Understanding Cold Approaching - This is what you need to know!

[thewarrior]

If I was in college being who I am right now, I'll be gaming and having sex with so many chicks it'd be unbelievable. Unfortunately, I was an AFC for most of my life and skipped on college so I don't have it easy when it comes to meeting women. I'm not perfect and I still need to get out to some bars/clubs as well as get a network of guy friends going... but that's a different story.

The FIRST thing you need to know is that 3/4 of all approaches are COLD approaches. Actually, I like to break down approaches into three categories:

HOT APPROACH: You know she's into you and all you gotta do is go over there and say 'hi'. This is popular amongst rich and famous people.

WARM APPROACH: You know her from class, through friends, live in the same apartment building/neighborhood, work etc. Basically, she's seen you before and you have something in common (living in the same building, taking the same class, etc).

COLD APPROACH: Every other approach falls into this category. Meeting girls at bars/clubs is cold approaching. Walking your dog and approaching a HB who's also walking her dog is a cold approach. Sitting in Starbucks and making convo with the server is a cold approach. Online dating is cold approaching. Random girl at party... you get the picture.

Men fear cold approaching. Three reasons that come to mind first is....

1. You don't know what to say. She's a complete stranger and strangers are afraid of talking to other strangers.

2. You don't know anything about her. Is she single or seeing someone? What does she like to do?

3. Time constraints. How do you get her interested enough where she'll take five to ten minutes to talk and feel comfortable enough to give out her number or other contact details?

Because of these things, men stick with what's comfortable. Talking to chicks at work, school, or through friends. But for guys like me who don't have the opportunity to talk to chicks at work, don't go to school, or have no friends or friends that suck... I have to get better at talking with girls other ways.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE FEMALES FEEL COMFORTABLE. You have to approach with confidence and have something interesting to say. If she still feels weird after about a minute in your presence, make a graceful exit. Have you ever had a total stranger ask you a question, male or female, and at first you're like who's this ****ing person? But you read their body language, answer their question, and then get into a conversation? After about a minute or so, some of your guard has been let down. This is what you have to do with a female except their guard is very high.

I have to admit cold approaching requires you to be more attractive than warm approaching. They don't know "you", they only know what they see. If you're reasonably attractive and/or can fix yourself up, you can be successful.

I will post some examples of cold approaching...

 

[thewarrior]

The mall approach. Everyone knows there are tons of girls at malls and I thrive on approaching groups of girls. It's a game to me, I like the feeling of not knowing what's going to happen. Before, I gave a **** about the outcome and psyched myself out or got sweaty palms, etc. Now, I just want to see if I can get them talking, laughing, and maybe a number.

If you're going to game at a mall, first make sure you look nice. **** all the namebrand clothes, watches, etc. Just look nice. If you look good in clothes from Target, that's okay. Be in a postive mood. If you're not feeling good that day, it will show so it's better to not just go out or do something that will make you feel good.

Most of the time I like to be direct meaning I don't ask opinion questions. I just start a conversation like I already know them.

Imagine you're walking through a mall and see three hot girls. They seem to be in a good mood and just killing time. Perfect opportunity to run some game on them. You can run game on any chick when she's doing anything, but you'd have to be an expert in cold approaching to do that. I like to approach girls that seem reasonably open to being approached.

* Do NOT make eye contact with them and not approach until 5 minutes later. That's creepy. Once you make eye contact with the group, you HAVE to go over there almost immediately. *

* SMILE and have a positive energy. I always like to start off and say "hey, how's it goin' ladies" or something cheesy like that. It's really not what you say but how you make them feel when you say it. *

YOU: Hey, how's it goin' ladies?
THEM: <giggles> just hanging out...

THIS IS WHERE GUYS WILL FREEZE. After you make the initial contact, what can you say to keep the conversation going? At this point, they're reading you. Trying to figure out what you're aiming to do.

The goal is to say ANYTHING. It's how you make them FEEL. You have to show them you're COOL and not a psycho. Trust me, all girls love to be approached but they hate being approached by guys with no game.

