Turned down a group hangout...right move?

[jcb1772]

One of my female coworkers (a girl I'm interested in) organized a group hangout tonight for several of us coworkers. The group consists of 5 other guys and just 2-3 girls (including her).

I decided to turn it down at the last minute...said I already drank too much and couldn't make it...because I don't like the idea of hanging out with a crush with a group of 5 other guy friends of hers. I feel like that's a fast track to the friend zone myself, and I also suck in group settings.

Of course after I said that, she offered to pick me up...texted and called to insist upon it...but I stuck to the story and insisted I was getting tired and didn't want her to go out of her way (which she would have to).

So now I feel crummy for lying to her and (at the last minute) backing out of something she planned...but do you guys think I made the right move? I'm already taking her to a wedding so the last thing I want to do before then is establish myself as 1 of 6 friend-zoned chumps.

 

[SomeGirls]

I would be cautious if I didn't know the group of people that would be there. A social call with co-workers would have been fine IMO. Especially if she was willing to go out of her way to come get you.

I AFCed it up with a chick I liked 6 months ago. I realized my mistake and went ghost. She recently invited me out to the bar with her friends. I was over her and decided to go. Her friends were digging me and now she won't stop texting me. Sometimes social proof is all you need. I would have went.

 

[jcb1772]

I would be cautious if I didn't know the group of people that would be there. A social call with co-workers would have been fine IMO. Especially if she was willing to go out of her way to come get you.

I AFCed it up with a chick I liked 6 months ago. I realized my mistake and went ghost. She recently invited me out to the bar with her friends. I was over her and decided to go. Her friends were digging me and now she won't stop texting me. Sometimes social proof is all you need. I would have went.

But were her friends mostly girls? Had I gone, this would have been a group of 6 guys and 2-3 girls. Moreover, I don't know these guys particularly well. To top it off, they were meeting at one of the guy's houses. I feel like all of that would have made it extremely hard for me to be alpha, let alone make any further connection with the girl.

 

[SomeGirls]

But were her friends mostly girls? Had I gone, this would have been a group of 6 guys and 2-3 girls. Moreover, I don't know these guys particularly well. To top it off, they were meeting at one of the guy's houses. I feel like all of that would have made it extremely hard for me to be alpha, let alone make any further connection with the girl.

I see what your saying. I was under the impression you were friends with the co-workers. It sounds as though you like this girl quit a bit, and had you gone it probably would have shown too much. Having said that, I wouldn't worry much about trying to hard to be Alpha. Work on the advice that many great posters have and read the DJ bible. You will start to be more Alpha than you realize and you won't be trying. It has helped me a lot.

 

[Who Dares Win]

You take the best decision..going to a group meeting with a strong majority of sausages in an environment that not only is unknown to you but potentially destabilizing is the recipe for a fail.

The most probable situation would have been the guys knowing each other team up wto get the few girls and leave the outsiders out with plenty of amogs in the middle, not exactly what you want, even in the best case it would have been a rodeo of sausages trying to get the attention of the girls.

I suggest in general to avoid group meeting untill you are having sex with the girl, the only exception could be a group where you know any single one of the members and they are friends of yours, dont be fooled from those
who tells you that if the group was mostly girls its ok, you really have no idea how a bunch of b1tches to which you have to be polite could make your life complicate, it works only if you are goodlooking and have a bulletproof game.

 

[jcb1772]

SomeGirls -- Thanks, I will definitely need to do that.

Who Dares Win -- Yeah, that was my thought exactly. I feel more confident that I made the right call, but I'm still left with a bad taste of how I had to lie and turn her down to do it. The process could have been more graceful.

She's probably going to give me sh*t for this tomorrow lol, but I'm just going to have to own my decision.

 

[Maximus Rex]

Leave It Alone Dude

One of my female coworkers (a girl I'm interested in) organized a group hangout tonight for several of us coworkers. The group consists of 5 other guys and just 2-3 girls (including her).

Don't date your co-workers because this could be you.

Now we do work together and I dressed up on purpose. We saw each other and had an awkward stare and then she texted me shortly after and it said,

"You never dressed like that when we were dating. Are you trying to impress people again?" as bad as I wanted to replay I DID NOT.

Didn’t respond for a little while and then I responded with. It’s not that. It’s difficult enough we work together so from 8-5 that’s my focus. Don’t want to make it uncomfortable for you and me.-RCJH The *No Contact* Challenge! (Read This If You Just Got Dumped) http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=160056&page=88 Post 1749

If you date your co-workers the end of relationship will be the underlined.

 

[zekko]

If you put aside for a moment the "don't date your co-workers" business, which is good advice....

If you have a crush on this girl you should be isolating her and taking her out on your own, not getting sucked into group hangouts that she organizes.

 

[JohnnyStorm]

I'd turn it down if you've something better to do. Even if in your mind, that better thing is going home and playing Mario Kart. Your time is precious after all.
If you're asking her out and only getting "group hang out" invites then it's not really high interest on her part....

 

[Zarky]

The only thing worse than dating female co-workers is hanging out after work with a bunch of male co-workers.

I go to a bar with a chick I'm dating and every weekday for happy hour the place is about 80% dudes. Guys come in, obviously from work, in groups of 5-6. It's f*cking pathetic. Even the chick I go with jokes about it.

 

[_sideways_]

You passed a shyt test in my opinion.

a man has balls that need to be drained. Everyone knows that, women too.

she asked you out to a platonic event...then when you took the air off her balloon, she felt neglected, so she threw it out there that she would pick you up.

I would have accepted and been a complete drunken horn dog on her because after all, she came to pick me up. But I'm also kinda of a dyck...in a sausage fest with my crush. So not the best scenario.

you feel bad because you're still thinking with your nice brain.

she's already over any emotions she might have had about it.

if you were honest and truly too drunk...you wouldn't even have remembered this whole thing.

ask her out and be ready to turn the page on her.

how old are you?

 

[PokerStar]

I believe there are two ways to handle it.

1. Your way. Stick to your guns and not hang out.

or

2. Hang out and enjoy yourself. I wouldn't isolate her in a group setting but I would simply ignore her most of the time. Be the life of the party, meet other chicks at said venue, practice telling stories or find out who these people are. And the most important thing is to have a great time.

But thats my opinion, its easy for me to go out and meet new people in any setting.

PS dont crap where you eat.