Trying to meet women interested in relationships

[Dublinlawyer]

Hey. I'll just tell you my situation really quick. I'm 29 years old and recently finished law school. I've never had a girlfriend and I've only been out on maybe 4 or 5 real dates. I was lucky when I got those using the internet. I'm in shape but I guess I'm pretty average looking. I have pics posted at www.myspace.com/shogun101

I'm trying to make positive changes to improve my success with women. I've read DYD and a few other ebooks. I've tried sarging a bars and clubs near where I live. I don't think I'll meet the women I'm looking for at one of this locations but its helping me overcome my nervousness around women.

My long-term goal is to meet someone I really like in the next 5 to 6 years and get married. I'm really look for women who are interested in long-term committed relationships. I'm a virgin but I'm ok with that. I want to wait until marriage before I have sex. I just hate never having dates. I feel lonely and left out even though I should have confidence in myself. I also didn't have much time to socialize and meet women the 3 years I was in law school. I'm hoping to change this now before it gets too late.

I've alway been intimidated by women. I think its because I've don't have sisters and never had a girl as a friend. I was thinking of just going up to women and doing this (I read it on one of the forum posts).
Me: Excuse me, can I ask you a quick question?
Her: ...
Me: Are you single?
If she says "no" I'll just say "well it was nice to meet you. Have a great day."
If she says "why" I'll just say something about just moving to this area and wanting to meet new people and then try to move into small talk
If she says "yes" I'll small talk her alittle, tell her I just moved here, and try to # close

I'm thinking of using this because women and tell I am nervous when I talk to them. This approach is pretty quick and I can pick up if they are interested in me. Do you guys think it will work?

Thanks for any advice. I really need it lol

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

... I've alway been intimidated by women. I think its because I've don't have sisters and never had a girl as a friend. I was thinking of just going up to women and doing this (I read it on one of the forum posts).
Me: Excuse me, can I ask you a quick question?
Her: ...
Me: Are you single?
If she says "no" I'll just say "well it was nice to meet you. Have a great day."
If she says "why" I'll just say something about just moving to this area and wanting to meet new people and then try to move into small talk
If she says "yes" I'll small talk her alittle, tell her I just moved here, and try to # close

I wouldn't use that script. You're telegraphing your character and your intentions. I'd suspect that since you're not yet comfortable with women you'll end up putting them on guard or possibly pushing them away before they even get to know you.

Instead of focusing on the goal of finding a single woman to eventually settling down with, consider just meeting and engaging with women. No motive other that just wanting to get to know somebody new. This may even take some of the pressure off you.

Instead of starting off your conversation about their status, why not start talking about the experience you're sharing at that moment? Its much easier on a person than asking if they were single.

 

[Stavrogin]

You sound identical to me except that I'm not Irish. However, I am disturbed that you think you are having trouble meeting women, even though it looks like there are hot chicks posting messages on your Myspace page.

 

[bauer_23]

listen to Fransico on this one, you'll make things alot easier if you approach women with the sole intent of having fun. While I cant comment on long term relationships , I know for a fact at the very least you will attract women none the less if you go into it with no intentions like marrige

 

[Latinoman]

Just go out and have fun. You cannot approach a date with the intention of getting into a relationship.

Now...you mentioned something about "waiting for sex". I'm not going to tell you what to do. Those are your values and I respect that. But read this (I wrote this a while back). Especially the "physically" part (the portion that I want you to truly read). Please, not that this applies when you are ALREADY in a committed relationship. I know you are not nearly there yet...but, you might want to "prepare" yourself as a man, so when the times come...you are ready.:

MY EXPERIENCE

This is my very personal opinion based on my experience. This experience is being married for a very long time and managed to keep my then wife in that blitz state for all those years (still is) and I am currently in a LTR and I have been successful too.

There lot of methods that can keep the woman that is in your life (in a committed relationship) in a blitz state for you. Let’s assume that you are relatively compatible in the morals, desire (or lack of) to have sex, morals, religion, goals, economics, etc. (note: you do NOT have to be compatible in your hobbies!)

