UGH! Trend starting to become a nuisance!

[Mr. Goods]

Trend: (Usually attractive) girl asks for a bordering-on-taking-advantage-of favor one time + I don't honor the request = I'm dead to her.

Or...I say/do something innocently + girl takes her frustration out on me = I'm never forgiven.

Apparently, showing I am not a pushover and showing I am unaffected by their actions severely disappoints these girls.

Recent Examples (mainly from my job):
- A new girl (who I met and knew a little bit) wanted July 4 off. Because she is new, she got the super-early AM shift. I got lucky and was scheduled the day off - and made plans because of that. Girl approaches me and asks if I'd like to trade the day for the overnight shift. She was convinced I'd say yes. Obviously, I said "Sorry, I made plans and won't be around that day." The next day, a supervisor asked me to help new girl with something. New girl didn't pay attention the entire time. She subtly acted as if I betrayed her. This same situation has happened a few times, but this most recently one was probably the most annoying.
- Rather social girl at work goes on for 5 minutes about her favorite sports team and how great they are. This team, an underdog, was then eliminated from the playoffs. The next day, I ran into her and genuinely said, "Your team put up a really good fight, sorry about the loss." Girl erupted about how I shouldn't have brought it up. She openly talks to everyone at work...except me, who she will only say a couple of words to. Easy to tell, since she requests numbers/facebooks of a lot of people, but not me.
- Girl I knew for awhile came by my neighborhood for a party my friend was throwing. For some reason, she wanted to go to sleep in the middle of it. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the noise kept her up all night. She gets up, BLASTS me in front of my friends for "causing all the noise problems", and then leaves. She hasn't said a word to me since...a year and a half has gone by. However, my friends - the primary noisemakers - are all "cool" in her books.
-One day at work, I found an open computer (we don't have assigned stations) and began working on a project. Girl comes in...apparently her friend who was saving the seat left before I got there. Because I was visibly working on a project with all my data specifically installed on that computer, she knew I couldn't move. However, I've been receiving glares from her ever since.

The concern: I grew up a perfectionist. Probably too much so. Events like this really don't help tone down the "perfectionist" ideal. In fact, it puts more pressure on me to deliver right away, or - as history suggests - I'm out. I only get one random chance while every other guy I know can "mess up" and still be seen positively. Isolated incidents aren't too bad, but my perception and reputation take a hit because these girls tend to know people. I become "that guy" and am looked negatively upon.

The question(s): Why does this keep happening to me? Is it due to a certain way I act? And...how do I fix this problem? Doing a 180 and becoming an obnoxious prick won't look good either.

For what it's worth, I am a well-built guy who is known for having his head on his shoulders and for being gregarious/outgoing.

 

[Mr. Goods]

After re-reading my own post, I realize this is a strange situation for sure. I'm just wondering is there anything I might be doing that triggers these rash reactions...or is it the girl(s)? Also, how do I turn the tide and prevent these antics from happening again?

 

[PDubb75]

I can see my suggestion being shot down by many people here, but whatever.

Why not confront them about it? Not in an attacking way, and not in a desperate "please love me" way. If you tried to initiate a conversation, and she gave you attitude like you have been getting, ask her why shes giving you such an attitude when you asked her a simple question. At that point she may come out with the reason, at which you can respond in a way that makes it seem like shes completely overreacting for something that really isn't a big deal. Some girls seem to just act like that, and if you start interacting with her as if nothing was ever wrong, it will just blow over.

My guess, as far as the reason this happens in the first place, may be some vibe you are giving off. From the sound of the stories, it seems like maybe they were bothered by you in same way, and your (seemingly harmless) actions you just described pushed them over the edge to cut off contact. It seems that there has to be more to the story. If it happened once or twice, you can easily blame it on the girl. But the track record seems to suggest something else.

 

[oneboy21]

You are talking about a stranger taking advantage about you
You did the right thing by not accepting to help her, you stood up
there is no guarantee that the girl would be nice to you if you helped her. i Don't know why she picked to ask you why not any other guy who works with her.

 

[The_411]

Had you given in to the 4th of July girl she wouldn't have respected you and would have kept on taking advantage. Her problem is one of entitlement.

As for the other girl the issue is brining it up. It shows you care too much. Who cares that her team lost.

The key is keeping it positive and non-platonic. Nobody is happy when their team loses and think about when your team lsoes how would you react if someone you didn't know give you condolences about the team losing ... you'd be pissed too...

 

[garruk]

theres something about you that makes people see you as a nice guy who is easy to pushover

im kind of ashamed of this but in college i remember taking this history class freshman year. there was a kid i saw in the library who i knew was in my class and he was working on an assignment for that class. i asked to copy it and i was very surprised when he said no. in my head, i was thinking surely this kid would be pleased to share his assignment with me: a much cooler kid

i actually legitamately disliked this kid for a month afterwards. late on i realized how ridiculous i was being.

im almost positive thats what your problem is though.

 

[Mr. Goods]

I appreciate the replies.

