Underestimating an old DJ

[DJintheworks]

it is very inspiring, i really like reading BigBills posts

 

[Inky]

BigBill, I read your post carefully from beginning to end.

To me it really looks like there's a high probability that the girl (who just got divorced and just relocated from Calif) probably has a brand new phone number that she isn't used to, and she confused some digits.

It's very unlikely for a chick to risk snubbing a guy with a fake number routine, when he knows exactly where she works and could easily show up again.

And considering that she actually called out to you as you were leaving to volunteer her number makes it almost inconcievable that she would have given a wrong number on purpose--so I personally can't see why you were so quick to assume that she did it on purpose.

Her coolness is typical for a girl who gave out her phone number and genuinely looked forward to getting a call, then waited and waited and was really hurt by the fact that he never called her.

Also, don't you think it shows more confidence to act like you can't imagine that any chick would ever want to give YOU a wrong number on purpose? Instead of getting upset and acting distant, like you're immediately assuming that she must've wanted to do it?

Even if she DID do it on purpose I think you would have scored more points by casually bringing it up. "Hi! I was going to call, but you wrote down a wrong number!! (laugh) Hey, no biggie."

I know getting the other girl's number went well and all, especially with you being motivated by your anger at the first girl, but...I don't know about the other stuff--sorry. Oh, and don't mind me, I'm new here.

Inky


[This message has been edited by Inky (edited 01-16-2002).]

 

[TesuqueRed]

Bill--did it go anywhere with girl #2 since then?

 

[Powertrip]

If Inky is right, I'd work out a deal to get them both in bed at the same time. Doing the math, it'd work out to be a 14.2.

This is a great thread, I should really start documenting my adventures..

-Chris

 

[DeepBlue]

Inky, your analysis of BigBill's situation is right on the money, and regrettably this type of misunderstanding is one reason why there are so many bitter, resentful women out there. It's possible that from her point of view some guy cruelly raised her hopes just so he could callously snub her.

What BigBill should do at this point is fess up to babe #1, letting her know he thought she gave him a wrong number on purpose, but later realized he might've made a terrible mistake. Not only will that rescue her from simmering in man-hating resentment, it will probably land him in her bed as well.

Oh, and Chris... your comment about ending up with a "14.2" had me laughing out loud!

DeepBlue

 

[BigBill]

Originally posted by DeepBlue:
Inky, your analysis of BigBill's situation is right on the money, and regrettably this type of misunderstanding is one reason why there are so many bitter, resentful women out there. It's possible that from her point of view some guy cruelly raised her hopes just so he could callously snub her.

What BigBill should do at this point is fess up to babe #1, letting her know he thought she gave him a wrong number on purpose, but later realized he might've made a terrible mistake. Not only will that rescue her from simmering in man-hating resentment, it will probably land him in her bed as well.

Oh, and Chris... your comment about ending up with a "14.2" had me laughing out loud!

DeepBlue

Ok guys.

I see where you are coming from. Here is why I disagree with you:

Inky, you say going up to her and confronting her would show confidence. I think it communicates something else entirely. It communicates that she is something special. Like getting her number was the best thing that happened to you that day/week/hour or whatever and you were really looking forward to getting with her. girls already have an exaggerated sense of their own worth. If I say 'hey that number you gave me was wrong' then it looks like I give a ****.

I don't.

not going up to her is very good because it shakes her confidence. It causes her to re-evaluate which of us is the 'prize' and which one the hunter. Think about it from her point of view. Did I try to call the number she gave me? Was I so busy with other girls that I forgot I talked to her? did I meet a prettier girl in the mean time? Is she not as attractive and special as maybe she thought? Why isn't he over here clearing things up?....

yes, all the things a GUY would normally be thinking after a girl he was dating had suddenly snubbed him. only we DJs are not normal guys. We are the best, we expect a certain level of respect and treatment from women and if we don't get it, we don't go back and ask why not, we don't care. We find another one just as pretty or better.

girls with big boobs and nice legs and smiles are everywhere. Its DJs that are rare.

As to where things went with the other girl. I kept her around until she started getting uppity then I dumped her. since then she has tried three times to get back with me. But I don't have time for her between work, school and the other girls I've been seeing.

