Understanding Oneitis

[DonJuanit0]

"I fell in love with the idea of being in love".

That's the phrase I heard today and it got me thinking, have you fellow Djs noticed that oneitis comes mostly after a long emotionless season? I am not talking about sex, but when it's been a long time since we last felt something for a woman, then it comes, oneitis.

So what is oneitis,

oneitis is basically a mindset where someone believes that someone else has something unique. Although no one else can see it, we believe there is something. Thinking of her all day long, what we should say, how we should act, busting our friend's balls about her and many more. What we need to understand is that it is hardly impossible for someone on this earth to be unique! She is only unique in our minds.

I remember when I had a crisis after breaking up two years ago, I kept thinking that my ex was the most beautiful woman in the world! I just couldn't get it out of my mind! I even compared her with models to ensure myself that she was not! Sick, I know, but it was like that! If it wasn't for SS I'd probably had acted really AFC back then.

Two years later, I am beginning to develop an oneitis for a new chick. I do not worry about acting AFC, I know I won't, but the problem is that thinking about her all the ****ing time does me no good! No good at all, I am sleeping with her thought and she is my first thought in the morning!

When it comes to oneitis, here on SS, we all say, spin more plates, fack different woman and you'll be fine. Have you ever considered that someone who has an oneitis doesn't want to spin plates?

Two days before I was out and my developing oneitis was with me along with some friends. A chick came to me and started dancing. Funny how I didn't reply to her dancing and just ignored her until she left! It got me thinking, how facking stupid am I? In the time I thought, I shouldn't destroy my chances with my oneitis. Although I didn't destroy my chances, I was the one to get back home and masturbate!

Oneitis is something that should be fought mindlessly! What I mean is, if we have an oneitis, the only way of overcoming it, is action! Yes, action without thinking! I know it's hard for someone to just go and find a girl or have sex with one, but that's the only way! You need to prove yourself that there is nothing unique in that girl. Your mind will only start working after it has been proven.

 

[VladPatton]

The thing with the oneitis is that you have to be 100% conscious of it. Realize it. Say to yourself, ok, I'm thinking about this girl way too much, I need to stop. What stops me from over-thinking and getting oneitis is to imagine that it can turn against you at any time. She can pop up with some other guy, she can reject you massively, she can flake, she can go shost on you.
It may come off as negative thinking, but for me it is the antidote to keep her from occupying space in my head. Rather, I like to build on concrete, positive interactions between me and her instead of an overly active illusion you paint in your head.

Bottom line: no expectations, no disappointments.

 

[DonJuanit0]

The thing with the oneitis is that you have to be 100% conscious of it. Realize it. Say to yourself, ok, I'm thinking about this girl way too much, I need to stop. What stops me from over-thinking and getting oneitis is to imagine that it can turn against you at any time. She can pop up with some other guy, she can reject you massively, she can flake, she can go shost on you.
It may come off as negative thinking, but for me it is the antidote to keep her from occupying space in my head. Rather, I like to build on concrete, positive interactions between me and her instead of an overly active illusion you paint in your head.

Bottom line: no expectations, no disappointments.

I completely agree with your bottom line, but can you really overcome and oneitis just by thinking what can go wrong? I have never thought of it and I will give it a try but I believe that even this doesn't help! Thinking something so that you will stop thinking about it?

I understand though, that if it is going to have a bad ending, it will hurt a lot more less if you think all that.

 

[Mr Wright]

I think the idea of oneitis is one of the most overused terms and the way people talk about it on here is just scaremongering. It's not as serious as people make out it is, they're feelings, accept you have them and work on a way of dealing with it.

Originally the term was meant to reflect when a guy is waaay too into a girl who has no interest with him. That's it, nothing to do with being less of a man or whatever, it just meant he placed too much value on one girl. Fast forward to today, it's treated like a disease, something to be feared and instantly eradicated. However, the problem is the term is being used in a much broader context, now apparently including relationships. When you think about how it is being treated like a disease, it's become dangerous because guys will start repressing emotions and do all sorts of crazy sh!t and start acting out with girls they actually like. Looking from the outside in, that guy will just look like a kid who cannot handle his emotions. Most of what is talked about on here is to prevent hurt but you are going to get hurt in life so don't worry about it and learn how to deal with the hurt rather than spending years avoiding your feelings. The only reason why someone would use preventative strategies is because you're afraid of something but you cannot fear something and yet claim to be strong at the same time, it's an oxymoron.


I think it's this simple. As long as you are genuinely happy and not being taken advantage of do whatever you want. You can spend all day analysing situations but as long as the person is happy, let them be.

 

[VladPatton]

Well, you just have to realize that all you're doing is projecting fantasy in your mind. Nothing is real. Everything can be gone in a matter of minutes, so why think too hard about it? Let things happen naturally, and be patient and see where the situation takes you.

If you think about her all the time and one day she squashed you by dis-considering you you're gonna be really pissed! So why go there? Not to mention, oneitis stops you at times from going further with the girl because you don't wanna fück things up. But in reality, there are no "things" to fück up!

It really is a vicious cycle of thought+no action=fantasy=no reality

 

[DonJuanit0]

I think the idea of oneitis is one of the most overused terms and the way people talk about it on here is just scaremongering. It's not as serious as people make out it is, they're feelings, accept you have them and work on a way of dealing with it.

Originally the term was meant to reflect when a guy is waaay too into a girl who has no interest with him. That's it, nothing to do with being less of a man or whatever, it just meant he placed too much value on one girl. Fast forward to today, it's treated like a disease, something to be feared and instantly eradicated. However, the problem is the term is being used in a much broader context, now apparently including relationships. When you think about how it is being treated like a disease, it's become dangerous because guys will start repressing emotions and do all sorts of crazy sh!t and start acting out with girls they actually like. Looking from the outside in, that guy will just look like a kid who cannot handle his emotions. Most of what is talked about on here is to prevent hurt but you are going to get hurt in life so don't worry about it and learn how to deal with the hurt rather than spending years avoiding your feelings. The only reason why someone would use preventative strategies is because you're afraid of something but you cannot fear something and yet claim to be strong at the same time, it's an oxymoron.


I think it's this simple. As long as you are genuinely happy and not being taken advantage of do whatever you want. You can spend all day analysing situations but as long as the person is happy, let them be.

yeah, but what happens when your oneitis stops you from doing other things in your life? And I don't mean literally stops you, your mind does! Like I didn't dance with that chick! Ok, I am happy with myself still having chances, but I might regret it. And I know I must fail to learn, but in any other case, if it wasn't for oneitis, I'd know what I should do!

When the time comes and I see someone say the same thing I would advise him to go for the other chick while I didn't! In your opinion, is this right? Is it right, because of our feelings to treat certain situations differently?

Isn't this oxymoron to all the things said here on this site?

 

[teddy]

As for having oneitis for a chick you haven't fvcked, it doesn't help when you think you still have a small chance. You hang onto that and continue to create projections in your mind, then reality creates dissonance with that and further defeats your self-confidence.

 

[Mr Wright]

yeah, but what happens when your oneitis stops you from doing other things in your life? And I don't mean literally stops you, your mind does! Like I didn't dance with that chick! Ok, I am happy with myself still having chances, but I might regret it. And I know I must fail to learn, but in any other case, if it wasn't for oneitis, I'd know what I should do!

When the time comes and I see someone say the same thing I would advise him to go for the other chick while I didn't! In your opinion, is this right? Is it right, because of our feelings to treat certain situations differently?

Isn't this oxymoron to all the things said here on this site?

Well are you happy? Are you being taken advantage of? If the answer is yes to either of these, concentrate on something else