Ummm..... breaching cultural barriers

[Befuddled]

Alright..... hmmm where to begin ? these girls have been messing with my mind.
Got some exchange student here, who is very cool, speaks good english, and talks a lot to me. We had quite a nice cordial thing going since i met her about 2 weeks ago and helped her(and a couple of her friends) get used to the place.

So driving her around....she bring up a girl who i had hooked up on one occasion a couple of months ago, and proceeds to interrogate me about my relationship with her.... bear in mind i met her a week before. didnt really bother me....thought she was just makign conversation. So she mentions her Boyfriend back home, and that was a red light for me..... not that i was particularily interested in her (but i wouldnt have minded if she was single. she seems very smart)

So there i was being friendly with the newcomers, and helping them out. The next time i drover her around she starts asking me about another girl, who according to ppl around was interested in me. I was getting the impression that she was being a little too inquisitive, and could be some kind of drama queen. but didnt mind sharing my opinion. She told me she was shocked at the way this girl slept around and was telling everyone about it. I told her i agreed and that it goes on a lot where we live and thats it gets pretty disgusting. She says "oh, so youve already done it all, and are tired of it ? hehehe. it dosent really matter to me , i got a boyfriend anyway.".
me:nah, i dont really sleep around, not my style. ppl do what they want anyway.

Fastforward to this past weekend....
we all, a good 15-20 of us go out clubbing. ive suddenly become good friends with one of her friends, who i usually call to get in touch with her group..... but shes just a friend, really cool girl. So me n the buds are doing shots at the bar.... she comes up and the conversation goes like this:
her:so you really like so-n-so huh ?
me: huh? (drunk and surprised that she starts asking me this kind of stuff again...kinda uneasy) umm...yeah sure, shes very cool, and a good friend. why do you ask ?
her: well you seem to always call her n stuff.
me: yeah i guess....well shes a godo friend, just like all you guys. i havent really singled anyone out who i 'really' like or anything. (which is true).

her: yeah i know you really miss ur friends from last semester, dont worry this semester will be great as well.
me: yup, i agree. and its only going to get better.
her: you are a really nice guy (NICE GUY !!!!!) really laid back, and not worried.
me:yeah.....well this place makes you like that which i love. So i got a question for you....why did u ask me about the other girl?(the first girl she asked me about)
her:hahahaha....*mumble mumble* (couldnt hear a damn thing, and the alcohol + accent wasnt helping either)
me:hmmm
her: so you goto the beach a lot ?
me:yeah...i love the beach.
her:me too, anytime you go, just let me know ill come. no matter how early.
me:you sure ? i mean its freezing out there...you wont be able to go in the water, and you'll probably get bored.
her:i dont care....i just love the beach.
me:..umm...ok will do.
her:but yeah you seem like a really nice guy(NICE GUY AGAIN !!) you helps us a lot n stuff.
me: yeah.... (kinda disappointed with the nice guy comment, trying to change the subject)...you up for another better club ?
*friend pulls me away to do another shot*, so i give her my beer... and walk to the bar.

i turn around, and see another one of the new guys talking to her...didnt really bother me at the time...was socializing, and getting ready to ehad to the other club.
we get there...not sure if they came (ppl said they did)
Have a blast at the other club. dont remember much else..... but dont rememebr seeing her or the guy there.

The next morning....i find out they apparently hooked up...spent the night. didnt REALLY bother me....was a bit disappointed since she made herself out to be some kind of goodey-2-shoes with a bf. was a bit disappointed that she would cheat on him with a guy she met a couple of days earlier, but wasnt my place to judge.

Seen her n her friends..hung out watched a movie with them all....and went out last night as well. Everyones all friendly and talking to me...except for this girl !!!!! i said hello to them all...they all respond, except her. i mean literally NOT A WORD.

I friggon hate dramas, and its pretty weird being around her now, cause she dosent even talk to me, she just turns off when i show up. and unfortunately we both have common friends, so if we're going out...chances are shes going to be there.

Whats going on here ? from the get go it seemed like she was trying to be just friends.... talkign about the bf, calling me a 'nice guy' (which i abosulutely hate...might have different meaning to ppl from europe). Then she hooks up with some other dude, which i dont have a problem with...and now shes cold shouldering me. i seriously dont get it. what am i supposed to do here ?

 

[Skweints]

First off, if someone calls you a "nice guy", don't let it bother you. The reason she may have chosen those words is because she didn't have any other words to really describe. I made a mistake with a huge potential when she called me her "friend". For some reason, I hated it, so I responded with "I don't treat you like I treat my friends." She pretty much went running for the hills.

Second, her bringing up the fact that she has a boyfriend back home is a shyt test. She wanted to see how you would react. Being indifferent (which you were) is the best idea. It shows her that you don't NEED her to survive, and that you're different. You should've went from there to a bit of kino, maybe some C&F.

Third, I don't know exactly what you're trying to get at with the post. You said you're not paticularly interested in her, yet, you wrote a pretty damn big post about it. Sounds to me like you're interested.

Let me put it in this perspective, when that girl went home with that dude she met only a couple days ago, did you think she was in good hands? If not, then you should be disappointed because you didn't show her that there's someone better out there for her (YOU!). That could be why she's giving you the cold shoulder, you let her go home with some idiot, and not you.

 

[California Love]

You seem like an intelligent guy. These girls really don't deserve your time. With immigrants, even the ones of your race, theres often problems since they are less educated and the women tend to be manipulative, leading men on for their personal benefit. The first one seems possesive and displays attention wh0re traits, while the second just seems a little superficial. I think you did the right thing not to linger too long.

 

[Befuddled]

UPDATE:
A mutual friend just told me that she and the other guy didnt 'hookup' but just ended up talking. But that still dosent explain why this girl is cold shouldering me. i mean one night it's "i really like you, your so laid back. i really want to goto the beach with you",etc... and now...i get a little more than a gesture in responce to my friendly approaches.

Also.... ummm.... i dont think there's a single guy i know who wouldnt want to get with this girl. So yeah... shes beautiful.

Unfortunately(and you must excuse me...im still a little drunk) tonight i ended up making out with the second girl on the dance floor....about 4ft in front of the girl in my post. She just stared for a couple of minutes and then just left. i was a bit uncomfortable, but i knew this other girl was into me..and she had practically cornored me to make out...and the corner was in front of this girl. Oh well....

 

[Skweints]

Call her on it. Go up to her and ask her "So what's up? Too good to talk to me or something? *smile*" Open something up, just don't go up to her and say "Hey!" If she blows you off, just respond with something like "Alrighty, your loss. *wink*" and find some other chick to entice.

 

[Befuddled]

Originally posted by California Love
You seem like an intelligent guy. These girls really don't deserve your time. With immigrants, even the ones of your race, theres often problems since they are less educated and the women tend to be manipulative, leading men on for their personal benefit. The first one seems possesive and displays attention wh0re traits, while the second just seems a little superficial. I think you did the right thing not to linger too long.

im talking about the same girl throughout the post. She seems to ask me about any girl i come in contact with....the girls shes brings up tend to be ones who flirt a LOT with me...but dont really interest me.

 

[Befuddled]

Nevermind my post on what my friend told me. Apparently they DID hookup, and knowing that they did, i guess it seemed only fitting that she cold shoulder me(or turn the heat down anyway).

I guess i LJBF'd her, but only cause i respect the fact that she does have a BF. Kinda releived that it wasnt something stupid i did/said when i was drunk.