Ugh, is waiting for sex worth it in this case

[italostud]

Met this girl at my workplace. I'm 25, she's 23. Seems like a "good girl" her family came over here from Europe just a few years ago.
First date, got the kiss.

Second date, kissing with tongue.

Third date, kissing with grinding + boob action, but she says she's not comfortable enough to have sex yet.

Now, tonight was the fourth date, same as the third in terms of progress, but she tells me that the last guy she slept with (2nd time for her), she slept with him too fast and things didn't work out and that she doesn't want to do that again. Says she really wants to sleep with me, although she...won't just yet lol.

Now normally I bang girls all the time and just play them but I really like this one and she seems like relationship material. However, from her actions it seems like it might be a few more dates before she gives up the poon.

Opinions on whether to pursue this further? Am I just wasting my time? I mean, the progress seems to be going well, but I don't just want to get strung along. She's well past the 3 date rule thing, and approaching the(less popular) 5 date limit.

Will a woman withhold sex if she feels like the guy may be relationship material? I'm trying to figure out what's up here because she's very into me, always available and I don't really have to chase her. Everything is perfect, except for the lack of sexy time.

 

[joekerr31]

personally i tihnk the 3 date rule is baloney. not everyone lives by the notion that the main purpose of dating is to have sex.

i'd go with a 10 date rule when you like a chic for relationship purposes.

you never know what's actually causing her behavior. perhaps when she broke up with the last boyfriend it was ugly and he told her that she was the crappiest lay he had ever had and that her p*ssy smelled like an old man's *ss. so now shes ultra hesitant to have sex.

you never know.

anyway, if you like her as a person then cut her some slack. its not going to kill you to wait a few more dates is it?

now that said, you also then have the right to pull back on the make out sessions. tell her that its not a lot of fun for you to get all worked up only to shut things down. so you want to keep it light until she's ready.

 

[squirrels]

If she really wants to, you just need to get her more heated up. Right now there are two feelings at work in her head. One is the "I wanna f*ck" feeling, the other is the "memories of abandonment" feeling. You want to try to amplify the former and suppress the latter.

 

[Phyzzle]

Normally, I would say shes not that interested and shes stringing you along. But for a non Amercan girl Im not so sure.

Is she initiating those make out sessions? Or are you having to slowly convince her every time? If shes pawing you aggressively out of nowhere, shes into you, please give her some more time.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Says she really wants to sleep with me, although she...won't just yet lol.

However, from her actions it seems like it might be a few more dates before she gives up the poon.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #3

Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

When women make you wait for sex you are not their highest priority. Sexuality is spontaneous chemical reaction between two parties, not a process of negotiation of a friendship. It's sex first, then relationship, not the other way around. A woman who wants to fukk you will fly across the country, crawl under barbwire, climb in through your second story bedroom window, fukk the sh!t out of you and wait patiently inside your closet if your wife comes home early from work - women who want to fukk will find a way to fukk.

I agree with a takeaway methodology in principle, but in this girl's situation your effort might be better spent with more productive women. At the very least, you removing your unearned attention (which she's growing more and more comfortable with) will provoke a response. I think finding a woman who is unquestionably ready to go is time far better spent than trying to solve her head puzzles. I'm of the opinion that If a girl is that into you she'll fukk regardless of ASD or having her friends in the room videotaping it at a frat party. All women can be slvts, you just have to be the right guy to bring it out in them, and this happens before you go back to her place. If you have to plead your case cuddling on the bed or getting the occasional peck on the cheek, you need to go back to square one and start fresh. The girl who's fukking the guy she just met in the foam party on spring break in Cancun is the same girl who'll tell you she's just not ready for sex with you.

Now normally I bang girls all the time and just play them but I really like this one and she seems like relationship material.

This is 'chickspeak', stop using it. You wouldn't have posted this thread if you had other options spinning at the same time. This girl would've been dropped along the wayside in favor of women who actually want to fukk you. How many opportunities have you voluntarily passed up in the hopes that your investment in this girl would bear fruit? It's time to cut your losses and sell this stock in favor of diversifying your portfolio. Spin More Plates.