I don't date that much anymore like I did when I was a newbie Dj, but when I want to get a date with a girl I usually do and when I get a date I almost always get action. And if I don't get the date or get the date and no action... I shrug and move on to better things.

the 14.2 idea is nice.

I found out why the one chick gave the wrong number too. I acually delivered a pizza to her house. she has a live-in boyfreind that looks like hes out on work-release. She answered the door and he was laying on their couch so I go 'Hey, I remember you, you work at blah blah as a waitress. I remember asking you out and you gave me the wrong number!' all said with a big smile. she turned white as a ghost. No tellin what her old man thought or did later.

Heheheheheheheheh....

Guess my intuition was right. she would have made sure the number was right if she wanted me to have it. she just wanted to be dishonest with me. If she had told me she had a Bf living with her I might have said 'cool, so where and when you want to get together?' but she had to lie so...

 

[Jester]

holy **** its bigbill, where u been dude.

get in the chatroom sometime soon.

 

[Don the Legend]

Originally posted by BigBill:
I found out why the one chick gave the wrong number too. I acually delivered a pizza to her house. she has a live-in boyfreind that looks like hes out on work-release. She answered the door and he was laying on their couch so I go 'Hey, I remember you, you work at blah blah as a waitress. I remember asking you out and you gave me the wrong number!' all said with a big smile. she turned white as a ghost. No tellin what her old man thought or did later.

Heheheheheheheheh....

Guess my intuition was right. she would have made sure the number was right if she wanted me to have it. she just wanted to be dishonest with me. If she had told me she had a Bf living with her I might have said 'cool, so where and when you want to get together?' but she had to lie so...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOL!

That's gold man. Glad to see you posting again.

Legend

 

[BigBill]

Hey glad you

guys still remember me. I quit the internet altogether for a few months to really concentrate on school and stuff. Between this forum and chatroom and a few others i was visiting it was eating up a lot of time.

I talk to Drew now and then on Icq and I'll start stopping by here every now and then too.

Later guys!

 

[DeepBlue]

BigBill wrote:

Inky, you say going up to her and confronting her would show confidence.


DeepBlue replies:
I believe Inky said it conveys confidence to act like you can't imagine that a chick would ever want to give *YOU* a wrong number on purpose, and it makes you look more desirable if you seem to believe that it MUST have been a mistake. (Unless a chick is being insultingly *obvious* about BSing you.)

If you seem quick to assume that a chick gave you a fake number on purpose, it gives her the impression (rightly or wrongly) that women are constantly trying to ditch you with a wrong number. That impression makes the guy seem less desirable.

I was the one, however (not Inky) who suggested that you talk to girl #1 about it.



BigBill continued...
I think it communicates something else entirely. It communicates that she is something special. Like getting her number was the best thing that happened to you that day/week/hour or whatever and you were really looking forward to getting with her. girls already have an exaggerated sense of their own worth. If I say 'hey that number you gave me was wrong' then it looks like I give a ****.

I don't.


DeepBlue reply:
While it is true that a guy shouldn't hang his self-esteem on a number working out, to say that you "don't give a sh*t" about the number is either trying too hard to not care, or else you're asking the wrong girls for numbers. If I don't give a sh*t about a girl's number I don't ask for it.



BigBill continued...
not going up to her is very good because it shakes her confidence. It causes her to re-evaluate which of us is the 'prize' and which one the hunter.

Think about it from her point of view. Did I try to call the number she gave me? Was I so busy with other girls that I forgot I talked to her? did I meet a prettier girl in the mean time? Is she not as attractive and special as maybe she thought? Why isn't he over here clearing things up?....


DeepBlue reply:
Hold it. I'm not saying you should have tried to "clear things up". That expression, "clearing things up" makes it sound like expressing concern about the fact that the number didn't work.

I'm not saying you should do that at all--doing that would have been a bad move, I agree. However, you *can* let her know the number was wrong, and laugh it off like it's no big deal. That way you are covered. You maintain your "don't give a sh*t" attitude, but you also:

1. Let her know she wrote a wrong number just in case it *was* a mistake.

2. Act surprised to let her see that YOU are not used to having that happen.

The catch is that this approach does involve facing the chick again, and that can be difficult for a guy if he's feeling kinda rejected, because deep down he's telling himself that she probably gave him a wrong number on purpose.

