Ugh, I don't know what to do next with this chick

[Rescue Mission]

Maxtro - you are experiencing something that I have discovered on my own, called The Dating Snowball Effect

You have shown your photo before, and you looked frail, weak, and slightly depressed. This has a major effect on your sexuality with women, confidence with women, and your overall experience with women. As a result, this leads to interactions with girls such as the one in this thread. As a result, this leads to you losing even more confidence, feeling even weaker, and heading in the OPPOSITE direction of how a man SHOULD act.

You have no fashion sense, no style, no muscles, no happiness.........you are pathetic....you look pathetic, and you feel pathetic........time for you to STOP THAT.

You have read enough advice threads in your 6 years on this forum, so I am not going to tell you HOW to improve........just read Pook, Gunwitch, Diesel, and Photo1 threads.........you NEED to change your looks and appearance - COMPLETE OVERHAUL!!

Next, you NEED to be a horny azzhole who does what he wants and p1sses people off..........a p1ssed off chick is better than an indifferent chick!!!!

Get a hold of yourself, and stop being such a lame little geek!

 

[Maxtro]

Hmm a different type of response than I was expecting. Still helpful though.

The Dating Snowball Effect: Leads to losing even more confidence, feeling even weaker, and heading in the OPPOSITE direction of how a man SHOULD act.

Yeah, I can agree to that. Because of this girl, I've only had the energy to hit the gym once a week this month instead of my usual 3 times a week. Constant insomnia isn't helping either.

In the picture I posted last year I was, 5'6 143lbs. Now I'm 160. Most of the weight gain is muscle.

My style has also improved though the change isn't too dramatic.

Happiness...yeah that's the hard one. I can't force myself to be happy.

I've already read the threads by the guys you mentioned, some of them twice. Since my situation is so odd, the vast majority of the stuff can't help me unless it's directed right at me.

I should probably stop looking at porn/jacking off so I can maximize my sex drive.

 

[Igetit!]

Lesson learned. Women may make things unnecessarily complicated to avoid confrontation.

BINGO.


When you asked her if she knew what you wanted Saturday to be,she said,"Yes,a date". So by then,she knew you were romantically interested in her.


Well if she knew that,then like you said,why couldn't she just come straight out and tell you she wasn't looking to date right then instead of going the the hassle of trying to get her friend to come along?


Simple. Women don't like confrontation.

While I may have done the same thing I did last year, I did it much faster. I also am not nearly as invested into this girl as I was the last one.

Ok,I'll give you that,but you shouldn't have had to go through this again in the first place.



Yes,you did it faster,but you still feel the same.

You're still angry and upset (according to you).

You still have trouble sleeping because of this.

YOU said....

I'm breaking down.
I'm terrified of the future.
I need a win so badly.

YOU said all that. So if the only comfort you can take from all this is the fact that it all occured in less time than before,then fine,but you STILL need to understand WHY this happened in order to not have to repeat it a THIRD TIME with yet another girl.

Oh. I never thought of that. I knew that this girl was single based on our conversation, so that meant I didn't have to ask if she was an a relationship.

Boy,boy,boy....dude....look,even if you know she's already single,ASK ANYWAY (that is,if the girl is new to you).


You're trying to show her that YOU'RE INTERESTED by asking her that.

Wow I'm a sneaky bugger in avoiding rejection.

Wow. And all it took was six years and getting rejected a thousand times for you to finally figure this out.


I'm impressed.

I have never had a girl feels sparks right when she meets me.

Yes you have.

Yes..you..have.

This happens FAR MORE often that you think.


What usually happens is that a girl may feel some type of attraction towards you based off a first impression,then the second you open your MOUTH,you unknowingly shatter that impression she had of you.


The little bit of a "spark" she had instantly dies out without you ever even knowing it was there.



And this all happens in seconds,like the first minute or two of her knowing you.

Until I get better with women I don't expect that to happen.

You got it backwards.

You don't get better with women,then create sparks.

You create the sparks FIRST. Then you'll notice you're doing better with women.


Don't worry about this,though. It's really not that hard to do.


It's not hard to create the spark. The hard part is trying not to put it out after you've made it.

There has to be a way to get women without the beginning sparks.

Well there is one way I know of.

It's called prostitution,lol. :crackup:

Even though I probably shouldn't have, I had a little text session with her. I asked her why she wanted to be single and she said that she is not going to answer and that it's a bit too personal, sorry.