The Blitz State Theorem by Latinoman

The blitz state comes if you have the ability to satisfy her:

a)physically
b)emotionally
c)psychologically
d)intellectually
e)spiritually (if applicable)

Let me clarify something in here. This is not to be confused as a “man servicing” or “slaving” himself for a woman. This is not to be confused as “Mr. Romantic”. This is not to be confused as a man revolving his life and goals around a woman. Slaving, servicing, and Mr. Romantic are AFC qualities. This is about keeping women satisfy. And keeping a woman satisfied is not an AFC quality. It is in fact a DJ quality. The same way that is a DJ quality to keep your boss or a client satisfied. And satisfaction wear different masks…even the dark one from time to time.

EXAMPLES

I will provide some brief examples as they related to women based on my theory:

a)Physically could be sex. And with sex, I mean love making, phucking, or a combination of both. The “love making” part is “romantic”. Also, physically also includes other elements such as touch, caress, kiss, KINO, etc.

b) Emotionally could be the making her laugh element. Or the putting her in an emotional roller coaster (not to be overdo). Or surprising her with something unexpected to the point that you bring tears of emotion (this part could be the “romantic” part).

c) Psychologically as defined by me in this theorem is more of making her feels safe.

d) Intellectually has to do with her ability to grow intellectually. Maybe introducing her to stuff (that’s why having the same hobbies at the beginning is not a real necessity) or learning new stuff together (e.g. creating new hobbies together). This is the art/music/games/books/etc. stuff.

e) Spiritually is something that is very personal. Some women are very spiritual. Here, you satisfy her by encouraging her to continue developing her spirituality or by not putting hurdles in her spiritual development.

WARNING...overly Romantic = Relationship Suicide

Let me touch on the Romantic issue again. Women SAY they like romanticism. However a man that is utterly romantic is one that eventually gets dumped. You have to bring some elements of romanticism whenever she does not expect it. Nothing wrong with buying flowers to the woman that is your wife or your LTR girlfriend (don’t do that for dates). As long as you don’t over do it! Nothing wrong with massaging your woman. Nothing wrong with you caressing your woman. As long as you also drives her crazy by showing your ability to be desired (perhaps by others?) and your ability to be an arse from time to time.

I apply all those things…but at the same time I have the Bad Boy persona (one that is NOT fake at all).

Once again, this is my theorem as I apply with the women that are committed to me (doesn’t work with FWB, doesn’t work with lovers, in essence is doesn’t work with women that are spinning plates).

In CONCLUSION

And finally...even if you are applying those techniques (some more than others), you will STILL get the "you don't romantisize as much", etc. The only different is that this time YOU KNOW what you are doing...and YOU KNOW that you have NOTHING to worry about. Because this time is simply part of your "emotional roller coaster" plan for her.

 

[Latinoman]

Here is another post I wrote several days ago:


-----------------------------------------------------------------------

...'m involved sexually with my partner...what satisfies me the most is being able to bring her to total satisfaction.

Here is the thing and based on my experience; when everything else is going wrong in a relationship...the ONLY thing that can keep it running in fumes is GREAT SEX. Is that a good thing? No. However, it might buy you enough time to SPARK IT up again, before losing her completely. Women know that most men suck in bed. I repeat, MOST men suck in bed. So, they will do whatever necessary to keep a man that is great in bed...or at least will work harder on keeping him.

Cuddleling? Very important after sex. However, if you give it up EVERY TIME...she might take it for granted. Better use the "roller coaster" approach from time to time.

I personally make love about 20% of the time (which obviously involve cuddeling after it). About 60% of the time I "phuck" (give her some cuddleling from time to time, about maybe 50%, so she doesn't feel "cheap" - wink). And the other 20%, I simply mix it up by starting making love and ending with hard core sex (rarely cuddle under this circunstances).

To illustrate my point, let's do some basic math (I hate applying mathematics on issues that involve emotions):

20 (% love making) x 100 (% times I cuddle after love making) + 60 (% hard core sex) x 50 (% times I cuddle after hard core sex) + 20 (% mix) x 0 (rarely cuddle when mix) = 5000/100 = 50% of cuddle AFTER SEX (of course, sleeping together or sitting in the bus together might require some cuddleling and holding from time to time).

Now, I don't plan this. It comes natural. In fact, this is the first time it even occurred to me to estimate this stuff and quite honestly, I didn't expect the 50% number above as I never estimated this stuff before.

But...it is a BALANCE. And I win, because I'm having some level of hard core sex over 70% of the time (wink) we engage sexually vs. less than 30% involves some level of "love making"...and she wins, because she is having her cuddleling 50% of the time we engage sexually (regardless if we are mixing it up, having hard core sex, or making love).

