there.

Either one of these type of scenarios will make the Cluster B want to be the girl to steal you from the other girl or be the girl you are looking for.

If you two get alone and the sexual stuff starts and you get really going she may either fvck your brains out or stop it midway through to frustrate you.

Do not let the frustration phase you but do not let her get her way with it either. Make up some excuse of why its good that you both stopped and then make your exit despite any of her pleas and say that its really important that you go.

Then if possible get with someother chick at the party in hopes that she sees this.

It will drive her wild and for revenge she will probably fvck someother guy but if you ignore her and her telling you all about it this will drive her wild for you and make her want you even more.

I think you can figure out the rest from here but I just gave you a walkthrough to get most BPD's and HPD's.

The passive aggressive type of HPD's are easier to deal with. They put on an extreme shy act while the more common HPD's that I told you about are extroverts. Anyway to get the passive aggressive ones just talk to them like you would a normal chick and lay the love talk on them without being a wuss about it and you're in there but be warned this type will become extremely clingy and demanding but if thats what you want thats what you'll get.

 

[Chaotixxx]

What if your mother has a personality disorder? Should you treat her like other girls when she acts out of hand, or should you deal with her crap?

 

[MacAvoy]

Attracting a women whether she's BPD or black, or white is the same thing, read the bible for that.

 

[Sir Juanalot]

The only person you can save in life is yourself, this person will do nothing towards that end.

 

[Chrispy]

I realize this is not a medical forum, but is social anxiety, anxiety, BPO, all related? I googled and read about treatment, symptoms, etc. and they all sound the same to me.

This was the best i could find comparing/associating the two:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134323

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I'm sure at one point or another we have all fancied a girl who wasn't of the most sound state of mind.

Insanity loves company.

 

[Non Juan]

I don't get lonely, my split personalities keep me company.