ultimatums

[Sexual]

what do u guys think about giving ultimatums to women in relationships?

vague example:
If you don't start doing this a certain way, there's millions of other women who can.

 

[Life-Trainee]

Very controlling and leads to resentment.

 

[johnny_chase]

dont tell them, show them. Actions speak louder than words.

If they see you can get other women, they see other women checking you out, and they see you dont really need them, they will wise up real quick.

 

[Sexual]

Originally posted by Life-Trainee
Very controlling and leads to resentment.

That's what I think. Unless you have a woman who can take it or is more or less 'dependant' I think it'll only lead to trouble with them doing more bad than good. Showing them like chase says is better of coarse, but it feels so much more difficult.

 

[Donald Kaufman]

Ultimatums work best when you want to go through with the threat anyway.

If it's early in the relationship and you can't find another way to settle the dispute the relationship isn't going anywhere anyway.

If it's late in a relationship ... well, good luck.

 

[Sexual]

Hmmm.... I wonder if a man and a woman keep trying to get the upper hand of dominance in the relationship through arguing are just not right for each other.

 

[neoncola]

Most of the time it's better to not tell someone before you actually do it. Actions speak louder than words, and sometimes the words can cause resentment. It works better to out of the blue leave someone wondering, than to tell them what you are going to do beforehand.

 

[biker_gixxer]

dont tell them, show them. Actions speak louder than words.

Exactly. Besides, if you do give them an ultimatum, you're showing your frustrated, which means you don't have control of your emotions, which means you're weak. This actually shifts the Power in her direction. See what I mean?

 

[stalluproar]

Ultimatums regarding "us" are wussy.

Ultimatums such as clean up your act show congruence and confidence when done tactfully.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by biker_gixxer
dont tell them, show them. Actions speak louder than words.

Exactly. Besides, if you do give them an ultimatum, you're showing your frustrated, which means you don't have control of your emotions, which means you're weak. This actually shifts the Power in her direction. See what I mean?

I agree with you, It doesn´t work! I´ve done it, and I regret.

When you give an ultimatum you´re pushing too hard, this´s a mistake. It may work in some cases but in general I´d avoid it.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

A lot of guys preach it as the cureall in a relationship and while it can be effective, it can also be incredibly dangerous.It's a specialized tool that you have to use cautiously. It's essentially a relationship A-Bomb, threatening her with the emotional devastation she'll feel if you break up. A list of guidelines to consider before considering the U-Bomb.

Don't use it too soon. After two weeks you're not close enough to inflict any damage and she's likely to think you're demanding, oversensitive, not worth the hassle, and a total jack@ss besides. And she's right.

Don't use it too often. It's loses some of it's effect after the first time, but if this is the third time in the last six months (or worse month) that you've threatened her with the aforementioned emotional devastation, she'll weigh the stress you're inflicting versus the stress you're threatening to inflict. She'll likely think you are demanding, oversensitive, etc., etc. Besides which, if you have to do it more than twice in a relationship you need to either work on your communication or find another girl because it's obvious something's gotta give.

Don't use it for anything trivial. Proposing an all or nothing scenario because she denied the dirty dirty once or threw out one of your CDs makes you the d1ckless wonder and shows her exactly how little you actually care about her.

Use it only as a last resort. It's never the same after you use it because they are now consciously allowing for the possibility of you dumping them outright. All sorts of defense mechanisms can kick in and frankly, it could take a while for trust to come back.

Lastly, only use it if you mean it and are prepared to accept the consequences of the U-Bomb. If life hurts too much without her and the knowledge of her complete unwillingness to bend your way isn't balm enough you never should've dropped this one. Reneg, and you will never recover your happiness, or your masculinity.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Life-Trainee
Very controlling and leads to resentment.

BINGO!!! Guys hate it when it's done to them. If a women isn't willing to do a certain thing on her own, you're just asking for trouble. The best that an ultimatum can do is delay it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by biker_gixxer
dont tell them, show them. Actions speak louder than words.

Exactly. Besides, if you do give them an ultimatum, you're showing your frustrated, which means you don't have control of your emotions, which means you're weak. This actually shifts the Power in her direction. See what I mean?

I completely agree....

 

[Sexual]

good stuff, good advice.

Losing control of emotions can never lead to any good, and implying the threat of serious penalties if the terms are not accepted is a disaster waiting to happen.