 

[Mr.Positive]

personally i tihnk the 3 date rule is baloney. not everyone lives by the notion that the main purpose of dating is to have sex.

i'd go with a 10 date rule when you like a chic for relationship purposes.

you never know what's actually causing her behavior. perhaps when she broke up with the last boyfriend it was ugly and he told her that she was the crappiest lay he had ever had and that her p*ssy smelled like an old man's *ss. so now shes ultra hesitant to have sex.

you never know.

anyway, if you like her as a person then cut her some slack. its not going to kill you to wait a few more dates is it?

now that said, you also then have the right to pull back on the make out sessions. tell her that its not a lot of fun for you to get all worked up only to shut things down. so you want to keep it light until she's ready.

I agree with this. This gal sounds like she could be quality, and could definitely be worth the effort to find out. Patience is a good thing. Just becareful not to get too emotionally involved until you see if you are sexually compatible. For a lot of women, when they do have sex with you, it's their way of showing you (not telling you) how high their interest level is. Don't give up all your cards yet, until she gives up a few.

 

[Vulpine]

Pick one that best applies:

1.

Withold sex now = withold sex later for other stupid reasons

That "sex as a weapon" sh!t doesn't fly with me: HUGE RED FLAG

2.

Whatever her baggage is, whatever her reasons are, whatever her hangup is... doesn't matter. This is a case of actions VS. words, and you aren't reading the actions, you're listening to the words.

"Blah blah blah, last time I, blah blah, I don't want to, blah blah blah, I really like you, blah blah, but, well, uh.. blah blah blah, I don't want to, blah blah blah."

3.

You're the next branch. She's fuxing someone else right now and securing the grip on you.

Oh, you won't want to see it, and she'll never tell you, but her actions are speaking loud and clear.

See, in her mind, what she's doing isn't "cheating" because she hasn't fuxed you yet. She'll fux, but only after she's severed the tie with the other dude, IF...

4.

"A man is only as good as his options."

I've just given you 3 other options, and if those are the only options, those are some pretty sucky options. Get more.

5.

Sex isn't very valuable. "Worth waiting?" "Worth playing games?" "Worth cash?" To AFC's that need to buy hookers, sure, sex has value. But sex to a DJ doesn't have much value in the first place (aside from value of the effects on the woman attraction wise that sex has). Any fat broad will go home with you at 2 AM to have sex. Whoop-de-doo. Sex is not worth anything. Good sex, bad sex, butt sex... a fist will perform the same function, so, no value.

 

[Latinoman]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #3

Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

When women make you wait for sex you are not their highest priority. Sexuality is spontaneous chemical reaction between two parties, not a process of negotiation of a friendship. It's sex first, then relationship, not the other way around. A woman who wants to fukk you will fly across the country, crawl under barbwire, climb in through your second story bedroom window, fukk the sh!t out of you and wait patiently inside your closet if your wife comes home early from work - women who want to fukk will find a way to fukk.

I agree with a takeaway methodology in principle, but in this girl's situation your effort might be better spent with more productive women. At the very least, you removing your unearned attention (which she's growing more and more comfortable with) will provoke a response. I think finding a woman who is unquestionably ready to go is time far better spent than trying to solve her head puzzles. I'm of the opinion that If a girl is that into you she'll fukk regardless of ASD or having her friends in the room videotaping it at a frat party. All women can be slvts, you just have to be the right guy to bring it out in them, and this happens before you go back to her place. If you have to plead your case cuddling on the bed or getting the occasional peck on the cheek, you need to go back to square one and start fresh. The girl who's fukking the guy she just met in the foam party on spring break in Cancun is the same girl who'll tell you she's just not ready for sex with you.

I personally agree 100% with this. As this has also being my experience.

 

[realsmoothie]

I don't know as much as the Rollo's, Latino's and Vulp's of the world... but I agree with them wholeheartedly.

"She's not that into you".

 

[italostud]

Well, I'm pretty sure she IS really into me. Is it not possible that a woman would just want to wait a bit before sex? I mean, we've had these 4 dates within 2 weeks of meeting, so maybe overall time is a factor here. Should I give it a month or what? Perhaps 2 weeks just isn't long enough for her?

I know what you guys are saying, and you could be correct, yes, but then again, some of the advice are just generalizations, and normally I'd agree with them, but this girl doesn't seem like a slut to me.

As for spinning plates, yes I do have other prospects. I have quite a few booty calls to choose from, but I'm trying to get with this girl in particular. Thrill of the chase u know?

