Unbreakable Bond

[ubercat]

No drama. I was just pointing out its a self selecting sample. My parents have been married 50 years +. Day to day I think it comes down to a principle of that might seem counter intuitive to us here. Namely let the woman make the minute decisions and put your foot down and be resolute on the big ones. It used to be called being a good Homemaker. To be honest as a man I couldn't give a f*** what we going to have for dinner or what colour the curtains are going to be. I'd rather be thinking about how to work towards the big goals. It also fits in with @MOTU s idea of saying less. No doubt this will be controversial but I'm telling you what I've seen work for them.

 

[Billtx49]

No drama. I was just pointing out its a self selecting sample. My parents have been married 50 years +. Day to day I think it comes down to a principle of that might seem counter intuitive to us here. Namely let the woman make the minute decisions and put your foot down and be resolute on the big ones. It used to be called being a good Homemaker. To be honest as a man I couldn't give a f*** what we going to have for dinner or what colour the curtains are going to be. I'd rather be thinking about how to work towards the big goals. It also fits in with @MOTU s idea of saying less. No doubt this will be controversial but I'm telling you what I've seen work for them.

Exactly right. The man has to know his role, and the woman hers. When this natural balance is not achieved for whatever reason, that's when it all falls apart.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Yup, I can verify that one.

However, there are some couples out there who are genuinely happy together. Usually it's because the man is very much a confident leader in the household. I've met a lot of women who won't shut up about how much they miss their late husband. But there's also a lot who will just mention him in passing without mentioning a single fond memory.

I think there's a definite line drawn between the two, and I suspect it all goes back to High Score Theory. The ones who are happy with each other or the widow misses her husband were usually married for an extremely long time; like 50-60 years. That means she married while she was 18-20, or possibly even earlier.

I really do believe it makes a difference landing your women young. The women who don't really care that their husband is gone either married a beta, or met him in their late 20s or early 30s after multiple encounters. I have an aunt who was thrilled her husband died, and exclaimed that being married is like "being in fvcking jail"

So then if 2 people were to find each other some time in high school and stay with each other for a while and stay faithful to each other through the rough and tempting times in college and end up marrying, they can actually live happily ever after like a Disney movie? (Not being cynical, just a genuine question)

 

[Desdinova]

So then if 2 people were to find each other some time in high school and stay with each other for a while and stay faithful to each other through the rough and tempting times in college and end up marrying, they can actually live happily ever after like a Disney movie? (Not being cynical, just a genuine question)

I can't say it would be like a Disney movie. Let's be real here. There are STILL going to be garbage women out there. Getting her while she's young, inexperienced and low-mileage is going to increase your odds at having a more successful relationship. It does NOT guarantee it.

 

[zekko]

The PUA crowd will always tell you that these people are bored with their lives and miserable. I agree that it's rare, but there really are happy people out there who stick together. Even if PUAs want to deny it because they have their own agenda to push. Now what the secret is with these couples, I have no idea. The truth is there is NO WAY to guarantee one of these relationships, which is why I would never recommend marriage.

It's like Briffault's Law, which tells you that the girl will only stay with the guy as long as there's a benefit to her. But I've known several real life cases where the guy is chronically deathly ill, can't work, has no money, and his wife stays to dutifully nurse him and care for him. There are always exceptions to every rule.

 

[zekko]

My other grandfather divorced at 50, then had the time of his life until he passed away in his mid-80s

Just out of curiousity, since I'm in that age group. How old were the women he was banging?

 

[Young OG]

I think that these old couples who have been married for tons of years have stayed together because of how they were raised. Times were different back then. Divorce was a bad word in the old days. A divorced woman was looked down upon. Nowadays, its no big deal to get a divorce.

 

[Billtx49]

I think that these old couples who have been married for tons of years have stayed together because of how they were raised. Times were different back then. Divorce was a bad word in the old days. A divorced woman was looked down upon. Nowadays, its no big deal to get a divorce.

Divorce rates are up in these times and the traditional gender quality of both sexes has gone down. Coincidence or not ?

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I think that these old couples who have been married for tons of years have stayed together because of how they were raised. Times were different back then. Divorce was a bad word in the old days. A divorced woman was looked down upon. Nowadays, its no big deal to get a divorce.

Yes, it had something to go with the 'greater good'. The logic of this is lost to us within the brave new paradigm of the individual. Anything outside the current paradigm now appears to us as absurd.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I can't say it would be like a Disney movie. Let's be real here. There are STILL going to be garbage women out there. Getting her while she's young, inexperienced and low-mileage is going to increase your odds at having a more successful relationship. It does NOT guarantee it.

But theoretically it COULD though, right?

 

[Julian]

my folks met internationally over 30 years ago and have been together ever since. it will be death that parts them i believe that fully. they both come from divorced house holds and are a unit for sure.

me personally i think its somewhat uncommon what my parents have...i for one want to believe in marriage but all my relationships have ended in flames. but since im alpha and aesthetic i give no fuks.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

My parents are gonna stay together till the day they both die. I think they've been married for something like 23 years, but I'm not too certain. My mom basically confessed her love for some else during midlife crisis in her 30s, which I remember was from when I was 2 years old to 8 and pretty much became a super sh!tty mom. The only reason he stayed with her is because after his own parents got divorced when he was a kid, his life went to absolute sh!t. Like the worst life you could possibly live on Earth, he loved afterwards. I'm pretty sure that's why. Now of course she is better, but I don't know if it was worth or not for him.

 

[The Duke]

So then if 2 people were to find each other some time in high school and stay with each other for a while and stay faithful to each other through the rough and tempting times in college and end up marrying, they can actually live happily ever after like a Disney movie? (Not being cynical, just a genuine question)

I basically found my exwife the final years of high school. She had 3guys before me, she was my first. We both made it all the way thru several years of college in different states. After college we married, got a hosue together, and stayed together 5yrs. We did the long distance dating thing for almost 10yrs so were together for a total of 15yrs.

We were both faithful, had a blast, took a lot of trips together, wrote lots of love letters back and forth, lots of expensive long distance phone bills(before cell phones). We put a lot of effort into keeping things going. It was actually the best relationship I ever had and a very balanced relationship. 13yrs of it were very enjoyable. There were never any personality conflicts or drama. The final 2yrs, we stopped doing things together and drifted apart. We both got caught up in our careers and stopped working on the relationship. I stopped paying attention to her and she looked elsewhere to find it.

So yes, I probably had as close to a fairy tale as you can get. Had we kept working on the relationship, she never would have cheated, and we would still be together. These relationships just don't run themselves.

So just like with everything in life, if you want the best then surround yourself with good people and work hard to achieve what it is you want.

I know this site is pretty anti-relationship, but a man can accomplish a lot in life when he isn't busy plowing thru random girls.

 

[Alvafe]

Seeing old couples happy together and having grand parents...

What keeps these people together?

Could it happen to an old DJ?

main diference? most of these people know very well before they marry it would be a for life thing, most will work together to stay together, or just concede, laso you need to remember what was sosciety before and now, now most thing are made to survive a year or 2 you are always changing because things broke, if its broekn we buy new things, back then if its broke they would fix, and even so thing was made to take a life to broke, how many here really had a pair of shoes fixes? trade a sole of one? we don't we jsut buy a new pair.

there is also a character thing, they give they word they would be together, today we can't trust anyone, even using contracts we have problems with people keep the arrangement.

one other was the codependency of each other, a woman would not likely to survive alone and a men would not have someone to take care of his kids and his home when he was away, eahc otehr would respect what the other did, nowadays if you can do everything to me then you are useless