------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[Latinoman]

Okay...I know I shared two very long posts that I wrote several days ago.

What is my point with this?

You have an obvious goal and it is to be in a relationship to eventually leads to a marriage. That's fine.

But, would you like to have a succesful committed relationship? Would you like to have a succesful marriage?

I'm not an expert. Let me clarify that. In fact, what I'm writing is based on my personal experiences.

But here is the thing; SEX.

Sex plays a very important part in any relationship. Please read my last re-post above. Of course, when we are very old, it is replaced with other type of intimacy.


I didn't bring another post that talk about the 7-8 things that we must have in common with our partner. But I will mention one: both must be compatible (or have lack of compatibility) in sex.

Are you willing to risk knowing that AFTER marriage?

Once again...it is your values and I will always respect another person's values. As I personally believe that everything in life can be compromised in a relationship, except two things

1- Your Values/Morals

2- Your self-respect.

But...you can revisit and determine if they are indeed the values you are going to choose to follow, before we set them in stone.

 

[WestCoaster]

Cart before horse syndrome.

There is no way on Earth you know a woman is relationship or marriage material until you date her for at least half a year, maybe even longer. No freaking way.

Because a girl is cute, hot, sexy, good in bed, funny, vivacious, etc., doesn't mean sh-t. It means that's how she acts.

Wife material means that she's responsible, doesn't cheat, is clean, cooks well, is great with kids and child raising, is classy, respects you, is good around people, isn't embarrassing to you or herself, has interests and is educated.

The problem is most men try to translate sexy, good in the sack, funny, vivacious, hot, etc., into a wife. Hopefully your girlfriend or wife will be those things, if so awesome. But you better find those other qualities, too, and find those first. What good is a hot, sexy wife if she's not classy, nice, educated, keeps a bad house, and is horrible with kids?

In no way can you find a wife if you're looking. You have to date first, and honestly, you have to date 25-100 women first before you find one that's right. You need a comparison scale.

Finally, get off that MySpace crap, that's been the bane of men across the world, who think cute little responses and pictures mean a girl is interested in you. No, it means they're playing you like a fiddle. Nothing has increased AFCism more in this world than MySpace.

 

[Latinoman]

Cart before horse syndrome.

There is no way on Earth you know a woman is relationship or marriage material until you date her for at least half a year, maybe even longer. No freaking way.

Because a girl is cute, hot, sexy, good in bed, funny, vivacious, etc., doesn't mean sh-t. It means that's how she acts.

Wife material means that she's responsible, doesn't cheat, is clean, cooks well, is great with kids and child raising, is classy, respects you, is good around people, isn't embarrassing to you or herself, has interests and is educated.

The problem is most men try to translate sexy, good in the sack, funny, vivacious, hot, etc., into a wife. Hopefully your girlfriend or wife will be those things, if so awesome. But you better find those other qualities, too, and find those first. What good is a hot, sexy wife if she's not classy, nice, educated, keeps a bad house, and is horrible with kids?

In no way can you find a wife if you're looking. You have to date first, and honestly, you have to date 25-100 women first before you find one that's right. You need a comparison scale.

Finally, get off that MySpace crap, that's been the bane of men across the world, who think cute little responses and pictures mean a girl is interested in you. No, it means they're playing you like a fiddle. Nothing has increased AFCism more in this world than MySpace.

I agree 100% with you on this.

That's why, I didn't even bother telling him how to pick women. I simply focused on one tiny thing of his post: lack of sex.

 

[Dublinlawyer]

listen to Fransico on this one, you'll make things alot easier if you approach women with the sole intent of having fun. While I cant comment on long term relationships , I know for a fact at the very least you will attract women none the less if you go into it with no intentions like marrige

I go out with the initition of having fun with my friends when I go to bars or clubs. I been doing this for the past 5 years though I've had no luck with women. I just cannot create attration in women. I just cannot go through this for another 5 years. Its killing me mentally and I get very depressed about it. I try to talk to my friends about it but they don't understand. They are all in LTR and either tell me that I don't want to be in a relationship or just to wait. Most of them are pretty successful with women so I don't think they value dating the same way I do.

