Trying to move on.. need input

[Frenchconnection]

So this girl I’ve been dating for about 2 months, initially I had no interest in her but then somehow started to get emotionally attached.
I know in my heart she isn’t good for me, rarely pays, I do most of the initiation (in terms of seeing each other), she hasn’t introduced me to her friends (likewise) or invited me to events she sings at, has not let me pick her up from her house (she’s 30 living at home maybe she’s embarrassed).

So just by this, it shows a lot and yet I’m somewhat still hooked on her. I can honestly say though I do have a lot of fun with her.

In any case I’m trying for my own good and sanity to move on and not expect anything. Part of me if fine with that but then the other half is still attached.

Is it cause I havn’t hit yet? The challenge?


What do you think?


Btw, I am talking to someone else and I’m always on the look out.

 

[Demodulate]

I guess NEXT'ing as the forum puts it is one of those things that gets easier, for the most part, the more you do it..

pick up a new hobby, go work out, etc.. its all been said a million times..

for the most part when i know it inst working out, I have hardly any problem moving on now.. there is one girl whom still has some pull over me, but she isn't good for me but that is neither her nor their.. I have been conscious of nexting now for 6 years.. its gotten easier and easier.. mostly because I can read the writing on the wall when it comes to relationships alot easier now.. and end them before its a disaster.. but i havent had a real relationship last past 6 months since 2000..

anywho..

suck it up and move on.. it really is that easy

 

[amoka]

Bad qualities... my man. NEXT that woman.

 

[Magma]

What's your minimum requirement for red flags? Like 8?

You're acting very childish here. Christ man. Run, don't walk.

:bytchslap:

 

[jophil28]

So this girl I’ve been dating for about 2 months, initially I had no interest in her but then somehow started to get emotionally attached.
I know in my heart she isn’t good for me, rarely pays, I do most of the initiation (in terms of seeing each other), she hasn’t introduced me to her friends (likewise) or invited me to events she sings at, has not let me pick her up from her house (she’s 30 living at home maybe she’s embarrassed).
What do you think?

.

This is common behavior in woman who are high functioning BPDs. They compartmentalize the guy.

SHe is not 'integrating' you into her world because she wants to keep you separated from it.
You are her distraction - her entertaiment VP, and her "fun guy". Be aware that she may start to 'distance' herself from you when she senses that you are hooked and wanting more from her.
IF you feel thios happening then this is her BPD disorder kicking in. She fears abandonment BUT she also is terrified of intimacy because she experiences it as "engulfment".

Tell me, is she sweeter than sweet, uber feminine, flirty without being brassy and behaves in little girl/ womanly ways...?

 

[Frenchconnection]

This is common behavior in woman who are high functioning BPDs. They compartmentalize the guy.

SHe is not 'integrating' you into her world because she wants to keep you separated from it.
You are her distraction - her entertaiment VP, and her "fun guy". Be aware that she may start to 'distance' herself from you when she senses that you are hooked and wanting more from her.
IF you feel thios happening then this is her BPD disorder kicking in. She fears abandonment BUT she also is terrified of intimacy because she experiences it as "engulfment".

Tell me, is she sweeter than sweet, uber feminine, flirty without being brassy and behaves in little girl/ womanly ways...?

Jophil28... you hit it right on the nail! She keeps telling me how much fun she has when she's with me. I do definitely feel like I'm her "fun guy". However, she is not sweet at all and rarely tells me what she thinks of me.

and yes she's terrified of intimacy, she has a history of feeling the world owes her something. I think she's used to the "high" life but can't live it anymore due to certain past events in her life.

So at this point I'm not involving myself with her, I put the ball in her court. Tired of feeling like an accessory to her.

 

[Frenchconnection]

btw what's a BDPs?

 

[KontrollerX]

FrenchConnection it is Borderline Personality Disorder.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134717

It is a very nasty mental illness that is abbreviated BPD and you can read all about it here in Sosuave's most epic thread ever on the subject.

 

[jophil28]

Jophil28... you hit it right on the nail! She keeps telling me how much fun she has when she's with me. I do definitely feel like I'm her "fun guy". However, she is not sweet at all and rarely tells me what she thinks of me.

and yes she's terrified of intimacy, she has a history of feeling the world owes her something. I think she's used to the "high" life but can't live it anymore due to certain past events in her life.

So at this point I'm not involving myself with her, I put the ball in her court. Tired of feeling like an accessory to her.

Smart guy...but get ready for the sound of the hoover.

 

[jophil28]

and yes she's terrified of intimacy, she has a history of feeling the world owes her something. I think she's used to the "high" life but can't live it anymore due to certain past events in her life.

Danger signals. These are the characteristic signs of the "poor little rich girl "... or "the lost waif ".. Does she frequently act like a lost child in an adult body?

Lets look over your shoulder here..

" ..she is terrified of intimacy .." That really just means that she expects devotion and fawning worship from men, but will not respond in kind. She feeds back very little in the way of emotional expression... a cool fish ? She wants committment and involvement from you, BUT will not reciprocate except in small doses.
OH, and I bet that she has told you her 'victim story' to explain her standoffishness.

"..she is used to the high life .." That is another way of saying that she expects to be supplied with a life of extravagance and indulgence by a man. IF YOU are not judged to be the "man for her" who has the resources to supply her excessive material requirements, then she will lap up all the fun and excitement from you but keep you at a distance. Hence the compartmentalizing.
Make no mistake- she is still shopping for a 'suga daddy' and will drop you in the FZ if she finds one.

 

[Luthor Rex]

This is common behavior in woman who are high functioning BPDs. They compartmentalize the guy.

SHe is not 'integrating' you into her world because she wants to keep you separated from it.
You are her distraction - her entertaiment VP, and her "fun guy". Be aware that she may start to 'distance' herself from you when she senses that you are hooked and wanting more from her.
IF you feel thios happening then this is her BPD disorder kicking in. She fears abandonment BUT she also is terrified of intimacy because she experiences it as "engulfment".

Tell me, is she sweeter than sweet, uber feminine, flirty without being brassy and behaves in little girl/ womanly ways...?

There was a girl I dated who acted a lot like this. The compartmentalization, the fear of intimacy and (sometimes) sweet girly behavior were all hallmarks of our "relationship".

I never got the impression she was BPD though... but maybe I'm wrong.

" ..she is terrified of intimacy .." That really just means that she expects devotion and fawning worship from men, but will not respond in kind. She feeds back very little in the way of emotional expression... a cool fish ?

Huh, the girl I mentioned above was like this. She didn't seem to expect 'worship' from me though. Basically she was very emotional in general, she showed a lot of love to her pet dog and her nephew, but to me she was very stand-offish. Actually our relationship felt very business-like. The contrast between her 'normal' behavior and how she showed affection to her dog & nephew was like day and night to how I was treated.