YOU: My name's Todd, what's your names?
THEM: I'm stacey, that's emily, and she's desiree.
YOU: Hi stacey, emily, and desiree. (Shake hands for kino)

Okay, there's an art to having a conversation and not interrogating. You can't keep asking question after question. This is a good time to throw in the reason why you came over, throw in a small compliment (about the whole group if it's more than one girl), or be C & F. Or mix and match.

YOU: i don't know where my friends are, but i don't think they mind me chilling with a group of girls cute like you all are.
THEM: they'll probably say thanks or laugh

What I did here was validate myself. Even though I'm not with friends, I made it seem like I wasn't some lone pervert in the mall hitting on girls. Second, I didn't ask if I could hang with them, I said I would. Never ask a girl to do anything early in the seduction process. Say stuff like "let's do this", "let's go here", etc.

After you make that statement about chilling with them, you will see if they're open to it or not. If they're not or still seem like they're uncomfortable, smile and make a graceful exit. If they seem warm to the idea,, then it's time to learn more about them, create rapport, and single in on the girl who you like the most.

 

[thewarrior]

Okay, so you've talked to these three hot girls for about a minute. You think they're comfortable around you and they wasn't cold to the idea of you hanging around and talking to them more.

Start asking questions like...

1. So, what stores you shopped at today?
2. What's your favorite store in the mall?
3. Notice something about one of them (like a bracelet) and make a remark about it. If possible, do very light kino.
4. Ask how long they've been friends.
5. Ask what school they go to.
6. Talk about a movie that just came out or is coming out.

There are so many topics that will help you learn about the girls, create rapport, and make good conversation. Don't ask too many yes or no questions. Basically, if the question begins with 'DO' or 'ARE', it's a yes/no question.

Keep eye contact, good posture, talk slow but with a positive tone. Smile.

Never bring up the topic of boyfriends. If they have a boyfriend and are serious about him, they will mention it some way. Show them you think they're hot without saying you're hot. Compliment their hair, choice of clothes, and look them over sexually but don't focus on their ass or tits.

Now, I know I said three hot girls, but normally it's like one hot girl, one okay girl, and the fat/ugly friend. You probably want to get the hot or okay girl digits but it's important to befriend the whole group first and work your way to the girl you want.

If in the process of walking around the mall and you all stop to sit, or lean against a railing. Sit or get close to the girl you like. While talking to the whole group, start to throw in questions or comments spoken directly to the girl you're interested in. Talk directly to her and make her feel you want to know her.

The whole intereaction in a mall approach shouldn't be more than 10 to 15 minutes unless under special circumstances. The girls may say they're going to the food court and do you wanna come along. If they invite you to do something and you think it'll benefit you, accept. But don't seem needy or like you have nothing to do.

After a successful interaction, and you want to get a number and leave. Steer the conversation into their plans for that night or the weekend. Or say something like, my friends are looking for me and I'm their ride, probably should get going. And then be bold and ask the girl you're interested in (but pull her away from the group) for her number. Say something like we should hang out sometime, or let's talk again. When you get the digits, text her so she'll get your number too. Make sure you say her name again before leaving. Girls like hearing their names. Say goodbye to the group too. She wants to know you can be cool with everyone.

We know girls flake and girls flake because a) their friends ****block b) they're attention *****s c) you didn't leave a big enough impression on them. You can fix A and C. Try to get their friends to like you and leave a good impression on the girl. And call the same day, unless she gave you her number 8:00 at night, then call the next day.

I'm willing to give more examples of cold approaching in other situations. But remember...

1. Look and feel your best.
2. Have a positive attitude.
3. Approach the situation as a game. Can you get those hot girls talking? Can you make them laugh?
4. Smile. Eye Contact. Talk slow and with confidence. No 'DO' or 'ARE' questions.
5. Compliment something about them but don't say they're pretty.
6. Don't mention boyfriends.
7. Don't act like you have nowhere to go. Create enough rapport and leave, unless they offer for you to stay longer or go somewhere else.

 

[Asteconn]

You know, I was going to ask this very thing tonight.

Thanks a million. Approaching is without-a-doubt the weakest area of my game.

What tips do you have for a cold approach at a bar, club or pub; when women rove around in groups?

Cheers

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Well, if you are getting tail from this then it sounds better than El Stud approach journals. I like it. Does this work in gyms too or anywhere, or just in malls?


