trust issue with gf

[jbbrain]

gung ho for president!

!!!

 

[Nooby Doo]

I think you have issues man.

Of course she would want to make sure the pictures were kept secret. My GF did the same thing when I filmed us going at it. It is natural to ask someone to swear secrecy to something so personal. I know I would!

My point is this...

You keep posting thread after thread, looking for any tiny shred of disloyalty and if you continue on this path, you will doom your relationship.

Ever hear of self-fulfilling prophecy?

Stop looking for negative crap and just enjoy yourself.

 

[jbbrain]

thanks for your opinion

next?

 

[Don Ronny]

I kind of agree with Nooby except for one thing...

GUT INSTINCT

Either you have trust issues or your Spidey sense is trying to tell you something. I know you are not dumb dude. Perhaps there is a reason for your paranoia, or perhaps not!

So far she has done enothing really incriminating but I would probably get her to EARN my trust.

In the words of antidump "Protect your Heart!"

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by Nooby Doo
I think you have issues man.

Of course she would want to make sure the pictures were kept secret. My GF did the same thing when I filmed us going at it. It is natural to ask someone to swear secrecy to something so personal. I know I would!

My point is this...

You keep posting thread after thread, looking for any tiny shred of disloyalty and if you continue on this path, you will doom your relationship.

Ever hear of self-fulfilling prophecy?

Stop looking for negative crap and just enjoy yourself.

Wait, I have a bit more to say. I really DO enjoy myself with her. The fact is, Ive been single basically my whole freaking life so relationships were a big mystery to me. Thus, the inquiries, the questions. But she knows I'm not the jealous type, and I honeslty do take things as they come (and when I start to not, I have you boys to straighten me out)
Anyways, what my post is basically summing up is (even id this latest example is bullshyt) if I'm actually goign to get emotionally involved with a girl, I would rather trust would never be an issue. The truth is, I'm not crazy. It's a gut feeling I get from her from time tio time that she genuinely doesnt believe me. I've reassured her some, but after a little while I just stopped. This girl will be believe me when she wants to. She even once told me before we started getting exclusive that she just thought I was an over sexed dude and that she had her feelings about me getting it from other girls.

Listen, I'm not goign to waste my breath tryign to convince on these points. But I feel in a way my "perceptions" (which it may just be) of her mistrust towards me has subconsciously made me feel distrusting towards her. In the same token, she has an honest past, and I truly do believe she is happy with the relationship, and has never really shown any behaviour (besides what I described just before) to cause any skepticism but deep down I almost get the feeling something else is going on. .I can really only wait and see. I'm not jumping the gun on anything. I can really only be the "rational" one in this thing if I want it to work. I'm keeping my eyes open nonetheless.

Holy shyt, maybe I'm onto something! Thanks again for your input dog.

 

[JohnJones]

Let me defend her:

It may not be distrust. Rather, since these types of pictures just have a way of surfacing later on when neither of you remember they exist, she may just want your extra consideration (Pamela Lee, Paris Hilton, etc.).

She can trust you all she wants, but if these pictures aren't burned or are not fully deleted from a digital camera or your PC, there they remain and all kinds of unfortunate stuff can happen after that.

The fact that she let you take them at all shows she trusts you. It's other things she's worried about.

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by JohnJones
The fact that she let you take them at all shows she trusts you. It's other things she's worried about.

Goos d point, but did she really have any choice? I would have walked right out the door if she kept on insisting with the no's.

Maybe I do understand her reaction. But lets get real. She would been ridiculous if she didnt let me.

Needless to say, my batteries ran out just before I got to the good stuff!

"Saved by the bell," I told her.

 

[gungho]

Are you some kind of retard man... you would of walked out the door if she didn't let you videotape her? Hahah man you got issues, ever heard of breaking up dude? ever heard of revenge? No wonder you were single most of your life, you don't have a clue.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

jbbrain, it's possible she wasn't referring to RIGHT NOW, but was telling you don't EVER pull a move where you guys break up and you post her pics all over the Net.

Or perhaps she wants to run for Miss America someday and doesn't want you ruining her chances.

Either way, you'll have to post the pictures here for us to get a better idea of what might be going on.

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by gungho
Are you some kind of retard man... you would of walked out the door if she didn't let you videotape her? Hahah man you got issues, ever heard of breaking up dude? ever heard of revenge? No wonder you were single most of your life, you don't have a clue.

Oh man, you've really made me open up my eyes with that small yet profound piece of truth. I'm saved!

Listen to me. Why worry about issues in the future? Im sorry if revenge and breaking up wasn't on my priority list. Me saying I would walk out the door wasnt measnt to be taken so literally. Its implication is that anyone is wasting their time in a relationship if you can be so downright open with your mistrust of the other person.