Wow,this is the SAME THING you did last year after things blew up with you and that other girl.



Max,women DON'T LIKE CONFRONTATION.


You told the girl that you were going to start avoiding her,then you go and do this?



What did you expect her to say,that she didn't like you and wasn't attracted to you? She's not going to do that....even if that was the truth.



You just make things worse for yourself and her.


All you do is make her want to avoid you even more.

I tried to press on and she said that she's different from most people

Lol,her saying that she's different is what makes her just like everyone else. :crackup:

and that I'm not going to run into a situation like this again.

Stop it,stop...lol. You're making my side hurt from laughing so hard.


She said that you're not going to run into a situation like that again???


LOl,boy that's a good one. I haven't laughed that hard in I don't know how long.



Well I'd hate to bust her bubble of thinking that this is the first time you've ever run into something like this and her thinking that that somehow makes her special or "different",but she's somewhere like what,#11 or 12 on the list?



That's funny that she thinks this situation is somehow unique to you.


I hope she doesn't ever come to this forum and see this thread,especially reply #67 where you rattled off the names of 11 different girls where you had situations similiar to this one.


I wouldn't want her ego to get shattered by learning she was just another chick in a long line of others where it didn't work out.

I wonder if she's just a really strange person.

Nope. This is how ALL GIRLS BEHAVE when a guy who they feel no attraction for tries to see them.



She's no different than anybody else.


The only thing that sets her apart from the others is that this incident with her is happening NOW,in the present.

 

[Maxtro]

This happens FAR MORE often that you think.

What usually happens is that a girl may feel some type of attraction towards you based off a first impression,then the second you open your MOUTH,you unknowingly shatter that impression she had of you.

The little bit of a "spark" she had instantly dies out without you ever even knowing it was there.

And this all happens in seconds,like the first minute or two of her knowing you.

It's not hard to create the spark. The hard part is trying not to put it out after you've made it.

That statement actually made me very scared.

What did you expect her to say,that she didn't like you and wasn't attracted to you? She's not going to do that....even if that was the truth.

You just make things worse for yourself and her.

All you do is make her want to avoid you even more.

I only made it a bit more worse for myself because she gave me the runaround again which just confused me.

I don't give a damn how she feels about this. If she wants to avoid me now, good for her. I wish she'd drop the class or at least change seats so I don't have to give up my prime seat in the class.

BTW when things ended with the other girl, she absolutely hated me because I went waaaayyyy overboard. I wouldn't be surprised if this girl still sits down next to me in the hall and says hi, because she forgot that I want to avoid her.

Nope. This is how ALL GIRLS BEHAVE when a guy who they feel no attraction for tries to see them.

She's no different than anybody else.

OK, that helped me to understand it a bit more.

Thanks for your constant input Igetit!

I think I may have learned everything important about this situation.

 

[Fergus]

Hey Max, bit random input here, but it may be relevant. Hope nobody minds a guy with 2 posts trying to drop advice lol.
This sounds to me like a lifestyle problem- it sounds like you don't meet many women in the course of the day and got fixated on one, but put me straight if I misunderstood. I've been in parallel situations myself, and changing my environment was a help. Ever try taking classes in humanities, like philosophy or literature? You dance and surf and speak japanese, maybe you'd relate better to women there who'd find that interesting? You'd definitely meet more, converse with more because those classes would be much more engaging, and you'll be more intersting to more of them. Hell, take a semester abroad if courses allow! Go to Japan and teach English for summer. I haven't done that yet, but I will do this year.
Other thing I found a help is to get a positive environment. Join Toastmasters if there's one near you. It's always upbeat to help members learn, and that sounds like what you need too. It's pretty cheap, you can network lots, and you'll learn something useful if you go that helps meet more people. People into self-improvement are always upbeat to foster better learning
Anyway, that's what i got, hope it's coherent.

 

[CarlitosWay]

Maxtro - you are experiencing something that I have discovered on my own, called The Dating Snowball Effect

You have shown your photo before, and you looked frail, weak, and slightly depressed. This has a major effect on your sexuality with women, confidence with women, and your overall experience with women. As a result, this leads to interactions with girls such as the one in this thread. As a result, this leads to you losing even more confidence, feeling even weaker, and heading in the OPPOSITE direction of how a man SHOULD act.

You have no fashion sense, no style, no muscles, no happiness.........you are pathetic....you look pathetic, and you feel pathetic........time for you to STOP THAT.