So, how do you get an f-close with these women -- or how much seduction work is required before you get to the point of an f-close?

 

[The Logical Player]

Well, if you are getting tail from this then it sounds better than El Stud approach journals. I like it. Does this work in gyms too or anywhere, or just in malls?


So, how do you get an f-close with these women -- or how much seduction work is required before you get to the point of an f-close?

why do you care? You don't learn anything from anything that anyone says anyway, since God doesn't allow you to be an actual man until your mom takes your virginity

 

[Exhumed]

Wow, this is a great post, if I can find the time I might just do this. What if you actually ARE there with your friends (not to pick up girls necessarily)? How do they fit into the picture?

I mean not that their presence is a huuge curveball and must immediately be addressed, but you had some interesting ideas and I'm curious as to how you'd work your friends into the approach.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Well, if you are getting tail from this then it sounds better than El Stud approach journals. I like it. Does this work in gyms too or anywhere, or just in malls?

So, how do you get an f-close with these women -- or how much seduction work is required before you get to the point of an f-close?

God job Luke! This is the most readable post you have written. Your mother and your social worker would be proud.
Come on everyone, let's give Luke a round of applause. He's been making progress!

the warrior: good post. very practical.

 

[thewarrior]

Wow, this is a great post, if I can find the time I might just do this. What if you actually ARE there with your friends (not to pick up girls necessarily)? How do they fit into the picture?

I mean not that their presence is a huuge curveball and must immediately be addressed, but you had some interesting ideas and I'm curious as to how you'd work your friends into the approach.

Your friends can keep the group of girls entertained while you focus on the girl you like. Also, it makes exiting easier if the approach turns awkward. Other than that, friends don't really affect the game unless you all are trying to game the same chick then there may be problems.

 

[thewarrior]

Well, if you are getting tail from this then it sounds better than El Stud approach journals. I like it. Does this work in gyms too or anywhere, or just in malls?


So, how do you get an f-close with these women -- or how much seduction work is required before you get to the point of an f-close?

This works anywhere Luke.

The whole goal is to destroy that weirdness vibe quickly. In whatever enviroment you make the approach, you can't go wrong with "hey, how's it going?" along with a nice smile. If she smiles back and answers your question, you're good. Don't let yourself get the best of you by trying to figure out what you should say next. Keep her talking while you throw some humor or bits and pieces about yourself into the mix.

I don't expect to get an f-close the same day. I approach the situation just to chat with a girl, it's less stressful that way. When I get her number and call the next day, I then seduce her into an f-close. Don't approach a chick with sex on the brain. Don't even approach with the goal of getting her number. Getting her number is just the by-product of having a good conversation.

 

[Alle_Gory]

This works anywhere Luke.

You're wasting your time talking to the resident troll. Dude is a 35yo virgin, religious nut and lives at home with his mother who is "an oracle from God".. etc.

 

[thewarrior]

It's true A LOT of girls aren't open to the idea of going out with someone they "don't know". But do we really "know" people? Does she really know that guy in History class? We're all strangers but it's easier and more safe for us to communicate with people that share our same interests and participate in the same activities.

It's a big ****ing world out there and I'm not going to limit myself to meeting women through friends or stick with warm approaches.

I psyche myself out by saying every approach is a warm approach.

1. We're shopping at the same mall.
2. We're walking down the same street.
3. We're drinking coffee at the same coffee shop.
4. We're working out at the same gym.
5. And if I can't find anything in common, I say we're both human and that's enough commonality for me.

 

[thewarrior]

You know, I was going to ask this very thing tonight.

Thanks a million. Approaching is without-a-doubt the weakest area of my game.

What tips do you have for a cold approach at a bar, club or pub; when women rove around in groups?

Cheers

Are you trying to game the whole group, or you just want to dance/get-to-know one girl out of the whole group?

If you just like one girl, talk with the whole group for about a minute... fluff talk and then ask to dance with the girl you're interested or if it's a bar, ease down the fluff talk with the group and start talking directly to the girl you're interested in without including the group on your conversation. This goes against befriending the whole group but clubs/bars are different than day game. Don't care about her friend's feelings... she'll most likely enjoy the fact you have balls to approach her so confidently.