Why am I wasting my breath anyways? You call me clueless, yet you dont even know me. One thing I DO know is that you're just an afc new-b wholl be posting his "Does she like me..what do I do?" questions anytime soon.

Get a life man.

PS-GC-I'll let you know. Maybe you can be my agent.

 

[jbbrain]

anyways-Mods:

Ive gotten what I need from this thread. You can either clse it yourself or Ill close it myself

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by jbbrain
Ive gotten what I need from this thread. You can either clse it yourself or Ill close it myself

Actually, you can't close it. And at the moment I see no reason to do so, either.

 

[Master of the Universe]

Brian,

I have some wonderful news for you - regardless of what happens with you and your gf, once things are over, you will have learned more about yourself and become a better person than you will have otherwise realized.

I'll have to post a follow up about myself and my ex, but let's just say that things got even more interesting after the two weeks apart, and even though I went through hell, I've come out of it a much better MotU.

So just hang in there, make all the mistakes you possibly can (I can't emphasize this enough - do yourself this HUGE favor, and allow yourself to take as many risks as you can, even if you end up getting hurt, it's worth the learnings), and reflect on them once all is said and done.

MotU

 

[jbbrain]

MOTU,

I would like your thoughts on this..thanks for replyign btw.

I actually had an interesting discussion about this with my father..weird.

In brief:

I wanted to know what in his mind and experience is a better way of goin about things. To jump in and flounder, make mistakes and learn from them (because you know that by personal experience youll never make the same mistake twice)

OR

To know, in theory, what you must do and stick with the "safe plan"

In the end, this is an issue that covers much more than the relam od love and dating. Its a question of life, and how to come out of it happy and satisfied.

Im curious as to why you prescribe the former rather than the latter. In essence, your ideology counters completely what this site preaches. Sure, Sosuave tells you to get off your ass and take action, but it also entails so many "rules and regulations" that you almost feel that you're never taking a risk with a girl.

I made a rant about this a while ago concerning why I thought this site was both helpful and harmful. I know solely by this site that "I should never say I love you first" to my gf because apparently by doing so, it makes you less of a challenge..bla bla bla..end result, her interest level goes down.

But how do I REALLY KNOW THIS? I mean, Ive never even told a girl I loved her! I mean, this site is great, but in all its greatness it creates a fear of the unknown which I truly feel must be FELT if any genuine interaction is to take place!


I'm completely caught in the crossroad- I can counter my last point simply by saying "Maybe I havent lived to tell of the experience of telling your girl you love her first, but THOUSANDS OF MEN ON THIS SITE HAVE, AND FOR THE MOST PART, IT ENDED IN HEART BREAK" The truth is, the majority of men on this site have made the very mistakes with women you speak of, even qwithout realizing they made the mistake. Consequently, many have become bitter and emphasize that "you should never make the same mistake I did". Why should I make the same mistakes thousands of others made when apparently the answer is right in front of me? Why must I risk losing the girl for a learning experience? Did you not feel that you should have known better than to allow yourself to get hurt by this girl? But youre saying that its worth it..Im interested in how so (and Im not going against your advice..simply curious)

This is my confusion. This site essentially allows you to "cut corners". Knowing things about women most other men don't know, and applying it for maximum benefits and results. At the same time, by followuing the Sosuave dogma, you are essentially foregoing a valuable experience-one that can even teach you a lot about yourself..

So who's in the better situation? The guy who plays by the rules of the game and never allows himself to get hurt (and in the process is never REALLY learning anything truly valuable about himself)

OR

The guy who goes in trusting his own instincts, but LETS himself live, even if in the process he gets turned down by his woman???What if I let myself go with this woman and risk being dumped when I really like her?For instance, let's assume I have jealous tendencies from time to time..are u suggesting I come out with this emotion and be honest about it (with her and myself) even though I know that by doing so I am risking getting dumped?

This, for me, is the main dilemma within the realm of love and dating. You might remember Tesuque gave amazing advice on this very subject. You even responded excitedly with your respective adventures and concerns looming over your relationship.

I maintain that this issue is basically divided equally among the members here...which doesnt help make sense of anything at all..Guys like you or Tesuque's opinions are right away refuted my guys like Player Supreme who preaches that the game never stops, and that you must ALWAYS BE ON GUARD and protect your heart (or else risk letting it get stomped over). I cant help bu tthink these types have fragile egos..

Some even say the answer lies in the middle.

But how is that possible?