That is exactly why being able to face her again in a relaxed and cheerful way is such a powerful move. It conveys self confidence.



BigBill continued...
yes, all the things a GUY would normally be thinking after a girl he was dating had suddenly snubbed him. only we DJs are not normal guys. We are the best, we expect a certain level of respect and treatment from women and if we don't get it, we don't go back and ask why not, we don't care. We find another one just as pretty or better.


DeepBlue reply:
Saying that you didn't get a "certain level of respect" again *assumes* that she rejected you on purpose.

Based on your story, I didn't feel that there was a basis for making that assumption with any conviction.

But the fact is, I wasn't there. Inevitably, there are many subtle indicators of interest, or lack thereof, that I'm not privy to.

If the chick positivly exuded non-verbal signals saying, "I am giving you a fake number to get rid of you" then fine, I AGREE with you. You shouldn't bother with her.

But based on your description of what happened--her calling out to you to volunteer her number--that gave me the impression that she was very interested in you. Likewise, I assumed that your interest in her was genuine since you tried to get her number. Those are pretty much the main things I had to work with.


BigBill continued...

[some stuff cut for brevity]


I found out why the one chick gave the wrong number too. I acually delivered a pizza to her house. she has a live-in boyfreind that looks like hes out on work-release. She answered the door and he was laying on their couch so I go 'Hey, I remember you, you work at blah blah as a waitress. I remember asking you out and you gave me the wrong number!' all said with a big smile. she turned white as a ghost. No tellin what her old man thought or did later.

Heheheheheheheheh....

Guess my intuition was right.


DeepBlue reply:
Based on your impression of her boyfriend it sounds like she might hang with a seedy crowd, so maybe you had an intuition--when you first spoke to her--that she was the type of chick who'd casually snub a guy by giving him a wrong number. Again, these are aspects of the scenario that I don't have access to.

[snip remainder]

DeepBlue

 

[BigBill]

Deep blue,

I think we are going to have to agree to disagree on this. I've stated why I played how I played it and to me, your arguments sound like justifying what I consider chumpish behavior.

I don't make excuses in my mind for things a chick does or doesn't do. I just look at what happened. If it was you who got approached by a chick and you were into her would you make a mistake giving her your number? Hell no.

so much for your signs of interest.

Anyhow as to me being interested in her. Yes. Absolutely that's why I asked. my point is: I'm not any more interested in her than I am in any other girl, and My interest level falls to about -100% when they do something like break a date or give a wrong number or some other flaky BS. Why waste the time and risk a failure with a girl who has already shown flakiness when I can instead mack on one that hasn't?

Am I trying too hard not to care? Yes. It takes discipline for me not to obsess about girls and to be so callous about rejecting them. I'm trying to overcome 30 years of doing things wrong.

If I go up to that girl in that situation, even if I make a joke out of it, it shows weakness. It possibly even would have showed weakness to the other girl I DID get and blown that. The other thing that would have shown weakness is if I deliberately snubbed her or acted mad.

The only right way to make that play, no matter what reasons anyone might come up with otherwise, is to act like nothing of any importance happened. that's what I did, I got laid by the prettier waitress, and in the same situation, I make the same move.

Anyhow I doubt you will find many successful DJs who reccomend you re-approach a girl who gave you a wrong number. Even if it was a mistake on her part, I still say on some level she will see you coming and re-asking as a weak, possibly obsessive and needy thing to do.

My opinion.

 

[DeepBlue]

BigBill wrote:
I think we are going to have to agree to disagree on this.



Well, at least you have been explaining your point of view clearly. I think our discussion made for an interesting thread. Maybe we should be the Siskel & Ebert of the DJ center.


DeepBlue

 

[crowes22]

Originally posted by BigBill:
Deep blue,

If I go up to that girl in that situation, even if I make a joke out of it, it shows weakness. It possibly even would have showed weakness to the other girl I DID get and blown that. The other thing that would have shown weakness is if I deliberately snubbed her or acted mad.

The only right way to make that play, no matter what reasons anyone might come up with otherwise, is to act like nothing of any importance happened. that's what I did, I got laid by the prettier waitress, and in the same situation, I make the same move.

