Uh-oh, DJ stuff working too well. What now?

[MisterAl]

I want advice from you pros that are used to juggling multiple girls at once. I'm fairly new at this. Again, thank you so much sosuave.com!

I've been seeing a girl for the past two months, and it's been serious for maybe five weeks. This girl (speed-dating girl, for those keeping track) is solid gold in my book, and she treats me like her king. We do have future plans and we've met parents and siblings. However we have not had any talk about being exclusive, LTR, etc. I figure she'll ask first. Today she hinted to me that I hadn't asked her the question yet but I blew her off and changed the subject.

I have been casually dating on the side. However I recently met a girl that digs me more than usual. Yeah, she's nice in a lot of ways, but she's chasing me now, asking me out. I'd like to keep her at friend-level without her going crazy.

She was the one who picked me up when we met three weeks ago and we exchanged email addresses. I took her to lunch Friday. Lunch conversation was good, so afterward I said without thinking, "We should do this again." Oh stupid me. Now she's emailing me digits and asking me out to movies. Yeah, that's great, but I'd rather not F-up this other really good thing I've got going right now.

Fortunately this new girl will be gone for three weeks on business very soon, and I don't have time before she leaves. I figure she's expecting a phonecall or an email with digits from me within a couple days. It would be nice to have her around in case my serious girl freaks out for some reason, but I don't want to lead her on. Also, there would be substantial benefit to having the new girl around as a friend because of career interests we share. I suspect that a relationship would be doomed anyway because of our _vastly_ different political views. However, talking to her and arguing is fun.

Considering that my goals include finding the best girl for a serious LTR and not hurting decent people, including myself, what are some ideas for handling this? Could a lively conversation about current political events clear this mess up?

 

[TesuqueRed]

Originally posted by MisterAl
...I suspect that a relationship would be doomed anyway because of our _vastly_ different political views. However, talking to her and arguing is fun.

Considering that my goals include finding the best girl for a serious LTR and not hurting decent people, including myself, what are some ideas for handling this? Could a lively conversation about current political events clear this mess up?

You clash on political views, but arguing it out is lively and fun. So will engaging in said clash of values chase her off---???

Oh no--anything but! This will whip her into a frenzy for you! Why, you ask?

You are a man who knows his mind.
You are a man who says what he thinks and gives it right back.
You are a challenge for her to reform and prove her powers.
You are stimulating (mentally, vaginally...) to be with.

You want to lose her? Agree with her. Cave in to her opinions. Supplicate. Be desperate to take her to bed. Feel unworthy to do so--hope for it, desire it, try to manipulate her into giving it up, pretend that is not what you're doing.

Keep in mind, she probably has an idea you are seeing others, which is why you're not desperate for her and appear as a challenge, and worthy of a challenge.

 

[So pimp its scary]

Now is the time for you to ask yourself : "What do I really want?"
Really, take your time on this question, and the answer doesn't necessarily have to revolve around women...

I'm saying this because you make it seem like you have doubts about dating multiple women at the same time. Which is fine, you can still be DJ and date only one woman at a time, but it is alot harder to keep the challenge up, and you might find yourself settling sooner or later (so beware).

If her interest in you is high, a little clash of views won't phaze her much... Unless you tell her how you think all jews should burn or something crazy like that.

I don't know why you are complaining too much, it's great to have women that worship the ground that you walk on. You LJBF them, and they try to get in your pants even harder. Their friends might come in and try to break you also.

It's sounding, though, like you are developing a bit of oneitis with girl A.

About hurting womens feelings... You will hurt women's feelings! That is inescapable. I think of it this way, 'I can't control how others feel.'

 

[MisterAl]

Yes, this is good advice. Thanks!

I can see how the disagreement stuff could work things up into a frenzy here. How soon I forget that we're not dealing with logic here. She told me during our lunch that I worked for The Man and that I am Evil. His eyes, they open!

As far as what I really want goes... I want one solid gold woman for an intense LTR. I continued dating multiple women since meeting my serious girl to boost my challenge level and prevent oneitis from setting in. I really didn't want anything serious to come up unless my main girl let me down.

I don't have any doubts about dating multiple women, especially when they're all at the same level. But this time I've got an especially good serious girl progressing to an LTR and a casual dating girl suddenly showing real high IL. I don't want this girl's name showing up on my caller ID when my main girl is over for the weekend, things like that.

I'm not complaining either. I'm laughing about how great this feels. But I definitely don't want to mess things up with serious girl, and that's where I need the advice. She jokes about seeing other people and I laugh along however knowing that the truth could crush her.

On the other hand, this new girl is a very interesting and intellectually stimulating woman. There is a lot to gain by keeping her as a friend. Yes, I want to have my cake and eat it too.

OK, so I'll email back and tell her I can't go out before she leaves, but I won't give her my digits. I really don't have time. I suppose the longer I wait the more interest she builds so I'd better get on with it.