a beautiful woman came up to me at work and started flirting. did not pay too much attention just a little. after a few conversations in a few days we hit it off real well. word was that she was crazy about me and one day she played footsie real sexually with me at a meeting. she is married to an abusive alcoholic and told me the relationship was dead and over. so i went ahead and starting seeing her and we actually fell in love (ouch) we have spent real long sexual times together (she mentioned to me that it was the first time she actually experienced multiple orgasms)) along with other close times where sex was not always there. we were and are happy together every time we see each other. this happened many many times. we actually wrote numerous love notes and poems to each other where she mentioned more than once that she wants to be with me completely and eventually end her bad marriage. this definetly was not only for sex. she is now back with this abuser (i've seen this terrible verbal abuse first hand on 3 different occasions) when she calls me once in a while she still says the same thing about being with me eventually but nothing happens, she talks about divorce lawyers and other things but hasn't done anything yet. am i being strung along and how long should i wait if at all? she is not getting anything from me so she seems to not be using me for anything and the love is really there. i know the love is there but i'm stuck and cut off from now seeing her and so is she. what to say or possibly do? by the way the guy is a nutcase and has been in jail. why can't she leave this idiot? you can see the hatred and abuse and arguments when they are together.
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tuff situation
- Thread starter pv327
- Start date
Royal Elite
Banned
Listen homey she used you to get back at him. Thats how the world is its dog eat dog. Women take revenge internally, meaning they dont need the man to know about it. Move on, and take this as a life lesson. Rebound relationships rarely last. They are to be enjoyed. He's the one hitting it, and occasionally she might come to you to get some, but know its about her not you. She outgamed you, now get your game up so it wont happen again.
NewMan
Master Don Juan
I would stay clear of this.
There are so many things that can go wrong here.
This guy I assume has nothing to lose.
She - is at best looking for an escape route (you) and at worst is using you for some sanctity.
Whatever it is it is going to blow up in your face.
She went back to him.......
Why?
Why would she let herself be treated like that.
Don't even believe for a second that if she left this guy things would be great.
She probably used you (ouch) - and this drama in her life will never end....
She actually probably enjoys the drama - and has little or no self respect - otherwise she would have left a long time ago.
Break this off if I were you - and move on to a hottie that's not crazy or married.
There are so many things that can go wrong here.
This guy I assume has nothing to lose.
She - is at best looking for an escape route (you) and at worst is using you for some sanctity.
Whatever it is it is going to blow up in your face.
She went back to him.......
Why?
Why would she let herself be treated like that.
Don't even believe for a second that if she left this guy things would be great.
She probably used you (ouch) - and this drama in her life will never end....
She actually probably enjoys the drama - and has little or no self respect - otherwise she would have left a long time ago.
Break this off if I were you - and move on to a hottie that's not crazy or married.
Protect yourself
You don't know what this "abusive, acoholic nutcase" is capable of doing.
I agree that she is using you for emotional support, you said it yourself, that this was more then just sex. She may throw the relationship between you and her in her husbands face and really set him off. Be careful.
Yeah, I know you are a guy and you are ruff and tuff and all that manly stuff. Just remember he isnt stable, this mean he doesnt play fair.
It sounds like you really care for her, but save yourself first.
Your job, your life could be at risk. Be careful and play it smart.
You don't know what this "abusive, acoholic nutcase" is capable of doing.
I agree that she is using you for emotional support, you said it yourself, that this was more then just sex. She may throw the relationship between you and her in her husbands face and really set him off. Be careful.
Yeah, I know you are a guy and you are ruff and tuff and all that manly stuff. Just remember he isnt stable, this mean he doesnt play fair.
It sounds like you really care for her, but save yourself first.
Your job, your life could be at risk. Be careful and play it smart.
she said supposedly she is still legally "married" to this idiot and is trying to make a christian type of excuse. she still claims its only a matter of time (how much time?) sounds like bull to me. she seems to have 2 personalities or just a big liar. real loving with me and wants to be with me completely as she often writes and mentions when we talk. but still cannot break off, makes different excuses religion, her child, fear etc. sad part is when we are in church together when things were real good she actually handed me these love notes (which go into detail on her saying her love for me is sincere, trust in god and everything else will fall into place, and we have much true love for each other and one day we will be together completely) in church! what gives? any hope at all? if she calls don't answer or what?
she devil, he is actually a punk. he is 6 ft 3 i am 5 ft 7 and we had 2 physical outings where he actually backed off both times when i stood up to him . he "caught" us talking in the parking lot at work when he drove in drunk (with an 8 year old in the back seat ) and did not want to fight. he was very verbally abusive also. then another time he was sober and he actually came to my house picked me up, was civil for a few moments, drove me to his house. then called her out along with the kid and went verbally ballistic on her calling her all kind of foul names and actually telling her to go with me! she of course just shut up and took it. i then hit him a few times and he took off scared. this sounds crazy but its true. i think i'm crazy for standing up for her, but he was terrible to her. how can anyone put up with this kind of abuse? don't forget i did not know he was this bad until after we became intimate and she told me the relationship was over, otherwise i never would have went to her after her advances towards me. i never pursued her.