Anyhow I doubt you will find many successful DJs who reccomend you re-approach a girl who gave you a wrong number. Even if it was a mistake on her part, I still say on some level she will see you coming and re-asking as a weak, possibly obsessive and needy thing to do.

My opinion.

I agree with this. Acting like you care allows her to 'win'. She has had an effect on you if you reapproach her. Not good. She would have zero respect for you.

 

[DeepBlue]

Crowes22 wrote:
I agree with this. Acting like you care allows her to 'win'.


DeepBlue reply:
I agree with it too, but acting like you care wasn't the course of action I suggested.

All you really need to do to understand the situation is to put yourself in her position.

You enjoy some great convo with someone, and based on that the girl you're talking to asks you for your number. So you give out your number but you accidentally "dyslexiate" two digits (THAT is the remote but real possibility I choose to allow for).

After giving her your number, you look forward to continuing convo with that girl, but she never calls you.

Later she comes to your workplace and she completely ignores you and proceeds to hit on your coworker. In fact, she never talks to you again, and unbeknownst to you, it is because you confused two digits.

The point is, you CAN let a girl know she gave you a wrong number AND do it in a way that doesn't seem overly concerned about the "loss". Consider it a challenge worthy of a suave DJ.

The crux of the issue is that BigBill cannot concieve of her mixing up the digits as being anything other than a purposeful snub.

In a situation where there is NO possible explanation for a chick's behavior except that she is purposely snubbing you, in that case I'd be in complete agreement with BigBill's comments.

However, in a situation where there is a possibility that the chick was NOT trying to snub you, I think it shows more confidence in your own desirability if you assume that the chick wasn't trying to snub you.

In short, it's better to err on the side of assuming a chick desires you, even if she doesn't, than to err in assuming she's not interested, when she is.

Anyway, I think both viewpoints were well represented here, and to each their own style.

DeepBlue

[This message has been edited by DeepBlue (edited 02-15-2002).]

 

[SoSuave.com]

Moving to new Success Stories forum. Reply there.

 

[Heart Of Stone]

Nice story BigBill.

I just want to add a few comments to this thread.

'Well, you could give me your phone number' she says.

'I'm sorry but I'm hardly ever home to answer it.' I say with a sad look. 'Oh well.'
As I start to walk away again she says:

'I have a phone number'

This is a clear sign of HIGH INTEREST. This girl is trying hard to make it easy for you two to get together.

AbsoluteFreakinChump/Maranathaman, Inky, and DeepBlue have also recognized this.

A few days later I call her and guess what? The number she gave me is WRONG!

She could've been wetting in her panties with excitement. She probably wasn't thinking straight and gave you her old phone number. I can't even remember my own phone number sometimes, and I've had it for 7 years.

The wrong number girl was my waitress, she never said hello, or anything

Because you didn't call her and now she sees you picking up on the other waitress. She probably sees you as a player, and she doesn't want anything to do with you.

I found out why the one chick gave the wrong number too. I acually delivered a pizza to her house. she has a live-in boyfreind that looks like hes out on work-release. She answered the door and he was laying on their couch so I go 'Hey, I remember you, you work at blah blah as a waitress. I remember asking you out and you gave me the wrong number!'

This is nothing more than an assumption. You said earlier that she moved here because she had family here. Maybe that was her cousin or brother on the couch.

Why didn't you just set up a date when you were leaving the restaurant? You would've found out exactly how much interest she had in you.

This is a great example of why getting a girl's phone number doesn't mean anything. It's GETTING THE DATE that counts.

 

[Rebel Leader]

Originally posted by Heart Of Stone:
She probably sees you as a player, and she doesn't want anything to do with you.

Well, at least she got *that* much right!

Seriously, the strangest quirks can happen in the plans of mice and men (or women).

------------------
Live ... Love ... Laugh

 

[BigBill]

Lol nice story.

Sounds like you thought it was nice. You just think I don't know what I'm talking about and that I played that whole thing wrong and that it amounts to a failure.

You point out that I assumed the guy on her couch was a BF when there were other possibilities. Ok. Fine. I'll admit that I make assumptions and they are not always right.

Now lets look at some of the assumptions YOU have that I think are wrong.

1) 'The girl probobly thinks you are a player now and isn't interested anymore.'