You have read enough advice threads in your 6 years on this forum, so I am not going to tell you HOW to improve........just read Pook, Gunwitch, Diesel, and Photo1 threads.........you NEED to change your looks and appearance - COMPLETE OVERHAUL!!

Next, you NEED to be a horny azzhole who does what he wants and p1sses people off..........a p1ssed off chick is better than an indifferent chick!!!!

Get a hold of yourself, and stop being such a lame little geek!

If this is indeed true, I wholeheartedly agree. 6 years on this board and THIS is all the progress he has made? I think less time on sosuave, more time in the gym getting stronger physically/mentally and eating lots dead animals is in order and more time taking risks with women.

In the grand scheme of things a man living in regret is a horrible thing. TAKE SOME ****ING RISKS!!!

“It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake.”

You need to emotionally create that whirlwind, earthquake and storm in a woman.

As far as I see it you're prancing around these woman "wishing/hoping" for stuff and lightly misting them with your masculinity. (if you can even call it that)

 

[Maxtro]

As far as I see it you're prancing around these woman "wishing" for stuff and lightly misting them with your masculinity.

ROFL!!

I can just picture a little spray bottle labeled, Masculinity.

I am working out and trying to gain mass, but that's not the key getting women.

Thanks to the advice in the posts, I've got some ideas to try on the other girls that I have a passing interest in.

 

[CarlitosWay]

ROFL!!

I can just picture a little spray bottle labeled, Masculinity.

I am working out and trying to gain mass, but that's not the key getting women.

Thanks to the advice in the posts, I've got some ideas to try on the other girls that I have a passing interest in.

Yeah you need to dump a sweet bucket of masculinity on her, leave her utterly SOAKED figuratively speaking and physically and walk away leaving her begging for some more later.

Of course it's not the "key". There's no special "key" for anything in life. It doesn't matter what it is, some have it easier than others and some have to work that MUCH harder for things they want. It's what builds CHARACTER in a person.

I don't call it working out get that ****in word out of your vocabulary. Call it training, training for that WAR that might never come. NOT TRAINING FOR WOMEN, but training for YOU, women noticing you will just be a SIDE EFFECT/BENEFIT. You hit the weights as if you have a bone to pick with them. Words can barely explain the mental fortitude that can be built by hitting some weights that you could barely lift or not even imagine lifting years prior (and seeing the physical changes in the mirror year to year) . I hope you understand where I'm coming from with all this.

I feel knowledge, masculinity,mental/physical strength, good relations with family/good people/friends should be major things in a persons life. These all come first and than women second.

You were born a small boy, yet it's up to you to decide when you want to go from that stage to a MAN, don't forget this EVER. Yet I feel a mature MAN who still holds on to that fun loving adventurous well intentioned fun loving spirit he had as a child. Is something most women lone for in a person.

 

[Igetit!]

Thanks to the advice in the posts, I've got some ideas to try on the other girls that I have a passing interest in.

Hey Max,what are some of these ideas you have planned to try?

I want to see how they're related to the suggestions you've received.



And these girls who you have planned to try your idea on,who are they?


Are they girls who you've had an eye on for a while,but never approached,or girls you've known for a while,but never revealed your interest to?

 

[Maxtro]

And these girls who you have planned to try your idea on,who are they?


Are they girls who you've had an eye on for a while,but never approached,or girls you've known for a while,but never revealed your interest to?

They are girls in my salsa class who seem a little too happy to see me/have me as their partner. I haven't bothered to actually talk to them outside of the couple minutes we dance. Since I have no real interest in them I don't care about getting rejected.

I really like what you said here

Ask her about her status.

you:Are you married? Do you belong to anybody? Because if not,then I WANT to see you.


THAT is being sexual.
THAT is showing your sexual side.


It's not being vulgar,crude,or vile. If you ask her if she's taken or not,then tell her you want to see her,she'll CLEARLY KNOW what you mean,and how she responds to you in that moment will let you know RIGHT THEN where she's at,and not 5 or 6 weeks later down the line.

I know I can have that kind of conversation with a chick.

Well fine then,comment on something else,but WHATEVER IT IS,it needs to be something PHYSICAL about her.

I'm trying to think of some physical comments that don't sound like AFC compliments or asshole cat calls. Somewhere between, you have beautiful eyes and you have a great ass.

Besides that I'm sure I can get a couple girls to hang out with me, but because of what happened last time, I'm very wary of inviting a girl to do anything with me.

