Pumax
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2025
- Messages
- 110
- Reaction score
- 54
Hi there all men here!
Here’s a tough truth we all face after 30, or once we hit a certain age: making new friends or getting invited to new groups becomes harder.
If you’re good-looking, other guys might shut you out to protect their “territory,” even if their girlfriends wouldn’t mind having you around.
If you’re awkward or less attractive, you might be included, but mostly so others can joke at your expense and assert dominance or superiority.
If you bring value, like hosting, organizing, or helping, you might be included because people need what you offer.
If you don’t bring anything, you’ll likely be left out.
When you’re not obligated to be around people through work, sports, or hobbies, invitations for fun become rare unless you bring some benefit. Think about it, do you invite people who don’t add anything to your life? Do you spend time with someone without taking something from them, or, in other words, without some kind of exchange? At the end of the day, all relationships involve some form of exchange, whether obvious or not.
Have you noticed how this plays out in your current and past friendships, romantic relationships, or work connections?
Here’s a simple list of common reasons people rely on others, often without thinking about which needs are bein met:
Kind, "I value your kindness."
Intelligent, "I rely on you because you understand things I don’t and can solve problems for me."
Attractive, "Being associated with you improves how others see me."
Big D, "I use you to enhance sexual excitement and to brag to my female friends."
Wealthy, "I benefit from your resources to feel safer and appear richer."
Parent, "I think you’ll be a good parent, and we can support each other raising kids, then time will tell if I still need you."
Successful at work, "I use you to expand my network and improve my career."
High status, "I associate with you to elevate my own status."
Tall, "You give me status, make others jealous, and protect me and the kids."
Independent, "You’re fearless and help me face life’s challenges, being with you makes me fearless too."
Physically intimidating, "You protect me because others fear you, even if you wouldn’t hurt me."
Good listener, "I count on you when I need someone to listen."
Funny, "Your humor lightens my mood and saves my day."
Popular, "I use your social circle to expand mine.
Patient, "I lean on your patience when I’m stressed."
Loyal, "I depend on your loyalty to feel secure and valued."
…and many more.
As men, we want to cultivate qualities that make us “scarce” and valuable to others, but it’s just as important to know where to apply those qualities, places where those traits are rare, not common. For example, if you’re tall in a place where most people are tall, that’s normal. But if you’re tall where others are shorter, that’s a clear advantage.
Since life is a competitive game, especially among men, we must face the reality that people like us conditionally, based on what we offer them. Once you understand the qualities you have and the ones you don’t, you can do two things: focus on developing the qualities you lack through time and discipline, and maximize the qualities you already possess.
Then the most important step, recognize where you can best use those qualities, filter out people who won’t appreciate or value them, and avoid being clingy toward those who don’t care. Eventually, you’ll find people who truly appreciates the man you’ve become and the qualities you bring.
After all of this, what are some of the best exercises you’ve done in life to:
Just a note on the end, many people talk about healthy relationships not being codependent or purely about satisfying needs. Whether you believe it or not, we’re always meeting some needs in relationships, even the healthiest ones.
So a healthy relationship is not actually being codependent but actually giving respect and enjoy the hardship of life togheter.
Here’s a tough truth we all face after 30, or once we hit a certain age: making new friends or getting invited to new groups becomes harder.
If you’re good-looking, other guys might shut you out to protect their “territory,” even if their girlfriends wouldn’t mind having you around.
If you’re awkward or less attractive, you might be included, but mostly so others can joke at your expense and assert dominance or superiority.
If you bring value, like hosting, organizing, or helping, you might be included because people need what you offer.
If you don’t bring anything, you’ll likely be left out.
When you’re not obligated to be around people through work, sports, or hobbies, invitations for fun become rare unless you bring some benefit. Think about it, do you invite people who don’t add anything to your life? Do you spend time with someone without taking something from them, or, in other words, without some kind of exchange? At the end of the day, all relationships involve some form of exchange, whether obvious or not.
Have you noticed how this plays out in your current and past friendships, romantic relationships, or work connections?
Here’s a simple list of common reasons people rely on others, often without thinking about which needs are bein met:
Kind, "I value your kindness."
Intelligent, "I rely on you because you understand things I don’t and can solve problems for me."
Attractive, "Being associated with you improves how others see me."
Big D, "I use you to enhance sexual excitement and to brag to my female friends."
Wealthy, "I benefit from your resources to feel safer and appear richer."
Parent, "I think you’ll be a good parent, and we can support each other raising kids, then time will tell if I still need you."
Successful at work, "I use you to expand my network and improve my career."
High status, "I associate with you to elevate my own status."
Tall, "You give me status, make others jealous, and protect me and the kids."
Independent, "You’re fearless and help me face life’s challenges, being with you makes me fearless too."
Physically intimidating, "You protect me because others fear you, even if you wouldn’t hurt me."
Good listener, "I count on you when I need someone to listen."
Funny, "Your humor lightens my mood and saves my day."
Popular, "I use your social circle to expand mine.
Patient, "I lean on your patience when I’m stressed."
Loyal, "I depend on your loyalty to feel secure and valued."
…and many more.
As men, we want to cultivate qualities that make us “scarce” and valuable to others, but it’s just as important to know where to apply those qualities, places where those traits are rare, not common. For example, if you’re tall in a place where most people are tall, that’s normal. But if you’re tall where others are shorter, that’s a clear advantage.
Since life is a competitive game, especially among men, we must face the reality that people like us conditionally, based on what we offer them. Once you understand the qualities you have and the ones you don’t, you can do two things: focus on developing the qualities you lack through time and discipline, and maximize the qualities you already possess.
Then the most important step, recognize where you can best use those qualities, filter out people who won’t appreciate or value them, and avoid being clingy toward those who don’t care. Eventually, you’ll find people who truly appreciates the man you’ve become and the qualities you bring.
After all of this, what are some of the best exercises you’ve done in life to:
- Understand your strongest and weakest qualities?
- Identify where your qualities can have the greatest impact, being that geographically, or socially?
Just a note on the end, many people talk about healthy relationships not being codependent or purely about satisfying needs. Whether you believe it or not, we’re always meeting some needs in relationships, even the healthiest ones.
So a healthy relationship is not actually being codependent but actually giving respect and enjoy the hardship of life togheter.