This will be long, but will add new manifestations to the other BPD threads on SS. More ammo on how to spot a BPD.
While out of town on a weekend, I effortlessly picked up a HB8.5-9, goth chick. She's 20, i'm 36.
20 mins after starting a chat with her, we bounced locations, 10 mins afterwards we kissing/groping/etc. Was too drunk to take her to my hotel and I also activated a b-itch shield. Granted, it’s a small town, word gets around. Next day we were supposed to meet, called her, set it up, then an hour later she calls telling me she can’t do this. I said ok and cut her off. She texts saying she’s sorry she can’t do this to wich I reply with “fine”. A few hours later she calls me and asks me to describe the streets I’m walking. I can tell she wants to be with me, tried to lure her out, but to no avail. We talked for quite a while, I am curious what makes her tick. I discover she has a very negative view on life, thinks she’s a monster. I hang up in cold blood as it doesn’t get me laid. She calls again and seems to be afraid of me hanging up on her... Strikes me as needy. Note to self: hanging up seems to be working.
I leave town, reinitiate contact 2 weeks later by text, we endup talking, she wants to see me and so do I. Little did I know I was on a collision course with a BPD - or even know what a BPD is.
Two weeks later I’m back in that town (7 hours drive), booked a room, etc. We meet, we’re high on each other, I get that “i’m the center of her universe”vibe. First night I didn’t get her to go to me hotel room, second night I did. Due to some objective personal reasons (scratches and marks from my FWB), I didn’t fu-cked her. Still, the whole 3 days I spent there the connecton was incredible, the lost child thing “saved” by me. For now she’s into the “Vulnerable seducer” mode - Bradd80’s nailed the phases right.
3 days after I get back home she starts creating drama again, in the lines of “It’s fine now, but it always ends bad, I’m a monster”. When she calls I was usually in some bar - she gets paranoid, insecure and jealous. "Those girls are so close to you, why are you interested in me?" - "For NOW I'm interested in you”. Also made it clear that I don’t love her just yet and love must be earned.
She says she must wear her armor so she doesn’t get hurt. This is the “Clinger” mode.
If I’d only knew about BPD then...I was actually trying to convice her that she’s talking non-sense and that this sort of atitude will push me in somebody else’s arms. I tell her that we’re not having a relationship just yet but if it is worth it, I’m willing to relocate on a trial basis in a couple of months. How stupid of me, I thought she was looking for some sort of a commitment/reassurance from me.
Another call assorted with drama and clingyness few days later and I feel I’m fed up with this up and down thing. She has a lot of bagage. I was stumped : I was actually accused of future bad deeds. I also find out she has no friends, except for her twin sister. Red flag. It seems she rarely goes out.
I let her know I’m done fighting windmills, these are her problems. Decided to soft next her.
She texts me 4 days later saying I was afraid it would come to that. I call her she hangs up on me saying she’s busy. The night before I was involved in a light car accident I was under medical supervision for 24 hrs. I texted a “grow up, I have bigger problems that this childish game.”. She instantly calls, we go back to normal convos, I can tell she’s trying not to bring out the clinger insed her. One day she says she’s not coming over. Told her I’m dissapointed in her. No fuss over it. She knows I can walk away.
Again, she starts rambling: “I’m a monster, This is a virtual relationship, you keep reffering about everything at fututre tense”...
Then again, Clinger mode activated, starts pushing me away with stuff like “One day you’re going to buy bread but in fact you’ll go fu ck some other girl” and “You men are all alike”. She starts to sh-it test me hard, hinting that there might another guy. She goes into a psycho frenzy. "You are just like all other guys, interested in only sex". She wants me but she doesn’t want me cycle...
I told her wihout getting mad that I’m break up with her, sudden silence then says “I don’t want a relationship with you, but I want to be friends”. Then switches to "we can be friends and sometimes fu ck" Thought to myself LJBF-ed after I dumped her? WTF? Anyways, I told her I’d rather not be friends with her. We should go our separate ways.
On New Year’s Eve she sends text saying “I hope you’ll have a good time with your friends, etc etc. Kiss” She end it with “Kiss” as a potential bait. I replied with a non-sequitur text.