She actually probably enjoys the drama - and has little or no self respect - otherwise she would have left a long time ago.
that's probably right! i wish i knew this before hand by the way i found out also later that this has been a 7 year thing!
that's probably right! i wish i knew this before hand by the way i found out also later that this has been a 7 year thing!
Royal Elite
Banned
Homey first off if she is in your church doing this she is a *****. Mentally she is gone and you "cant wife a *****". She is gaming both of you, that is a woman's fantasy to have two guys fighting over her. And when its all over and one of you is dead, and the other in jail, she is just going to game some other cat. So you need to plan your funeral or start watching a lot of ozl, because its clear thats where this is heading homey.
The best way to handle this situation:
You should all apply to be a guests on the Jerry Springer Show!
I know that is some a$$hole advice but seriously man that is exactly what this story sounds like.
You actually hit this guy in front of their 8 year old kid?!? WTF!!
She's giving you all these excuses as to why she can't leave him (ie. religion, God, etc). SHE'S COMMITTING ADULTERY!!!
Really man what are you expecting to get out of this relationship? If she actually leaves him for you then where will you be? Neither of you will EVER be rid of this abusive fawker because of the daughter. Plain and simple.
Is that the future you forsee for yourself? Why would you want to be involved in a fawked up Jerry Springer drama like this?
You made a mistake and fell in love with the wrong person. Don't worry it happens everyday.
You CAN find another woman who offers everything she does minus the baggage.
Lesson learned move on to greener pastures.
You should all apply to be a guests on the Jerry Springer Show!
I know that is some a$$hole advice but seriously man that is exactly what this story sounds like.
You actually hit this guy in front of their 8 year old kid?!? WTF!!
She's giving you all these excuses as to why she can't leave him (ie. religion, God, etc). SHE'S COMMITTING ADULTERY!!!
Really man what are you expecting to get out of this relationship? If she actually leaves him for you then where will you be? Neither of you will EVER be rid of this abusive fawker because of the daughter. Plain and simple.
Is that the future you forsee for yourself? Why would you want to be involved in a fawked up Jerry Springer drama like this?
You made a mistake and fell in love with the wrong person. Don't worry it happens everyday.
You CAN find another woman who offers everything she does minus the baggage.
Lesson learned move on to greener pastures.
you are partially right slikster! actually the kid was inside then i smacked him so luckily she didn't see it. funny you should say jerry springer though. when the cops came and took him to jail for an outstanding warrant thats what they said! sounds like a jerry springer show! now can you believe this, after he is in jail overnight guess what happens next? her and i drive off to their house and i spend the night there because she asked me to. i thought for me to comfort her and her child but when the child falls asleep. she actually wanted sex! i couldn't though not in their home. i just held her until she fell asleep and left in the morning. she then bailed him out later.
Royal Elite
Banned
pv-read the post right above slickster from me.
Donald Kaufman
Don Juan
Stop trying to save her
I feel really bad for you.
I wound up in a situation where I thought the woman was having a bad week. I had known her for a while and we had fun and she was really on. So I helped her find a new place, look for a job, made her a couple dinners. She was grateful and she seemed to be back on her feet. The next week something else happened. Again, I helped her pick up the pieces. Third week, something else happened. By this point she wasn't grateful, just expected it. I talked to a couple of her friends and realized she was one of the "permanently in a jam" types.
In my experience things will just get worse and worse. I bailed at this point but I do know people who have wound up in jail or a hospital.
Get away from this and do not feed the drama. Don't make a big scene walking away. Just fade. Stop calling her and be busy. If she gets angry apologize and take all the blame. You are always too busy to see her, too busy to answer the phone.
She will probably come up with a very extreme situation. Tell her to call the police or an ambulance. Don't get pulled back in. She has probably been upping the drama with this guy for a long time and now needs two guys for a fix. If she needs somewhere to stay suggest a shelter. If she is afraid suggest the police. It is not your job to save her. If she keeps pleading tell her you will call the police for her, or the church, or her family.
She will either get a fix of drama from them or know her situation is not that critical and leave. Do not get pulled back into the story.
I feel really bad for you.
I wound up in a situation where I thought the woman was having a bad week. I had known her for a while and we had fun and she was really on. So I helped her find a new place, look for a job, made her a couple dinners. She was grateful and she seemed to be back on her feet. The next week something else happened. Again, I helped her pick up the pieces. Third week, something else happened. By this point she wasn't grateful, just expected it. I talked to a couple of her friends and realized she was one of the "permanently in a jam" types.