I defintely want to date around first and meet the right women. I'm not trying to just force myself into a relationship but I cannot get first dates with women so I cannot even get started. For instance, I # closed a girl at a restaurant about a week ago. I called her a couple of days later and asked her if she would like to get coffee next Monday or Tuesday. She told me she didn't want to date right now because she recently got out of a relationship and said it was bad timing. I don't get #s often and when I do this kind of stuff always happens.

 

[white sox bill]

Dublin, I too like the idea of going out with the intention of having fun. No ulterior motives. Seems like the more you try to unlock the lock on those pants, the more they try to lock them up tighter.
Bill

 

[Centaurion]

First off, congratulations on getting a law degree. Hopefully I'll finish law school too.

Secondly, have you looked into the Bootcamp that is circulating on this website? It sounds like you should start off be doing the first couple of weeks of it, as it will help you a long way in killing your fear.

 

[DjNLes]

Congrats on law school and nice abs..sheesh.

But anyhoo. Why would you want to ask if they are single or not? Just start some kind of convo and have fun. They will eventually let if know if they are taken. Enjoy!

 

[warpy]

judging by your body pics any girl would drool over you on the beach, working your yard or whatever.


>> I'm trying to make positive changes to improve my success with women. I've read DYD and a few other ebooks. I've tried sarging a bars and clubs near where I live. I don't think I'll meet the women I'm looking for at one of this locations but its helping me overcome my nervousness around women.

my suggestion would be to be nice to everyone around you, and no i am not talking about sucking up to people i am talking about talking to strangers in an elevator, in the line to buy coffee, talking to sale persons (thats what they are there for and they arent going anywhere), spice up your social skills, joke around, be friendly, dont be afraid to look at girls, dont chicken out when you make eye contact, smile at them if you can manage, wink if you realy have a pair lol. talking to people makes you read situations before hand and coming up with random things to say to them. before you know it you will not need to think before approaching girls, it will be a second nature to you.

boot camp helps too


>>I'm a virgin but I'm ok with that. I want to wait until marriage before I have sex. I just hate never having dates. I feel lonely and left out even though I should have confidence in myself.

play that card, wanna bet girls would love to sex you up, ask most girls what do they want from a husband and they will tell ya, lawyer or a doctor, hair on the head, good body, sense of humor, supportive, loyal, etc etc.. and if you add a virgin to the package i'd bet they would just jump all over you. you can make an item out of it "i have to confess to you, i am a virgin", "i have a dark secret, i am a virgin" "i am a virgin, are you sure sex is that good, what do you know about it". you can spin it off to come as something innocent and make her tell you about her sexual needs. etc etc.. she might even wet you know where lol.


>> I also didn't have much time to socialize and meet women the 3 years I was in law school. I'm hoping to change this now before it gets too late.

i made that mistake too, its a bad excuse, make sure you work out your fears and its never too late.


>> I've alway been intimidated by women. I think its because I've don't have sisters and never had a girl as a friend. I was thinking of just going up to women and doing this (I read it on one of the forum posts).
Me: Excuse me, can I ask you a quick question?
Her: ...
Me: Are you single?................


bad bad bad, read the mystery book, get the movies. read the forum. there are so many ways to do things and that one is NOT one of them.

>>I'm thinking of using this because women and tell I am nervous when I talk to them. This approach is pretty quick and I can pick up if they are interested in me. Do you guys think it will work?


after 10 times of approaching women u'll get the hang of it, but dont use those crappy lines you have there. let me give you an example, there was this hot cash register chick she is an 8.5 and it was the night i got my diploma, i went over her and said hi, although i knew her from before she was silent for a moment even though i screwed and there was a 10 second pause that was not so comfortable i just said "are you going to see us wearing those girly dresses today ?"
i was talking about the special clothes you put on before you get your degree,
she laughed and i was happy enough with the situation and went
the thing is that you need to feel the situation and just have your brain come up with these jokes or things tosay off the bat. no need to think too much, what i said before about talking to strangers is the way to go to achieve that

 

[Latinoman]

I didn't see the pictures.

But reading the other posts, it is obvious that this guy has an outstanding body (six pack). Add the fact that he finished Law School.

So...what does that tell us?

That looks and education is not enough. This guy is sending some serious vibes that read (in VERY BIG RED NEON LETTERS): "I'm desperate and insecure!"

Women are great at sensing those kind of things. Much better than men.

And what great babe wants to be with an insecure and desperate man?

 

[warpy]

latino you are right, he needs to work on himself, but thats a given.