Understanding LJBF from the woman's POV

[Dirtheart]

Here's a scenario that might help you to understand why girls LJBF guys:


Let's say you got with a girl. Things are going well, she is all over you and so happy that everything is working out. She'll do anything for you and you return her feelings because you care for her too.

Then over a few months you start noticing that she is taking less care in her appearance and is starting to gain a lot of weight. You are starting to find her less attractive. You can't help it. It's not a choice, but you just can't feel the sexual spark any more.

You care about her feelings, you like her as a person, she has done nothing against you, but you don't want to get sexual with her any more or even kiss her. It feels wrong pretending and tagging her along, so what are your options?

The kindest option is to suggest that you be friends. It's you only hope of keeping the friendship between you, but removing the physical expectations.

Are you a b*stard because you don't feel attracted to her? Is your request to be friends aimed at hurting her? Of course not. It will hurt her of course and damage her pride, but that's not the intention.

In an ideal world, she will accept it and you will remain good friends, while you both go and date other people.

In reality, she is having a hard time dealing with this. She wants to know why you don't find her sexually attractive, why all your time together doesn't count for anything and why you are hurting her if you care about her.

Worst scenario, she clings to the hope that you will change your mind and keeps contact with you, keeps pushing things and makes a nuisance of herself. You don't want to prolong this hurt so you try to give her a hint, try to encourage her to get over you by not returning her calls or being cold with her. You are reluctant to meet her because you don't want to build up her hopes, and besides, it feels awkward knowing that she still has feelings for you.


Well, the moral of this tale if you like is that women lose psychological attraction for guys the same way guys lose physical attraction. If you are acting AFC, you are turning her off and as nice as you are and as much as she might care for you, she just cannot force herself to feel attracted to you.

If you can try to look at a woman LJBF you in this way it might help you to realise that she is not being cruel by intention. It might also help you realise that you cannot expect her to change her mind over night, no matter how many times you call her, no matter what you do for her.

Meeting her one day and turning on all the new DJ moves and techniques is just as futile as this overweight or ugly girl turning up in a new dress or with a new hairstyle. It just doesn't make a difference.

So when a girl LJBFs you. Drop the resentment, forget about magically winning her back and just make it easy for both of you.

 

[michelangelo]

...you cannot expect her to change her mind over night, no matter how many times you call her, no matter what you do for her.

In fact doing this has the opposite of the desired effect, because, as you also put so eloquently...

women lose psychological attraction for guys the same way guys lose physical attraction. If you are acting AFC, you are turning her off...

We should all know this one by now.

The harder you try to fan the flames, the colder you make the fire.

A very good post, methinks.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Are you a girl too? I've read a few posts of yours and each time I said to myself, "this is probably a chick posting". This one convinces me that you are.

 

[FlyGuy]

So, you're saying that women LJBF guys because they lose attraction for them? (or aren't attracted to begin with)

Master of the Obvious to the rescue!

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Neat-o.

Your theory could be correct if you have been in a relationship with the woman and already fvcked her. However, a LJBF 99% of the time occurs before any relationship begins. Let's not forget about bytch test that include this sort of behavior b/c the woman wants to make sure the guy is still into her.

Anyway, about a month ago, I fvcked a 19yo girl who I met on the internet. She initially told me that she wanted to be friends (LJBF) and that she'd never sleep with me.

Cheers!

 

[ER!C L!VE]

double post

 

[AlwaysExcel]

Er!c L!ve, what did you do to overcome the LBJF?

 

[TesuqueRed]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
Here's a scenario that might help you to understand why girls LJBF guys:


Let's say you got with a girl. Things are going well, she is all over you and so happy that everything is working out. She'll do anything for you and you return her feelings because you care for her too.

Then over a few months you start noticing that she is taking less care in her appearance and is starting to gain a lot of weight. You are starting to find her less attractive. You can't help it. It's not a choice, but you just can't feel the sexual spark any more.

You care about her feelings, you like her as a person, she has done nothing against you, but you don't want to get sexual with her any more or even kiss her. It feels wrong pretending and tagging her along, so what are your options?

The kindest option is to suggest that you be friends. It's you only hope of keeping the friendship between you, but removing the physical expectations.

Are you a b*stard because you don't feel attracted to her? Is your request to be friends aimed at hurting her? Of course not. It will hurt her of course and damage her pride, but that's not the intention.

In an ideal world, she will accept it and you will remain good friends, while you both go and date other people.

In reality, she is having a hard time dealing with this. She wants to know why you don't find her sexually attractive, why all your time together doesn't count for anything and why you are hurting her if you care about her.

Worst scenario, she clings to the hope that you will change your mind and keeps contact with you, keeps pushing things and makes a nuisance of herself. You don't want to prolong this hurt so you try to give her a hint, try to encourage her to get over you by not returning her calls or being cold with her. You are reluctant to meet her because you don't want to build up her hopes, and besides, it feels awkward knowing that she still has feelings for you.


Well, the moral of this tale if you like is that women lose psychological attraction for guys the same way guys lose physical attraction. If you are acting AFC, you are turning her off and as nice as you are and as much as she might care for you, she just cannot force herself to feel attracted to you.

If you can try to look at a woman LJBF you in this way it might help you to realise that she is not being cruel by intention. It might also help you realise that you cannot expect her to change her mind over night, no matter how many times you call her, no matter what you do for her.

Meeting her one day and turning on all the new DJ moves and techniques is just as futile as this overweight or ugly girl turning up in a new dress or with a new hairstyle. It just doesn't make a difference.

So when a girl LJBFs you. Drop the resentment, forget about magically winning her back and just make it easy for both of you.

First time I've seen this thought expressed in such manner...here's a vote for bible material. It seems obvious on the surface, but follow the thought out and you wonder why you didn't state it this way. Even if it doesn't get to the bible, elevate it somehow since it clarifies a few basics that should help a lot of guys out.

Been a long time since a post struck me that way..

 

[Dirtheart]

Er!c: hehe, no I'm not a woman, but I get a lot of female opinions on things I write on this board. I've been asking a lot of my female friends questions on DJing hoping to get an insight into their mind.

Flyguy: Yes it is totally obvious, and yet so many guys fail to understand it and still believe they can turn on attraction with a few magic words or by putting on an act.


But I'm glad some people found this post interesting. I think it's important for us to realise how it feels to lose attraction for someone in order to regain it or move on. If a woman is physically unnattractive to a guy, they need to change the way they look and not disguise it. So for a guy to regain the psychological attraction of a female they need to change their whole attitude.

An AFC with a stockpile of lines and techniques is still an AFC, just as an ugly woman with a stockpile of make up and outfits is still an ugly woman.

This is why I think the DJ mentality is so important. It's a way of reforming yourself in attractive way.

 

[Dirtheart]

Here's another little example:

Imagine you are a woman and a guy starts hitting on you. He's suave, witty and cool, and he's starting to appeal to you in a big way. So you get together with him. Yet as you get to know him, you realise his charm has given out and he's actually very insecure and pathetic. He's actually not the guy you thought he was; you feel deceived and now you're in an awkward situation where you want to bail out.

And from the male perspective, let's say you meet a woman in a club or bar and she looks really hot. You get lucky and decide to take her home.

When you get home, she removes her make up to reveal wrinkles and a poor complexion. She removes her clothes and has cellulite or blemishes over her body. And you realise she's not attractive at all. Of course, you feel tricked and because of all the expectations, you now find yourself in a very awkward situation.

Again, just another example of how acts and disguises can backfire.