I'm waiting for your thoughts on this MOTU..and all the others too aho are interested in a little philosophical debate.

 

[prosemont]

Originally posted by jbbrain

I maintain that this issue is basically divided equally among the members here...which doesnt help make sense of anything at all..Guys like you or Tesuque's opinions are right away refuted my guys like Player Supreme who preaches that the game never stops, and that you must ALWAYS BE ON GUARD and protect your heart (or else risk letting it get stomped over). I cant help bu tthink these types have fragile egos..

Some even say the answer lies in the middle.

But how is that possible?

I'm waiting for your thoughts on this MOTU..and all the others too aho are interested in a little philosophical debate.

It is completely possible because relationships are different.

Let me classify them into the only types of relationships that there are:

1. You like her more than she likes you, and .... (drumroll),
2. She likes you more than you like her.

In the former, you will have to continue to play the game forevermore lest you be in danger of being stepped on and chumpified at some point.

In the latter, you don't have to have your guard up because, well, she's likes you more; she should be on guard whereas you just do your thing with the comfort that she likes you more.

Simple as that.

Why do some guys have these different opinions? Mainly because they go after different women. Some apsire to go after women who they believe are, for lack of better words, "better" than they are in whatever way that makes sense to them. They inevitably must "protect" themselves then because chances are these guys like these women more than vice versa.

Then there are guys who seek out and are content with women who like them more. These guys are more able to rest once they've found that woman.

Which are you with?

 

[Big Pappy]

I wanted to know what in his mind and experience is a better way of goin about things. To jump in and flounder, make mistakes and learn from them (because you know that by personal experience youll never make the same mistake twice)

OR

To know, in theory, what you must do and stick with the "safe plan"

In the end, this is an issue that covers much more than the relam od love and dating. Its a question of life, and how to come out of it happy and satisfied.

Since I was asked for my two cents on this topic, here they are.

There are different learning styles that each of us have. Some learn better and faster by reading, some by doing. Each of us is different in our own special way.

Personally, I wouldn't trade the things I learned the hard way in high school. I honestly tried to learn something in junior high, but I guess it just wasn't time.

When asking parents for advice, all too often they remember the pain of disappointment rather than the fleeting taste of sweet victory. Only the very hard fought victories have any lingering pleasant taste. However, they more than likely know you better than anyone else, so I would think it wise to listen with a mind as open as you can stand it.

So, what it comes down to is whether you are going to learn to think for yourself and solve your own problems. Telling a girl that you love her is a huge deal, I would think. I've only said it to one girl in my life. I look forward to saying it again. These rules about not saying it first are guidelines to protect you from pain.

There is a saying, Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I honestly can tell you that in my case it's true. I can still see that look in her eyes... but I digress.

There are many divergent views on this site over maintaining high interest level, using KINO, and other such things. It's also been stated that if a girl likes you, there's not a whole bunch you can do about it. If she's attracted, she's attracted. It'll take some effort on your part to make her lose interest.

Conversely, if she doesn't like you, it'll take a good bit of effort on your part to get her to take a second look at you.

So, in a nutshell, what it all comes down to is that you have to be yourself, and you have to like who you are. If you don't, you need to learn how to accept yourself first, than learn to like yourself.

Suppose you tell a girl you love her before she tells you the same. This doesn't automatically doom your relationship. There are a billion other things that could do that which are completely out of your control.

It's kind of like deciding whether you want to change the transmission fluid on a high mileage car that's never been serviced. Some say that you go ahead and service it, then the tranny fails. Some say it failed in spite of the change, not because of it.

I imagine detecting cause and effect of a man's specific actions on a womans feeling towards that same man would be an algorithm too tough to calculate with any degree of certainty.

My advice: if you've got any kind of thick skin, go ahead and live! Don't worry about how you're going to feel tomorrow. Do your best to keep from hurting other people, but don't kiss their a** either. Live your life to the best of your ability.

Sometimes you have to say what the f*ck.

Hope it helps.

 

[iqqi]

i have two points to throw in.

when you said you were going to "walk out the door", that p!ssed me off. you are confusing choice with trust here, and using trust to manipulate choice. that is so fcuked up, jb.


then about saying love. do you love her??? is the question whether or not to share that fact with her? answer me that.

 

[jbbrain]

hey guys,

Ive been super bad with the replies sorry. Iqqi and Prosemont, I'll be giving you some replies later tonight.

To Big pappy, Thanks a lot. It seems I kind of knew the answer, but it felt great hearing it from somebody else. BTW, I cracked up from reading your post

"I look forward to feeling it again..." It probbaly wasn't meant to be funny, but I died in hysterics nonetheless.

Cheers you guys!