No contact for over a month, except during the NC phase I accidentally sent her a text meant for my FB, asking her to bring some lube on her way over. Understandably, no reaction from her.
Before getting into Bradd80’s BPD thread I was kind of low, then realized I dodged a bullet. SThe BPD description fits her like a glove. Still, I was still kind of hooked on her, they are addictive creatures if you let them in.
I called her a few days ago as I wanted some stuff back - she would only give them back if I come get them. I'm not going to do this.
Anyway, over the phone I experienced the “Hater” mode of the BPD. She’s not seeing anybody else, she’s not happy without me but more at peace or so it seems. Snaps when she hears I have a FWB. She started rambling about the NYE non-sequitur text, saying she was scartching her head for 3 days over that message. Didn’t gave in into explaining what I meant by it.
As expected, she went for my mind and nuts. She exploded about the lube text saying I probably suck if I can’t get a woman wet and need lube. Cut it short hinting towards anal and lube go well together. Sudden silence then she blurts out “I knew tha but I wanted to hurt you”.
She is scorned. Starts saying “I’m sure your FWB is screwing somebody else as we speak, haha I’m so happy” She also seems to have some knowledge of the game and throws that in as well. Implies I’m not man enough using game terminology. That was a new direction in her mission to cut off my nuts. Decide to pimp slap her so I tell her she’s cute but I like hot chicks. She goes balistic, as expected. Then tries something else, and I quote my BPD ”We could've had something awesome, but you ruined it”. Also, calls me clingy.
Have you noticed how a BPD projects her faults unto others? I asked why does she care so much for me (felt like goading her into more BS), never got a straight answer out of her - but she suggested I might be delusional. Also I get a “You think you’re hot stuff but I don’t need 6 packs to be happy. I can find somebody else” I translated that to “I’m so pissed I didn’t find anybody by now”. She goes into a couple of "I hate you, I hate all men".
My phone dies and I don’t bother recharging. Was a proper end to a toxic experience. Dodged a bullet.
Is there anything you would have done in a different manner?
While out of town on a weekend, I effortlessly picked up a HB8.5-9, goth chick. She's 20, i'm 36.
20 mins after starting a chat with her, we bounced locations, 10 mins afterwards we kissing/groping/etc. Was too drunk to take her to my hotel and I also activated a b-itch shield. Granted, it’s a small town, word gets around. Next day we were supposed to meet, called her, set it up, then an hour later she calls telling me she can’t do this. I said ok and cut her off. She texts saying she’s sorry she can’t do this to wich I reply with “fine”. A few hours later she calls me and asks me to describe the streets I’m walking. I can tell she wants to be with me, tried to lure her out, but to no avail. We talked for quite a while, I am curious what makes her tick. I discover she has a very negative view on life, thinks she’s a monster. I hang up in cold blood as it doesn’t get me laid. She calls again and seems to be afraid of me hanging up on her... Strikes me as needy. Note to self: hanging up seems to be working.
I leave town, reinitiate contact 2 weeks later by text, we endup talking, she wants to see me and so do I. Little did I know I was on a collision course with a BPD - or even know what a BPD is.
Two weeks later I’m back in that town (7 hours drive), booked a room, etc. We meet, we’re high on each other, I get that “i’m the center of her universe”vibe. First night I didn’t get her to go to me hotel room, second night I did. Due to some objective personal reasons (scratches and marks from my FWB), I didn’t fu-cked her. Still, the whole 3 days I spent there the connecton was incredible, the lost child thing “saved” by me. For now she’s into the “Vulnerable seducer” mode - Bradd80’s nailed the phases right.
3 days after I get back home she starts creating drama again, in the lines of “It’s fine now, but it always ends bad, I’m a monster”. When she calls I was usually in some bar - she gets paranoid, insecure and jealous. "Those girls are so close to you, why are you interested in me?" - "For NOW I'm interested in you”. Also made it clear that I don’t love her just yet and love must be earned.
She says she must wear her armor so she doesn’t get hurt. This is the “Clinger” mode.