 

[disciple]

I've found that most women I've encountered will have sex with me either on the first date or usually on the second date (more often on the second than the first).

Some women might like you and want to bang you as quickly as you want to bang them but don't want to appear too slutty so they will allow foreplay on the first date and then will bang you on the second date.

In their minds, they fulfilled the "must make him wait" stuff that many females are raised to believe.

Occasionally, you might find a woman that stretches this "must make him wait" crap out beyond the second date but if she isn't bangin you by the third date, you have about a 99.999999% chance that you will NEVER have sex with her.

At that point, personally I wouldn't waste my time anymore. There are too many good looking girls out here that are more than willing to satisfy your needs in a much shorter time frame.

 

[DoubleA]

.....

Will a woman withhold sex if she feels like the guy may be relationship material? I'm trying to figure out what's up here because she's very into me, always available and I don't really have to chase her. Everything is perfect, except for the lack of sexy time.

Just chill. Atleast she's not skeezing. Then your post would state how you don't respect her.

I say chill with her but don't press issues. Still go out on dates but during the time you hangout with her do quality things.

If you want the azz then it's a trade off. Most guys tend to get sucked into a relationship before they know it.

Time = Tail = Eventual realationship.

lol.

 

[lookyoung]

The majority of my fukks have come with in 3 dates, but I have fvcked girls were it was over 5 dates.

DISCIPILE SAYS IF SHE IS NOT BANGING YOU BY THE 3RD DATE THAN 99.9% YOU WILL NOT FVCK HER. I DISAGREE I THINK ITS MORE LIKE 70%.



The only question I have is if she slept with her previous so fast than why does she want to make you wait?


If I were you I would give it another 2-3 weeks tops and then move on.

 

[Vulpine]

FINE! She likes you.

But, RT would say: "If you aren't fuxing her, you're her girlfriend."

Is it worth hanging around for? Is it worth chasing a dangling carrot? Is the potential for sex worth the time and attention investment?

There's no guarantee she'll EVER fux you, so, never mind the sex - what's your time and attention worth? Is it worth what she's trading for it, which is nothing?

Have you been to this chick's place? If you haven't been to her place yet, you're getting royally jerked around.

If you've made no effort to get to her place, then you should. If she gives you some lame excuses like "it's a mess" (well, clean it) and "my roomate is a XXX, I don't want to go there" (we'll go when they aren't there, then) then you KNOW you're getting royally jerked around.

Now, if you have and it appears cool, did you look around? Was there dust on stuff that is usually used daily? Is there food in the fridge? Does it look like she actually spends time there, or, does it look like she spends her time somewhere else?

You want answers? Look for answers. Don't expect us to be able to help you with the few details you provided. All we CAN give you are generalities without having a crystal ball.

 

[Latinoman]

I know what you guys are saying, and you could be correct, yes, but then again, some of the advice are just generalizations, and normally I'd agree with them, but this girl doesn't seem like a slut to me.

You only see her from time to time at the same time and same place. I don't think you even know what this girl TRULY is.

 

[vorbis]

not to sound all sappy but are you having fun when you go out with her?

If you are, then keep dating her. Keep your other options open but don't be worried about the sex part if you're having a good time.

If you're not having fun, stop dating her!

 

[italostud]

Is it worth hanging around for? That's the million dollar question and my dilemma. And she still lives at home, as do I. European parents, you know

Yes we do have a good time together.

And yes, I do know of a few relationships where the man finally got sex after waiting MORE than 3 dates, so the 99.9999% thing is just bull****.

I think the reason she wants to make me wait is because some other guy burned her after she slept with him too fast, so I get to pay for his mistake/success whatever u want to call it lol.

And yes, I usually do hit it within a date or 2. 3 dates is a stretch for me, which is why I made this post! She said to me on our 2nd date "I'm sure you're used to having girls all over you..." and last night she said "I do want to sleep with you...."

Maybe as lookyoung said, I will give it another couple of weeks. If I don't see anything after a month, I'll end it.

FINE! She likes you.

But, RT would say: "If you aren't fuxing her, you're her girlfriend."

Is it worth hanging around for? Is it worth chasing a dangling carrot? Is the potential for sex worth the time and attention investment?

