Turning a FWB into a relationship. Yes or No?

[Dan08]

I'll keep this short, been seeing a girl since December of last year for casual sex and chill out time.

We brought up what we were early January and both of us agreed to keep it FWB as for various reasons neither of us wanted a relationship.

However, recently we seem to act more like a serious couple in every way but officially. She says I'm her rock, she feels she can trust me etc.
On the rare occasions we've gone out to do something she's held my hand, been affectionate etc and it's been bugging me.

I like this girl, we get on well and she's down to earth and a good laugh. I'm happy to make time for her and being honest the reason I'm asking yes or no on this is that I want a resolution either way and feel happy within myself as a person to end it if need be if she doesn't feel the same.

I'm in control of my emotions in this situation which is why I feel comfortable asking her about this somewhere down the line.

I'm tired of having to explain to my friends that we're not an item etc and with how she's been acting recently around me it seems like the next step though like I've said I'm not bothered if it goes tits up.

So would you recommend asking the question based on the info above, and if so how to go about it.

 

[Dan08]

#1 Its always her job to ask. #2 You're the one treating it like a relationahip, not her. She's treating it like she gets to have a boyfriend but with zero commitment while she plays the field. Are you playing the field? #3 Girls that submit to or even worse prefer a FWB relationship are not relationship material. Women sleeping with multiple men is a sign of a slvt.

#1 Fairs.

#2 Ok I see your point, I guess I feel second best in a way? I would play the field if my mates would actually get out with me.

#3 Tricky one to call, I don't know if she has other sexual partners currently. I don't rule it out.

 

[In2theGame]

I agree with RoyalFlush. Dont bring it up to her. You keep doing your thing and let it flow to see where it goes. If friends ask you what you and her are, just simply say "We're just dating" and leave it there.

 

[Dan08]

I agree with RoyalFlush. Dont bring it up to her. You keep doing your thing and let it flow to see where it goes. If friends ask you what you and her are, just simply say "We're just dating" and leave it there.

Fair enough mate, I can go with the flow with this one

And good tip! So simply put, why didn't I think of that

 

[Jaylan]

Its really simple. Do you want a relationship and does she want a relationship? If you both do, Id simply ask her "Are you cool with how things are with us?" If she hints at wanting more, Id simply kiss her, tell her "ok, youre my girl"...and thats that.

No long serious convo. Just straight and to the point. Either way youll know where each others head is at and continue on either the FWB or relationship course. And if you dont really want a relationship, then dont bring it up. Your situation is pretty easy.

 

[In2theGame]

Fair enough mate, I can go with the flow with this one

And good tip! So simply put, why didn't I think of that

Yeah man, like i said just play it cool. I know because i was in the exact situation and like RoyalFlush mentioned... She wants a "boyfriend" without the commitment but i assure you if you treat it as "whatever" she will want to be with you or atleast begin to question you and her as "us" and get jealous if your in contact with other girls . I made the mistake of asking about the "what are we" question and it is not a bad question to ask because situations like this can be a very grey area and very confusing. The girl i was "seeing" didnt want a label on things but as soon as i went out she would question, where i am, with who, getting very upset if i didnt pick up my phone and assumed i was banging girls... which i was but every time this happened it confused me because i really liked the girl and we have a great time together so i figure,... hey why not try a LTR with her, we get along great. However, when she went out or wanted to do whatever she wanted.... It was "oh we're not together officially" So alot of big fights were started because of this between me and her. We were acting like a couple in public and private, We were fvcking and fighting like a couple but the whole back and forth things got ridiculous and we had one final fight and never spoke again. Avoid the headache and just act like your single until SHE brings it up.

 

[Sofomore]

I was in your exact situation a year ago. I made a huge mistake about how I went about it.

This girl was the type to think "the guy asks for the relationship". She hinted at things so I made the first move and looked at her one night and said "you're my girl". In hindsight, this was a terrible idea. It gave away the fact that SHE was chasing me. Instantly her IL dropped. Dated her for a year, and her IL progressively got worse because I wasn't spinning plates and she knew she was my only source of a$$.

In hindsight I will NEVER do this again, no matter how much I like the girl. They secretly want to be the pursuer. We want what we can't have right? Don't overtly show her you are wanted but definitely give her some anxiety about you being with other girls (going to the gym, being busy, female friends etc.). You will have a much more natural relationship if she is giving the signals for wanting to settle down. Otherwise you will never know her true IL.

I spent a whole year with this girl without knowing her true IL and it was a terrible idea. Seriously consider letting her bringing it up.

 

[Jaylan]

^I think it was more than just saying "youre my girl". A lot of guys dont notice when they stop doing the things that made them desirable to the girl in the first place.

 

[JoeMarron]

Don't fvck up a good thing by asking about a relationship. You always want to be testing for high interest. If you ask her you'll never know if she truly wanted a relationship or if she just went along with it because she likes you a bit.

I was in your exact situation a year ago. I made a huge mistake about how I went about it.

This girl was the type to think "the guy asks for the relationship". She hinted at things so I made the first move and looked at her one night and said "you're my girl". In hindsight, this was a terrible idea. It gave away the fact that SHE was chasing me. Instantly her IL dropped. Dated her for a year, and her IL progressively got worse because I wasn't spinning plates and she knew she was my only source of a$$.

In hindsight I will NEVER do this again, no matter how much I like the girl. They secretly want to be the pursuer. We want what we can't have right? Don't overtly show her you are wanted but definitely give her some anxiety about you being with other girls (going to the gym, being busy, female friends etc.). You will have a much more natural relationship if she is giving the signals for wanting to settle down. Otherwise you will never know her true IL.

I spent a whole year with this girl without knowing her true IL and it was a terrible idea. Seriously consider letting her bringing it up.

Sums it up perfectly. If a chick is interested enough she won't give a fvck about any rules or traditions of the man being the one to ask for a relationship.