 

[DanelMadr]

Read my signature.

Do not fakk what you wouldn't date. You either find her attractive or not...HB6.5??? What is it?

If she starts to like you and she probably will, when you stop supplicating and doing desperate AFC stuff, and you fakk her and then move on to hotter ones...you just used her, man. Broke her heart. And she did nothing wrong...you lead her on from the start. Can your conscious take it? Be careful.
Losing v card through ONS is one thing. Building interest and trust for weeks and basically lying is another. Your better yourself might be sabotaging you. just waste of time in that case.

Quite a controversial post I made, right? Flame me:rockon:

 

[Igetit!]

They are girls in my salsa class who seem a little too happy to see me/have me as their partner. I haven't bothered to actually talk to them outside of the couple minutes we dance. Since I have no real interest in them I don't care about getting rejected.

I was wondering why you'd even bother trying an approach with the girls in your salsa class if you have no interest in them,but my guess would be you want to do it for practice.


Not a bad idea,but the only down side to this is that these are girls you seem to already know and who seem to already be aware of you.


You can go ahead and try it,but it's best to do with a girl you don't know and have no history with.

I know I can have that kind of conversation with a chick.

I think the thing is....that most guys misunderstand what I mean when I say to be sexual.


They think I mean to be crude and vulgar,to say things like,"I want to put my (beep) in your "blank".


That's not what I mean.

I'm trying to think of some physical comments that don't sound like AFC compliments or asshole cat calls. Somewhere between, you have beautiful eyes and you have a great ass.

Yeah,I see what you mean.

I wouldn't worry about the compliments,at least not yet.


I show my interest FIRST,then use a compliment later on. The compliment is optional,depending on how the girl responds to your initial show of interest.


Another thing:if you do decide to use a compliment,DO NOT SAY,"You this or you that";(example:"You're hot",or "You're beautiful").



Say,"I LIKE",then whatever it is about the girl that's pleasing to you.



I don't want to get into the whole reason of why that is,just trust me on that one.

Besides that I'm sure I can get a couple girls to hang out with me, but because of what happened last time, I'm very wary of inviting a girl to do anything with me.

Yeah,but you already know where you went wrong last time.

YOU KNOW what you did wrong. Well since you know where you got off track at,then you should know what to avoid in the future.



This doesn't mean that it's easy sailing from now on,only that THIS ONE HURDLE that tripped you up last time shouldn't cause you to stumble this time.



Stumbling or making mistakes isn't a big deal because we all do it from time to time,but stumbling over the same problem repeatedly,over and over again for the past 10 years is just crazy.

 

[Kailex]

I think the thing is....that most guys misunderstand what I mean when I say to be sexual.


They think I mean to be crude and vulgar,to say things like,"I want to put my (beep) in your "blank".


That's not what I mean.

And yet it seems to be such a huge problem within these forums.
As soon as we say "Be sexual"... a lot of guys will immediately think that it's vulgar, that it is an extension of a porn wet dream, when that is not the case.

Being sexual is just demonstrating interest to a person.
You might like a woman from the get-go but if there is no effort to be sexual, she'll friendzone you right off the bat.

Being sexual begins with being comfortable with yourself. And this is why it's been so hard for a lot of men to grasp the concept of their own sexuality. Many just believe that sexuality is getting naked and getting down to business. Being sexual is something as simple as escalating kino or demonstrating interest by saying you like a particular piece of clothing they are wearing or using some simple C&F.

Being sexual doesn't mean that you have to mention sex.

Ironic to a certain extent, but as soon as people can grasp that concept, the sooner they'll be able to be more sexual in their approach. It's something that NEEDS to be addressed with each person within themselves because if you aren't sexual from the initial approach, it's already game over.

And this is what we've been harping on you since the beginning, Maxtro. I'd agree with Igetit!, leave the salsa women alone, since you're not interested anyway... and try it with someone new.

And yes, there is a chance that you will be shot down, but if you live in constant fear, then how are you ever going to get over the hump?

There are many of us that sit here and give excellent advice... do you think some of those people were just born that way? No.

It's taken time. It's taken rejections. It's taken heartbreaks. It's taken regret. It's taken moving on.

Don't devoid yourself of something just because of a fear. You have to face that fear and conquer it. Some of us have, and have become successful within all facets of our lives, and those who don't... end up living alone, regretting and asking how they went wrong, painting themselves as victims.

Maxtro, I want YOU to become successful.