When are guys going to learn that being a player is ATTRACTIVE to women. This smacks of nice-guy thinking to me. I'm not even going to bother explaining this.

2) You make up excuses for the girl to have given the wrong phone number and scold me for assuming that there was some meaning to it because you saw something that to you was a sign of high interest.

Wrong. I don't care if the whole rest of the forum agrees with you and Doc Love, Copland, and Ross Jeffries all come out with a joint statement condeming me this is just flat wrong.

By your logic as long as she's all over me and showing that 'high interest' you value so much, I should allow little lapses like forgetting dates, or giving me her wrong number or things like that. No way. That's allowing her to be manipulative and control the situation. Unacceptable. Girls show high interest all the time for a variety of stupid reasons that aren't even worth thinking about. Its the signs of low interest that I pay more attention to becuase in my experience they mean more.

3) your statement about getting the number is nothing it's getting the date that matters.

Hah. Getting a date is nothing. Getting the number is nothing. Getting a kiss goodnight is nothing. It's all about getting sex and getting control.

That's right, what you want is sex. Don't try to tell me about this relationship and commitment bulls**t. you want sex. If the other was true you wouldn't care if the girl turned you on or not. You wouldn't care how old or young shes was...hell if all you want is this special tanscendent bond of love and understanding *coughBullsh*tcough* she could be a 60 year old grandmother with a heart of gold and boobs all the way to her knees and youd be the luckiest man alive to have her! (yeah right)

If you want commitment and marriage and all that, just means you feel guilty about wanting sex. you are STILL trying to get a girl in a SEXUAL relationship on YOUR terms (sex and control). A date may help you achieve that or it may not. IMO the best way to get both is to seduce her and give her some really great sex. Not bore her to death on dates.

So stop with the player hating and snide comments. Whatever takes you from point a (stranger) to point b (lover) is valuable. It can be dating, speed seduction, getting phone numbers, the internet. whatever. There is no wrong way to mack as long as you get the result you want.

So tell me, does letting girls manipulate you by showing those signs of high interest you like while they do things like accidently give you wrong phone numbers or cancel dates at the last minute or anything else like that contribute to you getting your sex and your control?

And lastly I'm sorry, but If you take the average couch in the average girl's apartment that has a man laying on it in his T-shirt and boxers watchin the tube with a beer... I would have to say that the possibilities of it being a cousin, brother, uncle, frined, or anything else other than her old man is less than 1%.

So you are asking me to believe a whole lot of very unlikely things relating to this girl. from the fact of her giving the wrong number being an accident, to the guy on her couch in his undies not being her boyfriend.

You are telling me that the overriding factor in my decision making here is her sign of interest.

AND your saying that some DJs I happen to think are pretty slick and know their stuff agree with your assessment.

I went back and re-read what AFC/Maranatha had to say in this thread. He said he thought it was possible she wrote down a digit wrong or I misread her writing. He also said 'Hey, it worked out well anyhow since you got the prettier one.'

I'll tell you what though. Why don't you do this. the next 10 chicks you ask that give you a wrong number. go back later and re-approach them and tell us what your success rate is. If its better than you success rate approaching girls you don't know yet I'll be really surprised. Oh yeah, you don't believe in going for numbers, you think dates are important. So that must mean you set up dates when you meet girls instead of asking for their numbers. So tell us how many of those girls that stand you up you ever approach again and how that goes.

Personally if a girl is giving me a snow job I'd rather just be out the 10 seconds it took to try to call the number she gave than to show up at some place and get stood up. but I'm sure that NEVER happens to you. (lol)

Anyhow, thanks for your input. I don't mind you disagreeing sharply with me. I wouldnt post stuff here if I wasn't able to take some heat over it.

I'm gonna shoot it straight too though (stright as I can) so don't take offense.



[This message has been edited by BigBill (edited 02-19-2002).]

 

[Heart Of Stone]

BigBill,

Wasn't this fun? It sure beat the h e l l out of reading some of those other posts that appear on here.

 

[BigBill]

Originally posted by Heart Of Stone:
BigBill,

Wasn't this fun? It sure beat the h e l l out of reading some of those other posts that appear on here.

I'm right with you on that. this has been some VERY stimulating debate. Much better than 'Today in school this girl I sort of like that sort of likes me looked at me in class. What should I do?'

Heh.