I find I'm constantly in the same situation where chicks in my high school show clear IOI's towards me (usually through either directly stating it or through silly things such as writing "I love jester090" in my notebooks, etc), but I never express any interest back towards them because I have this belief that if all of the sudden I start showing IOI's back, then the chase is over for them and I'm no longer interesting. As a result of my aloofness, however, the situation never goes anywhere. What's the first step I should take if I'm trying to turn one of these girls into a potential girlfriend?
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
Turning Attraction into GF's
- Thread starter Jester090
- Start date
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
DogFashionDisco
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- May 23, 2005
- Messages
- 296
- Reaction score
- 0
I've had the same problem. I still do, but it's gotten better. I've just uped my kino heavily, and talk to them more. but they are the ones who always start the convo. I've only done it maybe twice to this one chick. and I've liked this girl for a month and a half.
Lol, I think 95% of Highschoolers have this problem. Combine this with posts like "Kill the desperation" and we have a bunch of guys who are attractive, but have no girlfriends because they were too "backwards."
Have you heard of something called push-pull? You push the girl away, but you GOTTA pull her back. Otherwise, they'll just give up cuz they think you're gay, or they percieve you to be a weak man who can't take action.
The trick with the IOI is to make it justified. You can't just say outta the blue "Hey, nice eyes." It seems awkward and she didn't do anything to justify you complimenting her.
Instead, when she makes an effort in doing something, you reward her for it.
Example 1
HB: why did the chicken cross the road...to get to the other side. HAHAHA
You: HAHA! I like girl's with a sense of humor.
Example 2
HB: I recycle
You: Wow, I love hippies.
You get the idea.
Oh, and yeah, I agree with DogFashion. Kino is perhaps the most effective IOI. But you should be giving her a few verbal IOI's before you start kino-ing her or else it'll seem wierd.
But in the end, after my long ramblings, you really shouldn't't worry about these things too much. Just be natural and do whatever your gut wants you to. Trust me, a girl will NOT lose interest in you after you show her a few IOI's. In fact, I often find that the opposite happens.
Good luck!
Have you heard of something called push-pull? You push the girl away, but you GOTTA pull her back. Otherwise, they'll just give up cuz they think you're gay, or they percieve you to be a weak man who can't take action.
The trick with the IOI is to make it justified. You can't just say outta the blue "Hey, nice eyes." It seems awkward and she didn't do anything to justify you complimenting her.
Instead, when she makes an effort in doing something, you reward her for it.
Example 1
HB: why did the chicken cross the road...to get to the other side. HAHAHA
You: HAHA! I like girl's with a sense of humor.
Example 2
HB: I recycle
You: Wow, I love hippies.
You get the idea.
Oh, and yeah, I agree with DogFashion. Kino is perhaps the most effective IOI. But you should be giving her a few verbal IOI's before you start kino-ing her or else it'll seem wierd.
But in the end, after my long ramblings, you really shouldn't't worry about these things too much. Just be natural and do whatever your gut wants you to. Trust me, a girl will NOT lose interest in you after you show her a few IOI's. In fact, I often find that the opposite happens.
Good luck!
don't think of kino like akward touching. it can be very casual, and actually girls do it all the time if you are looking for it. Touch her arm as you say 'hi'. tickle her. touch her back very lightly as you walk through a door or say bye. just slip in almost unnoticed...almost. 
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
With your method, you will never get a girlfriend.
If you show signs of interest back, then no, the "chase" isn't over. The "chase" is over when a guy loses every sense of mystery about him...as in: she knows everything about you, you are around ALL the time, you call too much and etc.
Use the Push and Pull method to establish a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
Damian
Senior Don Juan
Push-Pull tactic works wonders guys. Remember that it's not just compliments that do the work, but wit and humor. Tease them and have fun. Make their time with you an emotional rollercoaster. If you give the girls that emotional rush every time they hang out with you, they'll easily get addicted. It's like cocaine for crack-addicts.
-Damian
-Damian
Re: Re: Turning Attraction into GF's
My dad always has had success with women naturally (yeah he is one of those guys, he just is born with the "gift") and always ignores women that he isn't interested in - and that happens more often than not. In most cases, the women get even more turned on and try even HARDER to grab his attention, but after a while, they quit of course. Why; because obviously they seem to realize that he is a lost cause.
Likewise with your situation which is quite similar. If you don't even offer them an ounce of attention from your precious time, then they will probably eventually give up. Of course, you can't choose to whom you will be attracted to, but these teenager crashes that girls have are only temporary from my past experiences.
So what CAN you do at situations like these? Well, as the fella I quoted above stated, don't become a predictable, boring guy. If she sees you too much, and you talk to her every single day, and you keep giving her attention, then that attraction that she used to have for you will slowly fade away. On the other hand, if you don't give her ANY attention, she will probably move on, as I already said. So yes, DO give her attention. When you do interact with her, always be interesting and fun to be around with. Make her laugh. Make her feel great inside. There are some good guys out there that do make some sense in some things they say. Check out Juggler's book, Swinggcut's or even David Deangelo's. They do inform you of what to do/say and what NOT to say or do when being around women.
The next day or two don't give her ANY attention, act as if you don't even know this god damn existance on planet Earth. Then after a while give her attention and talk to her again, then ignore.
The cycle goes like so: interact, ignore; interact, ignore; interact, ignore.
I think it is DD that says this: give her the gift of missing you. Always leave her wanting more from you. Never bore her by being around too much. That's basically it.
You hit the nail right on the head.
My dad always has had success with women naturally (yeah he is one of those guys, he just is born with the "gift") and always ignores women that he isn't interested in - and that happens more often than not. In most cases, the women get even more turned on and try even HARDER to grab his attention, but after a while, they quit of course. Why; because obviously they seem to realize that he is a lost cause.
Likewise with your situation which is quite similar. If you don't even offer them an ounce of attention from your precious time, then they will probably eventually give up. Of course, you can't choose to whom you will be attracted to, but these teenager crashes that girls have are only temporary from my past experiences.
So what CAN you do at situations like these? Well, as the fella I quoted above stated, don't become a predictable, boring guy. If she sees you too much, and you talk to her every single day, and you keep giving her attention, then that attraction that she used to have for you will slowly fade away. On the other hand, if you don't give her ANY attention, she will probably move on, as I already said. So yes, DO give her attention. When you do interact with her, always be interesting and fun to be around with. Make her laugh. Make her feel great inside. There are some good guys out there that do make some sense in some things they say. Check out Juggler's book, Swinggcut's or even David Deangelo's. They do inform you of what to do/say and what NOT to say or do when being around women.
The next day or two don't give her ANY attention, act as if you don't even know this god damn existance on planet Earth. Then after a while give her attention and talk to her again, then ignore.
The cycle goes like so: interact, ignore; interact, ignore; interact, ignore.
I think it is DD that says this: give her the gift of missing you. Always leave her wanting more from you. Never bore her by being around too much. That's basically it.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
rowing_mike
Don Juan
jester, I used to have your problem. Its not that you don't know where to go, it's that you're worried about making a mistake, or looking like a n00b or something. My solution: Read the site, get hammered in the company of the girls, let things sort themselves out. I did that, all those girls desperate for you, you can just slap their ass, ice cubes down the bra, whatever. Most of these will be cool, any mistakes you make you can blame on the alcohol. From there you realise girls aren't big and scary and turn everyone on you just for talking to them, and you're life as a DJ begins.