If I’d only knew about BPD then...I was actually trying to convice her that she’s talking non-sense and that this sort of atitude will push me in somebody else’s arms. I tell her that we’re not having a relationship just yet but if it is worth it, I’m willing to relocate on a trial basis in a couple of months. How stupid of me, I thought she was looking for some sort of a commitment/reassurance from me.
Another call assorted with drama and clingyness few days later and I feel I’m fed up with this up and down thing. She has a lot of bagage. I was stumped : I was actually accused of future bad deeds. I also find out she has no friends, except for her twin sister. Red flag. It seems she rarely goes out.
I let her know I’m done fighting windmills, these are her problems. Decided to soft next her.
She texts me 4 days later saying I was afraid it would come to that. I call her she hangs up on me saying she’s busy. The night before I was involved in a light car accident I was under medical supervision for 24 hrs. I texted a “grow up, I have bigger problems that this childish game.”. She instantly calls, we go back to normal convos, I can tell she’s trying not to bring out the clinger insed her. One day she says she’s not coming over. Told her I’m dissapointed in her. No fuss over it. She knows I can walk away.
Again, she starts rambling: “I’m a monster, This is a virtual relationship, you keep reffering about everything at fututre tense”...
Then again, Clinger mode activated, starts pushing me away with stuff like “One day you’re going to buy bread but in fact you’ll go fu ck some other girl” and “You men are all alike”. She starts to sh-it test me hard, hinting that there might another guy. She goes into a psycho frenzy. "You are just like all other guys, interested in only sex". She wants me but she doesn’t want me cycle...
I told her wihout getting mad that I’m break up with her, sudden silence then says “I don’t want a relationship with you, but I want to be friends”. Then switches to "we can be friends and sometimes fu ck" Thought to myself LJBF-ed after I dumped her? WTF? Anyways, I told her I’d rather not be friends with her. We should go our separate ways.
On New Year’s Eve she sends text saying “I hope you’ll have a good time with your friends, etc etc. Kiss” She end it with “Kiss” as a potential bait. I replied with a non-sequitur text.
No contact for over a month, except during the NC phase I accidentally sent her a text meant for my FB, asking her to bring some lube on her way over. Understandably, no reaction from her.
Before getting into Bradd80’s BPD thread I was kind of low, then realized I dodged a bullet. SThe BPD description fits her like a glove. Still, I was still kind of hooked on her, they are addictive creatures if you let them in.
I called her a few days ago as I wanted some stuff back - she would only give them back if I come get them. I'm not going to do this.
Anyway, over the phone I experienced the “Hater” mode of the BPD. She’s not seeing anybody else, she’s not happy without me but more at peace or so it seems. Snaps when she hears I have a FWB. She started rambling about the NYE non-sequitur text, saying she was scartching her head for 3 days over that message. Didn’t gave in into explaining what I meant by it.
As expected, she went for my mind and nuts. She exploded about the lube text saying I probably suck if I can’t get a woman wet and need lube. Cut it short hinting towards anal and lube go well together. Sudden silence then she blurts out “I knew tha but I wanted to hurt you”.
She is scorned. Starts saying “I’m sure your FWB is screwing somebody else as we speak, haha I’m so happy” She also seems to have some knowledge of the game and throws that in as well. Implies I’m not man enough using game terminology. That was a new direction in her mission to cut off my nuts. Decide to pimp slap her so I tell her she’s cute but I like hot chicks. She goes balistic, as expected. Then tries something else, and I quote my BPD ”We could've had something awesome, but you ruined it”. Also, calls me clingy.
Have you noticed how a BPD projects her faults unto others? I asked why does she care so much for me (felt like goading her into more BS), never got a straight answer out of her - but she suggested I might be delusional. Also I get a “You think you’re hot stuff but I don’t need 6 packs to be happy. I can find somebody else” I translated that to “I’m so pissed I didn’t find anybody by now”. She goes into a couple of "I hate you, I hate all men".
My phone dies and I don’t bother recharging. Was a proper end to a toxic experience. Dodged a bullet.
Is there anything you would have done in a different manner?
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And thanks for sharing your story!