Uncharted territory- plate is a virgin...

[OnTheWayUp]

Gentlemen,

Things are going pretty well for me at the moment in the ladies department. I have one main plate, a couple of secondary ones who I've made out with plus various other projects. I have a date with a new girl later this week.

My main plate has the face of a 6 but the body of an 8: cute, but not super hot. We're both students and hooked up several times at the end of last term after my former main girl (read: oneitis) flaked on me at a gig of mine. I was pissed off at the flaking girl, my current girl is a groupie of my band who had been giving me IOIs, and I just took her home. She was very helpful in helping me get over my oneitis. However, she was very shy in the bedroom and it turns out she is a virgin. We did everything else apart from penetrative sex.

Uni has just started again and she IMed me yesterday to have a chat and set up a date for this evening. Her IL is obviously still pretty high even though I have barely spoken to her for 3-4 weeks. It's her 21st birthday in a few days and I feel an excellent time to have sex approaching...

I like this girl and want to sleep with her, but at the same time I don't want to commit to her. I'm in my last year of uni and have never enjoyed so many female options, so a relationship seems pretty stupid tbh. When we discussed her being a virgin, she said that she wasn't one of those girls who needs a relationship to have sex. That said, I know how quickly virgins (especially girls) fall for the person who deflowers them, so I take her statement about not needing a relationship with a large pinch of salt. I don't really want to be the guy who does her once and then runs away, but if she pushes for a relationship then exactly that will happen. My ideal would be a FWB situation, as she lives about 5 mins away from my flat.

How do I communicate my intentions to her without coming across as a d1ck? Should I be direct and say something like "this isn't going to lead to a relationship" before we have sex? Should I just drop the issue of a relationship completely until she brings it up? Should I leave it to her to assume that this is purely physical for me? (by not letting her stay over, not showering with her, not cuddling too much)

 

[Vice]

Usually if you set up a frame of being that sexy guy that she gets physicaly with, it's implied that you're not the "relationship" guy.

Converseley, if you set the frame as you being "provider" and "relationship" guy, she'll press for a relationship.

Just be the guy that gets girls and she'll pick up the non-committal vibe.

 

[Rubato]

Why are you assuming that sex with this girl means commitment? There are some virgin girls who want sex just like guys. Not every girl fits this ideal that for sex to happen, a relationship must be established, there must be commitment, there must be this and that... some girls just want to get laid. Or. As a woman I used to work with said,

"Sometimes I [or girls] just want to get slammed".

This is something you need to figure out. Do you want to have sex with her? It sounds like you do. So how are you going to make that happen?

Be a sexual guy. Assert a sexual frame. And it sounds like you're doing that. Don't change your frame to fit whatever your perception of what she wants is. Like Vice said, don't become a boyfriend, keep being you, a guy who is sexually interested in the girl.

In short, treat her like any other non-virgin. I personally wouldn't address any of the issues you brought up unless she brings them up herself. Doing that would only create obstacles for you, unnecessary obstacles. If you have some moral predilections discouraging you from doing this, stop now. If you're concerned she's going to fall in love with you and you're not willing to deal with that, then stop. That's why I said this is something you need to figure out. If you aren't straight with what you want to do, you're probably not going to succeed.

Figure out if you can manage the possible contingencies.

And if you can, do it. Don't make it hard (at least, don't make it difficult )

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Great perspectives both of you, thanks.

Just came back from her place now, 2am local time. All round good date, lots of banter, making out, ended in a nice long bj because she had her period. I reckon I can take it further the next time I see her.

On the subject of the future with this one, obviously I'm happy with the way things are currently heading. I set up a frame today of me being her teacher and giving her lessons in how to please me. Lots of fun, and she was far more compliant and giggly about it than I had expected. She also made a one-off comment that what we were doing was "good practice," so maybe she really does see this as just physical.

Either way, the best thing to do is to enjoy it whilst it lasts and pursue other girls. I'll leave it to her to ponder "what stage of the relationship we're in."