There's no guarantee she'll EVER fux you, so, never mind the sex - what's your time and attention worth? Is it worth what she's trading for it, which is nothing?

Have you been to this chick's place? If you haven't been to her place yet, you're getting royally jerked around.

If you've made no effort to get to her place, then you should. If she gives you some lame excuses like "it's a mess" (well, clean it) and "my roomate is a XXX, I don't want to go there" (we'll go when they aren't there, then) then you KNOW you're getting royally jerked around.

Now, if you have and it appears cool, did you look around? Was there dust on stuff that is usually used daily? Is there food in the fridge? Does it look like she actually spends time there, or, does it look like she spends her time somewhere else?

You want answers? Look for answers. Don't expect us to be able to help you with the few details you provided. All we CAN give you are generalities without having a crystal ball.

 

[joekerr31]

you can't apply general rules to all women and all situations.

you have to know what you are dealing with first.

personally at my age my focus is on getting to know a woman first. i dont want to f*ck her in the first 2-3 dates. if a woman were to use this 3 date rule with me she'd think i was gay.

when in truth im just not looking to start f*cking a chic i hardly know anything about. the last thing i need is drama in my life and i want to know that after a bang a chic its not goign to lead to a bunch of drama and headaches for me.

basically i want to know that she's a quality woman.

in addition, while many chics with 'issues' turn out to be bad news, there are women who have issues yet who are high quality as well. they just need a little time to trust again.

now most guys on here are just focused on getting laid. so yes, in those scenarios, if you aren't getting laid after 3 dates move on.

but for guys looking for a relationship, this 3 date rule is silly.

now if you aren't getting laid after a month or two, then there is a serious problem and its time to look at ending it.

but i can tell you this. sex with a chic after 3 dates is lame compared to sex with a chic that you've build a bond with. every chic ive ever build a bond with has basically had the attitude of "ill do whatever you want me to in bed. i'll break my back trying to please you."

without the bond, the only chics who have that attitude are the sluts, which im not very interested in to begin with.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

ITALOSTUD, now pay attention,..

Iron Rule of Tomassi #3

Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

It's not that you wont get laid, it's not about a time limit, it's that she sets the frame for any future relationship you might have. You've already abdicated future control to her by showing a willingness to wait her out. The latent purpose for women to make a guy wait for it is ALWAYS an attempt control the frame, but it's wrapped up in a social contrivance that makes a man an "ass-hole" or "shallow & superficial" for putting such an importance on sex.

"If you really cared about me you'd wait" is fillibustering for her and negotiation for you. You cannot negotiate desire; desire is spontaneous, chemical reaction. This is why I say sex that's waited for is never worth the wait, it becomes an obligation for her rather than an uncontrolable passion. If, as you've stated, you have FBs and/or other women with whom you're intimate with then I'm sure you can understand this principle. The hottest, most memorable sexual experiences you'll have will be with the women you met and had a spontaneous flashpoint lust for each other. There's a significant difference in both sex and (if you chose) a relationship with a woman who's crazy about you, and one who's on the fence with you and you happened to convince (negotiated) her to become intimate with you. Would you really settle for less than a woman with total, uncontrollable desire for you? Lets assume for a moment you do get what you're after, this girl finally does bang you and you engage in a relationship; there will always be that time that she was withheld from you, uncertain and unsure of her desire for you before you convinced her, before you pled your case well enough. There will always be that doubt that she's giving 100% of herself.

I think the reason she wants to make me wait is because some other guy burned her after she slept with him too fast, so I get to pay for his mistake/success whatever u want to call it.

Did this guy really burn her? Do you think the guy she was with prior to you, the one "she slept with too fast and things didn't work out", had to negotiate for her intimacy? Or do you think it was a spontaneous reaction from a girl who really wanted to bang this guy?

 

[DoubleA]

ITALOSTUD, now pay attention,..

Iron Rule of Tomassi #3

Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

Did this guy really burn her? Do you think the guy she was with prior to you, the one "she slept with too fast and things didn't work out", had to negotiate for her intimacy? Or do you think it was a spontaneous reaction from a girl who really wanted to bang this guy?

Rollo,

If this guy is attracted to her, and she is second guessing of whether she's attracted to him...at what point does he a fall back (Victory Unlimited)?