jhonny9546
Master Don Juan
Hi guys! Jhonny here!
There are two kind of confidence: Temporary and True.
Temporary confidence is the kind you gain by doing something repeatedly. If you become good at drawing, you can be a more confident artist. However, by its very nature, it doesn't translate to other areas of life. A confident artist won't be a confident socialite just because they can draw well. Temporary confidence is limited to the act of drawing and is destined to vanish the moment you stop doing that activity, whether voluntarily or involuntarily. If an artist loses the ability to draw, where does that confidence go? It vanishes.
True confidence is the kind of confidence that translates to all other areas of your life and lasts a lifetime. It's the kind of confidence that allows you to tackle any task and know you'll fail, but you don't care, or how others see you. It's the kind of confidence that can't be shaken by insults or setbacks. It creates a solid self, a constant recognition of your true worth that no one can take away.
True Confidence:
True confidence comes, ironically, from competence. But not from competence in any activity. It comes from the competence to overcome fear. Fear of what? Fear of vulnerability and social harm. True confidence is the act of being socially hurt and enduring that pain until we become so comfortable with it that it becomes habit.
Humans are a social species. We evolved to be part of a tribe. And what happened to those who opposed the tribe? They were cast out and died. Back then, opposing the tribe meant certain death, a fate everyone tried to avoid. And here we are, in this day and age, carrying outdated systems in our brains that are still deeply affected by social wounds today.
How often do we acquiesce simply to fit in or not make waves? How often do we avoid criticizing friends and family? How often do we worry about how something looks or how others perceive it? How often has someone asked you out only to make a polite excuse to avoid going, or vice versa? In a society where everyone wears masks because they're scared to death of being vulnerable, the truly confident break the mold. This arouses admiration and hostility alike, but you know what? The truly confident don't care about either. So, how do you cultivate true confidence?
Going Against the Tribe:
Now you have to become comfortable with social harm. You have to take action to suffer social harm and endure the pain that comes with it. Any action that doesn't harm another is permissible, as long as it results in negative judgment. Things like stumbling awkwardly, saying something embarrassing, wearing ridiculous clothing or accessories, or even asking ridiculous questions. The point is to break social norms in a way that allows you to be negatively judged. When it happens, don't run away, don't insult, don't minimize it. Accept it and focus on feeling comfortable in that moment.
This accomplishes several things. First, you're overcoming the very real fear of rejection and judgment. Second, you're becoming comfortable with enduring pain that most people would avoid like the plague.
Given this, I'm still learning about this, because if I get results, whether it's a promotion at work, one or more women, I'm validated and I feel better, whereas when I'm alone, I lose that confidence again, even though I've gone through the process of acquiring it.
There are two kind of confidence: Temporary and True.
Temporary confidence is the kind you gain by doing something repeatedly. If you become good at drawing, you can be a more confident artist. However, by its very nature, it doesn't translate to other areas of life. A confident artist won't be a confident socialite just because they can draw well. Temporary confidence is limited to the act of drawing and is destined to vanish the moment you stop doing that activity, whether voluntarily or involuntarily. If an artist loses the ability to draw, where does that confidence go? It vanishes.
True confidence is the kind of confidence that translates to all other areas of your life and lasts a lifetime. It's the kind of confidence that allows you to tackle any task and know you'll fail, but you don't care, or how others see you. It's the kind of confidence that can't be shaken by insults or setbacks. It creates a solid self, a constant recognition of your true worth that no one can take away.
True Confidence:
True confidence comes, ironically, from competence. But not from competence in any activity. It comes from the competence to overcome fear. Fear of what? Fear of vulnerability and social harm. True confidence is the act of being socially hurt and enduring that pain until we become so comfortable with it that it becomes habit.
Humans are a social species. We evolved to be part of a tribe. And what happened to those who opposed the tribe? They were cast out and died. Back then, opposing the tribe meant certain death, a fate everyone tried to avoid. And here we are, in this day and age, carrying outdated systems in our brains that are still deeply affected by social wounds today.
How often do we acquiesce simply to fit in or not make waves? How often do we avoid criticizing friends and family? How often do we worry about how something looks or how others perceive it? How often has someone asked you out only to make a polite excuse to avoid going, or vice versa? In a society where everyone wears masks because they're scared to death of being vulnerable, the truly confident break the mold. This arouses admiration and hostility alike, but you know what? The truly confident don't care about either. So, how do you cultivate true confidence?
Going Against the Tribe:
Now you have to become comfortable with social harm. You have to take action to suffer social harm and endure the pain that comes with it. Any action that doesn't harm another is permissible, as long as it results in negative judgment. Things like stumbling awkwardly, saying something embarrassing, wearing ridiculous clothing or accessories, or even asking ridiculous questions. The point is to break social norms in a way that allows you to be negatively judged. When it happens, don't run away, don't insult, don't minimize it. Accept it and focus on feeling comfortable in that moment.
This accomplishes several things. First, you're overcoming the very real fear of rejection and judgment. Second, you're becoming comfortable with enduring pain that most people would avoid like the plague.
Given this, I'm still learning about this, because if I get results, whether it's a promotion at work, one or more women, I'm validated and I feel better, whereas when I'm alone, I lose that confidence again, even though I've gone through the process of acquiring it.
