Twist on the "friends" thing

[becker]

If a guy has trouble getting with a girl by being her "friend", doesn't the reverse become true that a girl who becomes "friends" with a guy will later have trouble becoming more than friends with him? I'm talking long-term relationships here, not just a fling.

If this is the case, then girls must experience the same problem of being friends with a guy and then becoming attracted to him, especially since we don't control attraction, right?

If I were in this situation where a guy and a girl are friends and they are attracted to each other, I'd be open to making it more than a friendship provided that I'm attracted to her as well.

Therefore, the bottom line is that there really is no "friendzone" situation. It's just a nice way of saying that he girl was not attracted to you in the first place, so to me, you can't get yourself stuck in the friendszone because it's the person who is not attracted to the other who puts them there. If two people are attracted to each other, then there would be no problem with the "friendszone" because neither side would put the other in that category.

 

[Starman]

are you saying people get LJBFed because of lack of attraction?

sometimes the attraction is there to begin with..but then starts to dwindle when say for instance a guy acts too supplicating, too AFC, too clingy, too emotional..and less of a "MAN" in a womans eyes that puts them in the "friend" zone..

SO women figure..Im not attracted to him anymore..but he is the smartest, funniest, most caring man in the world!

In other words..attraction was lowered when the guy was more focused on being her "friend" rather trying to turn her on sexually...and associate himself with Sex appeal..rather than being a "good friend"

This is the mistake many men make .. they were programmed to believe that Good friends = lots and lots of sex!!!

thats the biggest misconception I had in my life

 

[Bigsnake]

Kind of got confused but I'd have to agree that the "friendship zone" is a nice way of saying she isn't attracted to you.

I have to say the only girls I put in my "friendship zone" are ones I wouldn't want to have sex with at all but I still like to talk to them... Then I can put other chick in categories that I'd just like to hit and ones that I'd actually like to have some sort of long term relationship with. But, that's a guy's friendship zone. I think we'll need a woman to explain the female frienship zones...

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Starman
are you saying people get LJBFed because of lack of attraction?

sometimes the attraction is there to begin with..but then starts to dwindle when say for instance a guy acts too supplicating, too AFC, too clingy, too emotional..and less of a "MAN" in a womans eyes that puts them in the "friend" zone..

SO women figure..Im not attracted to him anymore..but he is the smartest, funniest, most caring man in the world!

In other words..attraction was lowered when the guy was more focused on being her "friend" rather trying to turn her on sexually...and associate himself with Sex appeal..rather than being a "good friend"

This is the mistake many men make .. they were programmed to believe that Good friends = lots and lots of sex!!!

thats the biggest misconception I had in my life

Definitely not trying to say that good friends = lots and lots of sex. Also, I agree that there can be initial attraction, but the situation described here involves the absence of initial attraction, sort of like when you just approach a girl randomly or you are put in a group with her to do a project, or something where the initial meeting might not have occurred without some outside reason.

My main theory is this. I feel that most women probably have this presumption that a guy is out for sex whenever they meet one. Then, they either grade you up or down from there, depending on how much they are attracted to you. Let's say you meet a girl. She will first have this thought that all men are out for sex. Then, she will see if she's attracted to you. If yes, she grades you up, and if not, then she grades you down, and you'll have to work yourself out of the friendzone, which puts a cap on how far you're going to get with her.

I know that when I see a girl, of course physical attraction is always first. If it's not there, I won't just totally blow her off, but I'll approach her and talk to her with a feeling that this girl is going no further than just a friend unless she surprises me and shows me she could be more. In essence, the attraction in the beginning works as an initial cap (sort of like in negotiation, where each person has a figure which they won't go beyond).

Anyways, at the risk of getting to technical, to sum it up, you can get LJBF'd because a girl does not have that initial attraction to you as someone more than a friend. However, I feel that this could be broken if you use techniques to increase attraction, or perhaps after she gets to know you better (this is the path that average-looking guys who end up with HBs probably take). Of course, the average guy will have to be great in these other areas to break through the label placed on them.