Garruk - interesting story. Why did you genuinely dislike the kid for a month? The stunning thing relating to my case...these girls don't seem to forgive. Apparently, I've "burned" the bridge beyond repair. While I am not the nice guy/doormat at all, I act professionally/respectfully/upbeat towards everyone at work and am willing to help out with any reasonable request. It's the "taking advantage" requests that piss me off.

The_411 - Normally, correct. The only reason I even brought it up was because we were in the same spot for a few minutes and I tried coming up with something to break the silence. The only thing I knew about her? Her favorite team. This was the following day, by the way. If my team lost, I'm ok talking about it unless it's just minutes after the game when I am still sensitive to it.

Oneboy21 - Neither do I. I saw this transpiring, and she appeared to made a bee-line directly for me. There's a similar case a couple of months ago. A girl e-mailed me asking about a swap (fine), I couldn't make the switch because I had given the day to a friend of mine. So, what happens? She e-mails me for the same day AGAIN and suggests I try and get the original day back! (That's a problem). My reaction was a combination of and :nono:.

PDubb75 - I actually like your logic. The one obstacle is that this has generally taken place at work, one place I do not want drama. However, I am willing to do your very idea if a girl acts coldly to me for no reason and no supervisors are around.

I also wonder what this vibe could be...any suggestions? And any ideas to get rid of these trends?

 

[PDubb75]

PDubb75 - I actually like your logic. The one obstacle is that this has generally taken place at work, one place I do not want drama. However, I am willing to do your very idea if a girl acts coldly to me for no reason and no supervisors are around.

I also wonder what this vibe could be...any suggestions? And any ideas to get rid of these trends?

I was actually thinking the work girls would be easier to try this on. Mainly because it is difficult to work in an environment where there is negativity, so repairing an awkward relationship would help you in terms of your job/career. Just as you said, you don't want drama. Bringing this out in the open, in a non-attacking manner, can relieve the drama you came here asking about.

It's hard to tell simply from this thread what it could be. But someone told me something once that really hit home for me: Demand respect. And this doesn't mean lashing out at someone who doesn't give you respect. The idea is to better yourself in a way that people really have no choice but to respect you. Be the "man's man", who the only people with a problem with him are the jealous ones. Be the type of person that when someone says they don't like you, people judge that person for not liking the guy everyone has respect for.

This is not an easy, or quick thing to do. But, working towards that point starts with being sure of yourself, confident, good in social situations, etc. It will come eventually. And if this stuff still happens, once you get to this point, you simply won't care when it does.

 

[Jblitz59]

Is it just me or are all your stories of crazy BPD girls. Find some girls in college! Workplace and party sluts are not your types apparently ;P

I think you are fine, just SOL with your girls. (Does your town suck this bad? XD)

 

[cablecow15]

those girls sound like idiots trying to take advantage and are just piussed that they couldn't , in their mind they thinking crap like "is gay " "does he think im ugly?" these girls are stupid and fickle , ignore them , dont let their immature actions bother you or affect you in any way

 

[Paradise]

Are the girls at work being disrespectful to you in front of others? If so, make light of the situation by laughing like they're making a joke. Laugh and tell her she's still mad because you wouldn't give her the 4th off. Rise above the situation and don't let them see that they got to you. If the attitude continues, keep laughing. Laugh while calling her a primadonna. Use her new nickname anytime she starts with you. Keep telling the story and laugh about how she is self-centered. It will change how she is viewed at work.

Then again, if you are annoying and oblivious about it then you might not be able to pull it off.

 

[Mr. Goods]

Thanks again for the insight.

Paradise - Doesn't seem to be prevalent now. I've barely seen the girl who asked for the July 4 switch since then. The only girl whose behaviors are coming off as "strange" is that of one of the new temps. She is attractive and outgoing. For whatever reason, she has it out for me and won't open up at all while she's "cool" with everyone else. Considering I get along great with all the other temps - some of them girls - I don't think it's anything I intentionally did. Oddly, however, another girl who works here and has a very similar personality (the really outgoing/social/tries to be popular) doesn't particularly care for me either. For some reason, this type of girl and I don't mesh. I feel it's like 2 N's on a magnet - I am outgoing/social as well, so maybe there's a problem there?

Cablecow - I agree. I guess it's sometimes a little frustrating because you seem them being outgoing/social with basically everybody else and you wonder what you did...when in reality, there's a good chance that it's them.

JBlitz - my town was TERRIBLE. I was a different person back in high school, so despite all the drastic changes I made (both physically and mentally), people still think I am the same person I was 5 years ago. It's sickening (they say "My looks haven't changed a bit"...though I've gained 40lbs of muscle since HS). My job is a couple hours away from home, and for the most part I know good people. Some of the girls are nice/cool, others...it's why you get this post. I'm still working on solidifying friendships at work, once that happens I think the other issues disappear.

PDubb - Good post, I will keep it in mind.

 

[Paradise]

Stop trying to look at their T&A. Perv.