In my experience things will just get worse and worse. I bailed at this point but I do know people who have wound up in jail or a hospital.
Get away from this and do not feed the drama. Don't make a big scene walking away. Just fade. Stop calling her and be busy. If she gets angry apologize and take all the blame. You are always too busy to see her, too busy to answer the phone.
She will probably come up with a very extreme situation. Tell her to call the police or an ambulance. Don't get pulled back in. She has probably been upping the drama with this guy for a long time and now needs two guys for a fix. If she needs somewhere to stay suggest a shelter. If she is afraid suggest the police. It is not your job to save her. If she keeps pleading tell her you will call the police for her, or the church, or her family.
She will either get a fix of drama from them or know her situation is not that critical and leave. Do not get pulled back into the story.
thanks alot for the input right now i am staying away and if she leaves him i'll see where i am at that point. she has been damaged over the seven years and was very loving and a totally different person when she is away from him. she needs counseling and other help. the drama will stop.
Mike_The_Man
Don Juan
Re: Stop trying to save her
This is Very Good Advice! Drama Queens are always very bad for your health! There will never be peace in this woman's life because she needs Drama like a drug! It will always be one thing after another with her. There will be no stability. Ever. Cut your losses and move on. Trust me. Your thinking is that once she gets her divorce and comes to you all the drama will stop. It won't. She will manipulate and do whatever it takes to manufacture more drama once she is with you, you can be 100% sure of that. I once thought the same way as you. No More.
Mike_The_Man
Don Juan
You think the Drama will stop? Think again! Trust me on this! Please! These Histrionic Drama Queens are experts at playing their role as Victim to manipulate and draw in a "saviour" who will free them from this mess they fell into--- until she gets bored with you and seeks out or manufactures more Drama and then happens upon another "saviour" and so the cycle repeats itself!
This has all been clinicly documented by Doctors that study Personality Disorders as a living. This will not ever get better!
Re: Stop trying to save her
Too many people make a huge deal over such things and it only makes things worse.
This is great advice not only for this particular situation but any time you are parting ways with a woman.
Too many people make a huge deal over such things and it only makes things worse.
NewMan
Master Don Juan
As dietz said you are officially:
Capt'n Save A Ho.....
Couple of things here.
***
christian type of excuse
***
She uses this excuse when it's suitable for her. Bottom line is she then wanted to fvck you when he was in jail.... Sounds like a good Chriatain Ho to me. As well as playing footsie in church with you.
Secondly - do you really think she "loves" you.... you are "right now" guy. Believe me when this sh#t is over, there will be someone else and he will be "right now" guy.
Thirdly... you really should take a long hard look in the mirror.
Read that again because I mean it.
Why anyone would actually waste their time with sh#t like this - is really unhealthy.
So either you are ugly, desperate, needy - who knows - but you really need to try and understand why you got involved with this b#tch at all. It should have never happened. There are to many single, available girl out there.
Not trying to get personal or slam you - but I think it's a question that guys posting here should ask themselves more often than not.
If your answer is - "I just wanted a piece of a##" - fair enough. But you were dragged in to it somehow.
I've got a friend in work - who just hooked up with another chick here. She just split from her husband - couple weeks ago. 3 young kids. He's fvcking her ALREADY. I know she is also banging another guy here - plus her husband is still very much in the picture. I've asked my friend why he even touches this sl#t (and spends $$$ on her - flowers, tiffany's ear rings for Valentines)... and he has no good answer.
Save a ho - that's what I'll call him from now on.
Capt'n Save A Ho.....
Couple of things here.
***
christian type of excuse
***
She uses this excuse when it's suitable for her. Bottom line is she then wanted to fvck you when he was in jail.... Sounds like a good Chriatain Ho to me. As well as playing footsie in church with you.
Secondly - do you really think she "loves" you.... you are "right now" guy. Believe me when this sh#t is over, there will be someone else and he will be "right now" guy.
Thirdly... you really should take a long hard look in the mirror.
Read that again because I mean it.
Why anyone would actually waste their time with sh#t like this - is really unhealthy.
So either you are ugly, desperate, needy - who knows - but you really need to try and understand why you got involved with this b#tch at all. It should have never happened. There are to many single, available girl out there.
Not trying to get personal or slam you - but I think it's a question that guys posting here should ask themselves more often than not.
If your answer is - "I just wanted a piece of a##" - fair enough. But you were dragged in to it somehow.
I've got a friend in work - who just hooked up with another chick here. She just split from her husband - couple weeks ago. 3 young kids. He's fvcking her ALREADY. I know she is also banging another guy here - plus her husband is still very much in the picture. I've asked my friend why he even touches this sl#t (and spends $$$ on her - flowers, tiffany's ear rings for Valentines)... and he has no good answer.
Save a ho - that's what I'll call him from now on.
