Undesired One Night Stands

[neo_2004]

Hello,

I have a problem unlike any other. This is a problem that you would probably hear from a girl, not a guy. But here it goes.

I'm unable to start a relationship, period. Instead, I get stuck with one night stand after another.

The last several girls I met were all one night stand. I'm never able to meet them again.

An example to all these girls is the girl I just dated last week. This is just an example of what the girls I go out with. The same thing happened with all the girls I met lately.

So here it goes: We met online, and after talking for a few weeks, we decided to "hang out." We met for a
late night meal.

The meeting was perfect. The connection was there. We just had soo much in common.

We were also on the same level as to what we're looking for. I said I was tired of casual dating, and she said
the same. She said she wanted something serious, and I said the same.

After two hours of wonderful talking, we went back to my place and spent the night there. Everything was perfect. The intimacy was at its best, the sex was amazing (she said it was the best she ever had, and I beleived her), the connection was there, the feelings were there... it was just perfect!

Comes the morning, I drive her back to her car. She seems happy, and she holds my hands, etc... We tell each other that we will meet again next week, and it was her idea to "hang out more often" (acutally, she made more than one comment about us meeting again soon). So, she leaves and I head back home.

4 days later, I started trying to contact her to no avail. I called her few times, left her messages, emailed her, etc.. with no response. Finally, she sends me a two-lines-email telling me she "won't have a lot of free time soon but will keep in touch" and that "they're gonna make her work a lot in the next couple of weeks".

Obviously, she's just trying not to hurt my feelings, and obviously doesn't want to meet again. The email was just cold; while in person, she was the most affectionate romantic person I ever met.

The above is just an example of several women that I met. I have no trouble at all having a good date with wonderful conversations, nor do I have trouble getting them to bed with me, but I just cannot go past that!

They take one night stand and leave, and I never hear from them again.

Other guys might want that, but not me. I don't want one night stands. I don't want sex with no string attached. I want a long meaningful relationship, and I made this clear with this last girl, and she said she wanted the same.

It's always the same. Everything is perfect on the date, everything is perfect in bed, the affection is there, the intimacy is there, etc.. and they leave happy. After that, they just either ignore my calls, and/or make up excuses not to see me (obviously trying not to hurt me).

If it was just them not interested, I would know something's wrong with me and I'd fix it. But all these girls are soooo into me until they go home. I don't know what happens after that!

I really don't know what to do to change this. This last girl was the closest person I ever met to being my match, and I made it clear to her I didn't want a one night stand, and she said it won't be.

And please don't tell me to "get over her." It's not just about her. It keeps happening over and over again, and I don't want this.

I always hear this kind of problem from girls, but never from a guy. I don't know, but it's always the opposite in my case.

I'd really appreciate any help.

Age info: Me and all the girls I date are in early 20's.

Thanks for any help,

neo.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Did you happen to meet the other girls online too?

 

[squirrels]

Girls at that age will ALL tell you they're looking for a good man to settle down with. With 95% of them, it's a bold-faced LIE.

This is the 21st century. Dating a 21-year-old girl is like dating a 17-year-old...immature and just wants to have fun.

GREAT one-nighter material. HORRIBLE relationship material.

Don't listen to what a girl says...she will TELL you what she thinks she's supposed to tell you, but what she DOES will give her away. If she says she wants a long-term relationship, but then jumps into bed with you the first night and you never hear from her again, then chances are she was full of it.

Whether you WANT to hear it or NOT, the problem IS within you...if you don't want one-nighters you need to properly screen women to see which ARE worthy of your affection. Which ones have those properties which are conducive to a long-term relationship and are willing to GIVE you the kind of time and energy you're looking for.

Instead, you're just picking up the first piece of p00n that you can get your hands on, selling out on her, and hoping for the best. You are JUST LIKE these sluts who hang out in clubs, dress all slutty, and go home with the first stud who hits them up, but then sits at home with her friends the next day and wonders why she can't find a decent man.

Bottom line: the women you've been trying to "date" are not good enough for you to date. They're only good enough for casual sex. Finding a dateable woman is not easy and you're going to have to stop being so DESPERATE as to try to date every piece of trash that comes along just because she's female and you feel lonely.

Approach each chick with a healthy degree of skepticism. Either don't bang her until you're sure she's in the 5% that can OFFER you something in an LTR (party chicks will get bored with waiting for d!ck and screen themselves out), or bang ALL of them and EXPECT 95% to skip after the first screw.

That's life. Romance doesn't happen like in the movies. Deal with it.

 

[sapphire]

"Me and all the girls I date are in their early 20's"

That may be a clue as to why they are bailing out.

Girls by and large in their late teens to early twenties are in their stage in life where they want to expore their sexuality and don't want to get boggeddown in relationships. they are most promiscuous at this stage and are more prone to ONS.

Once they reach their mid to late 20's then they start thinking about LTR's and marriage. This is not always the case but a good rule of thumb to follow.

In any event why would you want to settle down with a girl who put out the first night. Chances are these girls you have been meeting and ending up in bed with the first time around are also spreading their legs for others.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

The problem is that you didn't live up to her expectations. She had imagined you with particular characteristics WAY before you even met face to face. How? Because you spoke online for WEEKS before meeting, women are notorious for doing that to get the rush of gaining feelings for some mysterious stranger. She imagined you one way and when you finally met, you didn't live up to what she imagined.

So now you are asking about the rapport and sex that you had, why did all that go well and nothing afterward? Well, it was apparent during your exchanges online that the two of you could get along, no big deal there. When you met, you just continued that but somewhere along the way she started coming to the close of the romantic epic she had imagined. The sex afterward was basically the er, 'climax' of her epic. The sex was over, the night was over, the romantic story was over. In a nutshell, she was done with the book and she has returned it to the library because she's not interested in reading it again.

So where did you go wrong? You didn't project into her mind what it would be like being with you in the future. I know, most AFCs dwell on second dates or LTRs so we are told that those topics are taboo. The problem is that if we don't, we are only living in the moment and at best the woman feels the same way that we do for that one particular moment.

So what should you do? Slow down a little bit, inspire her to feel that she can not get enough of you, that she feels better about herself when she is with you. That she can't read the romantic epic about you in just one sitting, that this is a true epic spanning the course of years and that each moment with you surpasses the previous one.

So talk about your common passions that the two of you could share sometime in the future. Talk about the new ones that you could create together. Talk about the ones of hers that you would be interested in learning more about and the ones of yours that she would enjoy.

Treat it like a soap opera, tons of twists and turns. You're her comfort zone but not predictable enough for her to always know your direction. That being with you would be an adventure, one that she would never tire.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Originally posted by neo_2004
I really don't know what to do to change this. This last girl was the closest person I ever met to being my match, and I made it clear to her I didn't want a one night stand, and she said it won't be.

Here's your problem, you're telling her you don't want a one night stand yet you sleep with her on your first date?

Of course she's lying to you, and probably only wants sex to relieve some stress from work. I don't think you need to tell somebody you want a long term relationship. If you both have feelings for one another that develop over time, it'll happen naturally, otherwise enjoy the moment for what it is. I find girls in their early 20's are still very much in "party mode", maybe even more-so then 18-20 year old girls who have tried being in relationships but realised they're young and want to live it up a while longer.